5 Deleted Bible Scenes In Which Jesus Kicks Ass

Submitted by: fancylad 6 years ago in Entertainment
http://www.cracked.com/article_18948_5-real-deleted-bible-scenes-in-which-jesus-kicks-some-ass.html

What would Jesus do? is Whatever the hell he wants.
There are 26 comments:
Male 1,021
Really I-A-B? Most Jesus postings? I was hoping for Christmas you would get a pair of balls and be able to make fun of Allah for a change. I guess it`s just easier to be a coward site.
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Male 226
@mannord
maybe so, but christians will argue incessantly about it anyways.

Therefore I will continue to not give a crap and eat cheerios
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Male 2,388
the fact that jesus`s story has been told the same through so many different cultures and centuries apart proves aliens helped us evolve
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Male 39,524
Here`s another missing book of the Bible!

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Male 234
Jesus was a dick, apparently.
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Male 1,360
Tells us we all make mistakes when we are young. I used to believe in god in my youth.
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Male 2,372
This proves that the bible is crap, that there is no God, and that science and atheists have totally won the argument supporting this point of view.
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Male 2,579
So this means you can make mistakes in your life and eventually turn it around and be a good person. Sounds about right.
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Male 197
I wonder why this is rated so low. I think it`s pretty interesting and cool, and helps display the idiocy of taking the Bible ...

literally. You thought I was going to say seriously, didn`t you?
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Male 2,056
jesus is a hacker
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Male 9,305
After rereading the whole bursting snake, I received the hilarious mental image of young Jesus glaring at the snake who looks very apologetic and then pointing at him with red glowing eyes.

The snake starts trembling and then its head inflates like a balloon, bigger and bigger as air rushes into its cranium. The skin is at its limit and then BAMF! The snake`s head pops with an amusing burst sound like a party balloon filled with giblets and all the little children laugh and cheer like a pinata was just broken open.
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Male 1,548
@crackrjak
Some of the "heretical" books are just as "legitimate" (by the standards used) as the ones that the Council of Nicaea arbitrarily chose as the canon. The ones in this article are not good examples, but if you compare the "Apocalypse of Peter" to the "Revelation of John", Peter fits the council`s standards for canonization much better, but the Bishop of Turin specifically lobbied for a book that would demonize non-Christians. That and the Greek "Gospel of Thomas", as well as a few lost books were arbitrarily removed from the canon for the specific motive of pushing the agendas of the bishops.
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Male 40,269
What would Cheesus do?
*yawn*
Boring post is BORING!
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Male 533
Then the Lord Jesus calling the serpent, it presently came forth and submitted to him; to whom he said, "Go and suck out all the poison which thou hast infused into that boy"; so the serpent crept to the boy, and took away all its poison again. Then the Lord Jesus cursed the serpent so that it immediately burst asunder, and died.

-- First Gospel of Infancy 18:13-16

That must mean.. Jesus could talk to snakes.. HE WAS A PARSEL MOUTH!! Oh crap, does that make him Salazar Slytherin?
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Male 25,417
That was just dumb
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Male 1,744
i lost it at
"jesus wouldn`t just up and waste some kid.
#3: Jesus Up and Wastes Some Kid "
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Male 15,510
Holy cheesus
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Female 2,228
Oh now this is cute/funny, seriously this is 20 different kinds of adorable. *Anyone* can gush over this.
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Male 1,116
I have a sudden urge to convert to Christianity.



Nah. I`ll pass.
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Male 17,512
Oh wonderful, Let`s start trying to include the heretical books that were written hundreds of years after Jesus died. There are good reasons why the Council of Nicaea did not include those books. They were isolated texts that had no second source, Kind of like the National Enquirer of their day.
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Male 10,855
@Baalthazaaq

Gee I hope not
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Male 11,739
I love how a group of old farts decided which stories would be allowed into the Bible and which ones wouldn`t. It was one of the first instances of media spin. Those guys must be worshiped by Fox News.
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Male 9,305
Wow, some messiah. >_>
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Male 4,546
So... we moving the religious debate directly here I assume?
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Male 10,855
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Male 20,822
Link: 5 Deleted Bible Scenes In Which Jesus Kicks Ass [Rate Link] - What would Jesus do? is Whatever the hell he wants.
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