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Category: Weird
Date: 03/12/12 02:58 PM

61 Responses to What To Do If A Bear Attacks You… [Pic]

  1. Profile photo of orange_panty
    orange_panty Female 18-29
    596 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm
    Link: What To Do If A Bear Attacks You... - Fight back if it what?!?
  2. Profile photo of patchgrabber
    patchgrabber Male 30-39
    5812 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm
    Slightly humourous, but the information is accurate. The only thing I would add is that you don`t immediately fight a black bear, you try to scare it away first.
  3. Profile photo of Trillian42
    Trillian42 Female 18-29
    357 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm
    Good Lord!
  4. Profile photo of RoboPatton
    RoboPatton Male 30-39
    2424 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm
    "Fight a black bear"

    Who the drat do they think I am Davy Crockett??
  5. Profile photo of Agent00Smith
    Agent00Smith Male 18-29
    2581 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm
    Fight those black bears, but don`t punch a grizzly till its tasted your flesh.
  6. Profile photo of msieg007
    msieg007 Male 18-29
    2035 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm
    How much should I let it eat before I fight back?
  7. Profile photo of Reignblazer
    Reignblazer Male 18-29
    2334 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm
    So am I to understand black bears are pussies?
  8. Profile photo of ScottSerious
    ScottSerious Male 18-29
    5316 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm
    sh*t yourself
  9. Profile photo of Davel23
    Davel23 Male 40-49
    47 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm
    @msieg007: Wait until you hit your target weight.
  10. Profile photo of skytz1337
    skytz1337 Male 18-29
    687 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm
    i have a better idea
    dont put yourself in a situation where you could be attacked by a bear
    works every time
  11. Profile photo of yusuksomuch
    yusuksomuch Male 40-49
    1008 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm
    what should i do with my gun?
  12. Profile photo of sbeelz
    sbeelz Male 30-39
    2868 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm
    @yusuksomuch- fight back!
  13. Profile photo of AvatarJohn
    AvatarJohn Male 30-39
    1059 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm
    Black bears. Pssshhhh... total pussies.
  14. Profile photo of Forplay2k
    Forplay2k Male 50-59
    615 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm
    Insert in mouth pull trigger
  15. Profile photo of RPossum
    RPossum Male 30-39
    1028 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm
    Crap a black bear....ATTACK!!!!
    O.h. poo its a grizzly!
  16. Profile photo of imnakdjumpme
    imnakdjumpme Male 18-29
    598 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm
    If it finishes eating you, play dead.
  17. Profile photo of 5Cats
    5Cats Male 50-59
    30837 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm
    A bear eating isn`t as bad as a bear dratting you, I think...
  18. Profile photo of Corpsecrank
    Corpsecrank Male 30-39
    930 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm
    Black bears are pretty weak. I don`t recommend fighting a grizzly though under any circumstances. If you encounter one get the hell outta there any way you can. Playing dead will get you mauled faster than making a break for it. I have seen to many instances of people being mangled while playing dead to take that seriously. But hey back to that black bear thing. just carry something to eat while your out in the wilderness. Black bears happen to love marshmallows so do racoons. Want left alone toss a couple down and walk away while it`s eating them it really is that easy.
  19. Profile photo of botfly
    botfly Male 50-59
    616 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm
  20. Profile photo of xelous
    xelous Male 18-29
    2513 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 5:52 pm
    if it starts to eat you... fight back!
  21. Profile photo of Grendel
    Grendel Male 40-49
    5622 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm
    Two most important things to have in bear country: Pepper spray and bells. Have small bells tied to your shoes. As you walk, the bells will ring. A bear can hear you and will usually leave the area. The worst thing to do is surprise a bear.

    You can tell what type of bears are in the area by their spore (poop).

    The black bear spore will be light brown, about the size of a dinner plate and will contain grass and twigs.

    A grizzly bear`s spore is dark in color, smells faintly of pepper and has little bells in it.
  22. Profile photo of swoop408
    swoop408 Male 18-29
    1755 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm
    Also, you can stop invading a bear`s territory altogether.
  23. Profile photo of mcboozerilla
    mcboozerilla Male 30-39
    646 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 6:05 pm
    So when I feint I`m pretty much screwed unless it`s a grizzly who isn`t hungry?
  24. Profile photo of Lardcarcass
    Lardcarcass Male 40-49
    254 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 6:24 pm
    "dont put yourself in a situation where you could be attacked by a bear"
    "Also, you can stop invading a bear`s territory altogether."

    Yes, yes! Much better to stay curled up in a fetal ball in you apartment in your giant city, with plenty of people around you at all times to protect you.
  25. Profile photo of LightShaded
    LightShaded Male 18-29
    423 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 6:34 pm
    Ah MeGrendel, that was well played.
  26. Profile photo of sourkraut
    sourkraut Male 40-49
    354 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 6:39 pm
    "A grizzly bear`s spore is dark in color, smells faintly of pepper and has little bells in it."

    Bahaha! Nice one, MeGrendel...
  27. Profile photo of airsofter1
    airsofter1 Male 18-29
    1090 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm
    you don`t say?
  28. Profile photo of Xerasia
    Xerasia Female 18-29
    1181 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 7:19 pm
    where i live, you need to carry bear mace with you in the summer if you leave the 6 squares miles that is our town...
  29. Profile photo of lawndartsftw
    lawndartsftw Male 40-49
    1811 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm
    If it starts to eat you....its too late.
  30. Profile photo of Wowummwow
    Wowummwow Male 18-29
    265 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 7:25 pm
    Black bears are like frightened 300lb squirrels and are only interested in eating easy food right then and there, so usually you can chase them away.
    Grizzly bears are about 600lbs, they will usually forage for food, and build a large stockpile before munching. That is unless if they are flat out starving, then you`re screwed.
  31. Profile photo of uscbadfish
    uscbadfish Male 18-29
    267 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 7:34 pm
    @Corpsecrank - Isn`t feeding a bear a terrible idea? Then the bear associates people with food, and it`s less scared of them. When a hiker/camper doesn`t have food, they become food.
  32. Profile photo of robosnitz
    robosnitz Male 40-49
    2738 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm
    That`s the truth. You might get away with that sh*t with a black bear,.....Not with a grisly bear. Better to kiss your ass good bye.
  33. Profile photo of zombunny
    zombunny Female 18-29
    2525 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm
    Normally when someone starts to eat me I don`t fight it.
  34. Profile photo of smaus
    smaus Male 30-39
    715 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 9:05 pm
    that because you are already a zombie
  35. Profile photo of diggierolls
    diggierolls Male 18-29
    151 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 9:42 pm
    thats how they think treadwell died.. got eaten by a roaming grizzly that was starving. poor grizzly mna
  36. Profile photo of Livetoday
    Livetoday Male 50-59
    18 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 9:46 pm
    I agree with Zombunny..
  37. Profile photo of Draculya
    Draculya Male 40-49
    14449 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 10:09 pm
    "Eat you" not "eat you out"

    Unless the bear is Armin Meiwes and then it`s pretty much the same thing.
  38. Profile photo of bacon_pie
    bacon_pie Male 30-39
    3062 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 10:14 pm
    I`m gonna punch the bear in the junk, in the junk then the shoulder humps. It`s humps, it`s humps, it`s lovely shoulder humps.
  39. Profile photo of Dead-Kittens
    Dead-Kittens Male 30-39
    1035 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm
    try running... it will probably work cuz frankly ppl are way too much effort to catch for food. But if your a play thing you have basically only one chance. Fist drat that thing in the throat all the way down to your shoulder,your arm will be fubar, but the bear will choke out.
  40. Profile photo of fisturbator
    fisturbator Male 18-29
    29 posts
    March 12, 2012 at 11:10 pm
    I kill bears with my fists for breakfast.
  41. Profile photo of MattPrince
    MattPrince Male 40-49
    2220 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 12:33 am
    Hahaha - black bears are weak? You only have to look at one to know that is not the case.

    THe following is all from wiki ~ but credited, so I`ll take it over cc`s bs

    "The worst recorded fatality incident occurred in May 1978, in which a black bear killed three teenagers who were fishing in Algonquin Park in Canada. The majority of attacks happened in national parks, usually near campgrounds, where the bears had become habituated to human contact and food."
  42. Profile photo of xCYBERDYNEx
    xCYBERDYNEx Male 18-29
    4903 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 1:14 am
    Clearly black bears are giant vaginas
  43. Profile photo of Student_Law
    Student_Law Male 30-39
    1010 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 3:20 am
    Hmmm... out of curiosity i checked the Norwegian government on Svalbard and their advises for people who encounter polar bears.

    Rule nr. one: Never go unarmed into the terrain. Make sure you know how to use the weapon, and practice shooting before you leave.

    The next rules are about the weapon: don`t use oil, dry- polish the weapon (it will get cold and the oil can make it jam) and keep it clean and so on.

    Then they get to how to camp to avoid bears, stay out of their path etc..
  44. Profile photo of Student_Law
    Student_Law Male 30-39
    1010 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 3:25 am
    I have to add though that it says that "polar bears are aggressive and unpredictable by nature, and they may suddenly attack without any warning". They emphasize that "all polar bears are to be treated as a threat."
  45. Profile photo of GhettoNinja
    GhettoNinja Male 30-39
    886 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 5:28 am
    Mah humps, mah humps, mah lovely grizzly humps.
  46. Profile photo of auburnjunky
    auburnjunky Male 30-39
    10338 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 6:00 am
    Matt Prince: If you even sorta act mad at a Black Bear, it will GTFO!

    Those kids that died likely just flailed around on the ground, not knowing what to do. If one of them had stood up, screaming and punching the bear, they would have survived. Unless of course there were cubs around, obviously.

    Do you remember the video of the hunter climbing into his tree stand, and the black bear never sees him and climbs as well? All the hunter does, was calmly says "Hey. What`r you doin`?" and the bear freaks his poo!
  47. Profile photo of drawman61
    drawman61 Male 50-59
    7700 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 7:19 am
    But what if it`s raining and the grizzly`s fur looks dark? Or what if it`s a black bear with a hump on its back? And if it starts to eat me should I eat it back?? I`m confused I tells ya!
  48. Profile photo of PizzaPits
    PizzaPits Male 18-29
    553 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 7:42 am
    I`d just rather not go into the bear`s territory at all. If there`s a chance of being attacked by a grizzly, I`d have to have to have a DAMN good reason to be there.
  49. Profile photo of McGovern1981
    McGovern1981 Male 30-39
    14194 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 7:50 am
  50. Profile photo of G_Hack
    G_Hack Male 18-29
    56 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 10:37 am
    Anyone else that gets reminded of the "How to tell the difference between a black bear and a grizzly." joke?
  51. Profile photo of Caker
    Caker Male 18-29
    168 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 10:49 am
    I have run into multiple black bears in the bush over the years and usually they just look at you with a big goofy look then wonder off. Only one ever made me nervous when he decided to shadow me for about 20 minutes. but i think he just wanted to know what the hell was in his woods.
  52. Profile photo of DingDingDong
    DingDingDong Male 30-39
    1511 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 11:21 am
    What if it ate my arms while I was playing dead, how do I fight back?
  53. Profile photo of LordJim
    LordJim Male 60-69
    6255 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm
    If something in the woods is liable to eat me then I wouldn`t go into the woods unless I was loaded for bear.
  54. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25348 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm
    Left left right left Triangle. It may work!
  55. Profile photo of tatervent
    tatervent Male 18-29
    373 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm
    Fighting a Black Bear would be like fighting two Mike Tysons with claws.... no thank you.
  56. Profile photo of Penguinato23
    Penguinato23 Male 18-29
    294 posts
    March 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm
    Stand my ground and yell?

    Would standing there quivering, whimpering, and silently telling god that if he somehow exists that I apologize for all the times I made fun of him count?
  57. Profile photo of thecurt
    thecurt Male 18-29
    411 posts
    March 14, 2012 at 1:57 am
    The key part is that you fight when it starts eating you, don`t wait for it to eat you to fight back.
  58. Profile photo of Azaram
    Azaram Male 40-49
    130 posts
    March 14, 2012 at 5:44 am
    Remember to use the line from Dog Soldiers. "I hope I give you the (poops)!" if you`re losing.
  59. Profile photo of almightybob1
    almightybob1 Male 18-29
    4290 posts
    March 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm
    This is the sort of advice you get from someone who is sitting at a keyboard when he gives it. Take it from me, if you are in an open space with no weapons and a grizzly comes for you, run. You may as well. If nothing else, it will give you something to do with the last seven seconds of your life.
    - Bill Bryson, A Walk In The Woods
  60. Profile photo of tobyvictory
    tobyvictory Male 70 & Over
    407 posts
    March 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm
    Running from or fighting a grizzly will end with the same results.
  61. Profile photo of SWEDgetHIGH
    SWEDgetHIGH Male 18-29
    22 posts
    March 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm
    you are drated in te head for posting that

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