Brace Yourself For A World With No Coffee

Submitted by: kitteh9lives 5 years ago in

No mo" Joe & they"re predicting the extinction of chocolate too! All due to environmental changes.Let the hoarding begin
There are 60 comments:
Male 44
I like how "environmental changes" are going to kill off everything, because, you know, the climate`s never changed before or anything. Oh, wait. I`m pretty sure a lot of plant and animal species were around before previous climate shifts that are still alive today. Media doomsday speakers, I swear. Even if "global warming" occurs to the point of changing the terrestrial climate significantly I call bs on the coffee/chocolate extinction. Why? One word.

Greenhouses.

Look at that. The climate changes dramatically a good four times every year. We call them seasons. And when a certain crop doesn`t grow in unfavorable weather...take it inside, control temperature, humidity, barometric pressure, etc... and you create artificially viable growing conditions. Really, how do you think you can get potatoes any time of the year?

"Global Warming" - The Analog Y2K Syndrome
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Female 355
Media scare to justify higher prices? Best marketing scheme ever.
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Male 10,855
GENETIC ENGINEERING TO THE RESCUE!!!!
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Male 10,855
If there`s demand there`ll be a way.
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Male 195
2 Thoughts:
- That seems to be a warning sign that coffee - also chocolate - prices will go up soon and they will claim that will be caused by the environment changes: More expensive venti for you!!!
- It`s ridiculous the amount of coffe and chocolate that we (human beings) eat and drink. It`s insane that one of the most consumed thing in the whole world IS COFFEE!!!!
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Male 14,332
[quote]Coffee.. who drinks it for the flavour![/quote]

I do!! I take it you`ve never had freshly ground coffee straight from Costa Rica NOMMY! Coffee is second most legally traded commodity in the world it will not go extinct there`s too much money in it.
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Male 675
I`m sorry, but any "scientific" data that comes from a chain store so hopped up on its own ego that it charges outrageous prices for mediocre coffee, is asinine.
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Male 4,902
Who needs coffee when you can


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Male 28
Oh God no...
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Male 265
"i call bull poo. also, if the equator area gets too hot that means that formally colder places further north and south will get warmer and the conditions will be right to grow those plants there instead. duh."

Often plants require much more than a proper temperature to grow which makes this `brilliant` idea null.
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Male 265
Report: "The ice caps are melting from climate change and will bring dramatic changes for future generations"
Reaction: "Hippy socialist tree hugger extremists suck and climate change is a conspiracy."

Report: "No more coffee from climate change"
Reaction: "Oh the humanity!!! If only we did more to stop this!!!"
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Female 255
Those people wouldn`t want to live in this world without coffee!? With talk like that, you`d think coffee is as bad as heroin
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Male 573
If this comes to pass, watch out you global warming skeptics, I`m going postal!
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Male 128
she`s double fisted with her coffee? that must hurt
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Male 2,516
no way... we don`t care we don`t like coffee anyway
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Female 109
Eh. They`ll just figure out a way to grow it hydroponically and it`ll be super expensive.
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Male 150
Now THIS is how you get people to care about global warming.
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Male 1,399
Jesus H. tittyfu#king Christ. Like I needed another reason not to go to Starbucks besides their shi#y coffee.

Coffee is VALUABLE. If it`s valuable, they will find a way.

Hydroponics? Maybe, I dunno, MOVE THE COFFEE PLANTATION NORTH?
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Male 1,293
Oh, and until he can get his company to make a decent black coffee, which is its purpose, then perhaps they should concentrate there. I will only go to Starbucks if there is no alternative serving ground coffee, even McDonalds does better.
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Male 1,293
So, plants that survived through the Little Ice Age when it was (colder than today) and through the Mediaeval Warm Period (when it was a little warmer) in the wild are going to go extinct if the temperature rises by perhaps another half degree, despite human intervention in a hugely valuable crop. Riiiiiigghht.

So this comes from the "Director of Sustainability" from a company that makes vast profits from pretending to follow left-wing politics and the Union of Concerned Scientists.

The UCS, by the way, is an organisation that you can join if you have a valid credit or debit card. If they have since started to accept PayPal you might not even need that. It is nothing to do with science.
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Female 63
NO CAPPUCCINO WITH CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS :(

Meh, idk. in 30 odd years we`ll have found a good substitute i`m sure, because fake tastes is the way we`re going ahead.
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Male 934
@kairobert

There are plenty of scientists motivated to push the case for global warming. Firstly, if global warming weren`t viewed as apocalyptic, then they wouldn`t receive funding from various governments to study the climate. Who do you think pays for this stuff, or do you think they`re just doing it for free? Secondly, they have biases like the rest of us. Anyone with even a modicum of science background knows that there are too many variables to predict global climate with a practical degree of accuracy, as so many things change year to year. Solar intensity, the makeup of the atmosphere, weather patterns in general. One year it may rain 20" in a region, and another it may rain 5". It`s not consistent.
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Male 934
OH NOES IT`S GLOBAL WARMING AGAIN!!!!1 EVERYTHING GOOD WILL DIE!!!!1 Sigh...
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Male 375
SCfan- That means he pays a lot of expert to watch out for threats to his company. He doesn`t need to be an expert, he just needs to listen to them.
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Male 157
your hot chocolate is poo
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Male 29
shenanigans
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Male 2,085
He is a CEO of a Starbucks. I don`t think that qualifies him as an expert on anything except how to get people to pay $5 for a cup of coffee.
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Male 2,579
The consciousness of the world will change so that stimulants are no longer necessary to force you through your daily life.
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Male 1,623
"I can`t believe they still push global warming as fact, this is nothing more than propaganda of the west"

You are stupid for not taking into consideration motives when crying out propaganda. What motives do scientists have to `lie about global warming`?
What motives do you have to lie to yourself that global warming is false? Many.
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Male 707
I was eating chocolate and drinking coffe when i saw this and it suddenly tasted much better
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Male 514
I can`t believe they still push global warming as fact, this is nothing more than propaganda of the west
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Male 14,834
Quick, let`s divert our spending on cancer research to genetically modifying the Arabica plant. It`s a matter of priorities, people.
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Male 1,085
Here`s my reaction!

http://youtu.be/cgwlJIo0In0
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Male 68
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
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Female 2,289
Watch the murder rate go ^
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Female 6,381
Bah. I`m calling shenanigans. I don`t believe it`s going to happen; there are just too many "expert" doomsayers out there.
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Male 95
Who cares i have not drunk a single cup of coffee in my life every here is an addict.
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Male 646
That`s very interesting. If an exec at Starbuck`s is warning Congress about coffee supply due to global warming, you know this has to be serious.
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Male 446
expect zombies stumbling down streets mumbling , "beeeeaans".
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Male 5,081
fatninja i drink coffee for the flavour, usualy i drink it without sugar . I drink moka or espresso, not american or english cofee.
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Male 1,094
Yup. Sounds like fear-mongering to justify more price hikes.
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Female 64
NO! SAY IT AIN`T SO! can`t live w/out coffee, cigs, and chocolate. its bad enough that peanut butter`s going up 40% to 50% in the next few weeks.
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Male 17,512
So the AGW idiots are ramping up the scaremongering yet again.
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Male 2,988
i call bull poo. also, if the equator area gets too hot that means that formally colder places further north and south will get warmer and the conditions will be right to grow those plants there instead. duh.
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Male 768
Stop drinking coffee. 2-3 weeks later you`ll make your very own energy, and you won`t have to rely on caffeine to get through the day.
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Male 241
Double fisted? 0_o
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Male 1,011
coffee wont go extinct, its silly to even think so...besides tea is better anyhow :P

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Male 2,384
so what if global warming is wrong, we just made the earth a better place to live for nothing?
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Male 616
What a crock of sh*t.And some people really believe this crap still.
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Male 25,416
Coffee.. who drinks it for the flavour!
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Male 5,314
meh
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Male 2,033
This is retarded. See, if places get too hot to grow cocoa, or arabica or what have you then OTHER places, which were once too cold will now be warmer and able to grow your plant of choice.
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Female 1,386
So... move the growing location? What is the problem? Old spot getting too hot = Move to slightly cooler location. What am I missing here? :/
Are Coffee beans against relocation or something?
Bean: "No! My family is from Columbia! I got roots here!"
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Male 249
Fringe?
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Female 2,674
Fear mongers. I refuse to believe such a horrible thing will happen >:(
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Male 688
Coffee Drinker> OMG THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!! NOO!!!

Normal Person> Okay.

Can you spot the addict?
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Female 311
ANYTHING BUT CHOCOLATE!!! I can do without coffee, I don`t like the taste but CHOCOLATE TOO??
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Male 341
Al Gore was right! NOOOOO!
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Male 1
poo just got real. We have to stop global warming
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Female 8,044
Link: Brace Yourself For A World With No Coffee [Rate Link] - No mo` Joe & they`re predicting the extinction of chocolate too! All due to environmental changes.Let the hoarding begin
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