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Carpet Monkey

Hits: 4482 | Rating: (2.7) | Category: Funny | Added by: fancylad
Jump to: Bottom    Last Post
SmartSketch
Male, 70 & Over, Africa
 82 Posts
Sunday, August 10, 2008 8:52:55 AM
REPOST

Fartacus
Female, 50-59, Eastern US
 528 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 10:00:32 AM
Somehow I think those 3 brothers had 3 different fathers.

opiebreath
Female, 18-29, Midwest US
 16061 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 9:31:16 AM

Oh, Davy...

PS, when googling "headdesk" I get, "Related searches: facepalm"


RayBeaudoin
Male, 13-17, Western US
 121 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 8:32:40 AM
Haha, that was great. :D "He's drinking his blood!"

davymid
Male, 30-39, Europe
 12093 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 8:31:05 AM
For those of you who are (understandably) concerned for my mental health, what's more worrying is that I was in completely clear state of mind when I wrote this one...

http://www.i-am-bored.com/forums.asp?action=read&ct=10&q_id=32562&read_page=2&ss=&search_where=


davymid
Male, 30-39, Europe
 12093 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 8:30:31 AM
If I had a monkey, I would teach him how to do my hair - using the appropriate amount of product. I would then set the alarm for him to get up half an hour before I do and do my hair while I am still asleep. This would either give me more time in the morning or allow me to spend more time sleeping. I would just waste the extra half hour anyway so probably better to sleep but as I usually don't rock up to work till ten thirty or so, I could try leaving earlier. This would give me more time to think about what I would do if I had a monkey.

davymid
Male, 30-39, Europe
 12093 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 8:16:06 AM
^^ " I want whatever davymid is on...lmao"

I live in Amsterdam. I just spent most of the afternoon in a typical Dutch "coffee-shop". You fill in the blanks.

And Apple, I'm loving it. I'm off to buy a monkey- ebay, here I come....


opiebreath
Female, 18-29, Midwest US
 16061 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 8:14:31 AM
*blinks*

Davy, you just made me completely forget what I was going to put as a comment.

Woooow.


Apple_18
Female, 18-29, Midwest US
 465 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 8:10:39 AM
Davymind, heres a thought. if you had a monkey, you could name it Steve Darls; somehow use it to scientifically find new ways to look up various pornographic selections while wearing a little monkeysuit so you can make your bets, and buy your drugs. Then, when the monkey dies, you can cast its dead body to sell ceramic monkeys ....and then spend your days stoned listening to music, and turning pots. =)

sounds like the high life to me


Bucky Katt
Female, 18-29, Southern US
 216 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 8:00:41 AM
1. Where the hell did the guy in yellow come from?? He looks kinda looks like a monkey...Monkey's uncle maybe??
2. I want a monkey
3. I want whatever davymid is on...lmao

alice_x
Female, 18-29, Europe
 5288 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:57:39 AM
lmao davymid.. what the hell

yellowsquare
Female, 18-29, Midwest US
 1602 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:56:51 AM
OMGSRSLY....Chimpanzee. Not monkey. There is a HUGE difference.

</sarcasm>


freddyferret
Male, 40-49, Midwest US
 11734 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:52:29 AM
"And the Indian guy is related how?"

Mom had a fling with the manager of the local 7-11.


Monkeys with guns FTW!!


davymid
Male, 30-39, Europe
 12093 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:49:29 AM
Bollocks, I'm going to stick to my original plan: If I had a monkey, I would borrow my mums sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said "Thats not a real monkey, it's just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper", I could say "I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey" and when they said "that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on", my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for me, for the monkey. So he wouldn't mind spending his life in a monkey suit.

techgeek07
Male, 30-39, Eastern US
 2577 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:48:10 AM
If only more commercials were like that

laMigra77
Male, 30-39, Midwest US
 295 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:46:59 AM
That monkey must be a racist!! He shot the foreign brother... the one that was probably adopted. Monkies sure are funny, especially when wearing clothing.

BlackiPod
Male, 18-29, Eastern US
 1236 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:45:43 AM
You never cease to amaze me Davy

harpoonerism
Female, 13-17, Eastern US
 47 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:45:42 AM
And the Indian guy is related how? x]

davymid
Male, 30-39, Europe
 12093 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:42:18 AM
Actually, on second thoughts, if I had a monkey, I would name it Steve Darls and use it for scientific research. I would then publish my findings in a journal titled "Monkey Vs Electricity". With the proceeds from the sale of this publication, I would buy a potters wheel and kiln and produce my own range of contemporary, modern living, statues of monkeys. I could make a cast of my dead monkey and use it to produce to-scale ceramic monkeys. I would design a sticker stating that part proceeds go to Greenpeace but would keep all the money for myself. With the money, I would buy drugs and spend my days stoned, listening to music and turning pots.

alice_x
Female, 18-29, Europe
 5288 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:35:27 AM
...whats that monkey doing in a carpet shop ¬.¬

an i didnt laugh... -srsface-


davymid
Male, 30-39, Europe
 12093 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 7:35:14 AM
If I had a monkey, I would teach it to download porn for me. This way I could spend my time watching it instead of looking for it. I estimate this would save me one hundred and thirty hours a week. I would obviously require a monkey with similar tastes to mine but how hard can it be to find a monkey with a penchant for pregnant german women in latex?

fancylad
Male, 30-39, Western US
 2523 Posts
Friday, August 08, 2008 6:33:25 AM
Link: Carpet Monkey [Rate Link] - How can you go wrong with a carpet company that has a gun-toting monkey in their commercials?


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