David Mitchell Writes...``Dear America``

Submitted by: Sez86 6 years ago Funny

British comedian gives us permission to do with the queens English as we please. Except for...
There are 89 comments:
Male 1,834
nice
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Male 127
So "I ain`t never gonna" is fine?
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Female 130
pshh I could care less
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Male 770
well in defence of the saying: the B17 was a flying fortress was it not? so you would need to hold that fort down.
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Female 66
Love me some David Mitchell. I would do things to him... Like read him books and wash his hair.
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Male 200
haha funny cause it`s true. I`ve always been annoyed by that "could care less" thing
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Male 185
Dear McGovern: Obviously you have taken his lesson in understanding English to heart. Definitely funny.
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Female 418
I dont know why the british care so much about what americans do and say when we really dont give a poo about them. same with canada. in 250 years of course we have modified the language a bit. just like how no one speaks the same kind of arabic or spanish all over the world.
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Male 3,081
jeez.... to read some of the comments on here from dickhead yanks, you`d have thought david mitchell had just pissed on your christmas presents instead of just mocked you a little.

Take your heads from up your asses just a little so you can see the funny side once in a while.

The really funny bit of this post is in the comments where a `13-17` year old earlier was offering lessons in language evolution..... jeezuz, i`ve got belly button fluff older than that - and it`s got a better grasp of humour too.
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Female 193
This is a repost from a looong time ago.
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Male 199
It`s funny, I`m American yet I say most of these things like the British do. That`s not to say I have a British accent, which I definitely do not, but for example I say "Herb" not "erb", or I say aluminium instead of aluminum.

I feel bad though, I`ve always said "hold down the fort" and never gave it a second thought, though now that I think about it it definitely makes more sense to say "hold the fort"
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Male 14,330
Only the Brits could find a English lesson funny the rest of us COULD CARE LESS!
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Male 221
@Davymid

lol.
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Male 12,138
[quote]See there`s something you pansies don`t get about Americans, we are creative with everything we can get our hands and minds on whether that is language or computers. Why? Because we have rebel blood coarsing through our veins. [/quote]
*coursing.
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Female 238
lol its true we have the strangest sayings. and I have always thought the phrase "i could care less" was strange!
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Female 2,509
BOOKWORM!!!
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Male 43
LOL@ TxTnViolence

It was religious types that fled to America because they were threatened.

And you`re not being `creative` you`re being stupid and ignorant. That`s like saying I`m being creative if I smear poo on my face.

Nice little finish btw `the end` with a smiley that says I have no idea what I just said or if any of it was true, but it made me feel better.
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Male 197
See there`s something you pansies don`t get about Americans, we are creative with everything we can get our hands and minds on whether that is language or computers. Why? Because we have rebel blood coarsing through our veins. We are the decendents of rebels, real men that had enough balls to leave that $h!t hole of a country and smart enough to start all over from scratch. The pussies and tards stayed behind. That`s why we use English the way we do, we don`t need permission to talk the way we want any more than our ancestors needed permission to kick yer arses back to that poo hole ya`ll came from. THE END :)
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Male 174
"Erbs? Really?! You`re french now are you? With your erbal teas and your erbal remedies. Well fine. Whatever makes you appy."
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Male 65
I love this guy, but this was not funny.
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Male 1,299
Repost?
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Male 492
"So that`s the one thing I really want, the Queen really want`s you to stop saying." Love it!
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Male 842
I love British humor...so sarcastic!
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Male 67
inflatible hover fort ftw!!!!
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Male 533
But yeah, phrases like "irregardless" are just silly :P
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Male 533
"Through ignorance?"

Yes in fact. In many languages (including English), mistakes/changes in pronunciation have led to their own derivatives, and derivatives beyond that.
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Female 1,623
I actually couldn`t care less about what he`s saying... see? I learned!
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Male 24
Another grammar nazi, I`ll fix the way I talk when you fix you teeth, is he a comedian or English teacher?
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Male 5,194
"This isn`t the standard tedious British sneering..."

Yes it is.
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Male 3,412
I think the "Could care less" bit originated as a sarcastic tone, but some goofball started saying it seriously.

But I think the point is "Has communication been successful? Yes? Then I could care less of how you speak." (<--- intentional)
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Male 582
The one I love is "past credit history".

Is there another sort of history? A "future credit history" maybe?

The other one is "attorney at law". I know of no other sort of attorney.
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Male 269
The man is right. I wonder how he gets any screentime for stuff like this though oO
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Male 1,557
Yes it`s a repost... WE KNOW THIS, WE DON`T CARE THOUGH, MOVE ON!!
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Male 4,290
[quote]This is how language evolves. [/quote]
Through ignorance? "Could care less" means the exact opposite of what it is intended to mean. That`s not evolving language, it`s stupidity. If words take on the exact opposite of what they actually mean, that`s retarding our ability to communicate, not advancing it.

I would also have added "irregardless" to this lesson.
"Regardless" basically means "despite X". The prefix "ir-" is a negating prefix. So "irregardless" means "not regardless", meaning "taking X into account". Which is the exact opposite of how people use it.
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Male 2,033
I love the people trying to argue that this is wrong. It is not. Please try to be fluent in at least one language, thank you.

As for aluminum vs aluminium (not sure where you got "Alliuminium" from....my god man)maybe this aticle will clear it up a bit for you:

Aluminium vs Aluminum

Perhaps you will even realise that the British pronunciation actually makes more sense (although to be truthful I use the American pronunciation).

I could care less.
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Male 1,598
Comedy has an amazing ability to make people angry. Seriously? This wasn`t even about religion or politics!
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Male 339
@lithiumone:

really? one i? a simple google search for the periodic timetable will prove the spelling of aluminium is totally dependant on the country the table is from...

same as things like colour/color...
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Male 3,915
did he just contradict himself at the end? or was that the joke?.

f*cking brits and their dry sense of humor....oh i`m sorry...humour....ridiculous!
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Female 1,798
okay everyone, we KNOW it`s a repost, so it doesn`t have to be repeated 100 times.

so it`s a repost. get over it.
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Male 153
Repostomania. Anywho, what the Hell? "I could care less" is totally NOT an American thing. I`ve heard many a whimpy, Brit-faced "arsehole" improperly use that expression... and what`s the deal with Aluminum? Really?! There`s only ONE `I` in Aluminum. It`s NOT Alliuminium! Snobfaced dickweeds...
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Male 126
IAB REPOST!!
Another day, another repost!
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Male 339
@djarum:

uhh his ramblings arent senseless... thats kind of the point...
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Male 47
i dont think that man is funny in the slightest but in this i absolutely agree
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Male 12,365
"erb" strikes me as strange too. You`re using the English spelling with the French pronunciation. Why? It doesn`t make any sense. Both are from the Latin `herba`, one modified to fit better into French and one modified to fit better into English. The American chimera doesn`t fit into either.
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Male 25,416
I had to watch this did i. i think not!
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Male 320
DAVID MITCHELL IS A COMEDIC GENIUS (;
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Male 307
And I don`t have a flying fuque to give to your senseless ramblings.
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Male 221
I`ve never said "could care less" anyway
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Male 560
this was just posted a few months ago
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Male 840
along the lines of the gorilla walking through the group of the basketball passers yesterday, did you see the worm in the background?
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Male 49
If he really wanted to make this funny he should have taken a random sip of tea
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Female 465
As something of a `Queen`s English` Grammar Nazi, I thought this was brilliant. Mitchell`s not my favourite comedian (give me some Bill Bailey any day!) but always entertaining nonetheless :)
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Female 1,798
lmao good point, sbeelz. my mistake! at least "no" is a word, even though I used it incorrectly--normally I`m much better about that and I catch my mistakes before I post. my apologies!
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Male 2,868
@PsychGeek- You should know the difference between "no" and "know."
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Male 161
He isn`t as funny on his Soapbox as he is in say,Mock the Week,QI,Peep Show or his appearances on BFQOTY. Oh and my contribution on Darwin,he had a awesome beard.Take this for what it is,David Mitchell being funny.Or at least trying to be.
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Female 3,001
also i like to read these comments, some Americans, not all, seem to have got really wound up by this joke, calm guys its all in the name of fun :)
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Male 362
the phrase "i could care less" is supposed to used as sarcastic politeness...
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Female 3,001
this is old, and im pretty sure it was on IAB that i saw it on. but still, I love this guy :D so funny
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Female 1,798
"drating idiocracy. In 1000 years we`re all either going to be dead or de-evolved into cave men."

Guistuie, you might want to read your comment...

for one who is ranting on the ignorance of society, you should no better than to, 1) use the non-existent word of "de-evolved", and 2) twist Darwinian evolution to make it seem like it should have some sort of direction.

Darwin did not believe in directional evolution; environments merely change, and so should the organisms in that environment. the ones best suited for that particular area survive. but it has no "good" or "bad" direction.

might want to read up a bit before you make another comment :)
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Male 3
@GuiStuie

"drating idiocracy. In 1000 years we`re all either going to be dead or de-evolved into cave men."

I wasn`t going to say anything until I read your post. You drating make me sick. De-evolution isn`t a word or a scientific phenomena. However, its use is a good way to identify someone who has a limited understanding of biology and a poor vocabulary.
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Male 2,056
yeah repost, still good tho :P
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Female 2,352
I have thought about the "couldn`t care less" vs "could care less" I always use the former but I`m kind of a smart ass when I hear the latter like oh so you care a little?
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Male 533
@GuiStule

Woah. Chill out. Yes, this is how language evolves. If you`d like me to explain this to you, that`s fine, but insults aren`t necessary.
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Female 2,927
well sir,piss off. (explain that one!)
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Male 37,888
really really old skit
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Male 2,553
I consider myself rather lignuistically interested, and, to some extent, a wordsmith. OK, mainly by my mom, but whatever. But I`d actually never thought about that, he does have a good point. Lesson learned.
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Male 119
"There are a million expressions that make absolutely no sense, and you could dissect them and argue over which version makes `more` sense. But in the end, where does it get you? I know what you mean if you say "hold down the fort" or "could care less". This is how language evolves.

/rant"

I wasn`t going to say anything until I read your post. You drating make me sick. That`s how the we evolve, huh? We evolve into mindless dumbpoos blabbering on about stupid poo that nobody can understand.

I wake up every morning hoping something new in this freakish nightmare of an existence will arise and renew my hope for mankind, but I am slapped in the face with more and more ignorance as I grow older, which at the current rate will kill me some time next week.

drating idiocracy. In 1000 years we`re all either going to be dead or de-evolved into cave men.
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Male 295
peep show anyone? with more popularity he seems to have finally been able to see a dentist.
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Male 32
Everybody just shut up - he`s a well known British comedian (a funny one at that), so just enjoy the joke for what it is....
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Male 533
There are a million expressions that make absolutely no sense, and you could dissect them and argue over which version makes `more` sense. But in the end, where does it get you? I know what you mean if you say "hold down the fort" or "could care less". This is how language evolves.

/rant
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Male 76
@Isafan and Volsunga:

The British (Englanders) are just jealous of us.
Sorry, Brits, you are wrong on that one.

Im sorry, when exactly did i become jealous and make a statement? This person doesn`t convey all our opinions, just his. Get off your high horses and stop being so foolish.
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Male 6,737
Repost!
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Male 7,585
i actually feel the exact same way
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Male 2,868
Not this again.
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Male 243
The British (Englanders) are just jealous of us. Their great empire has been stripped away, they see all the countries they used to rule become richer, stronger, and more technologically advanced.

The British need to stop hating and become a `proud` father figure. Everytime someone talks of the greatness of the U.S. they should proudly say, "The English are the reason why."
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Male 11
"Could care less" == "Sarcasm". Are people really that dense?
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Male 1,548
"hold down the fort" is actually more correct because it originates from nautical terms, where the "fort" is the steering deck and "holding it down" means that you take over for the guy steering, more literally referring to the fact that without your help, especially in rough seas, the "fort" will go flailing about everywhere. Sorry, Brits, you are wrong on that one.
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Male 41
good video but repost from at least 6 months ago
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Female 255
Oh my God, that made my day.
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Male 2,592
dear god i couldn`t take it anymore around 1:42-ish
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Female 448
How come I get like 5 emails a week telling me that a link I submitted has already been posted (after never being able to find said link on IAB) but this passes through your radar undetected?
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Male 697
ive seen this before, on IAB, only a few months ago
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Male 79
Ha! Me and my wife got into an argument a little while ago about the whole `couldn`t care less` saying. As always I was right. :-)

BTW: Anyone else getting some weird `cpasecurity check` redirect when they click on links sometimes? Wondering if its just me...
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Female 99
I absolutely love this because the phrase "could care less" has bothered me for years - and the couple times I`ve called people out on it not making sense, I`ve been shot down as "it`s just a phrase"
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Male 341
definitely a re-post
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Male 218
Wow... that was stupid. I don`t know anyone that actually makes those mistakes. FAIL
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Male 1,931
http://www.i-am-bored.com /bored_link.cfm?link_id=50643

Four months doesn`t feel that long ago, does it?
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Female 2,120
I love the Brits.
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Female 2
Link: David Mitchell Writes...``Dear America`` [Rate Link] - British comedian gives us permission to do with the queens English as we please. Except for...
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