Crazy Horoscopes

Treat yourself and get some dancing lessons! The best teachers are rats as they will teach you to salsa and tango in return for some lip-gloss and spare motorbike parts. Buy a fog machine and create the right environment for dancing in. It is true that fog attracts clowns but in some areas of Romania, they have been known to make excellent dance partners and some even work for the government tracking down escaped prisoners with their keen sense of smell. Beware though, as some clowns may be carrying rabies. The only cure for that is to visit your Uncle and have him bop you round the head 20 times with a rubber chicken while repeatedly saying, “Emus are lovely!”