12 Funny Church Bulletin Boards [Pics]

Submitted by: fancylad 6 years ago Funny

See, churchy people aren"t all that humorless.
There are 103 comments:
Female 8
god answers knee-mail? what does that even mean? hahaha!

i passed one recently by my house it says
CH_ _CH, whats missing? U R.

i quite liked that one, i nearly found religion... nearly.
0
Reply
Female 41
@lazyme484

It takes a lot of faith to be an atheist
0
Reply
Male 33
we don`t have these kinda things in belgium... lots of priests turn out to be pedophile`s all of the sudden... i wonder if american priests also...
0
Reply
Male 589
Dammit; I missed the anal convention.
0
Reply
Male 10,440
I too disagree with Davymid`s chart... god doesn`t exist, so therefore knowledge of him/her/whatever his irrelevant. The chart only makes sense if you assume god exists in the first place.

It`s a 1-dimensional spectrum.
0
Reply
Male 1,451
davymind, both of your Atheists in your chart are wrong. Atheism is understanding that we do not need a god to have life and evolution. "Know"ing god has nothing to do with this.
Your "Gnostic Atheist" is just denial. Knowing and not believing? Just no.

Atheists don`t need believe, we use knowledge.
0
Reply
Male 74
Lol, these are great! I hope to see more!
0
Reply
Male 690
That evolution sign could`ve been wayyyyy better. Like "if evolution is true, why care about global warming?" or something like that. Just saying.
0
Reply
Male 12,138
As a scientist, I cannot trust anyone who claims to be gnostic. As an agnostic atheist (I don`t believe in god/gods but I have no proof they don`t exist), I`d align myself much more closely with an agnostic theist (I believe in my god/gods but I have no proof they exist) than I would a gnostic theist (I believe in my god/gods and I know for a fact he/she/it/them exists), or for that matter a gnostic atheist (I don`t believe in god/gods and I have proof that they don`t exist).

Gnostism is narcissistic horsewank in the field of science. Think you know? You don`t know.
0
Reply
Male 12,138
[quote]2) The claim you can be an agnostic atheist is kind of ignorant.[/quote]
I beg to differ. in most schools of thought, A/Gnostism refers to knowledge, A/Theism refers to belief. Think of it as a matrix. Hell, I`m drunk, so I`ll throw in a diagram.



Most atheists I know (including myself) are agnostic atheists. That is to say (speaking for myself here) that I do not believe in a god or gods, but I don`t know for sure. Show me the proof tomorrow and I`ll recant. I definitely do not know that there is no god.

Most religious people I know, on opposite end of the spectrum, are gnostic theists. They not only believe in their god, but are absolutley sure in the knowledge that that god exists, that theirs is the only truth, usually through "personal experiences".
0
Reply
Male 3
1) I think some people aren`t quite drawing the connection that evolution is commonly associated with the `survival of the fittest` and it is from this that the sign makes the claim that if you believe in evolution you shouldn’t help anyone since they `have no right to survive`. So to say there is no connection is untrue. What is true is that it is a grossly oversimplification of evolution. True evolutionists just believe that humanity evolved empathy.

2) The claim you can be an agnostic atheist is kind of ignorant. In the context of religion agnostic means someone who refuses to take a side. In the broader sense of the term it can mean someone who doesn`t have an opinion. Someone had mentioned that you can`t be an agnostic cause you have to believe something but people`s ability to be too lazy/bored to actually form a belief is surprisingly possible and common.
0
Reply
Male 310
"If evolution is true, why help the poor?"

That`s like saying if sundaes are delicious, why does the sun rise in the east?
0
Reply
Female 302
ROFL @ davymid! You win!
0
Reply
Male 395
lol @Davymid
0
Reply
Male 342
LMFAO @ davey
0
Reply
Male 12,138
[quote]tht whole "let th poor die" thing tht ppl bring up really displays a limited understanding of evolution. it`s not just about individual vs individual, but gene vs gene. therefore for many genes and species, society and inter-individual support matrices provide th most effective means of propagation (sp?).[/quote]
I like how you query your spelling on the word "propagation" (which you got right) while leaving a rampant blazing trail of illiteracy strewn all over the battlefield in your wake of linguistic destruction. Kinda like apologizing for parking your rampaging bulldozer death-spree on the flower-bed after just mowing down a convent full of praying nuns. Masterful touch.
0
Reply
Male 1,378
LOL JESUS DIED
0
Reply
Male 1,598
Don`t be so open-minded, haven`t you read the part of the Bible where Jesus says we should hate anyone who isn`t a heterosexual white American Christian? It was in between all the parts about "loving your enemies" and such.
0
Reply
Male 108
wow, it`s funny how worked up you guys get over this kind of thing.
0
Reply
Male 71
tht whole "let th poor die" thing tht ppl bring up really displays a limited understanding of evolution. it`s not just about individual vs individual, but gene vs gene. therefore for many genes and species, society and inter-individual support matrices provide th most effective means of propagation (sp?).

read "the greatest show on earth" by richard dawkins - it is the best book on evolution i`ve evr found. if u can read it and still not fully support his thinking, ur either an idiot or almost worthy of admiration for sheer intellectual stubborness... (again, spellin?)
0
Reply
Male 4,680
Interesting how one of the churches (GTA) shares its name with one of the most controversial game series of all time.
0
Reply
Male 2
"If evolution is true why help the poor?... erm because we arent animals and we help those less fortunate than ourselves."

Except that we are, very socially evolved animals.

OH SNAP
0
Reply
Male 686
If evolution is true why help the poor?... erm because we arent animals and we help those less fortunate than ourselves. Just because evolution is true doesnt mean survival of the fittest is "fair"
0
Reply
Female 1,894
wats up with the anal convention
0
Reply
Male 3,915
"don`t be so open-minded, your brains fall out"

...don`t be so close-minded that your brain suffocates....

"if evolution is true, why help the poor?"

for one...you`re confusing biological evolution and social Darwinism....but according to social darwinism...we let them die off because they aren`t good enough to support themselves or be efficient in the least and should die off....

this would leave only people who COULD support themselves....bettering society in the whole....

but of course this is a HORRIBLE thing to consider...and thus we have this economy......food for thought
0
Reply
Male 1,929
It doesn`t take any faith to be an atheist.. that`s like saying it takes a lot of eating to be thin...
0
Reply
Male 10
" If you have no proof on something and you truly believe it ....then it is wholly based on faith" hm...in that case it seems like i take a lot of things on faith. I can`t prove that im hooked up to the matrix. i can`t prove that the world i think im in wasn`t created five minutes ago with the illusion of time and memories. i don`t even have 100% certainty that its safe to cross the street. Your definition proves too much.

but faith is the assurance of things hoped for.
0
Reply
Male 500
I am bored with this debate. I have decided just to back away slowly when I see religious people and stop trying to reason with them.
0
Reply
Male 819
"I`d like see how the gospel thru Disney works."

Actually it`s pretty well accepted that Walt Disney was fairly religious and that there are a lot of biblical themes in many Disney works....
0
Reply
Male 1,016
#1 If you have no proof on something and you truly believe it ....then it is wholly based on faith,whether it believe a belief in God ( most religions believe in God ), Jesus,Krishna, Buddha,etc ..... there is no concrete proof of their existence only tales of their exploits handed down from generation to generation and as such some stuff has been left out and some has been added.
Believe what you believe and the common goal of all faiths should be tolerance and acceptance.
0
Reply
Male 15,832
@ElDavo
Oh, yeah? Well, you`re a big POOPYHEAD.

(I just thought I`d elevate the debate a couple of levels above your post.)
0
Reply
Female 9,402
I`d like see how the gospel thru Disney works.
0
Reply
Female 95
I`d love to know how they are going to do the "gospel thru disney" one... the mind boggles.
0
Reply
Male 56
"If evolution works, why help the poor?"

Exactly, why help the poor?

But using that argument, if evolution works, why develop medicine?
0
Reply
Male 1,312
Anal convention huh? And yes, you can find ANY answer on google...seriously, anything
0
Reply
Female 2,674
"Don`t let worries kill you, let the church help"

Watch out for that Kool-Aid.
0
Reply
Female 13
#12 is on my street...you`d think I would have heard more about this anal convention
0
Reply
Male 3,314
"If evolution works, why help the poor?" Because evolution doesn`t work on intelligent species. We are more likely to get sick now than we were 1000 years ago because we`ve evolved to rely on our intelligence created medical techniques. We help the poor/sick because we have intelligence induced compassion. We choose our mates not on survival, but by personality (well, some of us do, anyway).
0
Reply
Female 430
It doesn`t need a lot of faith to be an atheist..it just need a BRAIN...
0
Reply
Male 237
EVERYTHING CAN BE ANSWERED BY GOOGLE... YOU HEAR ME YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SH IITT!!!!!
0
Reply
Female 4,086
"don`t be so open minded--you might realize what a load of crap we peddle to you every weekend."

did laugh at the anal one, though.
0
Reply
Male 1,299
The anal convention was in MAY?! poo!
0
Reply
Male 271
i like the helping the poor one.

its about the only decent one there is up there. a valid point i suppose. although religion sure doesnt answer the question.

best one i ever saw

"C H _ _ C H whats missing?"

answers on a postcard.
0
Reply
Male 498
religion is some turtle crap
0
Reply
Male 625
Still stuck on "Don`t be so open-minded. Your brains fall out." Its not even a very clever play on words! I`ve thought of some alternatives that maybe would`ve gotten their point across better.

Don`t be so open minded. Lots of crap can get caught in there.
Don`t be so open minded. Haven`t women suffraged enough?
Don`t be so open minded. Death to the infidels!
0
Reply
Male 3,894
Some of those look photoshopped. Entertaining anyways, just in a more deceitful manner.
0
Reply
Male 3,076
why help the poor? because you want to not because some book tell you to.
0
Reply
Female 347
Don`t help the poor.

And you call yourselves Christians?
0
Reply
Male 2,238
[quote]I`m having loads of trouble understanding ....ow.... [/quote]
That just about sums up my view on religion, on the almost doublethink culture within many faiths.

Well put :).
0
Reply
Male 28
Empathy in evolution assumes that you are related to the person. Survival of the fittest, when expanded into the `in group` falls apart if you are expending resources to help people that don`t share your genetic code, and leaves you helping those who are less likely to succeed in life. A drug addict with 10 children all taken by the state has just passed on more genetic code than the brilliant scientist who never gets married or has kids.

But there is also a reason that a large number of hospitals owe their existence to churches, not only in the states, but also around the world. Without religion/faith driving it, I believe we would still be stuck with the code of Hammurabi

But just to play a little devils advocate, Jesus said that we will always have the poor, so apparently giving them money won`t make them not poor, but being poor is largely a problem in behavior.
0
Reply
Male 625
Church against being open minded. I`m surprised no one has jumped on that. That`s the biggest ringer for me. Wouldn`t someone NOT of a certain faith have to be open minded to come to accept that faith? I`m having loads of trouble understanding ....ow.... how being open minded can be anything but a great thing for humanity.
0
Reply
Male 194
One of key points of evolution and development of human behaviour is empathy. Countries with lowest percentage of believers (Sweden, Norway, Holland, England...)have ny far highest donations, funds, humanitarian projects and direct economic and medical help to those who need it. Not accidental, same countries have highest levels of eduction. Only the iggnorance of religion can condition the poor with religious premices in order to receive help, and only the church condition donators with religion. A normal, enlightened human will help another human thorouh any project and in any form, not only on sundays and only through an church organization.

We help the poor because the empathy is/was the key for our survival, not because one of thousand gods that humans imagined in the course of last 60 000 years said so.
0
Reply
Male 2,424
#8- "If evolution is true, why help the poor?"

Good point, sorry "the poor" but you`re cut off.
0
Reply
Male 697
"If evolution is true, why help the poor?"
How are they related?

I might as well ask why penguins can`t be accountants, if Macs can run Windows?
0
Reply
Male 96
he he... gta london
0
Reply
Female 235
Anal convention, huh? Hm, I think the majority of members are male. I`ve just got a feeling...
0
Reply
Male 147
@Baalthazaq

I know allot of people use the word agnostic to mean some kind of neutrality but I don`t buy the "middle ground" idea. Either you believe or you don`t believe, either you know or you do not know. It`s a true dichotomy because you can`t half-believe in god and you can`t half-know something. But maybe that`s just me splitting hairs.
0
Reply
Male 498
let the church help?
i dident think christians were allowed to take suicide XD
0
Reply
Male 4,547
Actually agnostic can also independently refer to a middle position. Specifically an agnosticist.

"Not knowing" is not the same as "not believing" nor "believing". Alternatively I`ve heard agnosticism used to describe Schroedinger-esque belief scenarios where God simultaneously exists and does not exist until observed.

So, just consider is shorthand for agnosticist and we`re golden.

Personally, I define myself as:
An unorthodox agnostic Sunni Muslim.
0
Reply
Male 147
Ok everyone...

AGNOSTIC = A claim on knowledge, where you simply assert that you do not know. From the Greek word GNOSIS which means knowledge with the prefix A which means not or without.

ATHEIST = A claim on the belief of god, where you assert that you do not believe. From the Greek word Theos which simply means God with the prefix A which means not or without.

So ALL agnostics are either atheists or theists and all atheists are either gnostic or agnostic. Because one is a claim on knowledge and the other a claim on belief. I do not believe in God but its not because I know he isn`t there, therefore I am an Agnostic Atheist.

So everyone claiming to be an agnostic and not atheist is simply ignorant to the fact that they are or aren`t one or they`re just cowards.
0
Reply
Male 1,197
#12 ... anal convention at church? perhaps it is time to start going!!
0
Reply
Male 9,306
Unity is just being rude.
0
Reply
Male 1,623
A lot of these are pretty stupid, but again some of them are outright retarded.
0
Reply
Female 654
oldollie, im not sure that makes sense. agnostic is open to both, atheist is the denial of any, and we all know the other alternative.....so....you are unsure of the existence of ants?
0
Reply
Male 4,290
[quote]Just want to point out that none of those were Roman Catholic Churches. I fell very proud toward my religion.[/quote]
You must have missed the Stephen Fry video we posted the other week. It`s him talking about the Catholic Church.
0
Reply
Male 2,148
>>Old Ollie is a dumbass.

I will not elaborate, but will let his last post speak for myself.
0
Reply
Male 101
devout atheist.. sounds like an oxymoron.
0
Reply
Female 160
God answers knee-mail. If you`re young enough, so does the Pope!
0
Reply
Male 15,832
I`m an antagonistic. I don`t believe in God, but if there is one, I don`t like Him.
0
Reply
Male 15,832
0
Reply
Male 904
I thought agnostics basically don`t think it`s possible to know if there is a god so I don`t see any faith in that. I`m a devout atheist myself but I can recognize that you can`t prove a negative and I can`t say with 100% assurance that there is no god type thing out there. I`m just convinced that no religion represents what that would be, if it were to be.
0
Reply
Male 5
Those were church signs.
0
Reply
Female 76
Where do I pick my $10?
0
Reply
Male 3
To `SarahofBorg`:

Faith can be defined as "firm belief in something for which there is no proof". The sign appears to be pointing out that athiest believe something that has not been `proven` namely that there is no God. Truly the only belief structure IMO that can claim to require no faith would be agnostics. But that`s kinda a loophole since do they even believe in anything?
0
Reply
Female 158
He answers knee-mail? Never heard a case of heavenly intervention before <.<
0
Reply
Male 1,343
Lololol GTA London

Also, evolution-wtf???
0
Reply
Female 3,562
I still don`t get it. How does it take faith to be an atheist? Seems the opposite of reality.
0
Reply
Male 422
Just want to point out that none of those were Roman Catholic Churches. I fell very proud toward my religion.
0
Reply
Male 1,351
Ha, knee mail. You know, sometimes it`s the little puns which are the best.
0
Reply
Male 12,138
The evolution one made me lol. Ah, hardcore right-wing evangelical Christians, you never cease to amaze/amuse me.
0
Reply
Male 4,290
Did anyone else notice the details on the $10 sign?

The date, in standard non-US format, would be 9/11, 11am.
DUN DUN DUN!



Also, I would make a lot of money from them.
0
Reply
Male 37,888
at least they`re more creative than the usual "do this or burn in hell" schtick
0
Reply
Female 1,515
@angrynerd ....*disappointed sigh*
0
Reply
Male 2,893
Exactly, why help the poor?
They can adapt.
0
Reply
Male 15,510
They got a good point there, If evolution is true why help the poor? actually they dont
0
Reply
Female 406
Wow, anal convention at the church. Yes Lord! We just want to thank you!!
0
Reply
Male 188
Also the "knee-mail" thing proves that you can ask just about anything from someone if you`re willing to give them a blowjob...
0
Reply
Male 188
I would like to attend the Sunday Nov. 9 11 a.m. service... The easiest 10 bucks I`ll ever make...
0
Reply
Male 1,455
"#8 -The evolution one - is spot on actually. There is no reason to help the poor except to make ourselves look or feel better, which then in turn increases our fitness."

If you have no freaking understanding whatsoever of evolution and don`t understand the concept of populations.
0
Reply
Male 285
idiots
0
Reply
Male 36,388
IABers, pay attention to #1! lolz!
0
Reply
Male 2,748
these were funny... but i`ve seen better
0
Reply
Male 36
#8 -The evolution one - is spot on actually. There is no reason to help the poor except to make ourselves look or feel better, which then in turn increases our fitness.
0
Reply
Female 1,963
Jesus is my prozac? I wonder if they would also rather have Jesus than chemotherapy.
0
Reply
Male 373
Or the really obvious ones were trolls
0
Reply
Male 96
"The evolution one?! Seriously?!"

More proof that some people know nothing about evolution.
0
Reply
Female 2,120
Or this little gem at my local Baptist something or other church:
"Seven days without God makes one weak"

Oho, ISWYDT.
0
Reply
Male 25,416
Ive seen better, these were pretty lame!
0
Reply
Female 125
HAHAHA!!! "Don`t be so open-minded, your brains will fall out" That cracked me up! :D
0
Reply
Male 602
Survival of the richest baby.
0
Reply
Male 2,441
Anal convention
0
Reply
Female 838
The evolution one?! Seriously?!
0
Reply
Male 19,842
Link: 12 Funny Church Bulletin Boards [Pics] [Rate Link] - See, churchy people aren`t all that humorless.
0
Reply