Haunted Toaster In Florida (Where Else?) Proves Satan Is Real

Submitted by: squrlz4ever 8 months ago in Funny Misc Weird
There are 56 comments:
Male 45,620
All of you silly people debating Satan when I can tell you 
with ABSOLUTE certainty that she is alive and well and 
living in Arizona..... my mother-in-law
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Male 45,620
She mis-heard,  it said "I am Putin!"

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Male 45,620
You don't know the POWER of the Dark Setting !

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Male 724
The Devil does the Lord's work.

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Male 7,283
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Male 9,505
daegog Actually, now that you mention it... how does that whole Devil thing make sense? I guess the idea is the Devil is the great deceiver and tempter, trying to get humans to slip up so he can take their souls and torture them for eternity, something he evidently relishes. That kinda suggests the Devil is a sadist, akin to Zed in Pulp Fiction.


If I remember correctly, the Devil doesn't have all that much of a role in the Bible (excluding the Apocrypha), sort of like Mary. The Devil, as a part of Christian dogma, really seems to have come into his own in the Middle Ages.

(Anyone please feel free to correct me if I've got this wrong. It's been awhile since I studied it.)
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Male 7,283
squrlz4ever Well Satan certainly did a number on Job and their were the issues with Tempting Christ, but he doesn't appear enough to be a proper main villain imo.
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Male 9,505
daegog There you go. Yes, the Book of Job is probably the most detail the Bible ever offers regarding Satan. If memory serves, the BOJ was a controversial text in the early years of Christianity and for a long time was relegated to the Apocrypha. It's remarkable that it was eventually included in the canon; it kind of sticks out like a sore thumb.

Most other references to Satan are slight. As you say, there's the Temptation passages and, of course, the serpent in the Garden of Eden who, while never expressly identified as Satan, is generally considered to be him.

I do hope Monk joins this thread. I am genuinely interested in his take on Satan and expect I could learn a fair amount from him on the subject. I don't personally know anyone IRL who considers Satan an actual force and I believe Monk does. It would be an interesting conversation.
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Female 6,693
squrlz4ever As I understand it, Beezlaboot is chained up in heck too and is to be released for the final battle when Christ comes back to fuck shit up.
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Male 9,505
melcervini Interesting. There must be some verses in Revelations that touch on that. I bet Monk knows. All I'm remembering at the moment is that Satan was one of God's angels and was expelled from Heaven because he was rebelling against God. Milton, of course, bases much of Paradise Lost on that conflict.
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Male 45,620
Possessing the toaster makes sense.  Satan demands a snackrifice 
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Female 480
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Male 45,620
savagenation    I don't get what the pic has to do with toast
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Male 9,505
Gerry1of1 I think that may be the actor whose voice the woman said Satan sounded like.
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Female 9,782
The toast the said Satan Lives was a nice touch and had me laughing.
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Male 9,505
panth753 They should have scraped the underside of June O'Brien's fingernails to test for burnt toast residue.
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356
lol

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Male 679
"And devil will rise once more as the sun does, commanding all that he is the lord.  He will surround himself with cauldrons of boiling vile bitter liquid (no cream or sugar), and summon his followers to spread hate like the marmalade that he is."
Luckily, christian soldiers fought back in the 90's with this.

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Male 9,505
abetterworld Ish a miracle! O.O
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Male 2,194
Oh man, that part at the end. "When all is said and done, it makes good toast..."
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Male 9,505
bliznik LOL! Absolutely. That's got to be the funniest bit of dialogue in the video.
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3,657
I think every one knew it was florida when they read 'haunted toaster' lol. I just want to find an enchanted toaster oven.  
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Male 2,356
skypirate I picked one up at Bed Bath and Beyond for $229 with my 20% off coupon!  It makes cheesy muffins while an apparition of the fairy godmother from the Wizard of Oz dances around the kitchen.

True story.  But it only works in my house in Florida for some reason....
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Male 9,505
skypirate LOL! Yes, an enchanted toaster oven to make some magical toasted blueberry muffins. I'm in!
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Male 213
squrlz4ever I make magical toasted muffins! And cookies and brownies. Sometimes I just smoke it.
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Male 9,505
bubba5658 LOL! That was awesome. Thank you for a much-needed guffaw this afternoon.
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Male 4,490
squrlz4ever 


I have a button for that
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Male 9,505
DuckBoy87 Where on Earth did you find a such a GIF? Man, you can tell the interwebs has reached maturity. You can find a meme or GIF for virtually anything!
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Male 4,490
squrlz4ever Haha, a group called Team Four Star do a DBZ Abridged, and they dub the anime to their own liking. Quite good, actually. This particular episode was actually made in 2011, lol
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Male 4,490
DuckBoy87 Juuuust don't over do it..

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3,657
squrlz4ever Nah man, devils food cake! 
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Male 902
Hulu is developing a show on the Satanic Panic of the '80s.  People saw Satanism and the occult everywhere they looked.  I recall several "concerned" talks from people at church and school because I was into D&D in the early '90s (the panic hadn't fully died down yet).  


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Male 213
faustsshadow Anyone remember the meltdown when the movie, The Exorcist came out?
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Female 6,693
faustsshadow Weird odds, My brother and I were stationed in Okinawa at the same time and he and his then-wife came over to mine and my 1st husband's apartment for a visit and when he saw we were sitting around (with a bunch of other Marines) playing D&D they REFUSED to step through the front door because of the 'evil' I'd 'invited' into my home.  He was always crackpotty, but yeesh. (Another time, I took my brand new bootleg VHS of Beetlejuice over to his place to watch and his wife freaked out, kicked me out after the first 20 minutes and had a catholic priest come over and 'anoint the walls with oil to fend off the evil spirits *I* had invited into her house and that I might as well have drawn a pentagram on the floor" (They were Baptist?!?  LMFAO!)   What are the odds a crackpot marrying an even bigger one?
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Male 2,836
melcervini What’s the difference between a baptist preacher and a Methodist minister? The Methodist minister will say hello to you in the liquor store.
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Female 6,693
scheckydamon lmfao valid
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Male 2,836
melcervini How do you keep a baptist preacher from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip? Bring along another baptist preacher.
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Male 9,505
melcervini Omigosh. I guess for every cracked pot there's a cracked lid? Those stories are just amazing. You would think that grown adults in the modern era would be above that stuff, but clearly not.
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Female 6,693
squrlz4ever Also, my mother loathed the woman (we all did) and because she knew she was a religious nut, she anonymously sent her packages in the mail a couple of times with chicken bones wrapped in twine and a lock of some hair and odd chicken feathers etc just to fuck with her.  
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Male 2,356
melcervini I’m guessing Thanksgiving was awkward?
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Female 6,693
woodyville06 There were none after the 'beetlejuice incident', as I like to call it :D  This "Godly woman" ended up cheating on him with multiple individuals, got pregs by another dude, took said bastard offspring to the VA hospital for medical care, pretending it was his (illegal as FUCK) so my brother had her deported *back to Australia as soon as the divorce was finalized lol
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Male 213
melcervini All because you brought Beetlejuice into her home. Oh my.
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Male 2,356
melcervini INS comes in handy for a change:)
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Male 9,505
melcervini LOL! Your mother was a special woman. I love that story.
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Female 6,693
squrlz4ever You'd love my family tree with the overabundance of nuts in it. (Myself included )
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Male 9,505
melcervini Well, you're a lovable nut. I'm not sure I can say the same about the others you've described. Except your mom, of course. The hair and chicken feather parcels were inspired.
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Female 6,693
squrlz4ever my mom was one of a kind. :)
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Male 4,490
faustsshadow The panic still hasn't fully died down yet... do you still play?
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Male 902
DuckBoy87 Almost every week.  (Not always D&D, but close enough - Pathfinder, StarWars, etc. - along with LCGs like Arkham, which I like to add in RP elements to.)  I haven't tried 5th edition yet, though.

I guess maybe the naysayers had a point, though - I play games and I am no longer counted among the "faithful."  I don't see the two as related, other than games being good at engaging creativity and critical thinking - but others would just see it as evidence of their corrupting nature I suppose.
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Male 4,490
faustsshadow 5e is a blast. I only just started (having wanted to start for quite a while now). Decided to watch a bunch of podcasts and now I can't get enough.
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Male 902
DuckBoy87 We will probably try it after we wrap up our current campaigns.  Currently in an all-goblin pirate campaign where we have been side-tracked into starting and running an opium/ drug empire.  Goblins aren't that great at staying on task, though, so who knows if we will ever finish the adventure path.
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Male 7,283
An atheist dies and goes to hell.

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a nice place to live in when they come down here!"


They continue walking through the nice park, flowers everywhere, and the devil shows the atheist a garage full of beautiful cars. "These are your cars now!" and hands the man all the car keys. Again, the atheist tries to thank the devil, but he only says "Everyone down here gets some cool cars! How would you drive around without having cars?".


They walk on and the area gets even nicer. There are birds chirping, squirrels running around, kittens everywhere. They arrive at a fountain, where the most beautiful woman the atheist has ever seen sits on a bench. She looks at him and they instantly fall in love with each other. The man couldn´t be any happier. The devil says "Everyone gets to have their soulmate down here, we don´t want anyone to be lonely!"


As they walk on, the atheist notices a high fence. He peeks to the other side and is totally shocked. There are people in pools of lava, screaming in pain, while little demons run around and stab them with their tridents. Larger demons are skinning people alive, heads are spiked, and many more terrible things are happening. A stench of sulfur is in the air.


Terrified, the man stumbles backwards, and asks the devil "What is going on there?" The devil just shrugs and says: "Those are the christians, I don´t know why, but they prefer it that way"

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Male 2,356
daegog whelp, you’re not going to be popular with someone here.
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Male 9,505
daegog I LOL'ed. I'm glad the squirrels were in the happy zone. ~goes over to microwave to fix some popcorn in anticipation of Monk's arrival~
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Male 18,342
squrlz4ever because at the end of the day, when all is said and done, MW makes good toast
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