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[Total: 31    Average: 3.9/5]
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Rating: 3.9
Category: Weird
Date: 09/26/11 12:33 PM

31 Responses to God Directed Me To Insert Them… [Pic]

  1. Profile photo of Englandrocks
    Englandrocks Female 18-29
    491 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 12:35 pm
    Link: God Directed Me To Insert Them... - The God Told Me defense--it`s always a good excuse to fall back on.
  2. Profile photo of ohplease
    ohplease Male 50-59
    567 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 12:44 pm
    "hey honey, you`ll never believe what god just told me!"
  3. Profile photo of _kiersten_
    _kiersten_ Female 18-29
    1682 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 12:45 pm
    God is obviously a horny old bastard.
  4. Profile photo of Tubby12370
    Tubby12370 Male 18-29
    1440 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 12:45 pm
    Seems Legit.
  5. Profile photo of Buiadh
    Buiadh Male 30-39
    6739 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 12:46 pm
    PRIVATE PARTS!

    lol
  6. Profile photo of Gerry1of1
    Gerry1of1 Male 50-59
    36831 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Totally believable.
    According to the Bible, God has given stranger orders than that. For example...

    Deuteronomy 23:1
    If you`re testicles are crushed or missing you can`t enter a church.

    2 Kings 2:23-24
    God sends 2 she bears to maul 42 teenage boys for teasing a bald guy.

    Leviticus 21:9
    If a priests daughter is a whore she must be burned at the stake.... {question: Is there any other kind of preacher`s daughter?}
  7. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25420 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm
    and....
  8. Profile photo of crash665
    crash665 Male 30-39
    119 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 1:01 pm
    "And, lo, the burning bush spoketh to me and saith, "Insert thy fingers, and lift up thine woman." And Moses saw that his people rejoiced.""
  9. Profile photo of krisley
    krisley Male 18-29
    525 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm
    If I-A-B is going to start posting tabloids, it seems the least they could do is do compilations of them. Seems a waste to use an entire link for one picture.
  10. Profile photo of MrMcArb
    MrMcArb Male 18-29
    5 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm
    me too.
  11. Profile photo of mervviscious
    mervviscious Male 40-49
    1793 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 1:20 pm
    God directs me to insert other things into women`s private parts... now where did i put my electric staple gun, oh yeah i remember now....
  12. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm
    This is what happens when you take the bible so literally
  13. Profile photo of CrakrJak
    CrakrJak Male 40-49
    17514 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 2:12 pm
    Angelmassb: Nothing in the bible says, thou shalt finger bang your female congregation.
  14. Profile photo of Revolutioniz
    Revolutioniz Male 18-29
    911 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 2:35 pm
    The lord works in mysterious ways. i bet in this man`s actions he saved her life..
  15. Profile photo of moomatz
    moomatz Male 40-49
    64 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 2:55 pm
    I think I need to start going to church
  16. Profile photo of MrHoobToYou
    MrHoobToYou Male 40-49
    405 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm
    I had to stop using that excuse.
  17. Profile photo of kittyloaf
    kittyloaf Male 18-29
    213 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 4:13 pm
    @crackrJak You are interpreting the Bible too literally. Modern scholars have discovered God intended for priests to do this.
  18. Profile photo of asianchamp
    asianchamp Male 18-29
    414 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm
    finger lickin good
  19. Profile photo of Gerry1of1
    Gerry1of1 Male 50-59
    36831 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Dude, it`s like a total abomination to go past the second knuckle!
    Seriously! I read it in the bible or somewhere!
  20. Profile photo of SlothOfDoom
    SlothOfDoom Male 30-39
    2033 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 5:29 pm
    Gold told me to use my entire fist.
  21. Profile photo of Johanvb
    Johanvb Male 40-49
    512 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 5:46 pm
    I saw a interview with Penn Jillette the other day where he, amongst other things, talked about this kind of behavior/excuses.

    A lot of religious people are ok with the fact that their deity instills visions upon mortal men to go out and do their deities work.
    Why is it always so that only the ones with visions of helping mankind or noble goals are believed?
    And the one who got a message from his deity to go out and kill or sexually abuse someone is never believed.

    How come that when bad things happen believers suddenly seem to know exactly how their deity thinks and acts?
  22. Profile photo of Listypoos
    Listypoos Male 40-49
    3069 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 5:57 pm
    Well if Bush can get away with saying God told him to attack Iraq and gets cheered for admitting it, why can`t some Joe get away with fingering a few chicks on the big G`s say so.
  23. Profile photo of Draculya
    Draculya Male 40-49
    14652 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 7:02 pm
    Imaginary friend syndrome.
  24. Profile photo of Draculya
    Draculya Male 40-49
    14652 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 7:04 pm
    Corrollary to Imaginary Friend Syndrome: If you believe in the bible, then you must accept that it is plausible that he is a prophet. If the finger fits, you must acquit.
  25. Profile photo of sourkraut
    sourkraut Male 40-49
    359 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 7:27 pm
    If the finger fits, wear it...
  26. Profile photo of Ripper398
    Ripper398 Male 18-29
    1310 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 8:05 pm
    God told me to bang a fat hooker, but since he was wasn`t footing the bill, I declined. Am I going to hell?
  27. Profile photo of LandoGriffin
    LandoGriffin Male 30-39
    3844 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 9:04 pm
    Yeah, God "told" me that, too, if by "God" you mean "millions of years of evolution driven by sexual reproduction" - that`s what "God" means, right?
  28. Profile photo of OldOllie
    OldOllie Male 60-69
    15841 posts
    September 26, 2011 at 11:02 pm
    "But I`m Pastor Fuzz!"

    Sorry, that one`s REALLY old.
  29. Profile photo of xCYBERDYNEx
    xCYBERDYNEx Male 18-29
    4903 posts
    September 27, 2011 at 3:00 am
    I just hope he remembered the minivan:


  30. Profile photo of gary8162
    gary8162 Male 40-49
    939 posts
    September 27, 2011 at 6:58 am
    I gotta get to church!
  31. Profile photo of meowmeowmeow
    meowmeowmeow Male 13-17
    187 posts
    September 27, 2011 at 1:22 pm
    God told me to become atheist!

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