Merry Christmas, IAB!

Submitted by: kalron 3 weeks ago in Entertainment Funny


So... what did you get for Christmas?
There are 55 comments:
Male 13,425
Our president asked a 7 year old if she was "still a believer in Santa?" Fuck me. How do you fuck that up? You don't ever say that to a child.
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Male 699
holygod I'm not even looking forward to the day somebody invents a website that shows nothing but Donald Trump's stupidness.
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Male 9,621
I don't think I'm getting what I asked for for Christmas. My daughter lives in the US now and is coming over in January so I asked her to bring a bunch of MAGA hats (ideally the ones labelled "Made in China") but she got quite indignant.

I pointed out that I would just give them to friends who would wear them ironically but she said she wasn't going to be my racist-hat mule. She said she found that kind of shop intimidating. 

"Why would you feel intimidated?"
"Dad, I'm a half-asian lesbian immigrant. That is not their favourite group."
" They are probably more scared of you than you are of them. Hit them with the accent. They will be convinced that you are smarter than they are and are subtly mocking them,  both of which will be true."
"They may not react well to that."
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7,047
LordJim perhaps you should have told her to stop being so intolerant and respect other people's points of view. And there's nothing racist about a maga hat.
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Male 2,568
dm2754 Nope. Nothing racist about that hat 
BUT
a hell of a lot of racists wear them.
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Male 9,621
dm2754  there's nothing racist about a maga hat.

You're such a wag.

Also, respecting other opinions is way over-rated. I often encounter opinions for which I have no respect and I don't pretend.
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Male 9,621
LordJim Did something get deleted? 
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Male 10,070
LordJim Yes. And that's all I'm saying; thanks.
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Male 46,093
LordJim   MAGA hats went out of fashion when Kanye wore one
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Male 6,337
Gerry1of1 SMEGMA hats will be in fashion soon
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Male 3,051
rumham Isn't that a foreskin?
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Male 7,612
scheckydamon smegmssmegmaismegma foreskin cheese
The d ead cells mucus  puss etc that collects in the prepuce of an unwashed uncercomci ed  human male
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Male 46,093
rumham   Make A  Merkin Great Again
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Female 6,818
Merry Christmas one and all!   Another year whizzing by super-fast as will the next.  Just remember that you HAVE to grow old, but you do NOT have to grow up.

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Male 2,240
melcervini That was actually one of their better episodes... even if the premise was insanely stupid, lolz!!
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Female 6,818
gohikineko It was one of the absolute best :D
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Female 6,818
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Male 2,568
melcervini Christmas noobs.
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Male 2,240
melcervini Don't put the children in the blender :-O

(take the baby out of the bathwater and throw it out the window...)
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Female 6,818
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Male 2,240
melcervini That is just too funny! you're on a roll Mel!
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Male 885
This was not a great year for me. I collapsed in November after a long bout with weakness and numbness in my legs. I had to have spinal surgery on Thanksgiving day to prevent what they're saying might have been permanent paralysis. I need to go in again soon to find out if four of my vertebrae need to be shored up with titanium rods.

I haven't worked in over a month. My bills are piling up, and my savings is going away. I am physically, emotionally and financially drained. I spend most of my time on my computer now, reading sites like this, and I just want one thing for the new year from myself... And for everyone.

Hate less. Disagree, but hate less.

Please.

Happy holidays, everyone.
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Male 2,568
profworm And my sister thinks she has it bad.
I truly hope 2019 is better for you.
Peace.
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Male 885
oobaka Maybe she does. Maybe it's worse in ways we can't understand. Pain is in the body, suffering is in the mind. Both are real.

Tell her you love her. It might not help, but it can't hurt.

Jesus, I'm trying to be drunk Ghandi over here.
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Male 2,240
profworm Wow, a worse year than I had :-X sorry to hear it.

(for those who missed it: got a tumour as big as my fist behind my stomach, growing off my small intestine, it ruptured. 44 days in the hospital to get better! Luckily is wasn't cancer, it was even weirder than that! Lolz! Unemployment covered quite a lot of my lost work time and my scar is barely noticeable! Note: that last bit was sarcasm, it's 7 inches long from my pelvic bone to my sternum :/ plus the holes the tubes were in are nasty-looking too)

Hope 2019 goes much better for you!
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Male 885
gohikineko It doesn't sound to me like I had a worse year than you. That sounds awful.

I'm sure you and I have reached a similar point though. They come in, and try to say all the right things before they poke you full of more holes, and after a while you're just like...

Shut up and stab me. I don't care anymore, and I want to go back to sleep.
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3,688
gohikineko Saw that picture man. Between you and him, my problems became pretty small really fast. I'm glad you guys both made it and thank [insert entity here] that there are people that can figure this stuff out and will help you. 
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Male 2,568
gohikineko Damn dude.
Glad you're on the mend. Chicks dig scars. You just need to come up with a better story as to how you got it. Maybe you saved a busload of kittens and got injured doing it.
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Male 9,621
profworm Good luck, man. That's rough.
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Male 10,070
profworm Thanks for the note, Prof, and I really hope things turn around for you.
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3,688
profworm Dude thats rough....At least it was preventing and not getting paralyzed, so silver lining? Sorry I'm not actually sure what to say but I hope next year treats you better. 
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Male 7,612
profworm Wish you well. <OOC in 2012 I fell off a ladder at work and damaged several disks and crushed 2 vertebrae. 2 months after that I lost both kidneys and Workman's comp disallowed my chiropractor payments after 3 months of therapy. Had to finally retire in 2013 for medical reasons. So I wish you all the best and hope your surgery turns out well. >
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Male 885
thezigrat I don't know if this is an original quote or if I've stolen it without knowing it, but it is one of my favorites...

The problem with immortality is that you grow out of it.
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Male 287
Marry X-mas everyone.
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Male 7,612
As a gift for myself I got season 1 of the Orville
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Male 7,517
The true secret of christmas... BOOZE

Annoying family so much easier to deal with after afew drinks.
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Male 287
daegog  I agree, the best way to deal with the family is booze. Already went through 2 bottles of  tequila, 1 bottle of rum, 2-4 , and several shots of differrnt alchol  since yesterday 
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Male 46,093
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Male 2,345
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Male 2,240
Meow-y Cats-mas everyone!
I'm off to make potatoes :D
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Male 1,210
gohikineko What kind of potatoes?
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Male 2,240
mrteatime Scalloped, baked for ages in the oven with heavy cream, feta & cheddar cheese and 2 kinds of onions. My contribution to our family (of 3) dinner!
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Male 1,210
gohikineko That sounds really nice, I would have never thought of using feta, might try that sometime.
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Male 7,612
gohikineko first time I heard that expression. I   heard it called    making bears,  making  a cake, pinching a loaf...    
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Male 177
thezigrat ...taking the Browns to the Superbowl.
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Male 2,240
thezigrat Spending a penny? I'm so old (and watch too many British sit-coms!)
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Male 3,051
thezigrat dropping the kids off at the pool, growing a tail, being a monkey
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Male 2,015
Happy Ho Ho, to one and all.
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Male 46,093
Happy Christmas

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Male 5,887
Gerry1of1 Hey Gerry, I finally got one of these for Christmas!!!

 


No all I need is some pizza...
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Male 1,540
kalron Wow, now i want one! I'd prefer NCC-1701-D pizza cutter :P  
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Male 7,612
boredhuman i saw these on a Geek Gifts web sight along with a To   Serve Man notebook 
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Male 1,540
thezigrat Oh, speaking of which. Thank you for serving mankind, thezigrat! I hope you make excellent use of this Season of Giving.

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Male 46,093
kalron   Pizza Cutter is what people are calling the Discovery ship 'cause it spins
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Male 4,118
Merry Christmas you filthy animals! 
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