Your Gardener Will Mow The Lawn `til The End [Pic]

Submitted by: eastsiderepp 6 years ago Funny

This letter was written by a gardener--a very religious gardener. Sorry, the month of May will not be pro-rated.
There are 119 comments:
Male 684
@"just because Christians believe in something that you don`t doesn`t make us any stupider than anyone else and it doesn`t give anyone any right to say other wise just like just because we are Christians doesn`t mean we are allowed to say such things to people."

believing anything is true without empirical evidence is the epitome of ignorance.

believing things that are contrary to empirical evidence is far worse...

believing things that contradict themselves...
I dont even know how to address that...
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Female 126
i grow tiresome of these religious debates that insult everyone and convince no one...
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Female 321
This needs to be reposted on May 21 this year. Just saying.
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Male 3,745
"believing things that contradict themselves...
I dont even know how to address that..."

why is it so hard to accept that, even if you are an Atheist, that the idea of God is that he can create miracles? thats why he was/is called a miracle worker. he does whatever the drat he wants whenever the drat he wants...

"believing anything is true without empirical evidence is the epitome of ignorance. "

not believing in God because something didn`t go your way is also the epitome of ignorance...not saying that this is you in general but i am saying that 90% of atheists that I`VE met are atheists because they had an experience that "God would`nt help with"
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Male 1,357
LMAO, 2 days before my brothers birthday! Gutted mate.
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Male 684
@"just because Christians believe in something that you don`t doesn`t make us any stupider than anyone else and it doesn`t give anyone any right to say other wise just like just because we are Christians doesn`t mean we are allowed to say such things to people."

believing anything is true without empirical evidence is the epitome of ignorance.

believing things that are contrary to empirical evidence is far worse...

believing things that contradict themselves...
I dont even know how to address that...
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Female 235
How well do you do against hordes of zombies? Will you still be able to trim the hedges?
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Male 405
"There is proof that the earth was created in 11,013BC"
The word `proof` is thrown around a lot these days...
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Female 961
oh darn, just before my b-day....i`ll celebrate early
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Male 451
Xerasia-- No, the WORLD does not end. All the "Christians" disappear but the damned get to stay and keep living the drated up lives they have already started. Good luck! ;-)
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Male 759
Davy, I have the same pet peeve.

@image: take a list of every year from 0 to 2012 and somebody somewhere wrote a book about the world ending in that year.
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Female 129
May 21, 2011? Oooh that`s not going to work for me, can we reschedule? How about August 13th? Around 4ish?
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Male 10,339
Hey Davy.

I don`t give a sh*t means I don`t even give 1 sh*t.

I got what you were trying to do.

Sorry that just made me giggle.
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Male 12,138
[quote]tbh as a christian i could careless about anything like this. [/quote]
Couldn`t. You *couldn`t* care less. Not you could care less.

Analogy:

I couldn`t care less < I could care less, therefore I care at least a bit.

I don`t give a sh*t < I give several sh*ts, therefore there is a state of being where I couldn`t give any more sh*ts than I am currently giving.

Sorry, pet peeve of mine. And it`s friday night and I`m a little drunk. I know, shutting up now.
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Female 1,181
the world ends on my birthday? f*ck yeah!!
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Male 259
Aww crap, there goes my trip to vegas in the end of may as I turn 21 on the 27th...
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Female 614
@Lionhart, I think maybe it just makes them feel better. Like, if they can prepare for a religious apocalypse, they can feel in control about life situations. I dunno... I feel kinda bad for the dude. 30 yrs studying. too long.
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Male 3,745
"Ok, I apologise- but actually collegbound, but you know- I still think I am right. I have no problem with Christians at all- only those who cannot see the evidence that is there. But to believe that the bible is literally true- every word of it is silly, if only because the bible contradicts itself. If you cannot see the inconsistencies and contradictions then you are stupid ( not you personally!) Fanatics and fundamentalists of all stripes are dangerous, we do not want or need them- to get rid of them, lets ridicule them. It is kinder than many alternatives.is"

i was just bustin ur balls/vagina :P

tbh as a christian i could careless about anything like this.

the only thing that i argue is that God is supposed to be a being that creates miracles therefore anything that is said to have happened in the Bible could very well have happened. thanks for the apology :)
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Female 412
@Lionhart2, as a super-super-super-devout religious type I agree with you; we do not know the exact date the world will be ending.

Hmm love to see the world end in both 2011 and 2012 :P
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Male 8,302
How come SOOO MANY super-super-super-devout religious types predict all sorts of dates for the end of the world, but forget that the Bible says "NO ONE knows the hour... I come like a thief in the night". Or perhaps all these nutcases TALK it but don`t actually read up on it...
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Male 203
Right up to that day, that we won`t need money anymore. Wait, why am I cutting your grass?
Religion, you`re so funny.
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Male 22
Damn, I`ve just planned my vacation in July... LMAO!
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Female 7,838
Ok, I apologise- but actually collegbound, but you know- I still think I am right. I have no problem with Christians at all- only those who cannot see the evidence that is there. But to believe that the bible is literally true- every word of it is silly, if only because the bible contradicts itself. If you cannot see the inconsistencies and contradictions then you are stupid ( not you personally!) Fanatics and fundamentalists of all stripes are dangerous, we do not want or need them- to get rid of them, lets ridicule them. It is kinder than many alternatives.is
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Male 773
Weewwwt. :D I`ll be 20 before the world ends!
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Male 579
woot.. and I get to play duke nukem forever before the world ends..
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Male 5,413
So I still get to play Dead Space 2 and Marvel VS Capcom 3. Alright alright I`m good then :)
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Male 174
I`m going to throw any chance of being politically correct out the window and state that anyone who believes this is a drating moron
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Male 705
FOR F*CKS SAKE, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MY BIRTHDAY?
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Male 364
Better arrange for alternative lawn care beginning late May. Pretty sure dude will be punching out via koolaid if God doesn`t get him first...
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Male 3,745
"People who believe that the bible is literally true and a handwritten note from god are total cretins and should be laughed at."

correction people who would be hypocrytical and tell you that you were going to hell for saying such things are cretins and should be laughed at...

just because Christians believe in something that you don`t doesn`t make us any stupider than anyone else and it doesn`t give anyone any right to say other wise just like just because we are Christians doesn`t mean we are allowed to say such things to people.

P.S. the Bible was written by more than one person and was NEVER written by God :)

P.S.S God bless you :D
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Male 2,855
those are facts
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Male 2,670
Man, is he going to have a crappy May 22, 2011...
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Male 44
see the problem Religion Is Like A Penis
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Male 2,422
@CaptainPabst: You think this guy has actually read the Bible? Most Christains haven`t, that`s why they go to church.
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Male 5,190
Bahahaha.
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Male 1,678
Theres always something else going on during my birthday that overshadows it, FML! :(

Ahh well, at least i have an L to get F`d unlike most of the people here who can`t look at a picture without turning it into a flame war.
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Female 7,838
Oh- and 5cats, serious theologians are not morons. People who believe that the bible is literally true and a handwritten note from god are total cretins and should be laughed at. I have plenty of time for religion and religious scholars, they have much to say of interest. Fundamentalists, born agains and the like are a waste of good oxygen, if we take them seriously we endanger ourselves.
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Female 7,838
Mantolwen- they are slowly pitching up here- but at least they are still outnumbered. If we all agree to just laugh and point at the buggers they may leave PDQ!
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Male 1,418
@KMeTG no, that`s what the Mayans predicted and apparently, everything they believed was wrong, whereas everything Christians believe is supposedly right.
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Male 101
"Cant wait to see these nuts proved wrong."

same, but you just know when it doesn`t happen they`ll be like "oh we did a few calculations wrong, it`s coming next year" or something
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Female 387
When I first heard about these nutters, I thought it was a joke. Then I found out they were here in the UK too. Since the Bible makes it dead clear that we won`t know when it will happen ("like a thief in the night") I`m not sure where the date is coming from. Not even Jesus knew, so why would God let ordinary humans know?

I wonder what will happen when May 21 2011 comes and goes?
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Male 1,265
I thought it was meant to be Dec. 12th, 2012? I guess these loonies can`t wait for the apocalypse!
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Female 188
It all went by so fast...
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Male 6,737
Cant wait to see these nuts proved wrong.
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Male 6
Woah! It`s been bumped up to May 2011? Sweet. I`m totally maxing out my credit cards in May.

No BYOB for my End of the World Party. Everyone`s invited and it`s all covered!!! :D
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Female 7,838
what happens after the end of the world? do I have to cut my own grass? Perhaps I should get a goat.
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Male 10,339
We try to be bro! (cuts eyes @madest)
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Male 12,138
Sorry Lazy. We`re all in the hot tub by now, drinking beers and reminiscing on tales of tales untold, flames unflung, and homies no-homo.

Join us in the IAB Hot-Tub of Eternal Warmth. We cool, despite our differences. Right, guys?
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Male 10,440
Peace? No! More Fire! We want more fire!!
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Male 12,138
Fair enough. Peace, bro. Love, no malice here.
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Male 10,339
Dude. I was pokin` at ya. C`mon man.
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Male 12,138
You think so?
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Male 10,339
"AJ, shame on how about you shut the f*ck up?"

Hehehehe. I win.
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Male 12,138
vv AJ, shame on how about you shut the f*ck up?

I merely pointed out some weird versions of the biblical interpretation of the second coming of Christ, such as here.

As stated in that article, a subset of Christians don`t believe the *rapture* will come (hope I`m not a passenger in a plane with a Christian pilot on that day, since he`ll literally disappear to be caught up in the clouds).

Of course, Crakrjak will point out that those who believe different from him are not "True Christians". And I will in turn retort that that`s a "No True Scotsman Logical Fallacy". And Crakrjak will in turn retort that the "No True Scotsman" fallacy is a lie perpetreted by homosexual pagan muslims. And so it goes on.

Yes, I assert, I think religious people are f*cking mental.
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Male 10,440
[quote] You think he is insane for his beliefs? [/quote]

Yes.

Does anyone take the cracker seriously? I didn`t think so.
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Male 10,339
@davy:

It says that has to occur in the bible.

You think he is insane for his beliefs?

Shame on you.
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Male 2,085
So people who make their living studying theology and the bible are morons.
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Male 109
yeah! Religion! YEAH! YEAH!!! YEAH COMMENT FLAME WAR! YEAH!!!!!
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Male 12,138
Woah there cowboys. Maybe I`m reading too much into it. I assure, I`m far from hysterical. I`m positively mellow.

It just struck me that the destruction of the Islamic place of worship as a forerunner to the reclamation of that holy site on the part of Christianity/Judaism/whatever, reeked to me of Holy War.

And for all the reasons that wars should be fought, one group`s holiness over another should be the least of them. Surely?
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Male 102
That date was made by a 70 or 80 year old man, who based upon his own reading and knowledge of the bible, came down to the conclusion that May 21 2011 is the end.

Seems legit to me, I mean, when are old people wrong?

Sadly, theres a moderately sized movement in the US going on to inform as many people as they can that the endtime is coming.

They don`t cite the other end-times that have come and gone, most notably the few in the late 1800`s that everyone beleived in.

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Male 37,895
Crakrjak: [quote]Actually, I believe the rebuilding of the Jewish Temple (Meaning the destruction of the islamic temple on the mount) would occur before the `rapture`. [/quote]


Davymid: [quote]Wow. Just wow. You`ve made it quite clear how much you loathe/hate/fear Muslims Crakrjak, but that`s just... wow. [/quote]


Wow. Just wow. You sure read a lot into that Davy. Let`s keep the drama down to just `hysterical` level, shall we.
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Male 2,034
@Davymid: At the risk of sounding insane, I`m pretty sure that a "new temple" is one of the conditions in the bible or some junk for the rapture to occur. Just saying. Haters gonna hate.
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Male 12,138
Crakrjak: [quote]Actually, I believe the rebuilding of the Jewish Temple (Meaning the destruction of the islamic temple on the mount) would occur before the `rapture`.[/quote]
Wow. Just wow. You`ve made it quite clear how much you loathe/hate/fear Muslims Crakrjak, but that`s just... wow.

You truly believe that the Holy Rapture for Christians (and Jews, confusingly) will only come when the temple of Islam has been toppled, forthwith, conquering the Temple of the Mount from the Muslims in the name of Jesus?

Man, you`re more insane than I thought you were. And I already made up my mind that you were pretty insane.
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Male 1,744
so if the world doesn`t end in may does that mean the remainder of his service will be free? I say win for his customers.
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Male 52
Oh well! May 21? might as well smokin` again! Pass me a heater! No way this guy could be wrong.(How much will this guy feel like a jacka*s on May 22?)
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Female 2,674
Gerry1of1: God bless the Slut Gene! I. Will. Be. There.
Is it BYO-Sluts too?
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Male 1,107
I`m actually pretty excited for the rapture. Just think of all the rad parties us heathens will have when the Christians are all gone.
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Male 226
Is that technically not wrong.
the world WAS created in 11 013 BC
it was there, so it had been created.
as far as may 2011 I can`t say, we`re not there.
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Female 62
haha i guess i just wasn`t meant to graduate
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Male 4,793
"Is a single christian in the usa aware of the fact that the bible has been rewrote a couple of time and that each time they change pooloads of things just to make people subserviant to "God``..."

Nope. not a single one. This is because once a christian realizes this, they wise up and opt out. Prime example = me.
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Male 2,988
Well, guess I need to get started on that bucket list, only 4 months left.
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Male 423
Is a single christian in the usa aware of the fact that the bible has been rewrote a couple of time and that each time they change pooloads of things just to make people subserviant to ``God``...
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Female 5
So what happens on May 22? How do you play that off.
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Male 407
That`s my dads Bray hahah
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Male 110
its armageddon for their business now
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Male 795
Good Lord.
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Male 12,365
There`s some information I`d like - where are they getting their numbers from? They`re not actually in the Christian bible.

I wonder if they`re aware of all the other Christians over the past 2000 years who were also sure that they knew when judgement day was coming...right up until that day passed and the next one started with nothing unusual happening.
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Male 3,431
Just be sure to schedule payment after the 21st eh?
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Male 1,249
"...thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee" - Revelation 3:3

Well there goes that argument.
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Male 2,868
If I had a Gardner, and I got a letter like this from him/her, I would seriously consider terminating my relationship with them. I mean, maybe not if they did a good job, but I don`t really like the idea of knowingly giving money to someone who`s going to give it to a Church that uses its financial resources to spread this kind of ignorance.
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Male 84
I love things like this! It`s a win-win for me. If they`re right, nobody will be around to rub it in my face (as my face also won`t exist either). However, when it doesn`t happen, I`ll still be here to make fun of these nuts until the very end.
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Male 721
lol why do so many people base their lives of this ficticious nonsence.
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Male 84
snunicycler, I know that the vast majority of Christians aren`t like this... just the same way the vast majority of Muslims are not fanatical lunatics with bombs on their chests (not being sarcastic). It`s always the extremists who ruin it for the rest of us. Extremism and naivete are the dangerous things.
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Male 526
THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING!!!! but... not when you`d think. It`s actually December 20, 2012. Gonna catch all the conspiracy nuts WAYY off guard.
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Male 84
I love things like this! It`s a win-win for me. If they`re right, nobody will be around to rub it in my face (as my face also won`t exist either). However, when it doesn`t happen, I`ll still be here to make fun of these nuts until the very end.
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Male 2,388
I want to see scientific evidence. oh its based on a story
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Male 87
this is dumb. i`m a christian. we arent all like this
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Male 776
"Can`t wait to prove them wrong"

whoa, crazy... what are the odds somebody on IAB would know this guy???

say hello from IAB next chance you get
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Male 373
Can`t wait to prove them wrong
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Male 931
I think Duke Nukem Forever gets released around that day.
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Female 38
May 21st is my brother`s birthday. i knew he was special
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Male 701
What is with all this "World will in May 21st"?
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Male 10,845
[quote">There is proof that the Earth was created in 11013 BC[/quote">
Wrong!

[quote">Judgment day will May 21,2011[/quote">
Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy
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Male 1,197
i thought we had till 2012 at least :(
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Male 12,138
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Male 78
just great one day after my birthday! drat that...
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Male 17,512
Actually, I believe the rebuilding of the Jewish Temple (Meaning the destruction of the islamic temple on the mount) would occur before the `rapture`. But as in all theological predictions, things don`t always occur as predicted.

I hope to be out having a good BBQ in the park, that weekend.
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Male 37,895
Attention All People with the SLUT GENE:

Party at My Place May 20th.

BYOB
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Male 115
Crackpot Christians, giving real ones a bad name all the time :/ At least 2 times the Bible Clearly States "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."
Matthew 24 & Mark 13
So what Cult does this guy belong to?
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Male 1,625
NAKED PARTY!!!! May 19th-20th at my place. Ladies of IAB, who`s ready to make some bad decisions?
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Male 1,451
I want to make him sign a contract saying he will continue his work until the end of the world and then pay him until May.

Then: free gardening for life!
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Male 208
Time to start looking for a new gardner.


If the world is ending in May, Why the heck would I care how my daisies and grass look?
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Male 15,510
I would love to imagine that it would be a wake up call when nothing at all happens that day. But people just doesnt learn
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Male 1,107
HURRR
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Female 457
Not even gonna participate in the slightest of flame wars. To each his own. HOWEVER, this guy must have just skipped the part about the end of the world that said, ""No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."
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Male 2,440
Now THAT`S dedication. :D
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Male 7,123
OK, but we pay at the end of the month.
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Male 11,740
Well why bother using them any more at all? Grass and flowers won`t start to grow before about March or April. Let it all go and use that money for beer and hookers.
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Female 839
i can think of no better way to spend earths last day than mowing somebody else`s lawn
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Male 353
On May 21, 2011 the lawn-mowers will rise up and slay all idiot gardeners! Homeowners can be prepared for a seriously good mulch!
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Male 233
Not that I`m a religious person but it takes a fool and IDIOT not to take a quick glace into the Bible and notice that it clearly states that the judgement would happen when noone expects it, considering people are pulling these dates and thinking that it will end on these days is definitive that it will in fact NOT happen these days... sorry thats mah rant
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Male 132
I wouldn`t hire them.
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Male 295
the gardener`s name is JESUS amirite?
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Male 1,548
There`s a reason some people stay poor for generations...
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Male 965
"We will be running our business right up to that day."

Good, I hope you plan to keep running it after that day as well because nothing is going to happen.
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Male 31
So I guess he wants his paycheck for the last days in advance...
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Male 2,033
I wouldn`t pay him after may :P
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Male 25,416
Wow, that should be interesting
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Male 2,620
Link: Your Gardener Will Mow The Lawn `til The End [Pic] [Rate Link] - This letter was written by a gardener--a very religious gardener. Sorry, the month of May will not be pro-rated.
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