Church Says: Get Divorced? Go To Hell [Pic]

Submitted by: eastsiderepp 6 years ago in Funny

The good news is, you"re divorcing your a-hole spouse. The bad news is you"re spending eternity with Satan.
There are 122 comments:
Male 10
@panda_chaos-

If everyone had a "real grip on reality" no one would preach or practice. Supernatural is synonymous with mythical.
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Male 172
TL;DR
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Female 321
I`m Christian and I`m not sure what sect of Christianity this is, but I find this ridiculous.
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Female 999
Where does it say it`s for divorce? I missed it
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Male 2,402
@zombunny

Then since you make it your set of consciousness then it becomes your religion. Therefore you hate yourself. Oh the irony of it all. :-P
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Female 235
You see? This is why religion should only be practiced and preached by people who have a real grip on reality.
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Male 80
most sane people do zombunny.
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Female 2,525
I hate religion.
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Female 856
Wow, I think he`s better off away from these emotional vampires. Life is too short for this bollocks!
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Male 6
What, that didn`t sound right. Sleeping with your father`s wife is what I find disturbing...
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Male 6
People keep thinking that this church is based out of Texas. But there is no elder named "Donn" in that church. He`s the Elder at this "Village Church":

http://www.vcbweb.org/345243.ihtml

Donn is the dude on the right. Regardless, the scripture that they quote is about not sleeping with your father`s wife...which is kinda disturbing if you ask me...
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Female 21
So if you look up the Village Church, it says they`re affiliated with Baptists on their site. And they have elders.

Which makes sense. Fundamentalists love their bible.
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Male 2,402
Do you guys ever read a thread? It`s not Mormons.


http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/
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Male 33
Sounds a little mormonish to me...It reads like a collection notice for your soul lol
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Male 12,365
LuckyDave...an annulment is not simply a divorce approved by the church. It`s for extreme cases that are considered to have rendered the entire marriage invalid, like finding out that your spouse is a close blood relative or that they decieved you in some manner to get you to marry them under false pretences...it`s not saying that the marriage is over, it`s saying that the marriage was invalid *at the time of the wedding*.
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Male 2,402
@Calderis
You guess wrong.
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Female 1,893
im a pagan MUAhAhAhaaa
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Male 326
CHairman of Elders, yada yada yada...

I guess mormons.
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Male 288
Oh how the church ruins religion. People, just stay home and worship where you cannot be judged by power hungry hypocrites!
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Male 14
LMFAO true love of christians right there.. shouldn`t black out their numbers.. should let the trolls at them lol
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Male 426
this is so friggin funny! We are going to have to hand you over to satan and you are no longer protected. WTS IS THIS!?!?! hahaha!!!!
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Male 255
Come to the Church of England, it was created specifically for divorce!
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Male 605
Its funny how the word Pagan used by Christians is a derogatory term when in fact it is just another way of thinking that doesn`t correspond with the Christian beliefs, FTW silly religions!
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Male 675
I actually looked up each of those bible verses and none of them seem to point to a specific "sin", just that it is the responsibility of those who are good to confront and help those who have sinned.

While I am aware that the Catholic church does look poorly upon divorce, there is this thing called an annulment. Where if your divorce was for a valid reason (in the above mentioned reason for example, your husband was an a-hole and living with him was hell), the church then views it as if the union never happened.

What to make of this letter, I couldn`t tell you, it sounds like a small village (as it says anyway) with a church of elders (Have never heard of a church with elders, but moving along...) Who are too caught up in their tiny society to realize that the 1600`s have come and gone, and the church no longer rules your life.
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Male 10,440
Atheism FTW! LazyMe is on his high horse, and he`s not getting off. He`s going to laugh at you and you can`t stop him.
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Male 5,413
It`s funny because it`s on E-mail :P
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Male 57
If that were written for me, it`s a win-win. Living with my ex was a much worse hell than Satan could conjure up.
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Female 255
Churches shouldn`t be saying "we would treat you as an outsider". You shouldn`t be treating people as outsiders, everyone should be treated as a member, or what`s the point? Jesus welcomed everyone to listen to his message and fellowship, so if you insist on calling yourself a Christian, you need to do the same and follow Christ`s example. These people are getting caught up in following the letter of the law and not the spirit. This is sad.
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Male 2,229
A bible trumping church goer, is going have explain this letter cause it doesn`t make one bit of sense, also where is the funny, guess it misses if ya have to explain...
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Male 351
can someone just write down the funny part? i`m not reading that:P
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Female 515
they probably go that idea by looking up the passages mentioned? Not sure just a guess. :)
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Female 1,203
Whatever this person did, this church is still bat-poo crazy. But I also wonder where the divorce idea came from.
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Male 90
tldr
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Female 24
When I was 13 my mother and I got kicked out of the church of christ because she had a previous marriage. My stepdad got to stay though. I never really understood it, but I was pretty happy about not having to dress like Little House on the Prairie like the rest of those women.


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Female 169
tl;dr
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Male 247
I am betting that it`s not divorce they`re talking about. Where did IAB get the idea that it is divorce?
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Male 56
I`m also not seeing any mention of, or references to divorce whatsoever. wtf?
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Male 50
just and extreme example of some literalist interpretation of a text that has been edited so much by humans to read it literally is an impossibly confusing and contradicting mistake.
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Male 833
uh.... maybe im just blind, but where does it actually mention divorce?
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Male 238
WTF kind of church is that? I`ve gotten divorced, arrested, and haven`t been to church in 10 years and I`m still registered as a member at my old church.
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Male 1,016
Judge not lest ye be judged !!
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Female 676
Was there a reason they blacked out Village Church at the top but left it clear to read at the bottom? xD
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Female 3,001
not taking the "let him who is without sin cast the first stone" thing very seriously i see
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Female 5,222
...
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Female 8,046
LOL- not Cof E then?
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Male 2,748
lol
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Male 2,402
@Zepher
Read the thread next time. it`s not Mormons

@PastorFuzz
The church is located in Flower Mound, Texas
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Male 1,067
I would not want anything to do with these people.
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Male 6
Long time lurker, but this one finally pushed me to make a comment.

Does that church (which is apparently in Illinois) realize that I Corinthians 5:1-5 is all about being a mother-lover? No joke. It`s about punishment for incest.

So...one of two options: either the excommunicated member is totally wrong and the church is doing it right; or switch that around...
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Female 414
to quote WKUK-- "shine on you crazy mormons"...
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Female 3,562
Wow, it`s like an IRS letter informing you that you`re going to be audited, except instead of auditing it`s spending eternity in hell. No wonder it`s so similar.
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Male 423
``So which religion should i choose`` ``Ah six of one,they`re all complete crap...``
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Male 2,402
@penquinazul
It all depends upon who starts what church by their revelation of interpretation. That`s why there is so many churches. Everyone interprets passages their own way. You join that church your abiding by their doctrine they have defined for themselves. Apparently all the Christian sects think they are the true and chosen church.
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Male 25,416
meh...
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Male 2,402
@SaltyNuggets
It`s not a SS#. You dad found a membership record with their personal record number and ordinance dates for such as baptisms and confirmation and also priesthood ordinations.

Instead of spreading false information go ask a Mormon and learn something about them and their church. What`s a matter are you afraid a missionary will knock on the door. Just tell them no.
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Male 2,388
wheres the love catholics?????

KannaLilly your story was also interesting
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Male 17,511
DrChocolate: Apparently I was wrong on the identity of the specific denomination, I`m just expressing that expelling a member of a church is not what most churches do.

Churches that believe they get to choose who is in "the body of Christ" gall me, Once you name is written in the `book of life` it`s permanent. In my humble opinion, No church body can erase your salvation.
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Male 2,402
@Argnarok

Numbnuts do you not read the thread?
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Male 12,365
[quote]This doesn`t scream "Cult" to anyone?[/quote]

No more than religion normally does. Oh sure, it gets to be called a religion rather than a cult when it has enough followers, but it`s still the same thing.

These people are enforcing the rules in their holy book and expelling members who don`t conform to them. If you allow freedom of religion, you must allow this sort of thing.

If they got married in such a traditional Christian sect, they probably swore an oath before their god to be married until death, without any get-out clauses. In that case, their church shouldn`t approve of them divorcing - from the church`s point of view they have broken an oath witnessed by god. Why wouldn`t they expel someone who did such a serious thing?

I`d never swear such an oath, because I don`t break my oaths. I wouldn`t risk having my life ruined by being bound to someone I`d come to hate, who was cheating on me or whatever.
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Female 635
This sort of thing happened to my girlfriend when she came out as a lesbian. She isn`t allowed to attend church service anymore, even though her family is very, very Catholic.
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Male 38
Speaking of Mormans, my dad once found some official looking LDS document in a parking lot that had a guys SSN number and a bunch of other VERY personal stuff on it. It really is creepy how much information they keep on you.
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Male 128
hahahaha the Jesus Facepalm is awesome!
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Male 53
Mormons are whacked in the head!
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Male 2,548
Pfft, the members of this church can feel free to treat me as a pagan or a tax collector ANYDAY!
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Female 470
I looked this up one time: I believe (correct me if I`m wrong) as far as the bible is concerned, the only way divorce isn`t a sin is if A) your spouse cheated on you or B) your spouse becomes a non-believer while you`re married to him/her. I say it this way because I believe if a Christian marries a non-believer they`re already sinning, according to bible technicality.

HOWEVER, the bible also says you`re supposed to forgive people for their sins because that`s what God would do. So these people are in the wrong. The end.
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Female 133
This is ridiculous. My husband and I are avid "Christians". Not in the sense that most people associate us with. We follow Christ, not the group of the church, however we are the youth leaders of our church.
It is not right that the church would threaten this couple and it certainly isn`t the congregation`s business about the couple`s choices and they shouldn`t be told what their relationship should be with these members. This church gives good, sane followers of Christ a bad name.
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Male 10,855


Because I KNOW I didn`t die for THIS crap!
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Male 2,690
Saddens me that a lot of people will look at this radical church and think OMG CHRISTIANS ARE STUPID. >_>
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Male 12,138
[quote]This doesn`t scream "Cult" to anyone?[/quote]
I`ve always found that the only different between "cult" and "religion" is the number of subscribers.
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Male 126
Nidonemo, it does to me. then again, all religion churches and such do to me haha sorry if i offend anybody but just take a hard look at it.
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Female 200
I used to go to the Village Church and they have an elder named Don. D:
also, this is why I renounced christianity
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Male 2,402
@DesertWolf
Matt 18:18

"18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall abind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."

That binding thing..I think they interpret as in relation to marriage vows. Thus divorce a sin.
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Male 9,305
This doesn`t scream "Cult" to anyone?
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Male 2,402
Flower Mound Texas!!!!!! Crap my best friend lives there.

Phew..... I checked the Elders list. He`s not inducted into the cult yet. I better rescue him though before the turn the town into zombie land.
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Female 203
FfanaticR.....nice with the WoW reference.
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Male 63
I guess I`m not getting something...
Where did divorced thing come into play?
The letter is worded very similar to one I got while in college from the local church I was a "member" of, and I wasn`t getting a divorce.
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Male 39,904
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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Male 170
TROLL SNACKS!!!!!!!!

http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/
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Female 23
Sounds like a pentecostal or UPI church. This is the type of crazy they do. You should see what happens if a female cuts her hair.
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Male 2,402
@Crakrjak replied:

Sounds like this comes from the Mormon, aka Latter Day Saints, church.

They can expel members for many reasons, It`s their church`s rules. You can look those rules up on wikileaks.

This sort of letter is not representative of most Christian churches.

handys003 responded:
No it`s not LDS. They refer in their letters always as Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It`s the official designation used in reference officially always. The letter would also ask to present themselves to the Stake Presidency and Bishopric council involving disciplinary action.

Second the church does not ex-communicate or discipline for divorce.
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Male 43
"Church ≠ Christ ... closest thing to math you can find in religion."

Sorry... that should read "Church [does not equal] Christ ..."
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Male 43
"Ask any christian what should be done with the Witches and the Pagans."

Personally? I`d ask horde or alliance... and then respond accordingly :P

Chuch ≠ Christ ... closest thing to math you can find in religion.
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Male 819
"this reminds me of a writer called Rius, who has been excommunicated and damned countless times by the catholic church (he was excommunicated by pope John Paul II himself).

His reaction? He invited his friends for a bbq to celebrate it"

Really? I would love to get a link to an article about how the evil John Paul II did this...

Religion is far from perfect, and the Catholic Church has a lot of things wrong with it... But there`s no need to spread falsehoods. If you want to criticize religion, and the Catholic church, that is your right, but at least use facts and logical argumentation.
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Male 2,402
Why does it blank out the Church`s name but show it at the bottom left? Somebody has an axe to grind huh?
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Male 195
Only Christ can add to the church. They may choose to deny fellowship but they can not take him out of the church, only Christ can do that.
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Male 2,700
i like how time and time again its is GOD and his evil followers that condem people to bad things. Satan on the other hand promites free will which generally promotes hapiness. So when didd Hitler replace god? Also when did Ma Teresa replace Satan. The true evil here are the ones willing to condem someone to pain and sadness.
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Male 3,331
I know this will get lost the flame war, but I read this and see no mention of divorce. How do we know what this is all about?
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Male 541
Are these Indians?
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Male 20
That`s why there is no true mention of "Marriage" In wiccan religion. We have a bonding. Means that people love each other, and when they feel that it would benefit BOTH of the people, one can leave, or they can come to a mutual agreement to disband the bond. Drating christians don`t respect others wishes at all ever.
Ask any christian what should be done with the Witches and the Pagans.
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Male 2,516
this reminds me of a writer called Rius, who has been excommunicated and damned countless times by the catholic church (he was excommunicated by pope John Paul II himself).

His reaction? He invited his friends for a bbq to celebrate it
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Male 2,344
actually Jesus made it very clear in the bible that there are several reasons that it is okay to divorce. where this idea came from that it is a sin is beyond me and the lord.
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Male 385
@ duffytoler. Not necessarily true. I`m religious and I have never asked anyone to convert, repent or ever told someone they are sinners. I do not care what anyone else does with there life (aside from crimes aka murder/rape and so forth). I believe we where put here with free will so that we would choose our own path. My opinion on anyone`s choice is irrelevant.
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Male 819
"Religious people = control freaks. Always."

Clearly this is a psycho church. However I have been a member of Christian churches my whole life and have never encountered anything resembling this.... So "always"... not so much...
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Male 21
Excommunicated!
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Male 1,378
we`ll always have religious people, until the day they kill us all
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Male 39,904
I`m good with this.

It`s not my beliefs we`re talking about, it`s theirs. So if you profess to be a Christian you should live it...these idiots... I men these pius men are doing just that.

I will never have to fear expulsion from their group as I am not stupid enough to join.
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Male 3,014
Wife: But he beats me half to death on a regular basis!

Elders: Oh, boo-f*cking-hoo. Jesus got nailed to a cross and died a slow and painful death. Suck it up, bitch.
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Male 5,194
Religious people = control freaks. Always.
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Male 36
Not Mormon. For one thing, in addition to the references from the bible there would be references to the "Doctrine and Covenants", where matters of church policy and discipline are outlined. For another matter, it says the Village Church at the bottom.

So, yeah, before saying something "Sounds Mormon" make sure there aren`t references to other faiths on the letter.

Thank you, an LDS "Mormon" member of the IAB forums.
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Female 220
Ugh. My FIL is like this. Makes me sick.
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Male 296
What. The. drat.
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Female 3,598
come to the dark side... we have better parties.
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Male 2,988
@sbeelz: LOL. too awesome for words.
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Male 92
I have never read a bigger piece of nonsensical, cult-like crap in my life. It was great, thanks!
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Male 2,868
This is all I have to say about that:
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Male 21
@Car Jack - Though it was Mormon too but the language/verbage is all wrong for Mormons. Plus you don`t get dis-fellowshipped for divorce only. I`m guessing it`s a small born again church.
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Male 1,793
There is no god so there is no satan.... lol...
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Male 17,511
Sounds like this comes from the Mormon, aka Latter Day Saints, church.

They can expel members for many reasons, It`s their church`s rules. You can look those rules up on wikileaks.

This sort of letter is not representative of most Christian churches.
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Male 15
THE ELDERS HAVE SPOKEN!
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Female 92
Sounds Mormon to me, and I think it`s about the girl having sex because they want a "pure bride for Christ"
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Male 123
"It would mean we are handing you over to Satan."

Quite the ego on these ones. It must be fun thinking one has that kind of power.
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Male 1,929
..To be perfectly fair, it does seem that the recipient is a member of the church. They`re part of the same group. So what if his group members care about their rules?
It`s like getting a letter from a gaming clan threatening to kick you out for hacks, then posting at saying "rofl, look at these geeks!".
Pot, kettle.
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Female 1,435
lol at blanking all the names sept the last one
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Male 965
Ugh.
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Male 68
ROFLCOPTER!!!
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Female 412
Oh how sad that some people are like this. A person`s relationship with God is between them and God, not the rest of the church body. They are forgetting "do not judge others for you will be judged likewise" or something like that.
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Male 2,669
Dear Elders of the Village Church:

Go frack yourselves.

Signed,

Me.
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Male 208
Well my x spouse makes hell sound like paradise
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Male 15,510
So funny how in the begging, they hide "the elders of the..." yet the letter is signed by "The elders of the Village Church"
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Male 1,249
lol oh noes
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Female 1,006
Mormon or Jehovah`s Witness. I`m not sure.
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Male 2,620
Link: Church Says: Get Divorced? Go To Hell [Pic] [Rate Link] - The good news is, you`re divorcing your a-hole spouse. The bad news is you`re spending eternity with Satan.
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