What's The Best Advice You've Ever Received?

Submitted by: LordJim 1 week ago in Misc

Simple. What was the best advice you ever had about life? No more than 10 words.
There are 104 comments:
Male 7,409
You can throw a dead horse in water
But you can not make it sink
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Male 7,409
Interrogate the clerks
They usually know as much as the managers
But are untrained to withstand such techniques 
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9
Chose a partner you can stand the worst sides of. Rather then someone you love the best sides of. 
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Male 2,474
Don't be a cunt.
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Male 9,185
oobaka Now that's advice you should have heeded. Joking.
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Male 629
Grandpa said, "It's OK to have fat girls as friends. Fat girls have skinny girlfriends." 
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Male 1,855
Crush your enemies, 
see driven before you,
lamentation of their women
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Male 684
The good Lord loves a workin' man.  Shit 'n Shinola.  Don't trust whitey.
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Female 6,608
dkm458 What a jerk
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Male 684
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Male 764
Never slap a man who chews tobacco
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Male 258
dont shit where you eat
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Male 10,083
jarred My version: Always drink upstream of the herd.
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Male 9,185
Never shag domestic staff. They will invariably neglect their duties.
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Female 8,514
LordJim i dunno- not that I would ever do that of course ( I'm the staff) - but yunno
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Male 9,185
madduck Other people's staff, well... But you won't be invited back.

Happened to a chum of mine. He was widely received for his conversation, croquet and bridge but he developed a reputation as a seducer of servant gals. Invitations dried up and now he spends his days at the Hall working his way through the ancestral wine-cellar, attended only by Old Scrotum, the wrinkled retainer. Tragic, in a way.
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Female 8,514
LordJim being fair its a bad idea to shag your employer, they expect you to work for free. 
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Male 9,185
madduck Isn't that called marriage?
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Female 8,514
LordJim **inflicts firm smack round left ear** wash your mouth out with lifebuoy 
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Male 576
Life, like soap, slips more as you hold tighter.  Relax!
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Male 691
There's no free time, there's only time. Go!
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Male 6,276
don't wizz on the electric fence
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Male 9,185
rumham Actually, as long as you stand back a couple of paces and have decent stream you're probably OK .Mythbusters did a piece on it.
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Male 1,710
Delete all of your social media accounts.
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3
(dude - you need to) break those pills in half or take two of them
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Male 4,445
Those who want power, deserve none.
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Male 7,409
Back in 1986   i called the Elvira Advice line
The Advice given was 
Never pick up hitch hikers who are carrying bloody chainsaws
I lived by that ever sense 
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Male 9,305
thezigrat O.O  Truly, words to live by.
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Male 258
if you have more time than money, use it to make money

another one is, "when the game is finished, the king and the pawn go into the same box
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Male 249
Wish in one hand and shit in the other.  See which fills up first. 

Told to me by my grandmother at the age of 10 or 11 maybe.  Life's not fair, you don't always get what you want. It's a hard lesson but a valuable one. 
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Male 13,185
Happiness is a choice.

Don't sweat the small things, but be weary of the big.

Love one another and be excellent.

forgive often.
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Male 45,280
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Male 10,083
On work? "If done right, they won't know you've done anything at all." 

I developed three rules in my teen years to live by:
  1. Never screw around with someone you work with. Someone's going to lose their job.
  2. Never screw a neighbor. Someone's going to have to move.
  3. Never stick your dick in crazy 

I gave this advice while training a new lab tech: "You won't make a mistake that hasn't been made before."  But damn if he didn't manage it. 
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Male 1,094
megrendel If only I would have been given these three bits of advice in my younger years... or I should say, if only I had listened to them.
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Female 6,608
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Male 2,342
Don't anger the doctor or cook.
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Male 187
Control will set you free - my violin professor
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Female 6,608
No one can take better care of you, than you.
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Male 80
I shut my eyes in order to see.

Paul Gauguin
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Male 45,280
"Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself" - Joey Tribbiani
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7
"Don't ever come home and tell me some girl got HERSELF pregnant"-Mom
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Male 9,305
"If an acorn smells funny, don't eat it." --Mom.
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Male 1,094
squrlz4ever That is sound advice, and it applies to things other than acorns too (and not just edible things).
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Male 45,280
Men who try to save Damsels in distress end up with distressed damsels.

Dr. Laura Schlesinger
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Male 393
"Seems bad at the moment, but in six months you'll look back on this and laugh."

My first boss, John Mills.

Carried me through so many 'temporary' setbacks.

Sorry, not ten.
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Male 1,246
Don't cheap out on things that separate you from the ground; shoes, beds, and tires.

More than ten words but solid advice
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Male 2,725
Don't chase parked cars.
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Male 1,975
Don't talk to the police. They're not your friends. 
That advice was from my uncle, a cop in Saugus.
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76
When life gives you lemons, add vodka.
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3
If life gives you lemons - you're probably dyslexic
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Male 4,445
todd_dirks I had a teacher in highschool screw up the saying. He said, "When life gives you lemons, make orange juice". I kid you not!
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Male 187
DuckBoy87 You sure he wasn't being 'funny'?
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Male 4,445
popsicle01 Well, considering when we questioned him, he backtracked, I'd say that he wasn't trying to be funny.
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76
DuckBoy87 A teacher??? Wow... That's just sad.
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Male 1,129
Don't stick your face in a fan.
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Male 9,185
Dignity at all times. I've tried.
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Female 8,514
Sow a wind, reap a whirlwind.
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Male 140
If you dont learn to swim, you will drown. Said by my grandfather as he throw me off of a dock into a lake.
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Male 1,975
tinfoilhatsociety " as he throw me off of a dock into a lake."
I remember that the hardest part was getting out of the burlap bag.
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Male 140
semichisam01 nahh that was easy it was the handcuffs that was the real issue
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Male 80
tinfoilhatsociety true  but the feral cats didn't make it any easier
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Male 13,185
Trust in God
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Male 1,373
"Anything you say can and will be used against you" :P
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Male 13,185
boredhuman while good advice, not the best IMHO.  On that topic, have you ever thought that?  Will the truth you speak be used against you?  They declare it can and will be used against you.  It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, because if they are going to use the truth you speak, it will be used for you, don't you think?  Or are they saying they will use the truth to instill prejudice, to be biased and judgmental, and creating a division (eg: saying "we are against you even if you are right")? Also, if the later - do you think that is effective justice?  Should it be avoided? If already in effect, should it be stopped?
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Male 1,373
monkwarrior
1. while good advice, not the best IMHO. On that topic, have you ever thought that ["Anything you say can and will be used against you"]
  Agreed, I don't consider it the best advice either. For example, I'd place the golden rule higher.

2. Will the truth you speak be used against you?  
  Meaning of "truth" is key here, and I think we would disagree on how we perceive truth. It's important to distinguish the objective Truth (with capital 'T') from the subjective truth.
  I only have access to my subjective truth(boredhuman), which is different from your truth(monkwarrior). No one can ever have direct access to objective Truth, but we can get closer to it with better understanding.
  In your world view, I'd imagine your God knows objective Truth (or even IS Truth itself). I think you believe we can get closer to objective Truth through study of the word of God.
I don't believe in God, but I believe in philosophical concept of objective Truth, and I think we can get closer to it by studying the natural world through science and philosophy.

3. "if they are going to use the truth you speak, it will be used for you, don't you think?"
 
Now to answer your question: what you perceive as truth(monkwarrior) can often be misunderstood and misrepresented. Others may simply reject your truth(monkwarrior) as wrong in favor of their own subjective truth, which they believe to be closer to the Truth. Take the Bible: you believe it to be the truth, yet atheists "can and will" quote bible passages to attempt to discredit it: Leviticus 20:9, Exodus 21: 7-8, Genesis 19:8, etc... I'd imagine that you can easily justify these passages, but your experience and the resulting understanding of the world and the Bible differ from mine. 

4. "they will use the truth to instill prejudice, to be biased and judgmental, and creating a division"
  I'm saying everyone is biased - everyone has their own experience and their own subjective truth. It's normal to try to share and instill your personal subjective truth onto others - you do that when you share your beliefs about 9/11, NASA, flat earth. I share my subjective truth that your doubts are unjustified. We do change our subjective truth - it's learning.

5. "we are against you even if you are right" ... do you think that is effective justice?  Should it be avoided? If already in effect, should it be stopped?
Ask yourself: would you be against anti-theists, even if they're right and God doesn't exist?
  No, I don't think this takes place very often - I believe in the goodness of people, which includes government officials and the rich and powerful. I also believe that people are selfish, and act in self interest. I suspect your selfish interest is for your soul to get into heaven, and you're willing to suffer and be selfless on earth... What others consider 'good' may differ from me, and others' interests may conflict with my (selfish) interests.
  For example, I'd like to think the police are just trying to find the criminal, and not intentionally trying to pin a crime on me. Although they'd rather be right, it's still in their best interest to find someone to be responsible. The cost for me would be extremely high, so in that situation it would be in my interest to follow the advice: "Anything you say can and will be used against you."
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Male 1,373
  Jeeze, very thoughtful reply. I gotta run, but i'll address your questions later. 
  I try to stay away from posts such as this, which are aimed at personal information. 
  I just thought this quote was fitting in our little 'fights/arguments' :)
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Male 140
Don't eat yellow snow
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Male 3,097
Always take the time to stop and smell the roses.
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Male 5,607
How to properly roll a joint.
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Male 5,239
Mind your own business. 
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Male 45,280
A man shoots his own dog. - My Dad

or

Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy. - Lazarus Long aka Robert A. Heinlein

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Male 13,169
Gerry1of1 Literally? As in taking your dog to be put down by a vet is for pussies?

Or just metaphorically, as in handle your own problems?
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Male 45,280
holygod   Metaphorical
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Male 18,342
Just bid 11.38 million. They're lucky numbers. 
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Male 7,136
If in doubt, stay silent.  When certain, STFU.
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6,813
 girls are stupid throw rocks at them
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Male 4,103
It's two words longer, but screw you I do want I want. "Put your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion". My old man said that. Wish I would follow it more often.
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Male 13,169
robthelurker Start your brain before you start your mouth

8 words.
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Male 45,280
holygod  robthelurker Think before speaking .... 3 words
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Male 13,169
Gerry1of1 Speak intelligently ..... 2 words
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Male 4,445
holygod Shhhhh ... 1 sound
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Male 45,280
DuckBoy87 holygod



No words, no sounds
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Male 13,169
DuckBoy87 


122,500 Pixels. :)
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Male 1,373
holygod 0
1 bit :P

We all lose to silent lurkers!
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76
holygod How do you insert an image like this?? 
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Male 45,280
todd_dirks  drag and drop of copy/paste from google
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Male 13,169
todd_dirks Literally just drag and drop into the comment box.
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76
holygod Lol, believe it or not I did try this... It must have glitched. And HTML code I'm ashamed to admit. 
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Male 13,185
todd_dirks 
  1. find image on the internet you want to post.
  2. right click on image
  3. put the mouse over 'copy image'
  4. double check it is really the option to copy an image
  5. left click on that selection
  6. come back to I-A-B
  7. Start a reply or a new post
  8. right click in the text edit box
  9. put your mouse over 'paste'
  10. left click on that selection.

The End.
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76
monkwarrior Thanks Monk!
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Male 13,185
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3,632
holygod 


Back to 4. 
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Male 4,445
holygod You win! I admit defeat!
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Male 945
Not 10 words but:

Big Problems are made of little ones.  Solve the little ones to solve the big ones.

This was actually while learning to solve static forces within structures, but it works well on everything.
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3,632
muert Mind your cents and the dollars take care of them selves? Too bad I have more dollars than sense lol. 
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3,632
Oh, and always carry a towel. 
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Male 13,169
skypirate Hitchhikers or Southpark?
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3,632
holygod Well, you know where SP got it from. 42. 
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Male 4,445
holygod Knowing skypirate, Hitchhikers. But also knowing skypirate, probably both.
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3,632
DuckBoy87 
But also knowing skypirate, probably both.
Awe, you know me? I'm flattered! 
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Male 13,169
Don't sweat the small stuff.
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Male 68
holygod 
Or: Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Male 4,445
Don't. Just ... don't.
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