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20 Euphemisms For Body Parts In Romance Novels[Pic

When it comes to sexy times in romance novels, clinical and anatomical descriptions can really ruin the mood. So its up to authors to work around those sex ed terms and come up with something a bit more creative. Unfortunately, certain words should never be used when describing a characters bits and pieces. Here at Book Riot, weve ranked some of the worst euphemisms in romance novels. Its a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

  1. Rod – We”re starting off easy. Nothing like a little construction equipment to get the blood flowing.
  2. Manhood –Skeptical child
  1. Member – It”s always throbbing and it may be a sign of priapism. Get that checked out.
  2. Nub – Can we just file nub into the Least Sexiest Words Ever folder?
  3. Love button – This isn”t Family Feud.
  4. Steel wrapped in velvet – This is apparently what every penis feels like ever.
  5. Manroot –mandrakes
  1. Sex Missile – Missile, noun: an object that is forcibly propelled at a target, either by hand or from a mechanical weapon.
  2. Glistening orbs –David Bowie Labyrinth Orbs
  1. Sword/Sheathed to the hilt – In case you didn”t know, all vagina”s are part of the Arthurian Legend.
  2. Bisected cleft – I feel like this is a math term. Is this a math term?
  3. Quim/Cunny – There”s something entirely too cute sounding about these terms that make me highly uncomfortable. Like these should be the names of plushies.
  4. Intimate folds –shar pei puppies
  1. Cods Fish ≠ Balls
  2. Womb – This sounds incredibly painful and I”m reasonably certain that in terms of actual biology, nothing should be penetrating the womb.
  3. Rosebud –Creepy Business Community Dean Pelton
  1. Aching core – The only cores I want to read about are the molten chocolate kind.
  2. Love Canal – Boats pass through canals. Swan boats. Or even regular-sized boats carrying cargo.
  3. Weeping anything – Because nothing sets the mood like thinking my sex organs are really upset.

And drum roll, please.

  1. Honey Pot – Honey makes me think of bees and bears, neither of which I want near my ladyparts.

Have I missed any? Tell us about the most ridiculous euphemism you”ve read in the comments!
Rods and quims

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Date: 07/12/15 08:02 AM

13 Responses to 20 Euphemisms For Body Parts In Romance Novels[Pic

  1. Profile photo of madduck
    madduck Female 50-59
    7421 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 9:01 am
    I hate the `sex` bits on badly written books- I skip past them. True erotica is well written, uses no ridiculous words because it doesn`t need to- and leaves you hot and bothered on the X3 bus. That chapter in Birdsong springs to mind.
  2. Profile photo of drawman61
    drawman61 Male 50-59
    7707 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 9:14 am
    Easy, madduck, you were back there for a moment.
  3. Profile photo of CodeJockey
    CodeJockey Male 40-49
    5606 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 9:16 am
    "Honey makes me think of bees and bears, neither of which I want near my ladyparts."
    You must not be Canadian. There was this Canadian novel where a chick begged the bear to maul her and instead, it...

    "...and leaves you hot and bothered on the X3 bus."
    *pictures grinning chick shifting in bus seat*
    *does 20 reps*
  4. Profile photo of HolyGod
    HolyGod Male 30-39
    6183 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 10:01 am
    Pedro
  5. Profile photo of madduck
    madduck Female 50-59
    7421 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 10:17 am
    Yeah- I was, have you read the damn book??
  6. Profile photo of Nickel2
    Nickel2 Male 50-59
    5879 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 10:23 am
    Madduck - where abouts are you getting hot and bothered?
  7. Profile photo of madduck
    madduck Female 50-59
    7421 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 1:03 pm
    Ha... well the pensioners coming back from Salisbury didn`t notice much.
  8. Profile photo of ferdyfred
    ferdyfred Male 40-49
    13596 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 3:56 pm
    Good job you dint hit Ring wood
    the connotations are infinite
  9. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12390 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 4:50 pm
    I tend to skip all the sex scenes in books. I like porn. I like stories. I rarely if ever like attempts to mix the two.

    But I might read scenes with these euphemisms just to laugh at them, as long as the book was rubbish and therefore not ruined by it.
  10. Profile photo of liabach
    liabach Male 40-49
    3242 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 5:38 pm
    frothy grilled cheese sandwich a`lamour
  11. Profile photo of madduck
    madduck Female 50-59
    7421 posts
    July 12, 2014 at 11:16 pm
    oy- Ringwood is a great town- it even has a Waitrose..
  12. Profile photo of Forplay2k
    Forplay2k Male 50-59
    633 posts
    July 12, 2015 at 8:53 am
    WTF your just re-posting poo from a year ago

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