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Category: Funny
Date: 09/14/10 02:04 PM

71 Responses to More Twitter Words To Live By, Part 2 [Pic]

  1. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18830 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:14 pm
    Link: More Twitter Words To Live By, Part 2 - Learn when and how to capitalize, readers.
  2. Profile photo of dude21862004
    dude21862004 Male 18-29
    768 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:20 pm
    He`s missing a comma too.
  3. Profile photo of kerryfairy82
    kerryfairy82 Female 18-29
    839 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:24 pm
    i know people who wouldn`t get this
  4. Profile photo of Inter237
    Inter237 Male 18-29
    2441 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:27 pm
    Words to live by
  5. Profile photo of thubanstar
    thubanstar Female 50-59
    822 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:37 pm
    Where is he missing a comma, dude?
  6. Profile photo of sawdusty
    sawdusty Male 40-49
    491 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:39 pm
    This 1 time at Uncle Jack`s ranch he had this horse...


    Ah, good times..
  7. Profile photo of skine
    skine Male 18-29
    719 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:43 pm
    "He`s missing a comma too."

    No, he isn`t.
  8. Profile photo of madest
    madest Male 40-49
    7378 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 2:43 pm
    One things for sure. TallCornelius is not original.
  9. Profile photo of ryan99
    ryan99 Male 13-17
    2345 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 3:08 pm
    Ahahaha, that`s good
  10. Profile photo of rikakitty
    rikakitty Female 18-29
    683 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 3:20 pm
    "He`s missing a comma too."

    He most certainly is not, but you are! :D *sings* Ironyyyyy!
  11. Profile photo of megavidiot
    megavidiot Male 30-39
    901 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 3:22 pm
    "He`s missing a comma too."

    sigh, so are you...
  12. Profile photo of a1butcher
    a1butcher Male 40-49
    4809 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 3:28 pm
    I helped my uncle John, jack off a ... oh never mind.
  13. Profile photo of Ogen
    Ogen Male 18-29
    441 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 3:46 pm
    Old bash.org post.
  14. Profile photo of chunkymonkie
    chunkymonkie Male 13-17
    670 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 4:07 pm
    isnt this punctuation?
  15. Profile photo of Wraithix
    Wraithix Male 30-39
    178 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 4:21 pm
    Jack should be capitalized in the 2nd sentence. The hell...
  16. Profile photo of TwoEyezBlind
    TwoEyezBlind Male 18-29
    483 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 4:44 pm
    Help an uncle Jack off a hors.. wha?
  17. Profile photo of PringleMan
    PringleMan Female 13-17
    1356 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 5:02 pm
    hehehe
  18. Profile photo of rainbowfarts
    rainbowfarts Female 18-29
    798 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 5:03 pm
    @Wraithix, it shouldn`t. His point is jack in the second part seems like the verb of jacking off without the right grammar.
  19. Profile photo of jib
    jib Male 18-29
    314 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 5:25 pm
    shouldn`t you just put a comma?
  20. Profile photo of GuardinGnome
    GuardinGnome Male 18-29
    2893 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 5:31 pm
    Oh my god,
    fail to the people who don`t get this...........
    Jesus, don`t you watch porn?
  21. Profile photo of taxicab2004
    taxicab2004 Male 18-29
    112 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 5:35 pm
    nice.
  22. Profile photo of Ando
    Ando Male 13-17
    374 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 5:35 pm
    why are people not getting this?
  23. Profile photo of MauserTM
    MauserTM Male 18-29
    1222 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 6:33 pm
    @GuardinGnome
    Not with horses i dont
  24. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25420 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 6:43 pm
    grammer pols kik n in!
  25. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 7:21 pm
    Grammer is important.
  26. Profile photo of cyborgmonkey
    cyborgmonkey Male 13-17
    95 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 7:36 pm
    it should be uncle jack, off his horse... and... uncle jack off his horse.
  27. Profile photo of Skeezer1991
    Skeezer1991 Male 18-29
    721 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 7:44 pm
    I can`t believe not just one but several people said he`s missing a comma. Where the f*ck would a comma fit?
  28. Profile photo of Stelly
    Stelly Male 30-39
    317 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 7:46 pm
    F-ing A, man...
  29. Profile photo of skine
    skine Male 18-29
    719 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 7:54 pm
    "it should be uncle jack, off his horse."

    This is completely wrong. For example:

    "I drove my car to the store" is correct, but "I drove my car, to the store" is not.

    Also, while the sentence "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse." is correctly punctuated, it could also be written "I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse," but the two would be read differently.

    In other words, there`s no need to punctuate "I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I helped my uncle jack off a horse" differently, as long as you capitalize correctly.
  30. Profile photo of skine
    skine Male 18-29
    719 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 7:55 pm
    Then again, I`m correcting someone who uses ellipses.
  31. Profile photo of phoneybone
    phoneybone Male 18-29
    1744 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 8:03 pm
    skine, i hope your my kid`s grade school teacher some day
  32. Profile photo of Caretta
    Caretta Male 18-29
    540 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 8:05 pm
    You only need commas in there if you intend for people to read it in the style of Christopher Walken.
  33. Profile photo of GothicQueen
    GothicQueen Male 13-17
    4376 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 8:09 pm
    lol
  34. Profile photo of slayer50515
    slayer50515 Male 18-29
    988 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 8:23 pm
    LMAO
  35. Profile photo of PsychGeek
    PsychGeek Female 18-29
    1798 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 8:24 pm
    @ skine:

    to continue with what you said, it also makes a difference if the person has more than one uncle.

    if there`s more than one uncle, commas are needed to indicate which one it is. if it`s only one, it`s assumed that Jack is the only uncle, so commas are not necessary.
  36. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7468 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 8:41 pm
    or maybe they are saying what they really mean.
  37. Profile photo of Hitaki318
    Hitaki318 Female 13-17
    193 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 9:46 pm
    Who tells people they are helping their uncle off a horse?
  38. Profile photo of RoboPatton
    RoboPatton Male 30-39
    2424 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 10:10 pm
    @hitaki318- While we`re asking questions, who helps their uncle jack off a horse?
  39. Profile photo of skine
    skine Male 18-29
    719 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 10:39 pm
    @phoneybone: I`m more likely to be their math professor. However, I do correct spelling and grammar.
  40. Profile photo of Intaresting
    Intaresting Male 18-29
    812 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 11:08 pm
    This is such an old joke.
  41. Profile photo of Batmanners
    Batmanners Male 18-29
    4006 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 11:20 pm
    I`m French, so bear with me for this question.

    Is it necessary to capitalize the word uncle when there is a name attached to it? I tried it in other sentences, and it doesn`t seem natural. "I kicked my dumb Brother Joe", "I killed my Dog Ben", "I accidentally my whole Sister Beth".

    It doesn`t seem like "Uncle" needed to be capitalized.
  42. Profile photo of Batmanners
    Batmanners Male 18-29
    4006 posts
    September 14, 2010 at 11:22 pm
    Unless, the proper way to refer to Jack, is Uncle, as in, it is part of his name/nickname.

    "Hey there`s Uncle Jack, kids"
    "My favorite customer! How are you Uncle Jack"
    "Why don`t you ask the teacher, Uncle Jack?"
  43. Profile photo of plahblah
    plahblah Female 18-29
    151 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 12:26 am
    I agree with Intaresting.

    I read this on bash.org aaages ago and it was probably around before then.
  44. Profile photo of draino123
    draino123 Male 30-39
    769 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 1:35 am
    what about "I helped my uncle Jack off `of` a horse,"?
  45. Profile photo of eskimo9
    eskimo9 Male 18-29
    703 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 1:46 am
    @Batmanners - titles other than Uncle or Aunt (Aunty) eg Brother, Sister, Dog, generally aren`t attached to the actual name of the thing. Uncle and Aunt are used in similar ways to Dad, Mum, Grandma, etc., but because a lot of people have more than one uncle, you would specify Uncle Jack. You don`t (no longer specifically true) have more than one Dad, so you can say Dad and people know who you mean.
  46. Profile photo of paddyt07
    paddyt07 Male 18-29
    1067 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 1:50 am
    @Batmanners,
    I think "Uncle Jack" has "Uncle" capitalised because it is part of his title, same with Auntie and probably some other examples. With stuff like brother and sister, I think they`re used as adjectives in your examples, rather than nouns.
    Correct me if I`m wrong.
  47. Profile photo of Samsquanch
    Samsquanch Male 30-39
    792 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 3:18 am
    ...um, yes, Batmanners...it is necessary to capitalize the "uncle" in "Uncle Jack", since it`s a proper title.
  48. Profile photo of Samsquanch
    Samsquanch Male 30-39
    792 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 3:20 am
    When the word is used before a proper name as part of the title, it`s capitalized. When it`s on it`s own, it`s not capitalized.

    As in: I have an uncle. His name is Jack. One day, Uncle Jack, and I decided to jack off a horse.
  49. Profile photo of Jowsh
    Jowsh Male 18-29
    1237 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 5:05 am
    On the `z` versus `s` thing in words such as capitalize / capitalise, (`z` being the american version) here is a rather boring or rather interesting book depending on what you like heh!

    Mighty Fine Words and Smashing Expressions
  50. Profile photo of Skadi
    Skadi Female 18-29
    82 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 5:44 am
    :-D Cool
  51. Profile photo of pmarren
    pmarren Male 40-49
    4575 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 6:22 am
    Uncle Jack touches me in my secret place.
  52. Profile photo of meepmaker
    meepmaker Male 30-39
    6694 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 7:31 am
    now Thats just Funny.
  53. Profile photo of panth753
    panth753 Female 18-29
    9237 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 9:00 am
    LOL!
  54. Profile photo of rncotton
    rncotton Male 30-39
    417 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 9:47 am
    Commas are important too. I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse.
  55. Profile photo of togoth
    togoth Male 13-17
    129 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 10:03 am
    love it
  56. Profile photo of mts2457
    mts2457 Female 18-29
    535 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 11:11 am
    Both are fun
  57. Profile photo of skine
    skine Male 18-29
    719 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 4:38 pm
    "One day, Uncle Jack, and I decided to jack off a horse."

    Who is this One day who helped you and your Uncle Jack? Or was it a single, unnamed day that is helping you two? Or possibly you added one too many commas.
  58. Profile photo of NessieBabii
    NessieBabii Female 18-29
    118 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 5:11 pm
    haha
  59. Profile photo of whocares3725
    whocares3725 Male 18-29
    310 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 5:43 pm
    Reminds me of the Love Guru
  60. Profile photo of IamBored29
    IamBored29 Male 18-29
    648 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 7:03 pm
    Either way, im sure the horse enjoyed it.
  61. Profile photo of Kernel
    Kernel Male 18-29
    123 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 7:30 pm
    If Jack helped you off your horse would you help Jack masturbate his horse? -er, I mean give Jack`s horse a handjob? Aw drat I`m bad at jokes.
  62. Profile photo of dislikenames
    dislikenames Female 18-29
    13 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 11:17 pm
    Skine: +10 internets.

    "One day, a horse, and I decided to jack off Uncle Jack."
  63. Profile photo of sunday_scour
    sunday_scour Male 18-29
    283 posts
    September 15, 2010 at 11:26 pm
    Animal husbandry is NASTY no matter how you say it. I`d rather think that my meats came from a lab. (no pun intended)
  64. Profile photo of morbay32
    morbay32 Male 40-49
    66 posts
    September 16, 2010 at 6:37 am
    ...and if your Uncle Jack was stuck on a roof would you help your Uncle Jack off?
  65. Profile photo of idiotfilter
    idiotfilter Male 18-29
    3916 posts
    September 16, 2010 at 10:14 am
    Masturbation....

    that is all
  66. Profile photo of ManicRapture
    ManicRapture Female 13-17
    682 posts
    September 16, 2010 at 1:03 pm
    Grammar, part of it is knowing how to convey your point properly. TO avoid future confusion: "Help your Uncle Jack off OF a horse." that is all.
  67. Profile photo of Batmanners
    Batmanners Male 18-29
    4006 posts
    September 16, 2010 at 8:31 pm
    Okay, but in the given context, the word uncle is not used as a title, but as an adjective.

    Had he said "I helped Uncle Jack, off a horse" the it would have been his title.

    But switch out what was said and it makes no sense. The way it is worded does not necessitate the Uncle to be capitalized.

    The sentence, as it stands, insinuates that the Uncle Jack is his. Try the trick of making the word Uncle Jack into one word (Unclejack), with no pause, since they are together, are spoken together "Hey how are things Unclejack?". Whereas "uncle Jack", has a pause. "My uncle Jack is so fat he can`t get off a horse".

    The sentence does not refer to the title of Uncle Jack, but it does qualify the proper noun Jack as being "My" uncle.

    I may be french, but I am usually very good at grammar, especially in English (easier language), and this does not seem right to me...
  68. Profile photo of Batmanners
    Batmanners Male 18-29
    4006 posts
    September 16, 2010 at 8:38 pm
    Furthermore,

    To remain on the subject of titles, give it ANY other title, and the sentence does not make sense.

    "I helped my Mister Miyagi off a horse."
    "I helped my Lord Von Strauss off a horse"
    "I helped my Chief Wiggum off a horse"

    Just seems out of place for title, as he is referring to a possession, thus, Uncle, is something that belongs to him, and is not attached to Jack, and therefore NOT capitalized.

    I think I just answered my question.
  69. Profile photo of ROK9
    ROK9 Male 18-29
    1834 posts
    September 16, 2010 at 11:36 pm
    jack off
  70. Profile photo of 8BitHero
    8BitHero Male 18-29
    5414 posts
    September 17, 2010 at 7:40 am
    Haha `reply button`
  71. Profile photo of fishgul69
    fishgul69 Female 18-29
    914 posts
    September 23, 2010 at 5:27 pm
    I lol`d

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