Life`s Little Instructions [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 7 years ago in Misc

What do you say we all make a pact to throw out religion and just follow these rules?
There are 129 comments:
Male 180
Several of these require money I don`t have. I`d rather spend (my) money keeping my lights on, then paying a stranger for something he/she might not even notice or be thankful for.
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Female 67
My mom have a framed poster of this in our back room..been there for years.
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Female 196
I`m allergic to dogs, jerkoff
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Female 1,236
What a lovely thought.
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Female 1,181
throw out religion and follow this, huh? what about the line that says to sing in a choir?

although i do wish we could throw out religion...
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Female 40
this is the recipe for greatness..
as ii read this ii noticed ii do a lot of this stuff..
it makes me feel lyk a better person knowing ii do more than less
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Male 4,012
I needed this...
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Male 18
I would put jumper cables in my trunk, but it is currently packed full...
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Female 80
Why would you wake up for the sunset? wouldnt you wake up for the sunrise? :/
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Female 463
@boredfjord-that was the only thing that stuck out to me too. Just not worth waking up for lol
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Male 6,098
To Angilion,
It`s not difficult at all to move the toilet seat. What appears to be difficult, to the point of near impossibility for some, is checking to see if it`s up or down before sitting! That`s why it`s our fault when their asses get wet.
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Female 238
what if... youre tonedeaf|youre sado-masochtic|youre blind|theres no women around|theyre laced|youre in jail|youre born in winter|youre humorless|the vehicles stolen|you suck at compliments|its a stalker|its poo|youre a surgeon|youre a vegetable|youre a chronic pessimist|youre toothless|youre a prostitute|they ran you over|its lunch time|youre being robbed|youre asked if you want to be beaten|the positive ones are lepers|its drugs|youre an amputee|youre friendless|youre god|youre carless|the OTHER persons an amputee|youre illiterate|THEYRE blind|youre a rapist|youre a hobo|the person dies|youre a recluse|you saw a crime|youre mute|youre in a desert|youre allergic|youre on fire|its their fault|youre falsely accused |theyre brats|youre kavorkian|its a burgler|youre a judge|youre underage|its an explative|youre a neurosurgeon|youre obama|your gf just put on makeup|that promise is to kill someone|youre traditional Indian?|they stole your man/girl?|youre atheist|youre an orphan

MIN
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Male 928
No drating way I`m waking up for a sunset.
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Male 452
Sounds a lot like the old, "All I Need to Know About Life I Learned From (Blank)" posters of the late 90`s. Those were stupid then and this is stupid now.
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Female 646
Haha this was ok until "And sign them, someone who thinks you`re terrific." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
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Male 12,365
[quote]written by a woman, why would a man create extra work by forcing himself to move the seat up then back down when he`s done, just so he can move it up and back down the next time?[/quote]

To serve his mistress, of course. It is his place. That`s what the *requirement* for him to put it down is for - to reinforce an expectation of entitlement on her part.

I leave the seat and lid down because the physics is simple. If you flush with the lid up, your bathroom gets sprayed with a fine mist of the contents of the toilet when you flushed. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Water down, water up.

Yum, splattered toothbrushes.

It`s not as though moving the toilet seat is difficult for most people. It`s not at all believable when so many women claim it`s such a big deal - the only plausible explanation is a psychological one.
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Male 12,365
[quote]@Angilion
What`s the problem with putting the toilet seat down? It`s just a courtesy. Not all of us are built to use it standing up, you know.[/quote]

Not all of us are built to use it sitting down, you know.

But that`s not the main point and I didn`t say there was anything wrong with putting it down.

You didn`t read what I wrote, so why should I spend any time answering your question now when it`s likely that you wouldn`t read the answer anyway?

If you give me some indication that you`d read my answer, I`ll write it.
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Male 3,915
you lost me at floss everday....
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Female 149
*smile* *saves*
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Male 628
`Drink champaign for no reason` i have no reason now...
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Female 351
Oh...and about the toilet seats...I love to let it slam down so it makes a loud noise and scares everybody! I do it every time. All the guys eventually learned to put them back down. Haha!
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Female 351
so you can ONLY over tip your breakfast waitress? I never go out for breakfast anyways...so I guess nobody else should be over tipped.
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Male 31
@mal BB I was listening to that lol
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Female 64
I don`t think I want to buy what kids sell on card tables these days...especially around my neighborhood
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Female 19
SaltyNuggets and phoneybone haven`t lived long or much. Hope they get a little farther down that road - maybe.
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Male 52
Obviously he/she is a dog person...
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Male 1,231
This reminds me of the Radiohead song `fitter happier`.
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Male 1,067
I really recommend reading this whilst listening to the song "Swansea" by Bombay Bicycle Club.
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Male 38
I got bored after i read the first two.
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Male 1
America you are so cynical, we still love you. xxx
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Male 1,744
i could tell from the first instruction this would be retarded
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Male 1,505
`Leave a toilet seat in the down position.`

No.

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Female 151
I hate stupid crap like this. I couldn`t even finish reading this out of disgust.
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Female 188
Some are nice but some can make you look like that person who is perfect but you hate him because you think he has dark secrets.
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Male 76
i have this book haha
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Male 260
lol well i dont agree with all of these... but i can definitely like throwing out religion, just causes war and makes religious nutjobs
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Male 2,419
`leave the toilet seat down`

written by a woman, why would a man create extra work by forcing himself to move the seat up then back down when he`s done, just so he can move it up and back down the next time?
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Female 728
It sounds corny, but these seem like pretty good suggestions.

@SlothOfDoom: Do you have to be Christian to be positive and caring towards others? I`m agnostic, and I didn`t see anything on the list that I wouldn`t do because of it.
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Female 160
"Never refuse homemade brownies"

..in the right situation, is that an order to get high?
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Male 5,626
"Wave at kids on school buses..."

"OMG! That weird man in the hybrid is out there waving at us again!"
"Yeah! That creepy bastard buys lemonade from me every time I`m selling..."
"Isn`t he that guy that has so many trees and keeps plant one every year?"
"That bastard is weird! He tried to buy one of my puppies..."
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Male 258
It`s the POWER OF LOVE! Oh Hewie Lewis...
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Male 343
FITTER. HAPPIER. MORE PRODUCTIVE.
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Female 696
Some of those were strange and a bit too specific/bias. "Get a dog". Why just a dog? Should have said "pet". "Sing in a choir", how many people actually do that? "Floss your teeth", will that really give you a better life? See, strange things...
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Male 2,033
Obviously written by a Christian woman. Most of these ae way to specific to appy to the majority of people.
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Male 12
tl;dr
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Male 337
they want me to read all of that???
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Female 444
I thought it was good advises.
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Female 250
it reminds me of the sunscreen song
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Female 418
This sounds like what a serial killers life is like...
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Male 3,755
Nothing about cats.
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Female 63
@Angilion
What`s the problem with putting the toilet seat down? It`s just a courtesy. Not all of us are built to use it standing up, you know.
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Male 193
These rules are just silly. Following them would make you suicide at some point.
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Male 20
@5cats hahaha finaly thats dirty old book got something right just because they something sorta like the # 2 rule doesnt mean its good.. also the caption means no dogma just live life by these rules and you will be a good person not live life by these rules or you will burn for eternity in hell lol just A LIL FOOD FOR THOUGH
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Male 12,365
If I sang in a choir, it would be a bad thing for other people. Especially for anyone in the choir who could actually sing.

Wave at children on school buses? Not a good idea for a man nowadays.

Leave the toilet seat down? If you always put yourself out for other people because you`re told to, that`s not being nice. That`s being a doormat. Doormats don`t get equal relationships.

Say "please" a lot? It`s just a noise. It has nothing at all to do with politeness, although it does help with people who are too stupid to understand what politeness is.

Life`s little instructions? More like random rubbish mixed with trite sentiment splattered over "be nice".
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Male 41,100
#2 is, in fact, "the golden rule" from the old testament, eh?
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Female 8
we had this up in the band room in high school and i`ve followed them ever since 7th grade. :) i`ve also ruled out religion.
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Female 1,077
"Hide yo kids, hide yo wife"
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Male 180
Look`s like a compilation from "Life`s Little Instruction Book", ca. 1990.

Let`s see, do unto others, don`t steal, be positive, be humble, honor your parents, be thankful. Add to that don`t kill, lie, be jealous, or cheat and you essentially have the basic moral code of pretty much every religion.
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Female 117
my aunt has this in either her hallway or bathroom.
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Male 15,510
Too many rules
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Male 1,256
"Learn three clean jokes"

Yeah right, IAB.
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Male 2,552
These are really good, and for someone who has had difficulties in knowing how to interact and what to do in social situations, some of these were gold. Then, not now, I`ve learned over time. Duh.

But I doubt I`ll get a dog.
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Male 25,416
yawn
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Female 122
my mom has this picture
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Male 440
Why are men expected to leave the seat down? What is the difference between women having to put the seat down and us having to lift it up? As the joke goes "Gravity is on your side girls!"
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Male 2,893
I know you people are lying.
I`ll save you all a seat in Hell.
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Male 2,893
I will do like, three of these a year.
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Male 1,195
"Written by a woman. How else would `leave the toilet seat down` get there. That, or a husband who`s been owned."

It keeps the dog you just bought from drinking out of it.
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Female 9,584
I lost interest half way though.
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Female 682
That poster is in my laundry room.....thank you, mother....
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Male 12
Why not throw out religion? Because religion and rules are not the same thing-- except for post-modern version of religion which is no religion at all-- not only does it ignore, but it denies the existence of the soul.
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Male 54
toilet seats up! you lazy woman.
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Female 112
call your mother X)
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Male 699
wooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww
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Female 3,828
I think i do almost all of these things, honest to god. But it has inspired me to feed strangers parking meters, though. never thought of that one :) I dont have any good silver though. But i get the point of that one
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Male 468
a woman definitely wrote this because of the toilet seat rule
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Male 10,338
SORRY WEBZ!
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Male 10,338
"we follow the liberal code very closely. We support the freedom to be what you want, think what you want, do what you want and believe what you want. We try our best to keep an open mind and accept all people for who they are and whichever moral code they choose to follow."

Are you serious with that sheet man?

I don`t even have the strength.
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Male 541
Damn your faulty character limit, IAB.

There should be a...

"/HYPOCRISY"

at the end of that comment.
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Male 84
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
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Male 438
"treet everyone you meet like you want to be
treated"

i`d need a LOT of mouth wash for that...
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Male 648
@Webz

I`d sign that petition...but we all know the handful of users that are going to see that and tear it apart. One of whom is a grown man who`ll add "LOLZ!" to the end of his post.


*grabs cigar, torch, cutter....sits back and waits*
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Male 541
"What do you say we all make a pact to throw out religion..."

Welcome to I-Am-Bored.

Many people consider us to be a predominantly liberal website, and that being the case, we follow the liberal code very closely. We support the freedom to be what you want, think what you want, do what you want and believe what you want. We try our best to keep an open mind and accept all people for who they are and whichever moral code they choose to follow. As liberals, we believe in a positive society, a friendly society, one where no one feels discriminated against or abused for their own personal outlook on life. Whoever you are, you`ll find solace in the company of us friendly IABers.

Unless you`re religious of course. If you`re stupid enough to believe in some "sky-wizard" from a children`s fairy-tale then we`d prefer you get the hell out of here because we don`t want you corrupting our open-mindedness and acceptance towards all people and all that
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Male 4,680
"What do you say we all make a pact to throw out religion and just follow these rules?" No.
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Male 4,593
I hate sh*t like that.
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Male 178
if only...
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Female 1,623
"Keep it simple"

This should have followed that rule
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Male 772
This was DEFINITELY written by a woman for men. Kinda biased, but cute nonetheless:)
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Male 163
it`s illegal to feed a stranger`s parking meter.
You want me to break the law?
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Female 2,120
Why not just say try to be happy and try to make others happy? It would`ve saved about two minutes of my life.
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Male 946
...and that kiddies is how you too can be pussy-whipped.
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Female 407
i thought this was cute :)
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Male 592
Is this like..written by a woman?

From the toilet seat to the `plant a flower` nonsense.

Good god.
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Male 5,194
Life`s little mindless platitudes.
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Male 1,378
throw out religion? but then how will we start pointless wars?
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Male 99
Throw out religion, then do exactly what the bible says.... interesting.

I suppose all those cheesy lines boil down to: love others in many ways, love yourself. enjoy life and people allergic to dogs have no part in our utopia.

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Male 3,894
....on how to be a douche.
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Female 839
i read the first three
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Male 322
Written by a woman. How else would `leave the toilet seat down` get there. That, or a husband who`s been owned.
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Male 6,693
Here Here !
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Female 477
"wave at kids on the school bus"
hahah. expect them to:
A. stick their tongue out at you/make an ugly face
B. give you the finger
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Female 131
how bout you replace "have a dog" with "cherish your pet(s)"? That way everyone can do it, since not all people can have dogs, regardless of whether they are a dog person or not.
Or! How bout just "treat all animals with kindness and respect"?
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Male 2,506
Never refuse home made brownies...?
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Male 970
if everybody had a dog the streets would be full of poo!
drat that instruction!
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Male 122
okay
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Female 457
I would agree with these, except for the Marry Only for Love one. Yes, you have to love the other person, but there are A LOT of other very important factors besides love that have to enter into a relationship before marriage.
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Female 798
HunterKiller,
AGREED! This post would have been a lot better (although still cheesy as all hell) without that little anti-religion blurb.
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Male 9,305
Hunter, when you and others stop reacting to it, people will stop making fun of it. It`s the whole "Poke it and see what happens" formula.

*poke*
*reaction*
*entertainment*
*repeat*
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Male 242
This is on my grandma`s counter. Has been for years. Way to be hip and fresh, IAB.
EPIC WIN!
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Male 306
Okay.
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Male 1,678
Most of these could have been replaced with just "Be nice".
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Male 363
f**k you IAB for being so biased on religion. Why dont you just shut up about it? There are people of both sentiments, religious and atheist, on here.
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Male 807
"Religion is easier."

Wow, that takes the cake for stupidity....
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Male 9,305
"Religion is easier."

No, actually THIS is easier, far less complicated, I`m certain.
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Female 1,593
Have a dog? No thanks.
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Female 347
I have a dog.
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Male 51
IAB is so anti-religion it is disgusting. I am an atheist but come on... throw out religion and replace it with something that literally hung in my high school history teacher`s room? Kitsch
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Male 378
Instead of always leave the toilet seat down, how about learn how to operate the toilet seat? If it is up and you need it down, it doesn`t exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out what to do.
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Male 5,314
now i feel bad
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Female 4,039
Cute. I don`t know about the waving to kids on the bus, though. If you`re driving a van and not wearing pants, that would be a bad idea.
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Female 21
Feeding a strangers expired parking meter is illegal. You would be "Interfering with the collection of city revenue."
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Male 3
I actually have this hanging up in my house XD
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Male 10,338
Okay. So I can remember to do all these, OR....

"Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you".

Religion is easier.
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Male 2,424
My life comes with no instructions!

BTW Fancy, this is like something my Grandma would post on facebook.
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Male 2,548
This was sweet. <3
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Male 532
Never refuse homemade brownies? Especially the "special" ones from that hippy guy down the street!
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Male 44
hear hear!
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Male 953
If only life were that simple....I think I`m just going to go pull the trigger now.
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Male 21,000
Link: Life`s Little Instructions [Pic] [Rate Link] - What do you say we all make a pact to throw out religion and just follow these rules?
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