20 Euphemisms For Body Parts In Romance Novels[Pic

Submitted by: naravin 1 year ago in Funny

When it comes to sexy times in romance novels, clinical and anatomical descriptions can really ruin the mood. So its up to authors to work around those sex ed terms and come up with something a bit more creative. Unfortunately, certain words should never be used when describing a characters bits and pieces. Here at Book Riot, weve ranked some of the worst euphemisms in romance novels. Its a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

  1. Rod - We"re starting off easy. Nothing like a little construction equipment to get the blood flowing.
  2. Manhood -Skeptical child
  1. Member - It"s always throbbing and it may be a sign of priapism. Get that checked out.
  2. Nub - Can we just file nub into the Least Sexiest Words Ever folder?
  3. Love button - This isn"t Family Feud.
  4. Steel wrapped in velvet - This is apparently what every penis feels like ever.
  5. Manroot -mandrakes
  1. Sex Missile - Missile, noun: an object that is forcibly propelled at a target, either by hand or from a mechanical weapon.
  2. Glistening orbs -David Bowie Labyrinth Orbs
  1. Sword/Sheathed to the hilt - In case you didn"t know, all vagina"s are part of the Arthurian Legend.
  2. Bisected cleft - I feel like this is a math term. Is this a math term?
  3. Quim/Cunny - There"s something entirely too cute sounding about these terms that make me highly uncomfortable. Like these should be the names of plushies.
  4. Intimate folds -shar pei puppies
  1. Cods Fish ≠ Balls
  2. Womb - This sounds incredibly painful and I"m reasonably certain that in terms of actual biology, nothing should be penetrating the womb.
  3. Rosebud -Creepy Business Community Dean Pelton
  1. Aching core - The only cores I want to read about are the molten chocolate kind.
  2. Love Canal - Boats pass through canals. Swan boats. Or even regular-sized boats carrying cargo.
  3. Weeping anything - Because nothing sets the mood like thinking my sex organs are really upset.
And drum roll, please.
  1. Honey Pot - Honey makes me think of bees and bears, neither of which I want near my ladyparts.
Have I missed any? Tell us about the most ridiculous euphemism you"ve read in the comments!
Rods and quims
There are 13 comments:
Male 700
WTF your just re-posting poo from a year ago
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Female 7,873
oy- Ringwood is a great town- it even has a Waitrose..
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Male 3,231
frothy grilled cheese sandwich a`lamour
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Male 12,365
I tend to skip all the sex scenes in books. I like porn. I like stories. I rarely if ever like attempts to mix the two.

But I might read scenes with these euphemisms just to laugh at them, as long as the book was rubbish and therefore not ruined by it.
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Male 13,626
Good job you dint hit Ring wood
the connotations are infinite
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Female 7,873
Ha... well the pensioners coming back from Salisbury didn`t notice much.
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Male 5,874
Madduck - where abouts are you getting hot and bothered?
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Female 7,873
Yeah- I was, have you read the damn book??
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Male 8,303
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Male 5,617
"Honey makes me think of bees and bears, neither of which I want near my ladyparts."
You must not be Canadian. There was this Canadian novel where a chick begged the bear to maul her and instead, it...

"...and leaves you hot and bothered on the X3 bus."
*pictures grinning chick shifting in bus seat*
*does 20 reps*
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Male 7,775
Easy, madduck, you were back there for a moment.
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Female 7,873
I hate the `sex` bits on badly written books- I skip past them. True erotica is well written, uses no ridiculous words because it doesn`t need to- and leaves you hot and bothered on the X3 bus. That chapter in Birdsong springs to mind.
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Female 655
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