5 Least Useful Army Men

Submitted by: cobrakiller 7 years ago in Funny
http://www.cracked.com/funny-6421-plastic-army-men/

when battling the Nazis, Vietcong, Iraqis, etc. these are the guys you dont want on your front line.
There are 53 comments:
Female 130
I remember stapping these guys to bottle rockets when I was little, good times
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Male 1,299
That was pretty hilarious.
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Male 965
I remember all of these.
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Male 15,832
NTB, it`s one thing to have an argument with someone with whom you disagree. It`s quite another to try to have an argument with someone who is incapable of understanding what you are saying. You fall into the latter category.

I said I give up, and I mean it.
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Male 422
There was a store next to my mom`s office that sold these I packs of 30 for $5 and I would get them everytime I went. I have at least 500 greens, 200 yellows and a couple dozen grays. What made these guys even better was growing up with Army Men: Sarges Heroes for N64. I miss my childhood...
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Male 1,108
Hello lincc303, F**K You! Go and die from eating a rotten can of processed meat you filthy spam whore!
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Male 185
I take issue with number 4. That one was definitely useful. First, notice the bayonet. You most certainly can stab a person from that pose. second, if you were using clay or play-doh, tilting him to angle the point of the gun up, made an excellent action wounded soldier.
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Male 120
Ahh, I remember these guys, the spy satelite with assasin laser(magnifying glass) took out most of the less useful of them, the rest died in other creative ways.. :)
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Male 2,441
This guy brought manners
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Female 246
I guess I`m a sociopath then...
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Male 4,680
I used to arrange them into a huge army and have them fight massive dinosaurs and robots. It was awesome.
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Male 79
the guy with his gun above his head is in that position for crossing rivers and stuff. At least thats what they did in my army men computer game i had as a kid.
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Female 8,056
My boys used to set light to them. I thought they where supposed to be all melted and black? Should I be worried?
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Male 1,016
MR Gimpy .....LMAO
But you have it wrong .....that would be the French with their hands up in the air ....and I mean the ones from France not Quebec!
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Male 56
I had several of these inmy youth. We had a few that were Canadians....they had their hands up in the air.
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Male 417
I had legos
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Male 235
damn right!! bloody binoculars man lost me so many wars
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Male 1,021
Samsquanch:
FTW is not an anagram. It`s an acronym. Funny you want to correct someone while you don`t know what you`re talking about.
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Male 6,693
I always shot them with the bb gun.
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Female 1,803
Isn`t the guy holding his rifle over his head supposed to be wading through water? That`s what I would have done if I had played with army men. All I remember my brothers doing with them is shooting them with a bb gun.
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Female 3,001
I used to love this, me and my little brother would spend ages setting it up, and then we`de have an epic battle and of course, I would always win.
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Male 158
The same thing with the minesweeper guy, the stupidly narrow base made him fall over no matter what.
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Male 577
I loved these little guys, though I think I had more little cowboys and Indians, than army men.

I always hated the guy with the rifle over his head, never could make him stand up.
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Male 792
Ok, NotTHATBored, sweetheart, if you`re going to write out an anagram, there`s no point in putting in the anagram in the first place. Also, I think most people know what FTW is, and if not, they can FTS (drat themselves)
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Male 975
LOL I remember propping the rifle guy against trees, barbed wire, tanks, and jeeps now!
The radio guys were always with my mortar troops behind low fences. Maybe with a binocular man too.
O god, I really hope I can find my army men so when I have kids they have the chance to play with some real toys.
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Male 2,402
@Wizard 77

Feeling it yet?
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Male 2,402
#1 was your typical 2nd Lieutenant out of West Point.

#2 You never apparently played in my backyard. Land mines (dog) were everywhere ;P

#3 Is some D*ckwad Colonel trying to look important

#4 Looks to be a Japanese soldier on Banzai charge.

#5 Typical dumba** Army Captain
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Male 2,419
NERD ALERT!!!
half a dozen =/= 11
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Male 2,552
I always pretended that Pointing Binocular Guy held a handgun and was to awesome to look where he was aiming; he`d hit it anyway.
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Male 296
Wizard77 is my hero
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Male 25,416
O the days when the Army men used to be popular!
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Female 93
i had army men growing up scars on my feet to prove same with legos not really useful until you want to make sure no one gets in your room xD
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Male 582
NERD ALERT!!!

When I was really into painting D&D miniatures, (I know) I painted half a dozen of these guys for fun. Believe it or not, if you take your time, they end up looking pretty cool.


And yes, I expect a wedgie for this post.
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Female 1,101
The link is from Cornell University. FTW (For the Win).
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Female 1,101
@OldOllie just wanted to make sure that you saw this ;-)

The First Amendment has been interpreted by the Court as applying to the entire federal government even though it is only expressly applicable to Congress. Furthermore, the Court has interpreted, the due process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment as protecting the rights in the First Amendment from interference by state governments. See U.S. Const. amend. XIV.

Two clauses in the First Amendment guarantee freedom of religion. The establishment clause prohibits the government from passing legislation to establish an official religion or preferring one religion over another. It enforces the "separation of church and state."


1st & 14th Ammendments
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Male 39,946
the only usefull purpose these guys had was to leave them lying in the middle of the hallway... in the middle of the nights so you could hear your dad cuss when he stepped on one in the dark.
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Male 975
LOL I remember propping the rifle guy against trees, barbed wire, tanks, and jeeps now!
The radio guys were always with my mortar troops behind low fences. Maybe with a binocular man too.
O god, I really hope I can find my army men so when I have kids they have the chance to play with some real toys.
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Male 2,033
Rifle-over-head guy always got left out of our games until smone died, he then subbed in as lying-down-dead-with-outstretched-arms guy.
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Male 2,893
I always hated the radio guy.
WHAT USE ARE YOU!!!
YOU ARE IN THE DUMBEST POSITION TO DO ANYTHING COOL IN!!!!
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Male 602
Man I love Army men, but I have to say upside down rifle guy was a badass. Cause you knew he was getting ready to bayonet a helpless opponent on the ground. (Or depending on the scenario, he could be wading through water and keeping his weapon dry)

My big memory was taking my model knife and having to shave off the extra plastic on the bottom of countless little Army men to perfect their balance, none of my soldier sleep on duty!

Oooh, and the awesome PSX Army Man 3D games...
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Male 15,832
Those guys usually ended up dying in a napalm (charcoal starter) attack.
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Male 1,523
Oh my god, this was hilarious. I always thought that way about the guy holding the rifle over his head.

Seriously, who thought of that.
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Male 40,764
Yay! Army mens!
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Male 1,184
Actually, I`d rather have these guys.

They`re plastic.
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Male 2,548
No way Idiotfilter! I`m thinking of the right guy
because..*lowers voice to a whisper*.. I still play with them.
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Male 180
LOL. This brings back memories. I`m sure if I clean my room I`ll find a couple..

And uurgh, I also remember having to creatively prop up my upside-down rifle guys.
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Female 406
My boyfriend totally loves this one, then he started talking about how he used to play with them and his cars non-stop...now he won`t stop talking about them!!! =(
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Male 3,915
geogypsy...i always remember having to prop him up against a tree or something...you must be thinking of something else...
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Male 430
I got a whole box of them somewhere in my garage.
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Male 263
oh man, that takes me back. I used to line 50-100 plastic army guys on a slot car track and mow them all down with the slot car. Good times
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Male 2,548
This was great...but I`ve never had problems balancing the upside down rifle guys.
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Male 975
I was dying from this the other day. I loved army men.

Cracked is the 5hit!
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Male 7,834
Link: 5 Least Useful Army Men [Rate Link] - when battling the Nazis, Vietcong, Iraqis, etc. these are the guys you dont want on your front line.
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