Jesus: The Original Bad-Ass? [Pic]

Submitted by: SaintPatty 7 years ago in Misc

Now if things like this were in the Bible, He"s get a lot more readers.
There are 125 comments:
Female 914
aaaaaaaaaaaand now I want to reform back to christianity
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Female 113
"ficken means "to drat/having sex" a proper german cussword may be scheiße (poo) verdammt or verflucht (both mean damn) or kacke (also means poo). sry i´m a smart ass,dont kill me^^"

Considering the rest is in English, the artist probably went into an online translator for "drat" and got that.
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Female 450
ficken means "to drat/having sex" a proper german cussword may be scheiße (poo) verdammt or verflucht (both mean damn) or kacke (also means poo). sry i´m a smart ass,dont kill me^^
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Male 1,299
Epic

Nuffsed
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Female 407
LOL @ MattPrince! Made my evening =)
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Male 1,043
MattPrince
Why the drat?
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Male 2,220
He should play for Holland.
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Female 1,070
Actually @ pdjr, you can be pregnant while still being a virgin. As long as the semen of a man goes into you and gets into the egg, you can still get pregnant even if your hymen isn`t broken.

Not trying to back Mary up or anything, I`m atheist, but that`s how it is. You can be a virgin and still get pregnant.
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Male 312
GIVE ME MORE OF THIS! If this was the Bible...I`d read it. Not believe it but...read it.

Also, Samurai Jesus.
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Male 30
Page from "Jesus: In the name of the Gun". (It`s free by the way)
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Male 423
I DEMAND more.
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Male 1,629
thats friggin great!
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Male 312
Jesus can run on my urine any day
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Female 1,199
Haha awesome...
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Female 2,352
Lol Jesus running up the piss stream.
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Male 690
A moil is retiring so he gives a leather worker 30 years worth of foreskins.Comes back a week later and the guy has made a wallet. "A wallet!" The moil starts yelling. "Calm down," The guy explains, "you rub it for a few minutes, it turns into a suitcase."
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Female 1,623
omg Paddyt07 where did you get that bible? I`d read that for sure!
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Male 14,331
@boredfjord

Why exactly was there such a strong market for foreskins?
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Male 37
yeah, go jesus! lol
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Male 1,067
I would so read this :P
I`m not Christian or a manga fan or anything but I have like a copy of the Manga Bible - just the regular Bible drawn out like a manga comic, it`s really quite good :D More readible than the regular Bible atleast.
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Female 3,001
hahahaa, pdjr just got beat by a teenager, thats what you get for picking on a kid.
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Male 415
his sandals are covered in piss now :(
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Male 2,893
Oh come on guys, don`t start a fu.cking argument when the guy just walked up a stream of Nazi pee.
COME ON!!
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Male 6,693
Walking right up the pee.
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Male 2,868
To be fair, a lack of readership is not one of the many problems plaguing Christianity...or is it? Can it really be considered READING if you`re unquestioningly accepting the interpretation handed down to you by the leadership of your religious institution? Hmm....
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Male 7,378
Jesus must have water-proof sandals.
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Female 691
"wateva x... we all know where babies come from, and some womans 2000 year old lie about "being a virgin" and being preggers wont cut it.... someone should try that one on Maury.. BTW if you`re in the 13-17 age group you may need to go to one of your teachers for clarification"

Sour grapes, you got your facts wrong for a joke that wasn`t even funny. It`s as simple as you fail at being funny. Don`t try and take it out on me.
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Male 1,287
When did Rasputin learn to walk on water?
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Male 382
I laffed.

not sure if I should have...
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Male 298
wateva x... we all know where babies come from, and some womans 2000 year old lie about "being a virgin" and being preggers wont cut it.... someone should try that one on Maury.. BTW if you`re in the 13-17 age group you may need to go to one of your teachers for clarification
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Male 125
@Madduck: To be sure, the Bible definitely does not advocate stoning adulterers. In fact, Jesus in dealing with a woman who actually had been caught in the act of adultery said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." This caused the crowd to disperse, thus saving her life. Jesus was like the original hippy. Peace and Love man.
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Male 10
This needs funding...
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Male 1,043
omfg That rocked.. :D
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Female 691
"Interesting that when Jesuc calls the nazi a mo-fo... considering the fact that as the father, Son and Holy Spitit are the same entity, he is therefor his own father, therefor a proper mo-fo!"


His mother was a virgin. Hence, Virgin Mary. So no.

Good comic, I lol`d.
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Male 298
Interesting that when Jesuc calls the nazi a mo-fo... considering the fact that as the father, Son and Holy Spitit are the same entity, he is therefor his own father, therefor a proper mo-fo!
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Male 2,424
I heard of Jews for Jesus, but this looks like Jesus for Jews. Take that third Reich!
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Male 928
Read the Old Testament; there`s plenty of action. David kills 200 Philistines and takes their foreskins to buy Saul`s daughter Michal. Of course, to get to the good parts, you have to wade through pages of "thou shalt not" and "Enoch begat Methuselah." Ugh.
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Male 1,736
where is this from? I want to read more!
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Male 1,357
lmfao! Brilliant
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Male 2,688
Pooptart is my fkin HERO
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Male 213
haha love it, epic
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Male 2,748
that`s just bad ass... hahaha, jesus can run on your piss!!!
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Male 2,440
DaBigMachine, Brock Samson is my savior/God. Consider reading the Guild`s handbook.
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Female 8,043
The bible is not a bad read at all- some great stuff in it- as has the Koran. Most religions provide some good answers for lifes problems. Having said that, I do not think it necessary or desirable to actually believe in God at all- but if you do, you do. Just don`t get all fundamental and you will be fine, and please do not make your belief cause a problem for the rest of us. No one finds stoning adulterers a good thing, refuting good science either!
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Male 125
I know this may fall on deaf ears, but I`ll say it anyway. If you don`t believe in Jesus or God now, but later you find yourself absolutely at the bottom (emotionally, physically, mentally) from troubles. Consider reading the Bible and perhaps praying. It has helped many in their times of desperation. I`d say check out Psalms if you`re really under it. If you just want to see what Jesus was all about, read John, Acts & Romans. Or, if you just want old school wisdom check out Proverbs. I`m not trying to convert anyone here. I`m just saying, if you`re hurting you should take a look and see what it`s all about.

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:9-10)
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Female 5,222
nice lmao
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Male 159
"Hmm, unfortunately, in reality, God was nowhere to be seen..."

Believe it or not, I`ve seen people claim God was acting through the Allied Forces. XD
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Female 3,828
LOL awesome
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Male 533
Bible: the Graphic Novel

I can see it now....
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Male 12,138
But then on the airplane flight a coupla days ago I watched "Clash of the Titans" (have you seen it? tis awesome!), and Liam Neeson was pretty epic playing the fictional character of the Greek god Zeus, and I was nearly converted to ancient Greek god-worship. Seriously, watch that movie... I would give Zeus a rimjob, and I`m not even gay, it was THAT awesome. It was epic, watch that shiz.

Thank you fattpill for making me see the light. Your particular flavour/brand of sky-mumbling is definitley the one I choose. Consider me Born-Again Christian. Hope I get in!

Pray for me brother.
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Male 12,138
[quote]this is outright Blasphemy of The almighty God who loves you. How will you feel when you realize that and its too late. All this time he is loving you and you cannot get past your pride. the Bible says that is what is holding you back. Pride all you have to do is get rid of that and accept God and he will show himself to you in a way that is special to you. [/quote]
*wipes away tears of joy from the Holy Rapture*

Thank you fattpill. I was momentarily thinking about signing up to Islam, or Hinduism, or Shintoism, or maybe even Traditional Chinese Animism. Those lying, deceitful bastards had a similar message about going to Hell if I didn`t sign up, and those c*nts tried to trick me into joining their religion. Hell, there was even a couple of Mormons on bicycles in very nice crisp white shirts that called by earlier, I was almost going to plump for that Joseph Smith guy.
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Male 820
A whistling Nazi..., okay then.
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Male 496
praise jesus...or else
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Male 126
hahaha i normally don`t like these things... but this one is awesome.
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Male 215
Jesus is very buoyant.
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Male 758
Thats not Jesus, I know that guy his name is Darell.
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Male 5,314
literally laughed out loud
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Male 4,014
fatpill is right - Jesus would not swear. BLASPHEMERS!!!!!!!!
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Male 4,014
"Hmm, unfortunately, in reality, God was nowhere to be seen..."


awwwww, now I`m sad for being reminded of the Holocaust. :(
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Male 129
thats true!! Jesus COULD walk on water!!
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Male 3,819
rofl
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Male 5,189
He is bad ass just for running on pee Lol!
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Male 741
HAHAHAHAHAHA rofl.... aaaahhh, good times
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Female 14
Hmm, unfortunately, in reality, God was nowhere to be seen...
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Male 10,855
haha The son of god still rocks!
Amen.
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Male 193
put this in a movie.

RIGHT NOW.
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Male 339
Volsunga: Its not Jesus, its Rasputin with wooden sandals. Otherwise he wouldn`t be attacking the Nazi.

jesus was a jew... why would he not attack nazis?
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Female 125
woooooooooooooow.
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Male 1,547
Its not Jesus, its Rasputin with wooden sandals. Otherwise he wouldn`t be attacking the Nazi.
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Female 1,181
lol, that was great. amen.
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Male 96
@fatpill. My little sister believes in fairy tails too. We can`t convince her that they`re fake either.
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Male 299
Nice touch with the `walking on pee` part.
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Male 45
for the record jesus was middle eastern.
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Male 241
best flash kick ever
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Male 2,796
I would be Christian if this were true at all...
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Male 2,121
Damn you fattpill, its "Christians" like you that make people think all Christians are insane ultrareligious homophobes. Most of us are pretty normal.

I lol`d.
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Male 250
so your saying, fatpill, that if i accept god into my life i will be blessed with an orgy of epic proportions? cos thats the only special way hes going to get through to me unless he sticks a finger up my ass in which case god can drat right off again
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Female 150
FICKEN!
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Female 150
that was awesome
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Male 914
fatpill, you are obviously browsing the wrong site. now piss off so we can blaspheme in peace. the big guy can take it up with me later, or f#cking bill me.
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Male 3,076
haha holly Jesus he can walk on pee NICE!
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Male 2,688
fatpill, sorry to be the one to tell you this but... Your bible thumping falls on deaf ears here. Nobody gives a fuuuck about your preachings, so you ust wasted valuable time of your life you could have spent praying to God and licking his bal;;s PRAYING for a better tomorrow when you could go out, be a man, and MAKE a better tomorrow. Relying on an invisible omnipotent being to fix your life is a show of weakness. It means you can`t pull your shyte together and do it on your own.
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Male 90
hshs he ran up the pee stream
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Male 29
fattpill, c`mon man it`s just a joke, or is`t? xD
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Female 28
i love jesus. especially 6lb 7oz baby jesus
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Male 4,014
Jesus is a badass
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Male 147
@fattpill Bawwww, looks like someone can`t take a joke.
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Male 358
Suddenly I hate fatpill.
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Male 440
Stream of unconsciousness FTW
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Male 256
this is outright Blasphemy of The almighty God who loves you. How will you feel when you realize that and its too late. All this time he is loving you and you cannot get past your pride. the Bible says that is what is holding you back. Pride all you have to do is get rid of that and accept God and he will show himself to you in a way that is special to you.
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Male 39,880
Nah, not seeing the humore.

I like me some religiosity jokes, but this was just dumb. No thought to it.
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Male 4,680
GIVE THIS MAN A CONTRACT! Or licensing deal or whatever the word is for when you give someone money to make more books...
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Male 284
i approve of this.
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Male 6
Thumb up!
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Female 1,963
Completely awesome.
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Male 1,370
THAT WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.
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Male 907
Hehehe

splish
splish
splish
splish

I love it
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Male 122
epic
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Female 1,515
Lol that was really well done I think. I love the walking-on-the-pee-stream part xD Kablammers!
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Male 125
@ThatGuyChris:

So, just because he didn`t kill people or kick their asses he`s weak? Again, his purpose was to save us, not come and kick our asses. The Old Testament God (his father) already showed he could kick our asses. Plus, you failed to mention that he raised people from the dead (including himself) along with his other "lame" miracles. The real strength is that he DIDN`T kick our asses.
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Male 25,416
meh!
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Male 22
Eh, I wouldn`t say he`s anywhere near a badass... He`s more of the Aquaman of gods. His powers include, turning water into wine, walking on water, healing sick people, and other boring things. Never once did they say he could kick someone`s ass.

Now many gods before him could be qualified as "badasses" lol.
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Male 3
This is a comic put out by Bad Karma Productions, titled: "Jesus Christ: In The Name of the Gun". It came out in March of 2009. Hope this helps anyone interested in finding it.
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Female 92
pwn! :D
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Male 125
@ Stonardsftw: Clearly you haven`t read the Bible if you believe people are supposed to worship it. They`re supposed to learn from it and worship GOD. I`d say the `rambling` parts are mostly in Leviticus (or the laws), may be Deuteronomy too.
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Male 219
@pui well yeah, most of it is common sense btw I`m not christian [native american]
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Female 9,572
lol win!
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Female 3,574
Even if you are not religious, the Bible is worth reading for two reasons:

1) That single book has made and continues to make a HUGE impact on the world you live in. It`s worth knowing what you`re dealing with.

2) Believe it or not, there are a lot of wise words in there.
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Male 321
@DaBigMachine

And it`s still the most annoying to read, rambling, retarded book I`ve ever read. And I don`t even see why people still worship it.
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Male 877
...he would have holes in his feet thereby not achiveing the velocity needed for a `shpoff`...
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Male 271
Wow, epic
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Male 480
WTF!!! ROFLMAO!!!!! He ran up the dudes urin!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
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Male 125
"Now if things like this were in the Bible, He`d get a lot more readers."

There`s stuff more bad ass than that in the Bible. Plus, the Bible is still the worlds #1 best selling book at 3.9 BILLION copies being sold.
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Male 1,222
Ghandi is jesus
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Male 1,148
"If Jesus was alive in 1940 he would have sided with the National Socialist German Workers` Party.(NSDAP)" Why would he?

And why would he be german :S
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Female 1,386
Ew, who runs on pee while wearing sandals?

Jesus needs some rubber boots.
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Male 2,688
Thats right.... Jesus does Flash Kicks... (SF reference anyone?)
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Male 222
If Jesus was alive in 1940 he would have sided with the National Socialist German Workers` Party.(NSDAP)
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Male 519
ok that is bad-ass
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Male 397
pwned
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Female 3,574
lol wow what?
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Male 363
its not chuck norris, its Jesus. lol.
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Male 1,647

Chuck Norris in disguise...

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Male 2,199
if this is an actual comic where do i go to buy it?
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Male 970
Link: Jesus: The Original Bad-Ass? [Pic] [Rate Link] - Now if things like this were in the Bible, He`s get a lot more readers.
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