Beat The Christmas Rush Now -- Buy Your Wonder Bible Today!

Submitted by: kalron 5 months ago in Funny


Hurry, there is still overnight shipping just in time for the holidays!
There are 60 comments:
Male 777
At least it doesn't read the Quran. Talk about a worthless book.
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Male 9,621
I wonder if there is a Necronomicon version.
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Male 1,319
track down Monk, and *ban* him. Please, someone.

*edit by mod*
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Male 913
buttersrules Monk is a human blight. He has proved himself unworthy of civil discourse and is defined by Bonhoeffer as "Stupid." I still do not advocate a ban since even the lowest of society has a basic right to speak and be ignored, but I will aver that he is unworthy of discourse.
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Male 5,887
buttersrules I have edited this comment so it's not deleted by another mod.  I think this comment needs to stand to show the frustration of the community and how it is tired of the trolling.  Again, I have brought up a formal discussion on this matter and hope to resolve the issue, permanently.
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Male 13,505
kalron FYI squrlz4ever has already noted this, and I've received the message.  I don't troll, but it's up for users who don't like what they see to not reply, or reply civilly, and if they can't be civil they'll have to leave it be.  Or just click the sad-face.  I get that i'm a target for people who have irrational reasoning/hate towards those who trust in God, because i know how to stand up to it, and it angers them that they can't get any digs. But i find it's much easier for someone who does trust in God to stay in control than those who don't.  So I'm willing to let that slide, but because people can't control themselves is no reason for me to face a 'discipline', if they're breaching they should be facing it.  Im actually looking forward to the community standard changes in regards to anti-trolling, and i'm one of the first people who noted that the community standard 'monthly post' wasn't happening (i could see users were flouting it).  I"m all for making IAB a cool place.

I know you and nf2 have issues with me, but squrlz @ markust know that i'm not as bad as butters makes it out to be.
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Male 1,319
monkwarrior really?
nf2 and kalrorn have issues with you, markust and squrlz don't?

And I'm the anti-christ for pointing our that you are a "saline based personal hygiene cleansing tools disposable tip" (note to all...not moderatated; just a polite way of sying he's a douche nozzle)

You do realise that what you are doing is trolling, yes? Even if it is "technically" within guidelines? Because arseholes (pls, mods, give me this one....arsehole is such an Aussie thing)....because arsholes like you like to skirt on the outer edges of what is permissable, like to do what is "technicallly" ok, like to throw the rules and standards in EVERYBODYS faces, whilst ducking and weaving around the SPIRIT of it all. 

This isn't a court of law, where nicities and technicalaities get you off, you shit sniffing twat. This is real life. Bring it on, bitch.

Ban Monk, or ban me.

Mods, BAN MONK, or BAN ME. 

ULTIMATUM.


Do it, or lose it. 

Spam much, orr full dos? 

עס וועט גורנישט העלפן

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Male 13,505
buttersrules Sorry but it looks like you're trolling today.
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Male 1,319
kalron you are a gent and a scholar. 
I, like many, look forward to a resolution. 

Sorry to cause so much of a kerfuffle.

(but wasn't it worth it, just to see someone use the word 'kerfuffle' in an actual real world scenario?)

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Male 13,505
buttersrules i think this will be deleted because it's against the community standard.
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Male 1,319
monkwarrior
*Frak* you, you *punt*

*Edit per User Request*

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Male 13,505
buttersrules That might get your comment deleted, ( am i right squrlz4ever )?
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Male 1,961
monkwarrior This didn't how you thought it would huh? LOL!
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Male 13,505
[Deleted comment: 48 hour ban. Lifted Sunday night, 9pm]
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Male 1,961
monkwarrior Excuse me, you are banned. Please follow the rules and do not post during your ban.
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Male 13,505
marsii If cared about rules rules, you wouldn't have been trolling.
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Male 18,342
When in sleep mode, it whispers: "Blow up a federal building to bring the End Times"
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Male 91
Why does god sound like a generic Charton Heston? 

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Male 46,093
agapee Blasphemy!  Chuck Norris is God !
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Male 9,621
Gerry1of1 No, James Mason.
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Male 1,124
Buy now! Special edition, narrated by God himself! 
With special appearances frooooommm-mm-mm...
Jeebus!
The pope!
Sasasasasaaaa-Satan!
Timmy!
Mother Theresa!
Bin laden!
And Alice cooper!
Call now!
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Male 5,887
WOW, who posted this?  I uploaded it well over a year ago!  Saw it while having brunch with my wife and mother-in-law.  I was a few beers in and the commercial came on and I couldn't believe it wasn't an Adult Swim spoof!!!
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Male 6,337
kalron yeah i have seen this on tv and thought to myself, who in the name of christ would buy this
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Male 1,210
rumham Idiots?
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Male 13,505
kalron i'm happy it got posted, maybe more will hear His word.  Thanks!
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Male 2,381
monkwarrior Why would you say "His" word? Are you certain that your god is male?
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Male 13,505
lockner01 Since God is our father, that's how i refer to Him.
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Male 2,381
monkwarrior If your god is beyond what we know why would you assume a gender?
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Male 13,505
[Deleted comment: 48 hour ban. Lifted Sunday night, 9pm]
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Male 6,337
monkwarrior that was more than 4 simple words bro
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Male 13,505
rumham you're on the wrong post 
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295
Maybe this can be set up next to the prior post where the mom caught the kid jacking it to internet porn.  'Jesus is watching you jack off.'  That pervert.

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Male 2,345
kelly_hanna God likes to watch.
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Male 2,240
There's literally hundreds of audiobooks that have the Bible covered, eh? Just need a player for them.

IDK if this thing has very good interface, and does it allow an earphone? :-/

https://tvstuffreviews.com/wonder-bible
Yes, earphones included, and a charger too, lolz! Costs around $50 or $70 for 2 of them. The interface is really wonky though, with a code list for various books...

It reads KJV (King James Version) OR NIV (New International Version)...
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Male 18,342
Blessed are the IA trolls, they shall annoy everyone with their self-proclaimed piety. 
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Male 13,505
Draculya is that from the ode to Draculya?
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Male 18,342
monkwarrior lupus in fabula
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Male 13,505
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Male 13,425
This thing really nails the sweet spot in a venn diagram of "illiterate" and "gullible"
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Male 10,070
Two thoughts:
  • For an elderly person, with failing eyesight, this could be a godsend;
  • For a teenager with fundamentalist parents who insist on playing this throughout every breakfast, this could be a nightmare.
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Male 13,505
It might save your life.
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Female 161
monkwarrior 
it ain't gonna save my life.  that i can be SURE of.
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Male 13,505
chickenfarts Well your older self may chose to ignore your younger claims.  It can happen.
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Male 6
monkwarrior Yup it can turn you into a atheist 
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Male 13,505
4g10ev1l but more often than not leads people to find God, as statistics likely will show.
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Male 343
monkwarrior Oh like in that movie where the guy has it in his breast pocket & a bullet hits it and not the guy. Good call. I'll buy two.
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Male 13,505
cheeseb God's word can save in many ways, and i couldn't list them all.
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Male 18,342
monkwarrior Second Epistle to the Corinthians Ch 11, Verse  13-15


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Male 13,505
Draculya The Gospel of Matthew Chapter 5, verse 11

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Male 2,381
monkwarrior Whose cherry picking now?
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Male 13,505
lockner01 so you're trolling again.
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Male 2,381
monkwarrior So if I pick a verse I won't be cherry picking?
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Male 13,505
[Deleted comment: 48 hour ban. Lifted Sunday night, 9pm]
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Male 2,381
monkwarrior No I'm trying to have a conversation. What you've just done is started the Derp Vortex again. One of the reasons people have been calling out for you to be banned.  

I'll try this again.  You have said before that I, or other people, will cherry pick some verses to fit my agenda.  So I'll ask again by saying "Matthew Chapter 5, verse 11" are you not cherry picking?
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Male 13,505
[Deleted comment: 48 hour ban. Lifted Sunday night, 9pm]
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Male 2,381
monkwarrior Dude -- you've been banned for trolling.  I think you should respect the ban.
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Male 13,505
lockner01 You're trolling like usual again.
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Male 2,381
monkwarrior So you learned nothing from being banned I see.  How is pointing out that you were commenting while being banned trolling? And you've come back to a post from over a day ago to get the last word in after your ban was over -- how is that not trolling?
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Male 10,070
Draculya O.O  Mic drop.
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Male 2,240
monkwarrior Or your soul :-) 
Well, maybe eh?
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