Man Gets Asked Unusual Request At The End Of Dinner On His First Date

Submitted by: Gerry1of1 7 months ago in Lifestyle
There are 75 comments:
Male 70
Without knowing some of the details we would obviously want to know for a truly accurate response, my perspective is (with only his side): 

1) She's clearly assuming he will be buying her dinner (that's okay)
2) She's either hard-up (quite possible), is used to it (possible), or is testing him (unlikely). There are probably other buckets here too, but those are my main 3.
3) I would have asked her about it. If she is hard up, I would have bought them and depending on the rest of the chemistry would have possibly continued on. If she's used to it, I wouldn't have, and if she were testing me, we would have gone through much more discussion. 

I would never have said no outright.
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Male 18,342
devthep there's a fourth possibility. Maybe she's wants to spend more time getting to know the guy and spending time making dinner for the kids is 40 mins she'd rather spend gobbling his weiner? He refused so we'll never know.
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Male 5,241
Only if she swalow.

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Male 45,690
piperfawn    Best comment of the thread
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Female 1,716
He absolutely did the right thing. Her request was just a sign of things to come.
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Male 490
How good was the date?
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Male 2,366
Ozmose he didn’t make it to the good part.
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Male 2,758
My first reaction was to drop her like a hot potato, but with a little thought I may have purchased the food if she told me she was in need of it. The attitude would have been a big deal though. No matter what I did I don't think I would have ever gone out with her again, to much attitude and dropping feeding her kids on me like that, it just is a lot to ask. 
   Don't know his financials but it could mean a big deal, in the early days, I would save through a couple of paychecks to take out someone that I really wanted to impress on the first date, buying her extra food may have meant me going without food or gas for a week. Of course he could have offered MacDs.  (he may have been at MacDs)
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Male 2,239
There really isn't enough information here to make a call with any certainty, and we can't know that the facts included are accurate. Not an accusation, but it could be, for example, the attitude was his imagination, because he's basically a nice guy and he felt a little guilty.
On the limited information I have, I would probably have said sure, because maybe the kids needed the food. Then I would have taken her home and told her I had an interesting evening, but I didn't think we would be seeing each other again.
The purpose of a date is to get to know someone, whatever your long-term plan is. After that request, I would know her as well as I wanted to.
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Female 5,283
Thats weird. Who does that.
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6,944
well i hope he had her pay her half of the bill.

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Male 7,329
Without ANY other info, why are so many people jumping to:

She is just looking for a sugar daddy?

You mean there are no other reasonable reasons that she might request that he buy her kids food?  Im not saying she is an angel, but i could see reasons why her asking for kids dinner is not the huge red alert situation folks are making it out to be.

It makes me wonder how many guys have met a woman and PERCEIVED her to be a gold digger, when it just wasn't the truth.
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6,944
daegog its because she got an attitude when he said no. 
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Male 2,868
Two happy meals? Sure. That works out to a salad tossing and a happy ending.
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Male 1,082
Not only would I had not bought her kids dinner I would have told her to cover the cost for her own damn meal after that request. She was obviously just looking for some chump and a free ride. 
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Male 675
Really depends on if you knew she had kids to begin with.  I'd say not knowing going in would be a huge entitlement red flag if this was dropped on you out of the blue.  If you did know, it's 50/50.  I'd suggest to go dutch if I felt generous.  If she demanded the entire thing paid for I would tell her to fuck off outright.  
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Male 13,429
looked at in another light maybe she was fishing.. "will you be my sugar daddy and pay for this and that?"

"no"

*grumpy*
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Male 18,342
It was a test. He failed.
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Male 651
Draculya SHE failed. Opening up her need for you to buy everything she wants. There's the door gold digger.
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Male 18,342
wellsy57 I'd have bought the meals. First, two kids meals won't bankrupt me. If I can't help support two kids, I have no business dating their mother.
Secondly, her not having to worry about going home to prepare dinner gives us more time to get to know each other.
Gold digging is where one person marries the other for wealth, lifestyle and divorce proceeds/inheritance, and will tolerate a partner they would otherwise not be attracted to. Gold digging isn't asking for a couple of kids meals. Even prostitutes deserve more respect.
That said, I wouldn't recommend dating a married woman or single mother unless you really know it's worth it and unless you're worth it.
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Male 651
Draculya You're right. Gold digger was unwarrented. That said, I'm on a budjet and couldn't afford two extra meals from a resteraunt. How's about we swing in to McD's and pick up two happy meals?
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Male 18,342
wellsy57 sounds like a fair compromise
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6,944
Draculya no he passed and she failed
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Male 685
I would have bought the meals.  Unless there was an incredible connection, she would have never heard from me again.
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Female 978
Yeah, she should of bought her own kids meals. That was a tacky request on her part. Way too much too soon.
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Male 683
thubanstar Yeah, there's no way that would ever scale back.  Thin edge of the wedge.
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Male 2,239
abetterworld Das dicke ende kommt noch!
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Male 4,109
if it were me, i wouldve bought the kids dinner. if i say no, i know that she will get upset, and that will end the date. besides, whats the big deal about buying dinner for you dates children? a date is where you try to find out if you are right for each other. i personally think the first date was too soon to ask for something like that, but maybe she was trying to figure out if this date was suitable boyfriend material that would be good to her children. he had every right to decline, but if he wanted to get some he should have been smart enough to know declining to buy food for your dates children is going to end the date one way or another.
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Male 2,516
robthelurker How much of a money drain would she become if she's asking him to feed her kids on the first date? Sure. Pay for her meal but she should pay for her own fucking kids. 
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Male 9,505
My two cents: He did the right thing by not buying the take-out dinners. He also did the right thing by cutting the date short once it was apparent the woman had a bad attitude after having her exploitative request denied. A person like that doesn't have her head screwed on straight and the sex, if it was ever on the table, isn't worth it. YMMV.
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Male 651
squrlz4ever What is YMMV?
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Male 9,505
wellsy57 Your Mileage May Vary. This internet acronym is used to indicate that the writer's experiences and choices might not apply or be appropriate for the reader. Basically, what I was saying is, "This is how I'd respond to the woman's request. My response may or may not be the right choice for you."
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Male 651
squrlz4ever Ty (internet acronym - lol) much. I appriciate your always prompt and well written responses. Do you like roasted cashews? I have a few hidden in my yard.
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Male 9,505
wellsy57 Thank you for the kind words. And yes, I love roasted cashews. That said, it's probably best not to tell me or any other squirrel that you have a few roasted cashews hidden in your yard unless you're already planning on redoing your lawn in the near future. We tend to dig around a lot if there are cashews to be found.
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Male 651
squrlz4ever I lied. Their actually salted peanuts I found under my couch.
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Male 290
squrlz4ever I'm with you on this one, for sure.  She's looking for a baby daddy for the two kids she already has.  She's also a "user" that going to bleed this poor guy dry of all his money if she's asking for this on a first date.  She could have said that she was going to get meals to take home for her kids and given him the opportunity to "step up" if she was feeling him out for how he'd be about stuff like that.  I'd have probably bought the meals, and taken her straight home and thank my lucky stars that I got away from that situation.
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Male 9,505
david-morris I think you're spot-on about how a reasonable woman would've handled this: "Um, miss? May I put in a to-go order on a separate check?" That's the point I'd ask, "Hmm?" and then, if I was interested in the woman, tell the waitress, "Please--put it on the one check."

But to straight-out ask a first date to buy take-out restaurant meals for your children? That's a serious red flag.
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Male 18,342
squrlz4ever one tricky issue with the whole woman's liberation/ equality vs chivalry thing is, what may be right in one context may be wrong in another. It comes down to cultures and personal beliefs and interpersonal communication.

Let's put it another way. If I'm hanging out with a bloke and here we don't split tabs, we tend to take turns... if a friend looks me in the eye and says "Drac, do you mind if I put a couple of kids meals on the bill?" I'm not going to question his integrity, I'm going to say "Sure" and never mention it again. If he's a freeloader, I'll know from general dealings with him. I'm not going to get between a kid and a full belly and nobody asking for help should be refused. Thinking about it like it's someone of the same gender and an equal, removes the whole issue of sex and sexual politics and puts it in a clearer light.
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Male 9,383
Seems a bit much for a first date,  but not enough details. 
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Male 7,329
No, not wrong, but if you ain't coming up with at least a couple of happy meals for the kids, you're not getting any ass.

So stand on a soap box all ya like and yell that you were right, but at the end of the day, you are going home with a dry dick and messed up all your ground work for a good booty call situation.
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Male 9,505
daegog Not worth it, IMHO. So you have sex: Great. You make some booty-calls. Great. Then this "You-owe-me" woman texts you to tell you she's pregnant. Now you're really fucked.
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Male 2,366
squrlz4ever and then you're buying three  happy meals...
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever what kind of women have you dated? how do you go from buying her kids dinner to being tricked into getting her pregnant?
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Male 9,505
robthelurker I honestly don't understand the point of either question you're asking, other than to insult.

Women get pregnant accidentally sometimes; it happens. (I have to tell you this?) As for the kind of women I've dated (not that it's really your business): For the most part, they've had had their heads screwed on correctly. Those who didn't, I soon regretted dating.
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Male 2,239
squrlz4ever It sounded like an honest question, to me.
50 years ago, a friend of mine had a brief affair with, let's say a very popular young woman. Or in Star Trek terms, he did not go where no man had gone before. She became pregnant, gave birth and sued him for child support. He brought incontrovertible evidence to court that the child was not related to him.
The judge, while agreeing that the child could not be his, decided that since he admitted to having intercourse with the young lady, he was responsible for the consequences.
His attorney found other young men who were known to have shared the favors of this woman. They all, to a man, denied under oath that they had ever had anything to do with her.
He paid child support for 18 years.
Be very careful where you put anything that you value.
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever you are making an assumption that this woman is crazy. what is the big deal about asking your date to buy your children some food? maybe she is on hard times and could use a little help from a guy who was nice enough to agree to go with her on a date. maybe she is just trying to feel out if this is proper boyfriend material. you dont know all the details, so why are you so quick to judge?

the point of my first question was to get an understanding of why you seem to think this woman is crazy. i thought perhaps some of your experiences with woman may have been bad which is why you immediately think a woman asking someone to buy food for her children is crazy. but youre right, its not any of my business, but i do have the right to ask, and you have every right to decline to tell me.

the second question relates to your statement, "Then this "You-owe-me" woman texts you to tell you she's pregnant." yes, of course people can get pregnant by mistake, but if you are careful and use the proper protection, the chances of becoming pregnant by accident are reduced significantly, (i have to tell you this?). it seemed to me you were saying since this woman was 'crazy' enough to ask her date to buy her children dinner then she must be crazy enough to fake a pregnancy. but it appears you were saying "do you really want this woman to be the one you accidentally get pregnant?" going by that logic, every girl you fuck could be the one you get pregnant. you cant always tell which ones are have their heads screwed on right before you stick your dick in them, and then you end up with regret.
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Male 9,505
robthelurker I'll tell you exactly what I told Daegog:

I'm pretty sure we disagree on this one. As I stated in my original comment, and as you and Rob seem to be ignoring, YMMV. Date who you want to date. Personally, I'd steer clear of a woman who asked me to buy dinners for children I've never met on a first date. You wanna proceed, go for it. Again: YMMV.
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever i didnt ignore anything, i read your reply to daegog before your first comment, you assumed that i seemed to ignore you (you also assumed that i would know what ymmv means, but we are on the internet so that one is on me). yes, we disagree, but i thought it was unfair of you to judge this woman to be crazy based on her asking her date to buy her kids dinner. i wanted to know why you thought that way, and i admit since i thought it was unfair of you to think of her that way, i wanted to change your opinion. its not about dating who you want to date, its about the way we think of each other based on a single situation we dont know all the details to.
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Male 9,505
robthelurker All right, so let's try to undo some misunderstandings. I never said the woman was crazy; not a word I have ever used in connection with her. What I said was she "doesn't have her head screwed on straight."

I think we may have different ideas about what that means. To me, the expression has always meant that a person doesn't have his or her priorities straight or is going about things the wrong way. Example: "John, it's half an hour to bedtime and you haven't even begun your homework. This isn't the first time. You need to get your head screwed on straight about your schoolwork."

Just checked on online dictionary, which seems to support my usage. Having one's head screwed on straight, it says, means "to be sensible or rational."
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever you want to make this about semantics? ok, fine, lets go with that this chick doesnt have her priorities straight and she isnt sensible or rational. what if at that moment, her priority was no longer to take the guy home but to get her kids food, and her sensibilities and rational were compromised out of the concern for her children. you even said yourself that if she had handled this differently and if you were interested, you would have bought the kids food. so in my eyes, the only reason you say this woman doesnt have her head screwed on straight was because she failed at tricking her date into thinking buying the kids food was his idea.
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever "other than to insult." what the fuck are you talking about?
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Male 9,505
robthelurker "What kind of women have you dated?" You don't think there's anything insulting about that question? Hello?
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever its a fucking question you overly sensitive rodent. back the fuck off.
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Male 683
robthelurker Not. Cool.  Somebody here needs a Happy Meal.
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Male 4,109
abetterworld "Somebody here needs a Happy Meal." you mean the rodent? he is the one who started reading my comments as threats and insults.
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Male 9,505
robthelurker Is that a threat? Guess what, Rob? You've just earned a Warning.

I'm not using foul language here, nor am I attacking you. I don't know why you're so amped in this conversation, but I suggest you take it down a notch or two.
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Male 685
squrlz4ever Ok, Lord Acton
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever you consider "overly sensitive rodent" an attack? i swear, i curse, i use foul language on this website, like many others, whats the big fucking deal?

i am amped up because i think the power of being a mod has gone to your head. i meant nothing insulting by asking what kind of woman you dated, you read into that. back the fuck off is not meant as a threat, you read into that. i think you are reading into these things because you are looking for anyone who may be stepping out of line of your community guidelines. i know you are the one who isnt using foul language, but that doesnt mean there isnt something going on with you. i will ask again, this time nicer than, "okay, what the fuck is wrong with you?". is there anything going on with you that is affecting your job as a moderator? it is none of my business, but i ask sincerely because you are reading into my comments as insults and threats. i mean, who the fuck do you think you are talking to? i was insulted that you thought i was trying to insult you, hence the vulgar language, "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"is that a threat?" i admit i might be reading into this one, but are you trying to intimidate me mr. moderator?
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Male 9,505
robthelurker Yeah, try saying "Back the fuck off" to patrons in a nightclub and see how long it is before you're asked to leave. I issued you a Warning and you earned it.

You can insult me and say "the power of being a moderator has gone to your head" all you want. That's pretty much de rigeur.

I'm glad to see you've taken it down a notch.
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Male 4,109
squrlz4ever did you at least read the comment before you deleted it?
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Male 9,505
robthelurker Rob, here's a proposal I think is fair and in the best interests of everyone. Let's you and I take a break here. I'll pass this thread off to another moderator and he or she can address any comments you care to make. That way we can minimize any personal friction, fresh eyes are brought to bear, and you can say whatever you want to him or her.

Sound good?
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Male 919
squrlz4ever 
Maybe do this

'll pass this thread off to another moderator and he or she can address any comments you care to make. That way we can minimize any personal friction, fresh eyes are brought to bear, and you can say whatever you want to him or her.

Before you do this

Yeah, try saying "Back the fuck off" to patrons in a nightclub and see how long it is before you're asked to leave. I issued you a Warning and you earned it.

You can insult me and say "the power of being a moderator has gone to your head" all you want. That's pretty much de rigeur.

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Male 7,329
squrlz4ever Well what was the purpose of the date?  Marriage or a piece of ass?

And I DEFINITELY would not want this on any of my social media, every woman that sees it will assume you are a cheap ass.
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Male 501
daegog Not every woman. Definitely every wannabe golddigger though.

Most sensible women would agree her behavior is a very bad sign. 
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Male 2,366
daegog exactly.  This is one you chalk up to experience and not broadcast to the world.
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Male 9,505
daegog I'm pretty sure we disagree on this one. As I stated in my original comment, and as you and Rob seem to be ignoring, YMMV. Date who you want to date. Personally, I'd steer clear of a woman who asked me to buy dinners for children I've never met on a first date. You wanna proceed, go for it. Again: YMMV.
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Male 2,868
squrlz4ever  Jeez Louise, everyone chill. We all know you don't date women. You're an indiscriminate ankle humper. You get your knut no matter what. 
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Male 9,505
scheckydamon True. Although I have had the random human ask, while I'm busy, "Hey, aren't you going to buy me dinner?"
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Male 651
squrlz4ever Now that's funny right there!
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Male 2,239
squrlz4ever Are you sure you're not related to the squirrels in my walnut trees?
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Male 2,868
squrlz4ever Ifin' it's my ankle I'll be asking if you prefer white or brown gravy.
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Male 9,383
daegog Pragmatic. 
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Male 2,130
Giving is to be done willingly.  
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Female 481
insaneai Exactly. Im not sure why this is a debate? Seems like just more entitlement attitude humanity seems to have. We still have a right to say No don't we?
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Male 2,239
savagenation You seem to be saying that relationships are all about asserting our rights. If so, it's a point of view.

On their wedding night, the new husband took off his trousers and threw them to his bride, saying, "try these on for size." She picked them up, laughed and said, "Oh honey, they're way too big for me."
He said, "So don't ever forget who wears the pants in this family."
She took a pair of panties out of her suitcase and threw them to him. "Try these on for size." He picked them up and laughed, "I could never get into these."
She said, "And you're not going to, with that attitude."
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