Extreme Masturbation Kills 100 Germans Every Year

Submitted by: daegog 3 months ago in Funny Lifestyle Misc Weird


Christmas lights? Slices of Cheese? I don't even wanna know what they do with the Schnitzel!

An excerpt from The Daily Mail:

Masturbation kills up to 100 Germans a year, according to a study which has also uncovered the bizarre ways people have died pleasuring themselves.

One man - wearing pantyhose, a raincoat and a diving suit as well as a plastic bag over his head - died in Hamburg after sitting next to a heater and trying to melt slices of cheese on his body. Another man in Halle was found dead with
Christmas tree lights clamped to his nipples having apparently tried to stimulate himself by electrocution. 

Forensic examiner Harald Voß said the most common reason for autoerotic deaths was the desire for the ultimate orgasm through depriving oneself of oxygen. Between 80 and 100 people across the country accidentally die every year due to risky masturbation practices, his study found. 

This was based on findings that for every one million German citizens there are 'one or two' cases of deaths a year in which a prop or device was used to boost stimulation during sexual activity.   
There are 30 comments:
Male 7,046
I guess you could call it capital Hunishment
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Male 5,889
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Male 7,046
daegog.  LOL!!
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Male 533
I'm really not sure about this statistic.  I'm pretty prolific but I don't think I've even *ahem* come close to wounding a German, let alone killing one while masturbating.
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Male 7,046
~skitters in with ol timey microphone and sings~" There must be 50 ways to love your leaver..."
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Male 16,967
Is autoerotic asphyxiation really so rare or so dangerous? I'm pretty sure that's neither the most dangerous, nor the most exotic (or even the most effective) thing I've tried.
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Female 1,341
I just had a moment..Hey don’t judge me, because we all have these moments from time to time....I totally misread this as “Extreme masterbation kills 100 germs every year.”  I was thinking to myself, well that is kinda odd, and self I says..Is that a good or a bad thing, and how is extreme masterbation killing germs in the first place? And why only 100 at a time....Then it dawned on me when I read the title of this post again(took me a couple times scrolling through btw), and then it made more sense....Extreme masterbation is killing 100 Germans every year..Not Germs....Well, good night y’all..
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Male 16,967
pinkminx22 that's impossible. How does one woman get 100 Germans into her vagina?
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Female 1,341
Draculya I don’t know the answer to that..Let me know when you find out.
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39
Draculya yo mama? 
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Male 7,046
pinkminx22.   Masterbating germs?
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Female 1,341
thezigrat Sure?
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Male 7,046
Knowing how David Carodine died I can never watch Death Race 2K the same way again
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Female 5,557
thezigrat or Kill Bill without thinking that's how Uma's character should have found him swinging in the closet.
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Male 7,046
melcervini.   Before he died he was a swinger
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Male 558
I guess that's what you get in a society that tries to be the best at anything they do: they don't mail it in.
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Male 5,889
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Male 3,755
Why do I have the feeling that if 100 Germans croak that way, that at least a thousand Americans must kick the bucket trying to ring their own bell?
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39
captkangaroo but they are the ones too fat to reach
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Male 42,981
Auto-erotic asphyxiation is stupid. I don't care if you talk to me till I'm blue in the face, I just don't get it.
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Male 7,046
Gerry1of1.  I do not think I will ever get the hang of autoerotic asphyxiation either
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Male 42,981
thezigrat   applause
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Male 16,967
Ze Germans are cuming
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Male 4,022
Draculya "Whats a gun doing in your trousers?" "It's for protection." "Protection from what? Ze Germans?" And suddenly, the conversation that started out with sausages from the movie snatch takes on all kinds of new meanings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oK_trZhVdk
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Male 42,981
Draculya When you say "nein" but your lederhosen say "JA"
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Male 7,674
One man - wearing pantyhose, a raincoat and a diving suit as well as a plastic bag over his head - died in Hamburg after sitting next to a heater and trying to melt slices of cheese on his body."

Daily  Mail .

Sure.

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Male 779
Nein! Ich poppin meine luftwaffe!
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Male 42,981
Damnit Germans!   "Rub one out" is not a mafia phrase for hitman
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Male 852
Gerry1of1 OH!  So that is why they didn't want to pay me...
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