Top 10 Bible Reviews On Amazon.com [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 6 years ago in Funny

Sacrelicious!
There are 79 comments:
Female 6
@ anyone in question about the existance of Jesus:
wikipedia.org /wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus

while his deity status, and/or any details about his life can never be confirmed or denied to ANY degree of probability, It is pretty much fact that Jesus the man existed.

It it not 100% certain, technically, but to argue otherwise (to argue that he definitely did not exist, or that it is `unlikely`) show either your ignorance or your denial.
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Male 877
...another `daddy couldnt hug me`
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Female 448
I feel like cartoon Jesus is giving me this look that says "You`re all stupid...and going to hell."
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Female 55
Ha, I love reviews.
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Male 1,184
quasi, can you explain the difference for me?

I`ve never read the Bible, but based on what I`ve heard, it`s exactly the same.
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Male 881
It is not known for sure if Jesus really existed, but it is likely. BrimstoneOne and ruthless1990 cannot claim to know one way or the other since the best evidence uncovered to date is highly contentious. To claim that you know for a fact show you to be biased and unreliable.

puppies04, you want non-religious evidence from a time where religion was everything? What, you want to find a rock that says, "Jesus was here, 20 A.D."? Much of the evidence for Jesus is religious in nature. That does not mean it all stems from the Bible. Josephus and Pliny are probably the best non-religious sources, but those sources are questionable. Archeology has found that events in the Bible do have a basis in reality. I don`t think any credible historian takes the Bible literally, but neither would they discount it as completely as you seem to.
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Male 686
Oh and btw ruthless1990 are you seriously saying because you believe that brimstoneone made a point that you dont agree with that somehow everything else he says is automatically irrelevant... wow just wow and people wonder where the whole fingers stuffed so far in your ears you gave yourself a mental handicap view of religious poeple come from
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Male 686
It is a historic fact that jesus existed.............. hmm non religious based proofs pls. I will accept a copy of his drivers licence or birth certificate
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Female 3,001
theres no debate whether Jesus existed or not, it`s a historic fact that he did...
silly BrimstoneOne, it makes everything else you say irrelevant because i cant believe someone who would get something so fundamentaly wrong like that!


but anyway, picture made me lol
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Male 2,229
Jesus, the Hercules of the bible. Like Hercules, Jesus never existed, and the stories attributed to the character; like the myth made stories that have came before; "moralize", "teach", and "exemplify" what a "proper" christian suppose to be.

Unfortunately for those of fundamentalist and evangelical christians of today are not christian in the way the bible says a christian is to behave. The "proper" christians as described by the bible are "hippies". Jesus would stand with and for poor, downtrodden, disadvantaged. The drug users, the street walkers, the diseased.

Also the corruption that occurred of the `religion` when it was adopted by the Roman Empire also moves those who say they are christian away from what is say a "proper" chrastian is in the bible.
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Male 6
"Um no, you must have stopped reading Revelation halfway through. In the midst of the New Heaven and the New Earth stands the Tree of Life, everyone has fast cheap internet, no lawyers and streets of gold, and everyone lives happily ever after forever."
Isn`t that contingent on accepting the whole what-his-face died for my sins so I don`t burn for masturbating etc. So basically its one of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, it`s either "THE END" or "Go to Rev 21.1"
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Male 301
"Spoiler alert!!!!!!"



Everybody dies at the end.
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Male 2,220
"Revelation= Armageddon, the end of the world. A happy ending if I`ve ever read one "

Doh! You could have put a SPOILER warning in first...
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Male 4,290
I lol`ed at number 6.
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Male 17
*either
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Male 17
@Siyanor, wtf? It`s nothing like neither of those books. Stop trying to make yourself seem clever you little douche.
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Male 8,302
> lost2uandurs
>> "What exactly IS the ending to the Bible?"
> Revelation= Armageddon, the end of the world. A happy ending if I`ve ever read one

Um no, you must have stopped reading Revelation halfway through. In the midst of the New Heaven and the New Earth stands the Tree of Life, everyone has fast cheap internet, no lawyers and streets of gold, and everyone lives happily ever after forever.
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Female 188
I knew that black color on this site wasn`t a coincindence....
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Male 1,184
Ah, I see, so the Bible is intended to be read as dystopian literature...

Evil god is merciless but the ruler of everything, Jesus says "OMG ur bad" and a few people agree with him, everything ends "badly" (according to some people) anyway.

Sounds exactly like Brave New World, and much like 1984.
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Male 6
"What exactly IS the ending to the Bible?"

Revelation= Armageddon, the end of the world. A happy ending if I`ve ever read one. =)
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Male 44
YES, kicking people in the testaments!
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Male 6
Keep em comin IAB, there is nothing better than the irate responses I get from linking these posts to my girlfriend`s mother.. "Good ending", absolutely priceless..
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Male 1
@davymid The upside down cross isn`t a satanic symbol at all. John the Baptist asked to be crucified upside down because he felt he didn`t deserve to die like Jesus.
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Male 1,184
So...umm...

What exactly IS the ending to the Bible?
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Female 351
HEY!!!!! Lord of the Rings will forever be the greatest book of all time!! ^_^
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Male 648
"Almost Preachy"

lol
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Male 12,138
In before Elkingo posts his pic AGAIN:



Because clearly mildly humourous posts such as this prove that I-A-B is just a front for blatant Satanism. Right?
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Male 2,748
People who use bible quotes to prove a point are stupid. cuz i can guarentee somewhere in there is a quote of the exact opposite thing. Pointless.
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Female 803
I love how so many people think they know what they`re talking about when it comes to the Bible, especially with things Jesus said. How many people won`t acknowledge most of the OT but when it comes to things such as creation, Heaven, Hell, and gay rights they`re all up in that?

Seriously I don`t even believe in any of that and I know more than most of those hypocrites.
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Male 3,431
WTF no TLDR?
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Male 2,688
We all know the REAL Jesus got left out of the Bible... We just got the stories about all he good things he did... I imagine Jesus as the original frat-boy... Morrigann said it... He kept a crew around him at all times, rolled with whores, and could get drunk anytime he wanted... Then when he woke up with the Clap, he was just "Pfft...I ain`t hearin this." and it was gone...
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Male 8,302
Calvin Coolidge (US President #30) was a man of few words. He went to church one day and when he got home his wife said "What did the Minister preach about dear?"

"Sin"

"Oh... and what did he have to say about it?"

"Against it"
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Male 480
"and under no situation should jesus`s actions in leviticus be replicated, especially in a market or bank."
Fun fact: Jesus wasnt in Leviticus. Also, he broke most of those rules on a regular basis. The man knew how to party! He rolled with a posse, hung out with whores, and could make wine whenever. Plus, he could cure the "lame"!
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Male 2,893
"Talk about a preachy book, I mean it`s sin this and sin that."
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Female 199
religion: a sure-fire way to make two complete strangers argue for hours on end
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Female 612
"...under no situation should jesus`s actions in leviticus be replicated, especially in a market or bank"

I`d say anyone who has so infirm a grasp of the Bible as to believe the laws in Leviticus apply today or were intended to apply today is someone Christ himself would not be very happy with. Jesus never said stone the gays/adulterers/sinners, but that he who is without sin should cast the first stone and that the greatest commandment was to love one another. I`m not trying to get preachy, just giving an example of how hypocritical most Christians are. And I am a Christian myself, so I know.
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Male 1,287
[quote] As long as it isnt the torah ,im alright [/quote]
Please tell me you`re joking. The torah is the first five books of the old testament. What`s more, the rest of the tanakh (jewish canon) - nivi`im and ketuvim comprise the rest of the old testament. Half that book that you don`t care about is the basis of judaism. Personally, I`m happy if you don`t care, but I`m shocked your ignorance. I get the feeling I just got trolled.
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Female 1,190
"People who hear voices are usually a few fries short of a Happy Meal"

best saying ive heard all day :D haha
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Male 26
I heard it was mostly metaphorical, along with different word/context usage in old british english vs. modern legalese english, along with heavy censorship of the book. That being said, most people have not red it, including critics and christians alike. Note that anyone who lives by king james literally is breaking a ton of laws, and under no situation should jesus`s actions in leviticus be replicated, especially in a market or bank.
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Male 38,455
" its okay to have imaginary friends when you`re a kid, but when you talk to an imaginary figure as an adult, it just shows you`re either insane, immature, or just plain retarded."

well, since you put it that way... YES. That`s right. People who hear voices are usually a few fries short of a Happy Meal
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Male 25,416
random
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Male 341
As long as it isnt the torah ,im alright
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Male 351
So, it was raided by atheists? Cool?
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Male 2,688
@screwszlooose

I tried Catholic church (my family is Catholic) and got drastically bored. I even studied various other religions, much to the dismay of my family, trying to find one that made sense to me. I`ve always approached things with a logical and scientific mind, even from youth... I just couldn`t buy into any of it. It was all based on fantasy and things that just "magically" happen.
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Male 177
That`s a funny.
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Male 1,287
If you found this funny, it`s worth it to take a quick jog over to amazon.com to look at the reviews for the various publications of the bible, but don`t stop there. Look at the comments for the reviews. There`s a whole lot of trollin` going on.
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Male 384
"oh i know taylor, being an atheist is super trendy"

Its not about being trendy. Its about the realization that its okay to have imaginary friends when you`re a kid, but when you talk to an imaginary figure as an adult, it just shows you`re either insane, immature, or just plain retarded.


it could also mean you tried for years to feel something, or anything, when in church.

and all you felt was bored and ripped off.
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Male 770
the biggest reason i can never talk to athiests is that it is impossible to find a common starting point with someone who believes i am insane
tylor
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Male 2,688
"oh i know taylor, being an atheist is super trendy"

Its not about being trendy. Its about the realization that its okay to have imaginary friends when you`re a kid, but when you talk to an imaginary figure as an adult, it just shows you`re either insane, immature, or just plain retarded.
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Male 1,598
I`m a Lutheran but I still find this funny.
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Male 4,793
"Majority of IABers are atheist and find stuff like this funny. Were they to post something PRO-Christian, the same atheists would be in the comments tearing it apart."

so true haha...I think that`s why I like IAB, many of us arent brainwashed :P
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Male 2,703
"almost preachy in tone"

hah, nice
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Male 333
Sacralicious! Haha perfect.
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Female 446
Ohhhhh...Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, that is friggen funny! *A chuckling christian here*. :-D
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Male 38,455
Are they reviewing just the original? Or the sequal too?

Testament and Testament II
Starring Charlton Heston!


Of course, if you`re Mormon you get the third installment in the Trinity Trilogy, the book of Mormorn or

"Testament III" Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
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Male 273
oh i know taylor, being an atheist is super trendy
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Female 1,299
hahaha, that was hilarious
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Male 418
I like the look on the `ol J-man`s face up there... lol ... kinda like "Fo-shizzle, i thought the same thing"
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Female 3,574
[quote]Do Christians have no sense of humour? Because that sucks.[/quote]
Only the insecure ones.
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Male 519
lol that was awesome
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Male 443
LMFAO, loved it
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Female 1,604
lmao that cracked me up.
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Male 749
:D
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Male 6,694
#6 LOL
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Male 503
"Do Christians have no sense of humour? Because that sucks."

what do you expect, sheep can`t laugh.
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Male 100
effing hilarious.
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Male 4,594
LMAO. A good shot to religion is always welcome, and usually funny as hell.
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Male 1,596
`almost preachy in tone` - jokes
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Female 1,677
Also this isn`t very offensive, as far as offensive things go. It`s funny things people have said about the bible. Do Christians have no sense of humour? Because that sucks.
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Male 2,159
I don`t mean to upset Christians, but that was SO funny!
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Male 2,688
@ForAllThSin

Majority of IABers are atheist and find stuff like this funny. Were they to post something PRO-Christian, the same atheists would be in the comments tearing it apart.
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Male 24
#2 made me laugh :P
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Male 273
what a surprise, another anti-christian post from fancylad
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Male 809
Too funny! `Not his best work` F*cking epic!
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Female 9,475
KJV sucks anyway, go NIV!
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Female 451
lol, love it!
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Male 46
Can`t wait for the movie. :D
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Male 3,915
lmfao

i laughed hard at "almost preachy in tone"
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Male 20,110
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