Welcome To Iowa

Submitted by: panth753 7 months ago in Entertainment Funny


Having lived in Iowa for a couple of years, this pretty much sums up the State.
There are 18 comments:
Male 48
Kansas & Oklahoma aren't much different. Fields, cattle, meth heads, and a damn-near constant south wind.
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Male 45,272
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Male 13,164
The relevant in the election bit is funny until you extrapolate the real world consequences like the fact that high fructose corn syrup is in fucking everything and we are committed to corn ethanol at the exclusion of better option which is fucking retarded.

An acre of U.S. corn yields about 7,110 pounds of corn for processing into 328 gallons of ethanol. But planting, growing and harvesting that much corn requires about 140 gallons of fossil fuels.

Fuck our archaic stupid election traditions and the way we over weigh certain states and citizens.
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Male 9,185
Oh dear.  My daughter married an Iowan a couple of years ago ( lovely family ) and they are moving out there from the UK.  I feel sort of obliged  to spend next holiday there.

However,  I'll have a three month visa and now that I'm retired with a few quid put away I was thinking; Road Trip!  I fancy a couple of months driving the back roads of the South, maybe fly to Atlanta, hire a car for a week or so then maybe Baton Rouge, or play it by ear. Maybe seven weeks.My daughter in law is ( who knows me pretty well ) has offered to draw up a list of topics I should STFU about.  

Small towns, back roads, a real American experience; eat in diners, sleep in motels, get murdered.      

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Female 9,780
LordJim That's a bit of a drive. I live in Florida now and it takes me three or four hours to go to Tampa or Orlando. And to give you another idea, the distance between New York City and L.A. is 4,491 km. 

However, driving in the United States is a worthwhile trip, and gives you a better idea of what makes America what it is. And if you want to go to Iowa, go during the middle of August when the Iowa State Fair is on. It has an Americana feel to it, plus you can get a glimpse of American politics and the deep fried food to make you feel your arteries close in.
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Female 1,433
LordJim well..If you ever get a chance. If you want to come to the south..Come check out Dallas. There is a little bit of everything here. It’s big city and country at the same time lol. This time of year, all of the blue bonnets are sprouting up. Blue bonnets are beautiful blue flowers that paint the fields blue as far as you can see. Believe it or not..I come across alot of people from Europe and the rest of the world quite often here. The DFW is definitely worth a visit some day.
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Male 13,164
LordJim If you're going to drive around backroads of the deep south you should probably STFU about everything. Weather, food, how "cute" the town is. That is your safe space.

Atlanta is about 800 miles from Iowa, over twice the distance between London and Glasgow. 

The south can be great, depending on time of year. However, there is some great stuff to check out closer to Iowa too. There are some beautiful parts of the Great Lakes region and they are within driving distance.
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3,632
holygod LOL, dude its not like Deliverance down here. TBH I've met more assholes in the north east than down south. Southern hospitality my man. 
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Male 13,164
skypirate Not at all. I wasn't implying that. Just that it is easy to piss people off with politics / religion stuff. Not that they would be mean to you, but they would be offended. The people down south are infinitely nicer than anywhere else in the country. 
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holygod True, and no matter what you say, someone somewhere will inevitably be pissed off. 
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Male 9,185
holygod Hmm, I was thinking I should avoid God,  guns and Trump.  I should be fine with the rest;  I can be a charming bastard when I want.

Distances  are an issue but I gather internal flights are pretty affordable.  As a Brit I find driving more than 300 miles a day to be exhausting so I want to randomly ramble and stop pretty often.

My  daughter assures there are great places nearby and I will certainly make time for family outings,  but I'm pretty keen on a solo road trip round the south.
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Male 9,293
LordJim "...but I'm pretty keen on a solo road trip round the South."

Famous last words.
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Male 2,292
squrlz4ever he said road trip, he didn't say he was rafting with Burt Reynolds, Ronny  Cox and Ned Beatty.
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Male 9,293
woodyville06 LOL! Well, you know, he might've decided to take a detour. I'm just sayin' things happen.
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Male 9,185
squrlz4ever Nah, those folks in that cabin seem real hospitable. 
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Male 9,293
LordJim I'm just teasing. If you have the chance, make sure you try some hushpuppies and minced pork barbecue. Out of this world delicious.
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Male 9,293
This made me laugh.

One of my favorite absurdist novels is Mark Leyner's My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist (1990). In the novel, Leyner describes a 12-year-old boy who suffers aphasia while at school:

But it wasn't total aphasia. He could speak, but only in a staccato telegraphic style. Here's how he described driving through the Midwest on Interstate 80: "Corn corn corn corn Stuckey's. Corn corn corn corn Stuckey's."
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Male 33
I was born and raised in Iowa, and I find this video offensive!  Sorry, misspoke.  I was born and raised in Iowa, and I find this video to be pretty much dead on.  He didn't mention the constant wind heard on the video, which turn winter months into exercises in pain and only stops during summer months when you are praying for a breeze.  I have had the opportunity to meet and shake hands with 7 presidential candidates in just two election cycles, though.
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