Woman Who Wrote "How To Murder Your Husband" Arrested, Charged With Murdering Her Husband

Submitted by: trimble 2 months ago in News & Politics


Well, duh.

An excerpt from The Washington Post: Nancy Crampton Brophy seemed to have a knack for writing about the murder of spouses.

The Portland, Ore.-based romance novelist wrote books about relationships that were “wrong” but “never felt so right,” often featuring bare-chested men on the cover. In “The Wrong Cop,” she wrote about a woman who “spent every day of her marriage fantasizing about killing” her husband.

In “The Wrong Husband,” a woman tried to flee an abusive husband by faking her death.

And in “How to Murder Your Husband” — an essay — Crampton Brophy wrote about how to get away with it.

She wrote the post on the blog “See Jane Publish” in November 2011, describing five core motives and a number of murder weapons from which she would choose if her character were to kill a husband in a romance novel. She advised against hiring a hit man to do the dirty work — “an amazing number of hit men rat you out to the police” — and against hiring a lover. “Never a good idea.” Poison was not advised either, because it’s traceable. “Who wants to hang out with a sick husband?” she wrote.

“After all,” Crampton Brophy
wrote in the post, which was made private after inquiries from The Washington Post to the site’s administrators, “if the murder is supposed to set me free, I certainly don’t want to spend any time in jail.”

In real life, she appeared to follow some of her own advice, at least according to police. Rather than hire a hit man, she allegedly pulled the trigger herself.

Crampton Brophy, 68, was arrested Sept. 5 on charges of murdering her husband with a gun and unlawful use of a weapon in the death of her husband, Daniel Brophy, according to the Portland Police Bureau. She was arraigned Thursday, appearing in blue inmate clothing, and ordered jailed without bail, court records show. She has not filed a plea, and her attorney declined to comment when contacted by The Post.
There are 21 comments:
Male 51
I wuz afraid my readers wouldn't believe me!
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Male 1,688
A very similar case just cropped up in Winnipeg: a woman and her husband were on vacation in Dominica (? some tropical island) and there was a 'robbery' where he was killed and she was slightly injured. Turns out she'd hired someone to stage it, allegedly. Either a previous 'hitman' told police or they got evidence off her phone, but it looks conclusive.
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Male 665
1. Join the police academy
2. graduate and throw hat into the air
3. get hired at the local police force
4. shoot husband while "cleaning gun"
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Female 6,611
abetterworld 
1.  Join the police academy
2. graduate and throw hat into the air
3. get hired at the local police force
4. go into wrong apartment and shoot occupant.
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Male 9,577
melcervini Oh Snap
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Male 560
(Opening Scene: A suburban house in a boring looking street. Zoom into upstairs window. Serious documentary music. Interior of small room. A bent figure (Michael Palin) huddles over a table, writing. He is surrounded by bits of paper. The camera is situated facing the man as he writes with immense concentration lining his unshaven face.)

(Ernest stops writing, pauses to look at what he has written... a smile slowly spreads across his face, turning very, very slowly to uncontrolled hysterical laughter... he staggers to his feet and reels across room helpless with mounting mirth and eventually collapses and dies on the floor.)

Voice Over: It was obvious that this joke was lethal... no one could read it and live ... 

(Ernest's mother (Eric Idle in drag) enters. She sees him dead, she gives a little cry of horror and bends over his body, weeping. Brokenly she notices the piece of paper in his hand and picks it up and reads it between her sobs. Immediately she breaks out into hysterical laughter, leaps three feet into the air, and fa11s down dead without more ado. Cut to news type shot of commentator standing in front of the house.)

Commentator: This morning, shortly after eleven o'clock, comedy struck this little house in Dibley Road. Sudden ...violent ... comedy. Police have sealed off the area, and Scotland Yard's crack inspector is with me now. 

Inspector: I shall enter the house and attempt to remove the joke. 

(About now an upstairs window in the house is fiung open and a doctor, rears his head out, hysterical with laughter, and dies hanging over the window sill. The commentator and the inspector look up and then continue as if they are used to such sights.)

Inspector: I shall be aided by the sound of sombre music, played on gramophone records, and also by the chanting of laments by the men of Q Division ... (Inspector points to a grouo of dour looking policemen standing nearby) The atmosphere thus created should protect me in the eventuality of me reading the joke. He gives a signal. The group of policemen start groaning and chanting biblical laments. The Dead March is heard. The inspector squares his shoulders and bravely starts walking into the house. 

Commentator: There goes a brave man. Whether he comes out alive or not, this will surely be remembered as one of the most courageous and gallant acts in police history. 

(The inspector suddenly appears at the door, helpless with laughter, holding the joke aloft. He collapses and dies. Cut to film of army vans driving along dark roads.)

Voice Over: It was not long before the Army became interested in the military potential of the Killer Joke. Under top security, the joke was hurried to a meeting of Allied Commanders at the Ministry of War. 

(Cut to door at Ham House: Soldier on guard comes to attention as dispatch rider hurries in carrying armoured box. (Notice on door: 'Conference. No Admittance'.) Dispatch nider rushes in. A door opens for him and closes behind him. We hear a mighty roar of laughter... . series of doomphs as the commanders hit the floor or table. Soldier outside does not move a muscle.)

(Cut to a pillbox on the Salisbury Plain. Track in to slit to see moustachioed top brass peering anxiously out.)

Voice Over: Top brass were impressed. Tests on Salisbury Plain confirmed the joke's devastating effectiveness at a range of up to fifty yards. 

(Cut to shot looking out of slit in pillbox. Camera zooms through slit to distance where a solitary figure is standing on the windswept plain. He is a bespectacled, weedy lance-corporal (Terry Jones) looking cold and miserable. Pan across to fifty yards away where two helmeted soldiers are at their positions beside a blackboard on an easel covered with a cloth. Cut in to corporal's face- registening complete lack of comprehension as well as stupidily. Man on top of pillbox waves flag. The soldiers reveal the joke to the corporal. He peers at it, thinks about its meaning, sniggers, and dies. Two watching generals are very impressed.)

Generals: Fantastic. 

Cut to a Colonel talking to camera. 

Colonel: All through the winter of '43 we had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and produce a German version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greater safety. One of them saw two words of the joke and spent several weeks in hospital. But apart from that things went pretty quickly, and we soon had the joke by January, in a form which our troops couldn't understand but which the Germans could. 

(Cut to a trench in the Ardennes. Members of the joke brigade are crouched holding pieces of paper with the joke on them.)

Voice Over: So, on July 8th, I944, the joke was first told to the enemy in the Ardennes... 

Commanding NCO: Tell the ... joke. 

Joke Brigade: (together) Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! 

(Pan out of the British trench across war-torn landscape and come to rest where presumably the German trench is. There is a pause and then a group of Germans rear up in hysterics.)

Voice Over: It was a fantastic success. Over sixty thousand times as powerful as Britain's great pre-war joke ...Cut to a film of Chamberlain brandishing the 'Peace in our time' bit of paper ... and one which Hider just couldn't match. 

Film of Hitler rally. Hitler speaks; subtitles are superimposed. 
 SUBTITLE: 'MY DOG'S GOT NO NOSE'
 A young soldier responds:
 SUBTITLE: HOW DOES HE SMELL?
 Hitler speaks:
 SUBTITLE: AWFUL' 

Voice Over: In action it was deadly. 

(Cut to a small squad with rifles making their way through forest. Suddenly one of them sees something and gives signal at which they all dive for cover. From the cover of a tree he reads out joke.)

Corporal: Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! .. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! 

(Sniper falls laughing out of tree.)

Joke Brigade: (charging) Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput. 

(They chant the joke. Germans are put to fight laughing, some dropping to ground.)

Voice Over: The German casualties were appalling. 

(Cut to a German hospital and a ward full of casualties still laughing hysterically. Cut to Nazi interrogation room. An officer from the joke bngade has a light shining in his face. A Gestapo officer is interrogating him; another stands behind him.)

Nazi: Vott is the big joke? 

Officer: I can only give you name, rank, and why did the chicken cross the road? 

Nazi: That's not funny! (slaps him) I vant to know the joke. 

Officer: All right. How do you make a Nazi cross? 

Nazi: (momentarily fooled) I don't know ... how do you make a Nazi cross? 

Officer: Tread on his corns. (does so; the Nazi hops in pain)

Nazi: Gott in Hiramell That's not funny! (mimes cuffing him while the other Nazi claps his hands to provide the sound effct) Now if you don't tell me the joke, I shall hit you properly. 

Officer: I can stand physical pain, you know. 

Nazi: Ah ... you're no fun. All right, Otto. 

(Otto starts tickling the officer who starts laughing,)

Officer: Oh no - anything but that please no, all fight I'll tell you. 

(They stop tickling him)

Nazi: Quick Otto. The typewriter. 

(Otto goes to the typewriter and they wait expeaantly. The officer produces piece of paper out of his breast pocket and reads.)

Officer: Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput. 

(Otto at the typewriter explodes with laughter and dies.)

Nazi: Ach! Zat iss not funny! 

(Nazi burts into laughter and dies. A German guard bursts in with machine gun, The British officer leaps on the table.)

Officer: (lightning speed) Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! .. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput. 

(The guard reels back and collapses laughing. British officer makes his escape. Cut to a film of German scientists working in laboratories.)

Voice Over: But at Peenemunde in the Autumn of '44, the Germans were working on a joke of their own. 

(A German general is seated at an imposing desk. Behind him stands Otto, labelled 'A Different Gestapo Officer'. Bespectacled German scientist/joke writer enters room. He clean his throat and reads from card.)

German Joker: Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel uber und der bitte schon ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. 'Nein' sprecht der Herren 'Ist aufern borger mit zveitingen'. 

He finishes and looks hopeful. 

Otto: We let you know. 

(He shoots him. Film of German sdentists.)

Voice Over: But by December their joke was ready, and Hitler gave the order for the German V-Joke to be broadcast in English. 

(Cut to 1940's wartime radio set with couple anxiously listening to it.)

Radio: (crackly German voice) Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas... assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho. 

(Radio bunts into 'Deutschland Uber Alles'. The couple look at each other and then in blank amazement at the radio. Cut to modern BBC 2 interview. The commentator in a woodland glade.)

Commentator (Eric Idle): In 1945 Peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in I950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again. 

(He walks away revealing a monument on which is written: 'To the unknown Joke'. Camera pulls away slowly through idyllic setting. Patriotic music reaches crescendo.)
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Male 1,791
mentott510 I.... I.. I.. can almost imagine it! Thank goodness they stopped the madness before developing the Nuclear Joke.  It would have been an atomatic weapon.
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Male 7,138
Better to make them disappear imo.
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Male 9,193
daegog Not if you want the insurance. Then your options are accident or botched robbery (maybe suicide, depending on the policy). Forget about poisons and such, if you have the skills and access the cops will know.

In the UK I would avoid the botched robbery because that would set off a very serious police operation and one is unlikely to come through that well. Accident, depending on the person's lifestyle, more feasible.

Not that I have given it any thought.
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Male 7,138
LordJim Well botched robbery is always what spouse killers try for insurance money, its not a good idea, you have to be super genius level to pull that one off.

You could try for the old embolism, you just have to be extremely careful to hide the needle marks.
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Male 9,193
daegog Boating accident? Cliff walking? Many have been caught but it's still maybe... hang on, I've had an idea. Murder by selfie. Won't work with everyone but if it does work at least it's a really irritating person that we have lost.
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Male 9,193
I can't really see myself actually planning to murder someone ( except as a theoretical exercise ) unless they had done something horrible to someone I love. I think,  I suspect, that I would probably just be direct about it and then wait for the cops. Maybe put my affairs in order and have a word with my lawyer first. Hoping to get away with it? I suppose some do.
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Female 6,611
LordJim I had a double-murder all planned out in my head once.  When my 1st husband got his 17 year old girlfriend pregnant and put up a trailer across the damn street for them to live in.  (we owned the land at the time)   I'd place a few propane tanks under the 'house' near where they grilled with the nozzles partially open, blow the pilot on the gas hot water heater that was also under the 'house' about 2 hours before they got home.  Their thermostat had an auto-pilot control inside the trailer.  Click click boom.  I decided that it wasn't worth going to jail for 2 worthless whores (and a wonky-headed kid) and let it go. 
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278
We were advised in the police academy that if we ever wanted to murder somebody, walk up to their front door, knock, shoot them dead when they answer.  As long as they don't have one of those front porch cams and no one else answers, you're not leaving any forensic evidence, you never go into the house.  No fingerprints at the scene, no hair or clothing fibers.  Hopefully no witnesses.  Of course, you have to get out of there before neighbors investigate or just call 911 to report shots fired.
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Male 9,193
kelly_hanna Standard procedure in Thailand and Indonesia was a motor-cycle hit. Two guys in full face helmets pull to the target as he's walking to work or buying a snack. Pillion passenger shoots a few times then they take off into traffic.
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Male 2,294
LordJim they basically do the same thing in Chicago except they use cars instead of scooters and they hit innocent bystanders by mistake.

But nobody is ever caught
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Male 18,342
Tip: don't write about your planned crime
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Male 5,608
Draculya Or if you do...do it afterwards...

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Male 21,778
kalron HA! Good old dumb OJ. And actually titling it "If I Did It."
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Male 5,608
fancylad I know...right...
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Female 6,611
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