Newt Gingrich Is Puzzled

Submitted by: whodat6484 4 years ago in Tech

He needs our help to name this newfangled device!
There are 61 comments:
Male 5,624
Dear Newt,
Those among us, in-the-know about technology, who owned and even carried PDA`s before they were fashionable, understand we are carrying a "portable global network uplink device."

We do not correct people about its name for one simple reason: No sane non-technophile wants to buy and carry the device if it doesn`t have one capability in particular.
The device is then tethered to the name of that one primary feature and everything else it does is just a matter of offsetting the expense of device ownership and operation.

To better point out the absurdity of your search for a better name: If you named it about how it`s used the most by most people:
It`s a CLOCK THAT PLAYS MUSIC.
No, no!! A cat photography machine!
Hold it! I`ve got it: It`s the wife-o-texter!!
Wait! This: The masturbatory recorder...
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Male 6,227
@ Broizfam: LOL. Good call. My vote is "Ersatz Intellectual."

Here`s a guy who picks up a copy of *Freakonomics*, repeats a lot of the book`s content practically verbatim in a professorial and pompous manner to a roomful of Midwest senior citizens who`ve never stepped foot inside a college classroom--and predictably, said senior citizens are wowed.

I`ve seen the footage of these performances of Newt time and time again and they turn my stomach. Thus my vote for "Ersatz Intellectual."
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Male 6,060
It`s called a cell phone because that`s what these devices started as. They`re still cell phones even though they`ve become so much more as well. I don`t really think we need a new name for people to "get" that they can do more than make phone calls with them - I think it`s okay to continue calling them phones but here`s an idea: how about we come up with a new name for Newt Gingrich that better describes him?
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Male 6,227
@ Gremlyn: I disagree with your statement about "smartphone" being purely marketing. I`m not a marketer and I often use the term, usually when talking with my father. Example: "You should upgrade to a smartphone, Dad--it makes a lot of things easier." Does anyone NOT understand what I`m saying in that sentence? Or feel a need for a better word?

Newt uses the example of "horseless carriage" in his video to make his point. What he doesn`t note is that today`s term of "car" was in use since the 14th century to mean any vehicle with wheels--such as a chariot or a carriage. To describe the horseless carriage, people eventually adopted an older term, which came to be accepted as the word for the new device.

*Phone* will soon come to mean a handheld device that has several functions beyond phone calls. Until that happens, *smartphone* is the *horseless carriage* equivalent.
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Male 512
Ugh. Word limits. [...] encourage them to use it to further his agenda. Frightening.
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Male 512
Frightening. Let me come back to that word.
I`m by no means a fan of Newt and in fact I`d go so far as to say that Newt is guilty of treasonous acts so egregious that execution would be my preference if I were in support of capital punishment, which I`m not. However, Newt is exactly correct and this has been a topic of conversations that I greatly enjoyed. Your hand held computing device has a phone as one of its many features and if you could come up with the proper name for it, you`d be a millionaire, overnight. The term "smartphone" is purely marketing. The "3D printer" falls into this category, it`s not a printer but it needs a name that people can identify with so they feel it`s something they can access and need. Again, Newt is correct and I`m terrified because, as I said, he`s treasonous in his action and intentions. This isn`t a game of name that product, it`s a marketing video aimed at his sheep encouraging them to realize the power of this device and
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Male 7,378
So ultimately what Newt is confessing to is he`s not smart enough to make up new words that could catch on with the American public and he needs smarter people than him to think about it for him so he could use it for nefarious reasons. He`s a Dr. Evil without the intelligence or a mini me.

Yeah I hate that guy.
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Male 6,227
@ Madduck: D`awww. Tummy raspberries.

I`m generally pretty harmless--outside of global warming discussions. Those can get me cross-eyed.

~munches a hazelnut contemplatively~
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Female 7,997
Squrlz- I know how hard you can bite, and how fierce you can be. But all that makes me want to do is blow a gentle raspberry on your tummy...
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Male 6,227
@ SnoopyBG: LOL!

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Male 684
@Squrlz4Sale NO, you suck!
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Male 40,300
@Squrlz4: I do notice that IAB goes through patterns of "good posts" and "bad posts". I think it`s based on @FancyLad`s current mood? I could be mistaken.

Late Friday & Late Saturday are good times to argue too! Get a few beers in your belly and suddenly we`re ALL experts on Nuclear Fusion! ;-)

@Squrlz4: Teach us the "Grumpy Dance" please! :-D
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Male 6,227
I`ve noticed a pattern here on I-A-B.

On Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays, everyone`s cranky about everything. Post after post have ratings like 1.9, 2.1, 2.3, 2.0, 1.8. Comment after comment like, "Lame," "I`m still bored," "Meh." Lots of Mr. Crankys looking for someone to dance with in the comments.

But on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays? It`s a party! Ratings like 3.9, 4.0, 3.8, 3.9 abound. Comments like, "I love this!", "Too funny," and "This was great!" And the atmosphere in the comments section is a lot more friendly.

Anyone else notice this?
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Male 24
I think the word he`s looking for is smartphone.
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Male 684
It`s a kajigger FFS
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Female 7,997
Draculya- I think everybody does- but unless he is explicit about what he wants, then the only correct response is ridicule. He may be smart, but this is such a ham handed attempt to get us to admit something in common usage. far better to come he wants to be able to redefine these mobiles legally.we need a
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Male 15,182
I am surprised that nobody else sees his hidden agenda.
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Male 840
Gingrich has been described as the smartest man in the room when Republicans get together to debate. That is an easy accomplishment as the rest of the people in the room are Republicans.
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Male 15,182
"Who gives a flying f*** what you call it?"

He`s a very smart man, a manipulative politician with a law and order agenda.

He`s not arguing about language. He`s redefining the handphone as a computer network. Therefore, if someone uses a handphone in the commission of an indictable offense, then they will be prosecuted for the criminal use of a computer network. Penalties become much higher.
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Male 11,739
Who gives a flying f*** what you call it? Let`s work on real problems in the country, not what name to give to something that already has a name. Our political system has gone to hell.
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Male 40,300
I`ve read several futuristic Sci-Fi stories where "personal communication devices" were simply called "phons"... Eventually the "general public" will decide on the "common name" of it. What do you think "common" refers to? DUH! It`s what people "commonly" call it!
Right now, it has several "names" as well as various brand names too. What Newt is saying is: can we come up with ONE name for this?

Now... WHY Newt is asking such a STUPID question? I guess he`s thinking of running in 2016... ?

@Squrlz4: Newt has millions of dollars. Do YOU have millions?
If not: You`re not that smart after all, eh?
If so: Can I have some? Plz? Thx! Just 20K or 30K would help a lot!
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Male 40,300
[quote]I just created this profile 10 seconds ago... How is my profile picture already a pair of aviators...?[/quote]
@CoolHandAves: Are you registered at "Gravatar"? They might have ported your default avatar into IAB. But idk if IAB is hooked up with Gravatar... or if you have a Gravatar account... It`s just a guess!?!

@Squrlz4: ooo~! nasty! Too bad he`s not a FREAKING GENIUS like... Joe Biden!
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Male 2,868
I call it a jeejah.
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Male 2,549
What eldritch voodoo is this?
How can one device contain within it so many potential executions?
How did this diabolical perplexity evade my notice...and most importantly, what shall we name it?

Thank you Newt, for fearlessly broaching the weightiest matters of significance to modern man.
I don`t know what we would do without your inquisitive mind.
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Male 689
yes please explain this to him so he can get some laws on the book detailing just what you shouldn`t be able to do with it. put some restrictions on it because they have nothing better to do with their time. how about fixing the crap you already did instead of coming up with new excuses. i understand that as lawyers you feel the need to make new laws but quit acting like once the first draft is out you have nothing else to do.
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Male 6,227
@ Monsterzero: Thanks for responding in a collegial tone. I wasn`t intending to sound condescending in my original post; I apologize if it came off that way.

I dunno: I think *smartphone* perfectly addresses the need Newt was describing. You may be right in thinking that he wanted to avoid the use of *phone* altogether. But if so, he really erred in not stating why he finds *smartphone* unacceptable. As it is, he gives the impression that he`s unfamiliar with the term.

I think *smartphone* is not used all that often because we seldom need to refer to all of the device`s capabilities. This is analogous, I think, to the term *human being*: it`s also valid, and all-encompassing--but in everyday usage, we`re more likely to say *father*, *neighbor*, *tax payer*, etc.

For evidence of *smartphone*`s usefulness, check out Verizon Wireless`s phone listings, which are divided into two categories: (1) Smartphones and (2) Basic Phones.
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Male 1,252
well I call it `The Oracle`...I also sacrifice virgins daily and leave offerings of food and riches.

On a serious note what the happened to `PDA`? Personal Digital Assistant out of style or what?
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Male 358
@Squrlz:
Forgive me for being rude but it seemed your answer was an attempt to "educate" me on something I already knew.
I think your missing the point on what he`s trying to say. I took his speech as maybe we should find a name for it that does not include the word "phone" because it`s much more than that.Maybe one word that can describe all functions like "communicator" or something cheesy like that.
This is why when people were calling him an idiot (although he is) and saying "smartphone" it made them sound like the idiots.
My other point being, it`s a smartphone because of the OS but we still call them cellphones.
The people blurting out "smartphone" do not call it a smartphone in everyday conversation so why say it`s a smartphone when you don`t use that word to describe it when you talk about it?
I don`t know dammit, I`m confusing myself now...
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Male 768
It is called a friggen smartphone maybe?
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Male 6,227
@ Monsterzero:

"No sh*t Sherlock." What`s with the rudeness? I wasn`t rude to you.

"I`m just pointing out the pretentious dinks that go `Herp derp! It`s called a smartphone! Herp derp!`, when in normal, everyday conversation, no one calls it a smartphone. Like I said before, I`ve never heard anyone say `What`s your smartphone number?`. Make sense?"

No, what you`re saying *doesn`t* make sense. Newt was asking what new term or word should be used to describe a device that has many functions beyond being a wireless telephone. That term already exists in the form of *smartphone*. It`s not pretentious to point out that Newt appears rather clueless in overlooking this common word.

The fact that people don`t say "What`s your smartphone number?" doesn`t mean that the term *smartphone* is somehow invalid.
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Male 7,378
Yeah Newt pretty much solidified the fact that he`s an ignoramus. He`s gone out of his way to make republicans look like fools now he`s working on the geriatric generation. Go away Newt. You were a has been when has-been`s were has been`s.
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Male 358
@ squrlz:
No sh*t sherlock.
We`ve established that its multi-functionality makes it a smartphone.
I`m just pointing out the pretentious dinks that go "Herp derp! It`s called a smartphone! Herp derp!",
When in normal, everyday conversation, no one calls it a smartphone.
Like I said before, I`ve never heard anyone say "What`s your smartphone number?".
Make sense?
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Male 132
The real question is, who keeps letting him in front of a camera? Seriously, peoples are still behind this guy. Why can`t anybody tell him is is just making himself look like an idiot.
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Male 4
@robthelurker I was going to attempt a snappy comeback, an almost borderline witty retort. Due to bashing the word knowledge, and "paragraphs" of misconstruing intelligence with vocabulary; to answer simply... Google. Google helped me spell all these big word too.
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Male 6,227
@ Dirtysteve: Here`s a thought: There was a time when an education meant more than the ability to get a paycheck. You know, the whole *humanities* thing?

I get the impression that you think any education that isn`t vocational is a waste of time. I hope that`s not the case.
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Male 6,227
@ Monsterzero: It`s called a smartphone if you`re making reference to that part of the functionality that runs software. Example: "Developing apps for the smartphone market can be lucrative."

It`s called a camera if you`re taking pictures with it. Example: "Wait: I forget which button I`m supposed to press to get the camera to work."

It`s called a cellphone (or just phone) if you`re referring to its ability to make voice calls or send and receive SMS messages. Example: "I`ll give her a call--if I can just find my phone."

If you`re referring to the device`s ability to do all of these things, it`s called a smartphone. Make sense?
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Male 373
`I`ll take my B.A. and Masters in English Lit`
Might as well, not like many employers will.
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Male 425
it`s called a smart phone.. we`ve had it named that for years
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Male 3,908
@Andrew155 - A PhD like Newt`s isn`t even worth the paper it`s printed on. He studied Modern European History and got his PhD with a thesis titled "Belgian Education Policy in the Congo: 1945-1960"
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Male 6,227
@Andrew155: Pardon me if I`m not bowled over by a PhD in "Education" from Tulane. I`ll take my B.A. and Masters in English Lit from Bard and the University of Virginia over Newt`s degree any day of the week. And I wouldn`t count me out on getting a PhD just yet. My mother got her PhD at the age of 64.

But, more importantly, where are you getting the idea that I`m a self-proclaimed intellectual? I`ve never made such a claim. I have been lucky enough to rub elbows with several bona fide intellectuals and the greatest gift the experience has given me is a sense of intellectual humility--and the ability to spot a pretender to the title, such as Newt Gingrich.
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Male 2,591
pocket watch
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Male 5,189
I think Andrew needs to get laid big time. Haha
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Male 453
It`s a pico-galactic moon base communicator.
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Male 358
It`s called a smartphone? Really?
We know that`s what it is, but how many people say "Here`s my smartphone number". or "what`s your smartphone number?"
I guess all those cellphone towers have to be called smartphone towers now...
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Male 2,578
He`s irrelevant. No need to go after people that have already blown up.


But Mr. Squirrelman, I hope you realize that he has a Ph.D from a prestigious school, something you, an armchair intellectual, will never have.
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Female 6,381
It`s an... Omnicom!
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Female 7,997
I suggest calling it a knowledgeable telephonic device, a Clever Phone for short?
Do I get a prize?
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Male 3,621
@coolhandaves your cell phone can examine and determine specific injuries and illnesses??? why doesnt mine do that??
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Male 6,227
Can`t stand that asshat. He fancies himself an intellectual. He fancies wrong.

Two newsflashes for you, Newt:

1. That item you can`t figure out the name of? It`s a *smartphone*, buddy.

2. Anyone under the age of 65 watching this video would conclude--once they stop laughing--that you`re an idiot.
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Male 567
Welcome to the year 2013, Newt. I`m glad you could join us. You`re a bit behind, so try not to slow the rest of us down.
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Male 4
I just created this profile 10 seconds ago... How is my profile picture already a pair of aviators...?
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Male 4
He might be heading down the right road, in a pompous way. I have been calling mine a Tricorder.
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Male 390
Newt may call it a cell phone, but most other people call it a smart phone. Either that or he`s just now catching up which is more believable as politicians are usually 5 to 10 years behind the rest of us.
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Female 2,927
this man is such an idiot.
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Male 3,108
The real reason he wants help to name it is... More and new taxes and legislation! Yep.
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Male 1,057
Newfangled Electronic Web Telecommunicator (NEWT)
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Male 1,057
Damn. No link to send Newt my idea?

I dub thee Smart Phone.
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Male 39,552

How about calling it an
Anti-Police Brutality tool ?

Or Law Suit Ensurance Device
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Male 140
Smartphone?
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Male 761
Old people. Smartphone, I think encompasses it all.
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Male 3,908
Link: Newt Gingrich Is Puzzled [Rate Link] - He needs our help to name this newfangled device!
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