How Do You Know If You`re Going To Heaven? [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 7 years ago in Funny

Simple, just take the test. (Spoiler alert: you"re going to fail.)
There are 97 comments:
Female 261
Yep, I`m failing his test. Guess I`ll see that kid and his dad in hell.
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Male 336
@Siyanor find perfection in yourself before you find error in others.
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Male 12,138
"Who the hell still owns a yoyo?"

Xhibit. He does.

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Female 314
Who the hell still owns a yoyo?
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Female 1,264
I will fail. Hard.
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Male 43
That kid and his yoyo are going to hell!
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Male 203
@shadowscx3,
I really hope you don`t buy into the militant brainwash poison disguised as the Witnesses. They are crazier than the Mormons.
@Deviros,
I am grown, I thank you. How else would I have come to the conclusion that all Christians, fundamental or not, are b a t s h i t insane. It is a widely known fact that Christianity is one of the most intolerant of other forms of religion. You have a commandment named after it, lest you forgot.
@Angilion,
You are beast, yo. Talk about Nail On The Head.
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Male 180
Churches and most "Christians" appeal to selfishness by promising eternal life in Heaven for whoever joins them.

Interesting because the basic tenets of Christianity are selflessness and living one day at a time.
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Male 180
@ dreaco - They recruit for $$. Churches are big business and will fight tooth and nail for the nonexistent "commandment" of tithing.
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Male 1
McGovern you are wrong on what you believe. You don`t lower your chances to go to heaven. Those who will go to heaven will reign with Jesus during and after the one 1000 year period, these Jehovah`s Witnesses that are currently human who are called anointed will rise after the war of Armaggedon. Which is the war of God against the Kingdoms or Governments of the earth. Those remaining servants, if you will, will have a chance to remain on earth to live in a paradise. Jehovah`s witnesses don`t mean harm I assure you they only follow the bible. If you notice everything that they believe in, is in the bible, they don`t add or take away words in God`s word. It is written though that doomed shall be the one who replaces or takes word from the bible. Do you think there`s a reason as to why the catholic version of the bible is so much different? If you want to know more, email me, if you have a question I will gladly answer it.
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Male 2
Were already in hell no point for taking the test :D
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Female 99
Actually, McGovern, they believe that only 144,000 go to Heaven, but any that are loyal will live in a paradise on earth. As for why they feel the need to recruit? No flippin` clue.
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Male 14,331
What I never get is why jehovah witnesses are always looking for more members

1.If gods only taking a small number of people why would you want to lower your chances and get more?
2.Why would you want to worship a god that`s such an non-nice individual and stops letting people into paradise after a certain number?
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Female 2,352
Yeah I think I`d fail.
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Female 535
I`m actually curious as to the questions on that test.
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Male 2,748
lol... i`d go and play "Devil`s advocate" cuz i think it`d be funny. and yes, the pun was intended
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Male 5,094
I`d like to take that test actually.
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Female 126
i dont get it, but i`ll pretend to anyway. haha
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Female 535
you`re NOT ALLOWED to pick on other religions, betardfooser.
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Male 218
So that`s why happened to Taylor Hicks...
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Male 6,693
I think I`ll skip this booth and get a corndog.
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Male 496
@betardfooser

BECAUSE if he takes the piss out of Christianity, all he gets are a few mild mannered forum posts / e-mails.

If he takes the piss out of Muslims, he`ll be checking under his car with a mirror everytime he goes outside.
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Male 558
Fancylad, why do you feel the need to throw everyone into a religious debate by picking on only one religion? It is no longer funny and only shows how intolerant YOU are.
I am not much of a religious person, but this is getting ridiculous. If we need to pick on a religion, why not pick on them ALL?

because Christianity is totally f*cked, and Baal won`t let us rip on Islam... j/k pal, you know we luvs ya!
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Male 558
and blue ribbon for "most boring booth at the state fair" goes to....
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Female 447
And like the great Jim Jeffries says.. Why would Satan do horrible things to you? Your one of his boys :) I hate religions that are based on fear.
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Female 688
i dont get it.
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Female 505
I thought you only went to Hell or Heaven if you believe they exist. So if you`re non-religious, or just a different religion, you won`t go to Hell OR Heaven.

Just my thoughts...
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Male 12,138
[quote]because we`ve all done wrong we deserve hell. we really do. but Gods a loving God, and He provided a way out for us... if we choose to accept it. When Jesus died, He didnt stay dead, He rose again. and if we believe in what Jesus did for us, we can be saved, we can go to heaven.[/quote]
Truth. If all the world were Christian, we`d all go to heaven, and be saved. Only by Jesus can you be saved. Disbelieve in the salvation of Jesus and you`re bound for hell.

Sorry, hunni, but you can`t ALL be right. If you don`t accept Jesus you`re going to hell is your message, along with all the Jews, Muslims, Shintoists, Zoastriantrians, Hindus, African tribal shamans, Scientoloists etc etc. Hate to be a bitch, but if you`re only Christian because you happened, by sheer aciident of birth, to be brought up in Christian family.

We`re all going to hell, unless we`re all [insert username here] particular brand of religion? THIS is why I say f*ck it all.
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Female 1
the questions would be:
have you ever lied before?
have you ever stolen something before? (even something small)
have you ever used the Lord`s name in vain?

if youve answered yes to one, just one of these, that makes you not perfect. we can agree on that right?
well, God is a perfect God and we are imperfect people. theres nothing we can do to earn our way into heaven. if we cant go to heaven, that only leaves one other option. hell.

so because we`ve all done wrong we deserve hell. we really do. but Gods a loving God, and He provided a way out for us...if we choose to accept it. you see He sent His only son Jesus who lived a perfect life, and then willfully chose to die in YOUR place, for all the wrong things that youve done, like lies, stealing, etc.

But when Jesus died, He didnt stay dead, He rose again. and if we believe in what Jesus did for us, we can be saved, we can go to heaven.

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Male 359
I wonder how many times it was rewritten before they decided it was finished....
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Male 2,893
I`d take a seat and the guy would say, "No."
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Female 406
Do they tell me where I go if I fail the test?
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Male 5,194
Do you belong to our religion?
[] Yes
[] No
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Male 12,365
Gah, fake limit hits again:

and then forgot to call it religion, would it still be worthy of respect?

I think religion gets *far* too much respect and special privilege. Far, far too much.
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Male 12,365
[quote]IAB I would like to ask you to with the most respect to respect the religions and religious practices of your fans/visitors. I`m a devoted Christian and feel that quiet often you seem to mock my religion. I feel its too much and I know I will get trolled but I ask for simple respect.[/quote]

Here is a serious question:

Why does religion deserve respect?


If anyone advocated:

i) Believing in things without any evidence for them, usually also in things that are provably impossible,

ii) Obedience to rules made up by whoever had most power within the most powerful organisation of (i), obedience without the possibility of appeal because those people who made the rules claimed divine authority,

iii) Torture for the disobedient, either in this life or ever after,

iv) Brainwashing all children to obey the rulers (because it`s more effective against children)

and then forgot to call it religion, would it still
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Male 12,365
[quote]@angilion

Judaism[/quote]

I thank you for being so completely wrong and thus helping to prove my point.
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Male 535
And - because apparently I am completely insane, or perhaps because I am a glutton for inevitable punishment, I will start at it again:

@Angilion: Hell is defined more as being absent from God, not so much as being tortured in a fiery pit of molten sulfur - much of this deviation is due to mistranslation and allegory. The ancient Jews believed that after death came the grave, and if one was righteous, they were then resurrected (in a spiritual form), or would be at some point, to spend eternity with their creator.

The visions of hell involving bruninating stem mostly from pagan beliefs and do tend to provide a... compelling method to convert people by fear.

The true `punishment` is to be in agony over the fact that one would be separated from God, in an untenable position of being apart from where one belongs.

There. Now you all have $.04, I`m done.

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Male 535
"people as a whole find Christianity...unpalatable."

sod it - i was under the 1000 character limit.

Anyway, that`s my completely unwelcome and ill placed $.02
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Male 535
@Gordetsky and Jak22: That... was unnecessary. Grow up. Calling someone an idiot based on their beliefs is foolish and... well... imbecilic.. How would you like to be ridiculed for being atheist?

@Tharnambular: Perhaps a more... subtle approach would have been more appreciated. G and J, while uncouth, have a point - this site _does_ happen to cater to a certain demographic, and while not everyone who visits this site is in that demographic, it is the prevailing attitude. I appreciate your conviction, but expressing it in this manner serves no purpose but to damage creditability and goes against Christian teachings and the attitude that should be shouldered, because, honestly, one has a choice as to whether or not they visit this site.

_Finally_, There are fundamental and borderline crazy "Christian" groups out there, and their behaviour toward the secular world is...somewhat misled. It is for this reason exactly that people as a whole find Christiani
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Male 203
Uh Oh. We seem to mock YOUR religion? Those are ripe words, Christian.
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Male 154
tharnambular--- Christianity is the dominant religion in this country and theres a ton of idiots who follow it. of course people are gonna rip on stupid stuff like this. hahahah and good luck asking for respect on a website that caters to our demographic.
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Male 71
IAB I would like to ask you to with the most respect to respect the religions and religious practices of your fans/visitors. I`m a devoted Christian and feel that quiet often you seem to mock my religion. I feel its too much and I know I will get trolled but I ask for simple respect. Thank you
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Male 15,510
Question #1: Do you use the Internet?
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Male 2,591
i`m going to disney world when I die
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Male 39,880
I wonder why they aren`t busy. It`s a free test after all
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Male 2,440
[quote]sure, I`ll take a free stress test...[/quote]

Xenu approves of this comment. :D
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Male 27
lmao. that kid is like "Hmmm, i failed the test.. but maybe if i bribe that guy with a yo-yo he will let me in..."
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Male 1,547
sure, I`ll take a free stress test...
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Male 452
Well that looks like loads of fun...
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Male 2,085
The test is one question: Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
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Male 2,441
That place looks shady
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Male 15
*controversial comment*
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Male 207
@angilion

Judaism
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Male 12,365
[quote]Oh, I dunno, maybe the HUNDREDS of other religions that have a hell (some actually by that very same name) that were in place even BEFORE Christianity was the big thing... Just a thought...[/quote]

And a person writing today was referring to one of them rather than the Christian hell? I doubt it.

Can you give me a dozen examples of religions that had a torturous afterlife *called `Hell`* that existed "BEFORE Christianity was the big thing"?

Or any examples at all?
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Male 690
lmao the kid`s face is hilarious
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Female 533
how do you know if you`re going to heaven? Die and find out
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Male 3,482
[quote]Fancylad, why do you feel the need to throw everyone into a religious debate by picking on only one religion? It is no longer funny and only shows how intolerant YOU are.[/quote]
Honestly, if I remember correctly, we used to pick on Scientology for a while there... Then it just became boring because EVERYONE knows just how retarded Scientology is.

But since people still think Christianity is, in any way, credible... We`re still picking o it.
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Male 1,067
I`d take the test just to see the look on their faces when they spoke to me
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Male 3,482
[quote]If Heaven is filled with people like this, I`d rather be heading South, thankyouverymuch! BBQ anyone?[/quote]
Sure, I`ll see you there.

Before I go to the BBQ, though... Who`s ribs? NOT IT!
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Male 4,793
"Are they christians or scientologists?"

who cares? They are total nut-cases either way.
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Male 3,482
[quote]How can you believe in hell if you`re not a Christian?[/quote]
Oh, I dunno, maybe the HUNDREDS of other religions that have a hell (some actually by that very same name) that were in place even BEFORE Christianity was the big thing... Just a thought...
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Female 149
If these are the crazies, then apparently I`m going to Hell because I`m Catholic and I wear shorts. Oops.
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Male 12,365
[quote]I do not believe in Christian God, namely Jesus` father. I am definitely going to hell.[/quote]

How can you believe in hell if you`re not a Christian?
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Male 1,610
In Afghanistan the question would be "will you wear this jacket made of dynamite?"
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Male 1,378
Why not get killed and get there faster?
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Male 2,148
I`m taking this comment board in a different direction:

In Soviet Russia, Heaven not be in YOU!!
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Male 59
there is internet in heaven, thanks to internet anonymity, cant prove whether or not theyre really in heaven
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Male 315
Are they christians or scientologists?
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Male 1,196
@lamicraor i don`t think being intolerant is a bad thing. if you are too tolerant you become a moral, religious, and cultural relativist.
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Male 3,425
@Lamiacraor

It`s only because this website is America-centric and Christianity is by far the biggest religion in America. Really, these posts don`t necessarily focus on Christianity, they focus on the belief in religion in general and use Christianity as an example we can all relate to.

True, there is a lot of religious bashing on here, but it`s more pro-Atheist than anti-Christian.
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Male 3,014
"I`m already in heaven.... beat that byoch"

They have internet in heaven? Isn`t there some sort of rule that the dead aren`t allowed to communicate to the living except through hokey, easily debunked methods?
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Male 25,416
What!
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Female 231
Fancylad, why do you feel the need to throw everyone into a religious debate by picking on only one religion? It is no longer funny and only shows how intolerant YOU are.
I am not much of a religious person, but this is getting ridiculous. If we need to pick on a religion, why not pick on them ALL?
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Male 4,807
I`m already in heaven.... beat that byoch
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Male 422
Anyone else getting tired of the "I`m still bored" posts? It`s getting a little repetitive and annoying.
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Female 675
Sounds like scientology
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Female 316
If Heaven is filled with people like this, I`d rather be heading South, thankyouverymuch! BBQ anyone?
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Male 5,189
Bored still.
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Male 541
"Do you believe their in God?
A) Yes- You`re going to heaven.
B) No - You`re not going to heaven."

so true
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Male 648
Easiest test ever to cheat on
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Male 2,121
"Do you believe their in God?
A) Yes- You`re going to heaven.
B) No - You`re not going to heaven."

Assuming this is Christian heaven, Muslims believe in God...
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Male 877
type of thing that`d make yer skin crawl...



...anyway, it`d seem that if you can `yo yo` you`re gettin` in


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Male 206
I went to the State Fair yesterday and they had a small trailer parked there with the same questions. You just had to answer 2 simple questions. I didn`t participate.

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Male 1,184
ilfg, it may help to know English before attempting to correct someone in English.
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Male 1,610
Lesson: what works for Scientologists won`t necessarily work for Christians
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Male 336
@netbaby corrected question:

Do you believe their in God?
A) Yes- You`re going to heaven.
B) No - You`re not going to heaven.
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Male 91
I think that kid failed =(
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Male 480
I do not believe in Christian God, namely Jesus` father. I am definitely going to hell.
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Male 17,511
I predict this becoming a flame war in 3.. 2.. 1..
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Female 24
Lol, what ae the questions to this test then?

Do you believe in God?
A) Yes- You`re going to heaven.
B) No - You`re not going to heaven.
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Male 1,240
I am?
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Male 1,505
Oh, I took the test at the other guy`s booth and he said I was good to go, but thanks anyway.
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Female 1,435
how is the test done? is it the same as peeing in a cup?
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Male 378
Exam Proctor "Do you agree with everyone of my political and religious views?"

You: "What are your views?"

Exam Proctor "FAIL!!! You are going straight to HELL!!!!!"
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Male 87
lol
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Male 161
Am I missing something here?
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Male 20,899
Link: How Do You Know If You`re Going To Heaven? [Pic] [Rate Link] - Simple, just take the test. (Spoiler alert: you`re going to fail.)
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