Jon The I-A-B Intern: Intern Life, Blog 1 [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 5 years ago

Hey I-A-B,

Guess what I got today (besides getting kicked out of my sweet office)? Oh, you didn"t hear? I"ve only been bitching about it all over I-A-B"s Facebook fan page. Yeah, my cool office has been taken away from me and in return, I"m back in general population--cubicle hell. Not even a full cubicle--it"s a half-sized cubicle. Nice, right? But I digress...

I also got a new intern, and while I usually loathe interns (they almost always require lots of babysitting and hand-holding--except for Shark Girl--Shark Girl was a gem), Jon seems like he has his shit together. I don"t really have a lot for him to do right now, so I"m having him write a daily blog. Nice of me, right? While all the other interns around here are dealing with spreadsheets and sitting in on meetings about planning other meetings, young Jonathan gets to write blogs. [Pats self on back.]

OK, so here"s his first entry, it"s just a quickie introduction, but I like it...

--Fancylad

PS: That photo is my desk and new view. Living the dream, huh?

My Life (and Lunch) by Jon Kolker, I-A-B Intern

Hello Dear Future Friends,

My name is Jon and I"m from Salty Balty (Baltimore). I attended college at George Washington U in DC. I majored in English, but more importantly served as the Washington Nationals first-ever batboy in 2005. It was awesome. I got paid to go to games, sit in the dugout, eat gourmet food after games, and write my name and number on baseballs and throw them to cute girls in the stands. Once a balding dude named Tod caught one. It was weird.

I moved to LA three years ago and am now enrolled in grad school at USC. I"m getting a Masters degree in Digital Media and am playing lots of pickup basketball. I"m also playing a lot of tennis, and recently won the USC tennis club tournament. I was down 3 match points but came back to win 11-9 in the final set. No trophy. But it"s ok, because after winning I went up the stands to kiss my girlfriend, and after a sweet embrace, I looked down outside the stadium and saw my opponent sitting on a curb in despair. Schadenfreude! No trophy needed.

I started interning at I-AM-BORED two hours and forty-eight minutes ago. So far so good--they have a nice kitchen area downstairs. I just got lunch at the farmers market down the street. I ate at a place called Fig, and got some Chila Quiles. It was really awesome, and it"s made of braised chicken, organic eggs, queso fresco, cilantro, onions, tortilla chips, parsley, and feta cheese. Just add some Tapatio and you"re set. I then got a strawberry drink at Harry"s Berries, and it was delicious--farmers markets are the way to go. While leaving I noticed that lots of homeless people in Santa Monica have arthritis. Hell of a disease.

I"m excited to intern here at I-A-B and will update you all with daily posts about life, art, science, and lunch items. Rock on!

--Jon


Fancy got a new intern. Fancy doesn"t have much for him to do right now. So Fancy asked him to write a daily blog.
There are 59 comments:
Male 3,631
What is that in the corner there, fancy? A portable distiller?
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Male 734
@FatNinja01 By the way, it`s "you`re" not "your" that you should be using in that sentence.
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Male 25,416
nice.... cant argue with a girl dressed as a shark, unless your a shark wisperer!
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Male 21
Thanks for the warm welcomes! I love you all. I will do my best to answer some of the questions in my blog today. Stay strong amigos.
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Male 341
So we had Shark Girl... now we need Lava Boy!! I`m voting that Jon wear a volcano hat!
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Male 5,018
i want shark girl!
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Male 4,290
[quote]an office seems unnecessary to a small site like this.[/quote]
IAB gets several million hits a month. That`s not really that small.

Also, welcome Jon :)
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Male 3,285
LOL interns. Basically people who do the same job for free as those who actually get paid for it.
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Male 535
TL;DR
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Male 272
can i have a job?
namely your job
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Male 1,195
SmilinSam: [quote">how many sites run out of that same office i wonder? we`re getting to see a bit more into the mysterious behind the scenes of internet companies... i wanna know who is affiliated with IAB[/quote">

IAB is owned by Demand Media, which owns eHow, Livestrong and Cracked along with a few other websites.

Their website.
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Male 5,413
Shark-girl!
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Male 49
WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGENITY IF NOT NOT I HOPE FANCY HELPS YOU LOSE IT
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Male 1,256
I can already tell I`m going to enjoy reading these. Jon, you have my dream job (or internship, whatever). I hope this blog lets me live vicariously through you.
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Male 2,988
stopped at the pic of shark girl. Moar of her please.
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Female 31
This reads like a letter home to your mom. We want juicy inside details and gossip.
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Male 14,775
Welcome bat-boy. +1 for the tattoo.
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Male 324
Who gives a f*ck?
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Male 4,004
@Fancylad, is that entire office dedicated to IAB? If so, why is the guy people look up to as "The main IAB man" put in the middle of the half-cubicles?

I realize there is more behind the scenes we don`t see, but I don`t care if the editors are the guys who make the movies happen... They shouldn`t get the director`s chairs.
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Male 552
Make him get an iab tattoo. Or fire him.
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Male 707
Someone give this man a raise.. and longer lunchbreaks
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Male 802
Who knew there was an office and some kind of retinue involved in posting links on the internet. I always assumed that this site was run by people who had real jobs and did this in spare time.
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Male 1,421
Oh, if you get Finland in the options as a country instead of just generally "Europe", that would be nice.. Europe is not a country and those measely looking squiggly lines in the map of the subcontinent of Eurasia are actually all legitimate borders of sovereign entities. It would be the same as you would have to tick a box stating your "country" is America while you`re living in Equador. Or Canada, what ever ticks your boxes the most.
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Male 1,421
I can`t believe that people get paid for this. Not that it is not a job that deserves a salary, i`m just dumbfounded that someone is actually willing to pay for it. Actually, i`m stupified that someone actually inserts numbers to my account every month for my contribution to the society. Well, a contribution is a strong word, more likely i`m just a nuicance or waste of your precious oxygen more likely.
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Male 2,121
Hey Jon, I like your style. Here are some random questions:
1) Do you get an account on IAB, maybe a special colour name?
2) More request than question. If you ever get the chance to sneak onto fancy`s computer, could you add "United Kingdom" to the location options? I am fed up with having "Europe" as my location, while you Americans can specify which area of the US you are from.
3) I have literally no idea how the semester system works in the US, how long are you going to be around?
4) Are you going to post about the daily workings of IAB? It`d be nice to find out more about how the site works.
5) If you had to choose, if someone was forcing you at gunpoint, what would you say your favourite cheese is?

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Female 3,598
how many sites run out of that same office i wonder? we`re getting to see a bit more into the mysterious behind the scenes of internet companies... i wanna know who is affiliated with IAB
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Male 7,378
Bravo ff!
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Male 11,740
Fancy has a real job that actually pays money. So that office is where he got demoted to a cubicle for fapping on company time. This site is just a sweet gig to keep him busy and (hopefully) out of prison (again).
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Male 7,585
Hi Jon, I hope the office is friendlier than the forums.
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Male 875
an office seems unnecessary to a small site like this. and why was Fancy kicked out of his office and into a cubicle?
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Male 528
infact @Nebbie i`m with you
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Male 528
ALL HAIL THE GREAT JOHN KOLKER!
the new assistant of the king
Fancylad!! <3
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Male 3,894
I`m confused(and perhaps an uninformed noob)..what does fancy do at the office? Is it an IAB office, or is it just some place that Fancy works at and also manages his IAB stuff from? Is Jon just saying "interning at IAB" rather than mentioning the company`s name?
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Male 721
and why would I-A-B need an office? its only a pesky site anyone could run?
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Female 198
Also Aqua...shame on you for abandoning chat. :|
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Female 198
Hi Jon! I`m Arti and I`m a mod here.

We have a chat room at IAB, and a lot of the regular users hang out there and talk. You should come and introduce yourself to everyone. :D

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Male 7,378
Ahoy fellow Marylander! High five o/
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Male 3,842
To Jon - one important detail: How exactly did you know that the bald guy who caught the baseball with your phone number was named Tod, and if he called you on the phone wouldn`t you assume it was spelled "Todd" - therefore I conclude you must have had some sort of liason with this Tod fellow. Am I right?
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Male 4,807

@Jon (the intern fella)

Do you guys get paid anything besides coffee and donuts?
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Male 19,879
@AmyNicoleduh: Yep, because I don`t really have a lot for him to do around here, I think a daily blog will work well. It`ll keep his school advisor happy, it`ll keep my many managers here happy and it`ll keep Jon interested for the semester.
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Male 19,879
@lemurs366: Spencer has moved on. Interns are usually only around for a semester.

@honkeylips: Harry`s Berries totally sounds like bear/daddy porn.

@hatface: Yes, I-A-B takes up my full day. Usually 10 hours, 8 hours during the day, another 2 at night while I`m at home. I do a few other things for Demand Media (I-A-B`s mothership), but I try not to think about those tasks, they`re not fun and suited more for a retarded monkey.
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Female 1,158
Are you just going to be posting his daily entries to the site, Fancy?

Looking forward to the pics tomorrow. There`s something charming there. It will be interesting to see how his posts change as his attitude toward the place develops.

Good luck, Jon!
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Male 864
I don`t like him.
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Male 683
No booze in plain sight on the desk... poor fancy.
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Male 1,586
OK I guess he`ll work he tied schadenfreude into regular conversation, but is it just me or does Harry`s berries sound like a gay porn title?
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Male 605
Hey fancy, I`ve got a question, how does IAB work? Does running IAB take up your entire day, or is it just your piece on the side?
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Male 69
Rock on brotha!
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Female 385
WHAT HAPPENED TO SPENCER?!
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Male 768
It`s a good think this intern is so humble.
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Male 19,879
tn, kitteh`s been a mod for about a month now--don`t worry, she kicks ass.

and i think jon`s going to work out well--he`s too smart for me to haze.
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Male 1,587
whoa! I think I`m a little slow. When did Kitteh9Lives become a mod?

also, good luck john. We`re all counting on you.
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Male 19,879
He`s giving me photos tomorrow for the next post, but if you do a little sleuthing on the I-A-B Facebook fan page, I bet you`ll find him.
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Male 820
here`s to hoping this turns out to be great.
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Male 2,033
Upcoming feature: 10 random photos from Jon`s hard drive.
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Male 353
In Memory of Jon`s Innocence: May it Rest in Peace
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Female 8,044
nom tasty intern....we need pics!
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Male 1,625
Welcome to Hell! You`ll be serving our Lord, Fancy, until he tires of you and feeds you to the mods, or your internship is complete.
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Male 541
too long did not read
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Male 19,879
Link: Jon The I-A-B Intern: Intern Life, Blog 1 [Pic] [Rate Link] - Fancy got a new intern. Fancy doesn`t have much for him to do right now. So Fancy asked him to write a daily blog.
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