Rockin' in the free world since 2005.

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Rating: 4.5
Category: Funny
Date: 01/26/11 04:47 PM

49 Responses to Most No-Nonsense Doctor Ever [Pic]

  1. Profile photo of eugenius
    eugenius Male 30-39
    1620 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm
    Link: Most No-Nonsense Doctor Ever - He doc, how do I get off heroin?
  2. Profile photo of Skythe
    Skythe Male 18-29
    965 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 4:57 pm
    Hmm. I never thought of it that way before.
    Thanks Doc!
  3. Profile photo of LandoGriffin
    LandoGriffin Male 30-39
    3844 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm
    It says "continued" so there were probably a lot of relevant instructions on previous pages. At the bottom of every discharge I get, the very last line says "reduce alcohol consumption" just like this. It is just funny because this line is on its own page.
  4. Profile photo of SKINNERNSC
    SKINNERNSC Male 30-39
    359 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:01 pm
    Yes,I agree....the kidnapping of female superheros has to stop...I read that wrong didn`t I?
  5. Profile photo of Lionhart2
    Lionhart2 Male 40-49
    8309 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:02 pm
    I want a second opinion.
  6. Profile photo of ruthless1990
    ruthless1990 Female 18-29
    3001 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:08 pm
    well, that`d do it
  7. Profile photo of akijade
    akijade Female 18-29
    1006 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:17 pm
    Close, Skinnernsc, but that is Heroine. Not quite the same.
  8. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:23 pm
    @SKINNERNSC

    Nah you got that right, this was sent to Bowser
  9. Profile photo of Gerry1of1
    Gerry1of1 Male 50-59
    36194 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:27 pm
    when he says "stop taking heroin" he means like, stop stealing it.... start paying, right? Or does he mean stop taking "a lot" and cut back a bit?
  10. Profile photo of collegebound
    collegebound Male 18-29
    3745 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:38 pm
    well then...ill try it and see what happens

    "Yes,I agree....the kidnapping of female superheros has to stop...I read that wrong didn`t I?"

    i got your joke even if they didnt :)
  11. Profile photo of 8BitHero
    8BitHero Male 18-29
    5414 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 5:46 pm
    In a nutshell and straight to the point. :)
  12. Profile photo of jbwhite
    jbwhite Male 18-29
    1292 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 7:15 pm
    This doc. really knows his stuff.
  13. Profile photo of kingpong
    kingpong Male 18-29
    639 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 7:35 pm
    Does this really qualify as special advice? I`m pretty sure this is a rule that applies to everyone, not just the good sir or madam here. Is there a patient this doctor would be like "Hell yeah, keep shootin` up, I`ll go get the needles"? I don`t think you even need a doctor for this advice.
  14. Profile photo of CaptainPabst
    CaptainPabst Male 18-29
    1250 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 7:54 pm
    Sounds easy enough...
  15. Profile photo of CoyoteKing
    CoyoteKing Male 18-29
    2988 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 7:57 pm
    fair enough doc
  16. Profile photo of AnImbroglio
    AnImbroglio Male 30-39
    838 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 8:22 pm
    kingpong... the subtlety of sarcasm is entirely lost on you, isn`t it.
  17. Profile photo of BostonKaiser
    BostonKaiser Male 40-49
    1177 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 8:47 pm
    "Is there a patient this doctor would be like "Hell yeah, keep shootin` up, I`ll go get the needles"?"

    Keith Richards?
  18. Profile photo of 5Cats
    5Cats Male 50-59
    31771 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 8:50 pm
    At first I was going to point out it`s page 2 of doctor`s advice, but I thought: naw!

    THEN I noticed the caption and thought:

    "He doc, me junky!"
    (I Tarzan, you Jane)
  19. Profile photo of Inter237
    Inter237 Male 18-29
    2441 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 9:10 pm
    I`m pretty sure most doctors would say the same thing.
  20. Profile photo of MechaWolf
    MechaWolf Male 18-29
    315 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 9:37 pm
    1. This guy sounds like a frequent flyer and probably as a track record at the hospital for overdose and so patience is at a minimum 2. You gotta put something in the discharge instructions to cover your @ss if he OD again.
  21. Profile photo of sbeelz
    sbeelz Male 30-39
    2868 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 9:59 pm
    "You gotta put something in the discharge instructions to cover your @ss if he OD again."

    I don`t think this falls in the CYA category. Were this patient to OD, and there was question as to whether or not this doctor did his or her job correctly, this document would not show the doctor in a very good light- it reveals frustration with and contempt for the patient. If he wanted to cover his ass, he should have referred him to a treatment program.

    But I understand the frustration- there are loads of people who treat their bodies like sh*t- either by using drugs, or drinking heavily, or eating pooty food and/or sitting on ass all day- and then when it catches up to them they go to the doctor and say "fix me."
  22. Profile photo of 5Cats
    5Cats Male 50-59
    31771 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 11:03 pm
    they go to the doctor and say "fix me."
    OH! If ONLY more junkies, idiots and other assorted fools would go get "fixed", eh?
    ("fix me" means something different to us cat-people - lolz!)
  23. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25407 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 11:08 pm
    Telllz it like it iz!
  24. Profile photo of LazyMe484
    LazyMe484 Male 18-29
    10443 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 11:13 pm
    Sound advice I suppose
  25. Profile photo of Cajun247
    Cajun247 Male 18-29
    10722 posts
    January 26, 2011 at 11:33 pm
    Oh if only it were that simple
  26. Profile photo of SvampeBob
    SvampeBob Male 18-29
    3076 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 12:01 am
    Thanks Doc!
    You should be nominated for a Nobel price in medicine for cure of the year!
  27. Profile photo of Matholameu
    Matholameu Male 70 & Over
    493 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 12:35 am
    Haha. Well played.
  28. Profile photo of xxPinkxx
    xxPinkxx Female 18-29
    3830 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 2:28 am
    lol i guess most doctors would write down the information for a rehab centre or something. not this guy!! best dr award!
  29. Profile photo of jadedtortois
    jadedtortois Female 18-29
    779 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 2:48 am
    What a stupid doctor, he should be prescribing Methadone to stabilize the guy while he gets of heroin. Text book stuff. *sigh*
  30. Profile photo of lisalezah
    lisalezah Female 18-29
    255 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 2:51 am
    Why is there no signatures?
  31. Profile photo of EricWRN
    EricWRN Male 30-39
    590 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 4:51 am
    aw, mean ol` ER doctors not giving touchy feely huggy lovey rehab instructions for a heroin user who probably got his 10th tax-payer comp`ed ER visit this year :(
  32. Profile photo of EricWRN
    EricWRN Male 30-39
    590 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 4:53 am
    ...plus this says "dc instructions con`t", meaning there`s probably other pages of generic "get off heroin" instructions and warnings and this was the page for his "special advice", as the page header reads. That`s generally how ER instruction sheets work for you judgmental laymen out there!
  33. Profile photo of koolnews
    koolnews Male 30-39
    44 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 4:59 am
    Here`s another dedicated doctor and don`t you ever mention pedophile. A Totally Real Doctor
  34. Profile photo of ForSquirel
    ForSquirel Male 30-39
    2054 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 5:51 am
    I`ve never seen personalized discharge papers. I find this highly unlikely. This was most likely a joke. Docs do it all the time.
  35. Profile photo of slut_etta
    slut_etta Female 50-59
    3774 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 6:43 am
    @ForSquirel: its required that when leaving the ER you receive written discharge instructions. was in the business for 30 years so i think i know what i`m talking about...
  36. Profile photo of ForSquirel
    ForSquirel Male 30-39
    2054 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 6:48 am
    nobody writes discharge papers anymore, they check the boxes and pre-filled,generated dc papers spit out at the printer.
  37. Profile photo of jde824
    jde824 Male 18-29
    241 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 7:05 am
    You always get discharge papers when you leave the hospital.
  38. Profile photo of meepmaker
    meepmaker Male 30-39
    6694 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 7:49 am
    LOL. Well, Stop It !
  39. Profile photo of green_batman
    green_batman Female 18-29
    728 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 10:25 am
    Except that, if the patient were addicted to heroin, a smart doctor would provide information about rehab or methadone. Heroin withdrawal can occasionally be fatal, not to mention extremely difficult to get over, as heroin is one of the most addictive drugs out there.
  40. Profile photo of bigbangbilly
    bigbangbilly Male 13-17
    698 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 10:34 am
    So why isn`t that guy arrested for using heroin?
  41. Profile photo of CaptainPabst
    CaptainPabst Male 18-29
    1250 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
    "So why isn`t that guy arrested for using heroin?" Because you can`t get arrested for being an addict. Possession is another thing.
  42. Profile photo of ForSquirel
    ForSquirel Male 30-39
    2054 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
    Except that, if the patient were addicted to heroin, a smart doctor would provide information about rehab or methadone. Heroin withdrawal can occasionally be fatal, not to mention extremely difficult to get over, as heroin is one of the most addictive drugs out there.

    Hence the pre-filled generic discharge papers. I once went to a er because I was routinely `tired.` The fact I was going to college fulltime, community college part time and working 60 hours a week probably had A LOT to do with it but I was tired more than normal. Diagnosis? He said I was depressed. Got the generic dc papers and even a 1800 number for when I felt like killing myself. but my dc papers were generic. Docs don`t have/take the time to write special instructions anymore. Most of the time they`re just way to overwhelmed or lack the motivational desire.
  43. Profile photo of janeenie
    janeenie Female 18-29
    123 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm
    haha reminds me of the movie liar liar when jim carrey yell "stop breaking the law a**hole"
  44. Profile photo of BunnyNaku
    BunnyNaku Female 18-29
    5224 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm
    lmao @janeenie
  45. Profile photo of sbeelz
    sbeelz Male 30-39
    2868 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 7:50 pm
    "Heroin withdrawal can occasionally be fatal"

    Only if the person kills themselves. It`s alcohol withdrawal that can kill you- it can cause seizures, which can be fatal if they go untreated. I`ve seen both on the psychiatric ward at a VA hospital. With opioid addicts, the focus is on keeping them as comfortable as possible through the detox process, but opioids are not required to protect them from harmful withdrawal symptoms. On the other hand, patients detoxing from alcohol are monitored closely, and are given benzodiazepines if their withdrawal symptoms start to get out of control, since benzos act on the nervous system similarly to alcohol, and act as an anticonvulsant to prevent seizures.
  46. Profile photo of sbeelz
    sbeelz Male 30-39
    2868 posts
    January 27, 2011 at 9:01 pm
    OK, might as well correct myself- "While heroin withdrawal is seldom fatal, it can cause death if heavy users who are in poor health suddenly stop taking the drug."

    source
  47. Profile photo of Fleaman1797
    Fleaman1797 Male 18-29
    718 posts
    January 29, 2011 at 2:42 am
    Here is how you stop taking heroin. Suboxone. there.. problem solved.. you dont get high anymore but you also dont have an awesome chance of dying or getting aids. i think its a fair trade. and some say (your trading one addiction for another) not always and even if you DO id rather take 1-1/2 a suboxone a day then shooting up all my entire income into my arm.
  48. Profile photo of adia1228
    adia1228 Female 30-39
    83 posts
    January 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm
    A doctor that doesn`t mince words. Yay.

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