56 Awful Analogies

Submitted by: cobrakiller 6 years ago in Funny
http://www.losteyeball.com/index.php/2007/06/19/56-worstbest-analogies-of-high-school-students/

I bet none of these kids became English majors.
There are 47 comments:
Female 2,927
there was one that i heard a long time ago that i really liked. "trouble followed her like the vapors of a cheap perfume."
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Male 835
Jesus, does nobody remember these at all?
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Male 2,862
“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don`t.”

DNA - Hitch-Hikers Guide.
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Male 2,862
A few of these are some nice variations on some of Douglas Adams` work.
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Male 3,060
Batmanners:
Not quite. A simile simply compares two objects. A metaphor claims that the objects are the same. Your description wouldn`t be correct for a statement such as "He was faster than a speeding bullet," which is a simile, even though it does not use LIKE or AS.
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Male 117
I`m pretty sure #28 is from the Simpsons or something, talking about a hobo in a fight whose prize is food or something. Maybe the episode where Homer gets the x-ray that shows that his skull is like a natural helmet so he goes into the world of amateur boxing.

I can`t believe I remember that...
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Female 1,203
And I am an English major, so there :P Some of these were pretty funny
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Female 1,203
17 Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

I liked this one. :D
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Male 4,004
To add to my Simile example:
"The dog was as young as a baby"
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Male 4,004
Analogy seems correct to me.

Dog:Puppy/Old Man:Baby

"The dog was still a puppy, much like the old man on the street corner who goes through the trash, he was once a baby."

Putting things into perspective:

A simile would be a comparison "The dog was like a canine baby".

A metaphor is an analogy that does not use the words LIKE or AS to make the statement.
"When the dog was very young he was a puppy."

Hope this helped. I love figures of speech.
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Male 767
reminds me of naked gun "... and like a midget at a urinal, i was going to have to stay on my toes." frank drebin ftw!!!
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Male 1,461
Some of those were pretty funny. I think 16 made me laugh the most though.
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Male 527
I could almost hear Leslie Nielsen reading some of those. Especially the one for the nameless dread. :)
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Male 648
these... are similes...

it`s been a while, but aren`t similes something different from analogies? or are similes a subset of analogies?
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Male 559
lots of lol
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Male 975
That had me dying!
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Male 626
"He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River."
Love it. :D
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Male 40,751
Wow, some of those were terrific actually! Like 48 & 49, eh? Geschpooklichkeit indeed!
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Male 15,510
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
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Male 2,121
Some of these are intentionally very witty, like I`m sure #16 would make sense and probably be quite clever if it was in context.
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Male 725
I hate MEEBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Female 226
Some of these were pretty damn epic xD
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Female 62
"It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall."

I Hate When This Happens. >_>
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Male 29
Liked this one a lot
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Male 5,194
Some of those were clever, like:

18. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Only problem with a lot of these is that the teacher doesn`t "get it".
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Male 25,416
some were win
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Male 11
I shall use these as often as possible.
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Female 4,430
Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein’s Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.
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Female 737
"He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something." Holy moly, I haven`t laughed so hard... These were brilliant!
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Male 121
I loved this post. i-am-no-longer-bored.
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Male 1,370
Many of these were actually quite hilarious.
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Male 423
Some of these were actually pretty funny and witty...
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Female 8,052
`there probably is a long German name for it.. ` and we all know there is too....
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Female 751
so much full of win!
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Male 1,021
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
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Male 39,913

those were funny!

#9 - Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
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Male 7,830
slothofdoom, that too was the one that got me the hardest.
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Male 27
I loved reading this, it made my morning.
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Female 437
Most of them would be brilliant in a Terry Pratchett type novel, if they weren`t so American I reckon he`d steal some XD
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Female 2,674
Oh jeeeze, that was hilarious. The Three Stooges one was my favorite.
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Female 72
f-ing genius
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Male 3,369
LOL @ 6,7,29,and 39!!!
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Male 2,033
"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."


Why did I laugh so hard at this?

WHYYYY?
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Male 2,147
Now I`m more bored than before
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Female 2,761
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon


that is great imagination right there...
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Male 81
this post is as good as that one guy from that one movie about the man that eats people.
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Male 7,830
Link: 56 Awful Analogies [Rate Link] - I bet none of these kids became English majors.
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