Worst Date Ever: What's The Worst Date You've Ever Been On And Spare No Details

Submitted by: Gerry1of1 4 months ago in Lifestyle

No link, no photo, no video -- just putting the question out there. Winner gets a days worth of this thread's sympathy.
There are 29 comments:
Male 756
Geeze! look at the length of that fucking post below!!!!
I will save you all the bullshit and make my story short and sweet.

I swiped right on some hot photo of a blonde girl.. Ended getting fucked by a black bloke called Barry.


Wasn't all bad, he liked to spoon. I still have his number
0
Reply
Male 1
I only really have had bad dates, so it's an immense pool of failures to drink from. One of the "late ones" was with a girl almost 15 years younger than I am myself. (Had one of my "need to test if I am bi/unsure/asex/whocares" -moments). It was sort of an accident to start with, as I promised to join my dj friend after a gig with some random "hotties" HE warmed up the whole evening. I said that I am not into it at all (as I wasn't, truly), but finally agreed to join the gang as my friend really wanted a lift and some "moral support". It was 4 girls, one of whom was with her BF and three leftovers that just wanted free booze and sex, I assume. 

We went to a huge house of one of the guys (or rather his parents) and after a few hours of very painful small/drunk talk the dating couple ended up into the master bedroom to do their business. My DJ friend ended up making out with his choice of poison and his new met random friend (a guy) seemed to think it's all ok for him to follow this example, starting to drool all over his own (very drunk) girl. As I don't drink at all myself, it was even more painful for me, trying to ignore the two couple starting their business on the living room and pretend I care about what pointless ramble the 4th leftover girl(tm) was trying to convey to me. 

Oh boy, this is gonna take longer than I thought... but well, I am at "work", so ... here goes. I finally said to the leftover girl that maybe we can move to the fireplace room (don't know what's the proper name really, many Finnish houses have this smaller room with a fireplace, usually next to sauna..) "to not bother the couple making passionate love" (or rather a couple of couples going at it). I was 400% uninterested about the girl from the very start, and I thought I had made it very clear that I am not into random sex with some twenty-year old (going way over 35 myself, but apparently still a baby face). Sadly I was mistaken, sorely.. As soon as I sat down on the sofa, the girl hurled on me like a beast, attacking with her drunk drooling and occasional sucking of my random body parts. (Nose being one of them, talk about awkward..). I have no idea why the fuck did I not just push her away and GTFO as I usually do if things get this bad. Rather I just thought "maybe I just fuck her to get the easy way out, and see if my late found homobromosexualism is still much more into guys than girls or whatever." 

To summarize the "sex" part, it was absolutely terrifyingly horrendously bad. The girl was drunk and insecure as anything I have ever seen in my life. Pretty much once every half a minute she asked "is this all right?/does this feel good?/can I do this?/what do you like?" and other awkward questions that makes a grown up man cry inside. I am one of those people who think people with zero emotional skills and intelligence should not have sex. She had no idea whatsoever what to do with a dick - or any other body part of a man - and I practically had to wank myself to get any kind of remote hard on. Ended up fucking her from behind while she phlegmatically tried to stay in balance while muttering things like "oh yes, does my pussy feel good to you?/I knew you wanted to fuck me/I can feel your dick inside me" and other oddities that I would hate to be said no matter who was in my bed (or rather sofa this type).

Maybe I am a hateful little bitch and bad lover myself, but as every touch of her felt like a wet fish that had been dead for quite some time, it was surely 140% my own success to get me cum. Never knew (nor cared) whether the girl came as the whole ordeal was so absurd for me. The very worst part surely was when the girl tried to suck me to get me hard and none of it even remotely reminded something that usually happens in this types of situations. (Picture a fish in an aquarium sucking the glass for some algae or whateverthefucktheydo)

After cumming and asking "you need me to go on?" and getting "no I am fine if you came" the girl wanted to "cuddle", of course. I spare you the details of this conversation, for your own sanity as well as my own. I ended up leaving 20e for my friend for a taxi (I was driving after all), walked out the back door and sent a whatsapp message for my dj friend that "I have a family emergency and need to go, sorry, have fun..." For the girl I said I am gonna take a leak and did not even tell her that I am sure as hell not coming back, as I felt she would just lure me to some hellish cuddle-night in very uncomfortable sofa to start with.

Afterwards my DJ friend asked me if he can give my phone number to the girl, as "you obviously hit it on" and "she really wanted a proper date with you". Never in my life have I underlined more strongly that give my number and you die.
0
Reply
Male 20,899
Ohh, there are a few, but my worst was my freshman year in college. I just broke up with my ex-girlfriend of a couple of years, and i was going on my first date after being off the market for a long time. A female friend set me up with her girlfriend and the four of us (my friend brought her girlfriend -- lesbian) went to a 18+ bar/pseudo-goth dance club-- it was a double date. 

I was nervous (it being my first date and me eager to get back in the saddle) so I pre-gamed on a couple bottles of Boone's Farm before they picked me up. Since we were all under 21, we had to pre-game in the parking lot so we passed a big bottle of peppermint Schnapp's and a joint around. By the time we finished the bottle, I was blackout drunk, at it was only 9pm. 

With the stench of peppermint and desperation seeping from every pore in my body, I somehow managed to get past the bouncers. Mind you, from the time I got in the car, and up until this point, I'm explaining to this girl I'm on a blind date with that my girlfriend just broke up with me so "I'm free to hook up with tonight." Something stupid like that, I've only heard stories about the night as I don't remember anything. At the time, I thought I was being really smooth with her, I was told later that I was so fucked up, she thought I was "slow." That night, I was, so she was pretty observant.

Anyway, after being in the club for 10 minutes, I projectile vomit (partially on the girl I've been hitting on all night), and before I can even finish getting everything out of my mouth, a bouncer is dragging me out of the club by the scruff of my neck -- my toes are dragging against the dancefloor, and I was banned from the venue for a year. 

So thinking about it now, this is probably also the Worst Date Ever story of that girl I vomited on.

[EDIT]

PS: Just remembered, I actually had the balls to try to kiss her at the end of the night. Ha. What an idiot.
1
Reply
Male 164
Well, I'm not sure if this qualifies as a date but it was definitely a nightmare.  

This takes place when I was in the navy and finishing my last schooling assignment before being assigned to a ship.  Memorial Day weekend was coming up and I was flying this girl I had met during leave up to spend the long weekend with me.  Well out instructors decided to make us work the whole weekend because they were assholes and we were fucking off too much.  When I suggested we reschedule this girl then flips out, accuses me of sleeping with prostitutes, then switches the plane ticket to go see some other guy.  See, the ticket wasn't in her name so there was nothing I could do.  To make it worse, it was a cheaper flight so she got money back, used it to buy lingerie for this guy and described it to me.  But that's not even the date....

So our instructors turn out giving us the weekend off anyway and since my plans are blown im sitting out on the smoke deck and this cutie comes out to join me and started telling me about how she's longing to go see her parents a few hours away for the weekend.  We start flirting and I offer to drive her.  She invited me to stay with her up there and sleep in her bed.  

So we drive about 4 miles to her parents house and once inside I immediately notice the apartment if infested with German cockroaches.  They're everywhere...on everything.  Thousands of them.  I've got no idea howto  deal with this situation politely so try to deal with it and be a good guest, all the while thinking about how I'm going to sleep knowing these things are likely going to be crawling on me and how I can get out of this situation.  That lasted until I saw the first couple on my leg and then made the least compelling, unapologetic excuse that I just remembered I had something to do the next morning and bailed.  I avoided that girl the rest of my time at that command.

Also, the girl who used the plane ticket I bought her to see another guy ended up calling me several years later wanting to get back together.  I let her awkwardly go through all her wanting to catch up conversation attempts, waiting to see if she'd have the nerve to actually ask until we got disconnected.  She never called back and I never built up one fuck to give about it.  The end.
2
Reply
Male 8,526
Worst date (the noun, not the verb).  Took out the proverbial blonde.  Beautiful, sexy and an annoying voice (think blonde Jennifer Tilly.) 

She told all about how she wanted to be an actress, a model, a writer, a nurse, a veteran (she just loved helping animals)...etc.  

I swear this girl got confused by oxygen.  
2
Reply
Male 3,668
good post!
0
Reply
Male 39,880
Okay, third story {sorry if that's a lot but I'm a slut}

So I go to a motel room with two guys for a 3-way. One of them is like "Bark for me! Bark like a dog!!!"  
The second guy goes "woof woof"
I grabbed my crotch and said "I got your chew toy right here, shut up"
-1
Reply
Male 7,910
Gerry1of1 these are too much lol
0
Reply
Male 3,643
I don't think I've ever really had a -bad- date. But at the same time, I've only ever went out with 2 women in my life.
0
Reply
Male 39,880
DuckBoy87 I want to read your autobiography because those must have been two EPIC women!
-1
Reply
Male 3,643
Gerry1of1 They had to be, to put up with the likes of me!
1
Reply
Male 39,880
Okay, second story

I'm not on a date... I'm at the Fetish Festival... a sort of orgy done every spring in San Diego... so I am getting the most EXCELLENT head and he gags a bit {YEAH cause I'm so BIG} and he gags again... and then he just throw up!!! Blew chunks all over my junk!!!   Vomit dripping from my balls. Then this nasty boy-bitch  wants to keep going and I'm like "Get away from me I have to shower!!!"
-1
Reply
Male 39,880
I guess since I posted this I'm obligated to share my shame....

Back when I was confused and dated women, I had a pleasant date and I took her home. All she wanted was for me to eat her pussy while she took a shit in the toilet.

# Nasty
-1
Reply
Male 835
Not really a date story, but I don't have bad ones.

I was solo at a company function and the buffet table was double sided.  I was new to the firm and was rubbernecking to see if there were unattached females about.  One attractive one came to the buffet line just after me (came from different table in the hall) and on the other side of the buffet.  We exchanged glances and polite noises as we worked our way through salads and sides on our way up to the entres.

I picked up the tongs to put a dinner bun on my plate, then picked up another and asked her "Roll with dinner?"  She looked me square in the eyes and said "OK, but I'll have to dump my date first."

Sadly, I was unable to articulate anything after that, as the loud thunk was my jaw hitting table top.  I couldn't think of anything to say at that point.  I never saw her again.
1
Reply
Male 3,410
Worst for me was being asked out to go to a local show.  The chick ended up being a band whore and I was basically there for "if" she didn't hook up with someone in the band after the show.  Needless to say I walked out alone with a shitty CD.  Oh well, probably dodged a huge STD that evening.
0
Reply
Male 1,324
I was doing my payday shopping, steaks and beer, and I happened to pick up a six of MooseHead. I didn't really pay attention to the line I was in, mind you this is pre cell phone days so I didn't have my head buried, and when I looked up the cashier was really cute. She says to me, " How do you know when somebody is getting MooseHead?" I said I didn't know I guessed by putting on the belt? She goes, " No silly, you look for the antler tracks on his pants." So I says, when do you get off cause I can go get another steak? I only had to wait in the parking lot for 30 minutes. Took her home, cooked the steaks and then smoked her for the rest of the night! Hubba Hubba! It lasted a few months but there were serious self esteem issues and I couldn't keep trying to drag her up. Fun while it lasted though!!!!
0
Reply
Male 3,668
scheckydamon that was a terrible worst date ever story! did the steaks and moosehead end up giving either of you diarrhea during coitus?? did you both get diarrhea?? because that would be a great worst date ever story! imagine if your place had only one washroom and she got their first and your just pounding on the door butt naked trying to hold it, and in the end you have no choice but to use a bucket you had lying around. there, i fixed your story of picking up a cute cashier chick so its now a worst date ever story. you have my permission to use my intellectual property based on your life to tell a better worst date story. your welcome.
2
Reply
Male 39,880
robthelurker Maybe he jacked off which makes it kind of a 'date story' with his hand.
-1
Reply
Male 1,736
Hmm, I'll submit two fun stories. Not THAT juicy, but these stuck with me for years for some reason.

Story #1: Saw a girl whose profile was pretty cute on okcupid, we exchange some messages and plan to meet up at a bar for a lunch date. As soon as we meet in person she was a complete turn-off. I ask her about work, she complains about how her coworkers suck. I ask her about her friends, she complains about her friends suck. I ask her about her passions, she complains about how she doesn't have enough time to follow her dreams. Just a complete Debbie Downer. It really felt like the longest hour of my life where I was just trying to get through lunch without hearing some more negativity from this complete and utter joy-suck. From her perspective, I was probably equally as annoying since I kept trying to find the silver lining in her stories and pointing out to her how life isn't all that bad and there are still a few things to enjoy from situations that largely suck.

At the end of the date, I pay for the bill, and we walk outside. I thank her for spending time with me, and reach my hand out to shake her hand. She stares at my hand and says, "REALLY? A handshake?!" in a patronizing voice--shakes my hand limply, and storms away without even saying goodbye. I weakly say, "Goodbye, hope you have a good weekend!" to the back of her head.

Story #2: Went to Vegas with a group of friends. We are Americans of different nationalities--Persian, White (European many generations back), Black, Indian, Armenian, Korean, and I'm Chinese and I'm 6'2". We look like a friggin' United Colors of Benetton commercial. Anyways, we see a group of cute girls walk in, and none of us have any clue as to how to approach them. I see this cute little number and I'm working up the courage to talk to her, when a tall Asian girl walks over to join those girls, and she is maybe 5'11". All of my friends immediately look at me. I sigh, wave to the Asian girl to introduce myself, and then introduce all of my friends to her, which causes her to introduce them to her friends. Two of my friends immediately start talking to the cute little girl I was trying to work up the nerve to talk to, and one of them starts hitting it off while the other kept trying to interject himself into that conversation with no success. Meanwhile anytime I see any of my friends they look at me, the tall Asian girl, smile and put a thumbs up--as they're really happy that I found a tall Asian at a club. Because, of course, Asians should only go for other Asian people. Ugh...

I start dancing with the tall Asian girl, and nothing is really clicking. We can't hear each other that well, and the few things I do hear aren't all that interesting and I can't think of ways to follow up the conversation. Eventually I pull her outside to the patio to get a drink and as we chat, she admits that she's kind of just talking to me because her friend thought my friend was cute, and she wanted to introduce them to one another. I admit to her the same thing, we laugh, look at our friends getting along, look back at each other, and resign ourselves to the fact that we're both reluctant wingmen. The entire night, as we talk and hang out, both her friends and my friends keep giving us these sly winks and nods, thinking that they're helping us super tall Asians hook up with one another, when really we were not all that interested in one another and probably would have been happier hanging out with people who we matched better with.

Two of my friends hit it off with two of her friends that night, so at least there was that.
2
Reply
Male 3,410
bliznik " utter joy-suck " Nice!

0
Reply
Male 3,668
bliznik im gonna have to side with the debbie downer on the first story. you gave her a handshake? how very formal of you. and as for the second story, you were basically like pandas in a zoo. two tall asian people, just seems right. but you know what doesnt seem right? shaking a girls hand at the end of a date. its not a business meeting. im not saying its inappropriate to shake a girls hand at the end of the date, im just saying that if you didnt enjoy yourself, why bother being formal at all? just run away when you say youre going to the bathroom instead and stick her with the bill. does ok cupid have a rating system? can people leave comments about the dates theyve had?
0
Reply
2,831
I'll start with something easy to beat. My friend was subletting a room back in our college days. A girl was also subletting in the same student living apartment type deal. Me and girl meet and hang out a few times around mutual friends and I decided to ask her out and go bowling. I guess she didnt know it was suppose to be a date cause she brought a friend with her. So super awkward third wheel thing going on the whole night. But in the end it worked out, her friend was a bridesmaid in our wedding. Sorry I dont have anything more juicy. Love this thread concept BTW.   
1
Reply
Male 3,410
skypirate Ouch, that is definitely an awkward one.
0
Reply
Male 3,668
skypirate "So super awkward third wheel thing going on the whole night." did it last the whole night? when was the real first date? when did you two realize you were in love? damn it man, now im invested! now i need to know your whole lifes story. ok, start from the beginning... go!
0
Reply
2,831
robthelurker 
After bowling we (the three of us) ended up going to some house parties so it was not that bad. First 'real' date was about a week later. As far as realizing I was in love, thats an easy one. We were together for about 2 years, finishing college and talking about living together during grad school. I was unsure about making any further plans and she was going to Peru for a few months to teach because thats her idea of a vacation...not drinking with her friends on a lake but crashing in the slums of Peru teaching kids to talk...So anyways I was looking for a reason to break up with her (not so much her but rather end a relationship and move from college student to single young professional)  and move on, and figured a 3 month break would do it. It didn't. I missed her like crazy, we moved in together, finished grad school, got married, moved across the country and now we're trying for a little pirate.       
0
Reply
Male 674
skypirate If I had the money I would buy the rights to the story.
0
Reply
Male 3,668
skypirate cool.
0
Reply
Male 6,077
robthelurker You forgot "Did you get to have a three-way?".
1
Reply