Halloween With Jesus? It`s JesusWeen! No Really

Submitted by: Pooptart19 5 years ago Funny

Why celebrate and have fun on Halloween when you could bring people to Christ instead!
There are 73 comments:
Male 95
Dirty trick.
0
Reply
Male 4,594
I would SO cork that chick.
0
Reply
Male 532
I`m giving out Bibles with razor blades in them.
0
Reply
Male 494
Why celebrate Halloween when you can attempt to indoctrinate children into believing your religion is right and everyone else is wrong?
0
Reply
Male 792
@LuckyDave...Hallowe`en is *not* a pagan holiday. You`re thinking Samhain, which was the harvest festival that fell on Nov. 1st, and marked the end of the year.
The name "Hallowe`en" derives from "All Hallow`s Eve", and Nov 1 being "All Hallow Day" or "All Saint`s Day".
0
Reply
Male 792
@defiiythelie
Actually, there`s no definitive proof that the druids dressed up on the Feast of Samhain (not Hallows Eve...that`s the Christian name for the day), and that "tradition" (if it existed) had died out for hundreds of years before Cadbury and Nestle`s got the idea of dressing kids up to sell their candy to.
It`s the same with Easter...no, the Christians did *not* steal that day from the pagans. The Christian Feast of the Resurrection coincides with the Jewish Passover, in that it takes place on the first Sabbath following the first new moon after the Vernal Equinox. The Jews didn`t intend for this to be then, they don`t follow the Equinoxes, it`s just their calendars are based off the lunar calendar.
As it happens, the pagan Feast of Oestra took place on the first full moon of the Vernal Equinox as a time for rebirth.
Again, the chocolate corporations took this tradition, and the fact that many families were together, and decided to cash in.
0
Reply
Male 12,365
[quote]So a christian Holiday (all saints day), adopted by Irish pagan myths (Jack`O`Lantern) is being adopted by american christians...[/quote]

Wrong way around.

All Saints Day was the first attempt by Christians to usurp and corrupt an already existing religious/spiritual day.

Unusually, it didn`t *completely* succeed. Most Christian takeovers were completely successful (Christmas, Easter, Valentine`s Day, etc, etc). It was very successful (as you`ve shown by believing that it was a Christian day to begin with), but it hasn`t fooled everyone.
0
Reply
Male 542
Wait. Really?
0
Reply
Male 675
Halloween is a Pagan holiday, Jesus doesn`t need to be in everything. He already has Christmas and Easter - both used to be Pagan - there`s no need to make a bigger bulls-eye for the religious folk by saying "Hey, we know this holiday is about fall and scaring off the evil spirits, but why don`t we stop scaring the spirits and invite Christ?"

Leave the holidays alone, Halloween is a drop dead sexy night, don`t ruin my one night of acceptable naughtiness.
0
Reply
Male 4,283
Fox News created the "War on Christmas" to mess with their viewers. Wonder if they will report on the War on Halloween?
0
Reply
Male 17
How do you threaten somebody with hell in a friendly way?
0
Reply
Male 273
why not just hang out a sign saying "please vandalize"?
0
Reply
Female 280
Hell no.
0
Reply
Male 2,085
At least they aren`t shoving homemade bombs in their underwear and getting on airplanes.
0
Reply
Male 4,902
"The concept of getting dressed up and handing out candies was invented by the candy corporations as a way to sell more candy. Simple as that."

That is completely incorrect, do some research fool.
0
Reply
Male 280
@Samsquanch
On the other hand, the people accepted those `holidays` from the corporations.
So who is to blame?
0
Reply
Male 3,472
Jesus was just a crazy Jewish Rabbi.
0
Reply
Male 230
@Samsquanch

Actually getting dressed up in scary costumes comes from pagan tradition. It was an attempt to scare away lost souls and evil spirits that were thought to roam free on All Hollow`s Eve.

The Halloween we know today came from the Irish when they migrated here to America.
0
Reply
Male 792
The Jack o`Lantern is actually a Christian myth, there terracottus. Jack was a Christian who tricked the devil into not taking his soul, but because he wasn`t good enough for heaven, and barred from hell, he was cursed to walk the earth for eternity.
And Hallowe`en comes from "All Hollow`s Eve" (or the eve of All Saint`s Day).
The concept of getting dressed up and handing out candies was invented by the candy corporations as a way to sell more candy. Simple as that.
It`s the same as Valentine`s Day, in which the greeting card and flower companies, took the Roman custom of the feast of Eros, and turned it into profit. And, Christmas, where the corporations took the symbol of gift-giving from Yule, and turned it into a billion-dollar a year profit day.
0
Reply
Female 112
I came up with a more clever, less gay name than they took probably a year to come up with, in only about 10 seconds.

Holyween. Was that so hard?

JesusWeen. . . They`re just asking for it.
0
Reply
Male 886
This is ridiculous, but the Christians have been trying to Chritianize the harvest time celebrations and traditions for centuries.

I guess they are at least consistent in their lack of tolerance for other belief structures.

Poo on you Jesusween.
0
Reply
Male 716

0
Reply
Male 280
So a christian Holiday (all saints day), adopted by Irish pagan myths (Jack`O`Lantern) is being adopted by american christians...
0
Reply
Female 3,727
Blah, blah, blah....
0
Reply
Male 14,773
"And even if you believe christianity is 100% wrong, you have to admit the Church has good morals and is really a benefit to any community."

Search for the Stephen Fry debate "The Catholic Church is a force for good in the world"

The church is run by humans, not gods. They are just as apt to lie, manipulate, steal and abuse as anyone, but do so under a pretence of godliness.

0
Reply
Female 245
"And even if you believe christianity is 100% wrong, you have to admit the Church has good morals and is really a benefit to any community."
No, I don`t.
That`s complete BS.
0
Reply
Male 718
They dont mean (WELL) they mean to make EVERYONE follow their own bullpoo beliefs. and that isnt right.
0
Reply
Male 65
All I heard was Charlie Brown`s teacher going off about . . . something . . . ah, whatever.
0
Reply
Male 718
This makes me ALL KINDS of mad. i think the Christians are just trolling us now
0
Reply
Male 243
The word "Ween" inserted anywhere just doesn`t work.
0
Reply
Male 1,054
"how about we make halloween "bible-burning-ween"?"

When ever someone suggests burning books, they`re up to no good.
0
Reply
Male 25,416
well.. would it be funny to dress as jesus?
0
Reply
Male 2,516
how about we make halloween "bible-burning-ween"?
0
Reply
Male 4,902

0
Reply
Female 4,086
if somebody gave me a bible for halloween when i was a kid they would have earned themselves a return trip from me and my little hoodlum friends.
0
Reply
Female 2,764
They are taking the wrong approach. Way to get kids to hate churches even more. Let`s take the fun out of Halloween.
0
Reply
Male 14,773
Excellent, I`ll be giving out little Jesus weens at the end of the month.

I should write to her and get her to attend our Satanmas celebrations too.
0
Reply
Male 369
That is easily one of the most morronic religious holidays I`ve ever heard of.
0
Reply
Male 1,311
Great, what`s next... bible scriptures at the bottom of glasses for St Patrick`s day?
0
Reply
Male 11,740
These JesusWeeners can have their fun, the rest of us will enjoy a normal life and holiday.
0
Reply
Female 515
Those people will definitely get egged and TP-ed by every kid in the neighborhood...
0
Reply
Male 1,195
You`re next, Arbor Day!
0
Reply
Male 11,740
I didn`t have to see this to know it was a 1/4. Some people seriously need to get their heads out of their asses.
0
Reply
Male 1,540
Hahaha JesusWeen. Should have just called it Jesus Wang. Probably would have sparked more interest.
Regardless, if I were a kid and I got a bible for trick or treat I would have been pissed. Probably burned the book on their porch the next morning.
0
Reply
Male 37,888

Another religious holiday is Super Bowl Sunday.
Dykes call it "Lesbian High Holy Day".
0
Reply
Female 1,743
yeah i thought of jesus wiener too..
bad name...
0
Reply
Male 61
why not call it holyween? jesus ween is so stupid...
0
Reply
Male 266
I wish i had the spine to tell her, if asked "there is no god" but i`d probably even volunteer to help her so i could get some
0
Reply
Female 6,381
Utterly pathetic way to live your life, is all I can say.
0
Reply
Male 37,888

That`s the problem with the fanatice. EVERYTHING has to be about Jesus!
Let`s to go WalMart for Jesus.
Brush your teeth for Jesus.
Take dump for Jesus.
0
Reply
Male 7,585
Lolboy, can you think of a christian holiday that wasnt adapted from a pagan ritual?
0
Reply
Male 358
Do not want.
0
Reply
Male 255
They`ll be trying to take over Easter and Xmas next..
0
Reply
Male 1,793
there isn`t any "Good News" that has to do with religion, unless they are disbanding....
0
Reply
Male 798
Umm, isn`t Halloween technically a pagan-adapted, but Christian holiday?
0
Reply
Male 122
THE CHRISTIANS ARE WAGING WAR ON HALLOWEEN!!! THE REST OF US ARE BEING PERSECUTED!! oh wait... that makes no sense...
0
Reply
Male 5,314
go to hell
0
Reply
Male 2,422
If they hand you a bible scream "allahu akbar" and then trill like a motherdrater.
0
Reply
Male 163
shes hot, id do her


tits
0
Reply
Male 2,085
She`s pretty hot.
0
Reply
Female 23
I was waiting for the Onion logo thinking this had to be a joke. Most churches already have their little harvest festivals (you can`t convince them that it is more pagan to do that) that should be enough for them. Where I live, those have become large enough events that trick or treating no longer exists
0
Reply
Male 2,737
Fuq that. I want candy.
0
Reply
Male 1,931

0
Reply
Male 1,582
@patchouly
I`d like to say that I`d throw it on the ground, spit on it and then say "THERE IS NO GOD!".. but I`d probably do the same thing XD
0
Reply
Male 4,283
There was a religious nut case in the neighborhood I grew up in that looked and acted exactly like the mother in the movie Carrie. She used to hand out miniature bibles on Halloween. All it did was make us hate her more. Oddly enough her daughter also burned alive in a fire.

0
Reply
Male 1,629
-_-; i was waiting for the onion logo. sadly it didnt come
0
Reply
Male 7,585
Come on Jesusfreaks, lets not take more of the calender for Jesus. Keep your Jesus out of my October, and especially out of my birthday.
0
Reply
Male 37,888

Sure. Let`s do RomaJesus and RoshaJesus while we`re at it.
0
Reply
Male 1,793
they will do anything to bother people... and ruin a great holiday....
0
Reply
Male 391
jesus weiner
0
Reply
Female 2,674
I`d be sooooooo pissed if anyone gave my [non-existent] kids religious books, even if I was part of that religion, for Halloween. It`s no ones place to try to indoctrinate my [non-existent] kids into their religion without my consent. >:(
0
Reply
Male 4,746
If they tried to give one of those things to my kid, I would politely decline the offer. Then gripe about it later.

What? That`s what I`d do...
0
Reply
Male 2,440
Link: Halloween With Jesus? It`s JesusWeen! No Really [Rate Link] - Why celebrate and have fun on Halloween when you could bring people to Christ instead!
0
Reply