Best Child Support Defense Excuse Yet [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 7 years ago in Funny

Dustin v. Nita: The Child Support defense case. A little crass and vulgar, Dustin, but we"re going to allow this...
There are 105 comments:
Male 1,485
woah!!
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Male 683
Worked for your momma
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Male 312
"@ Duffy; Well, before DNA paternity testing a guy could just run off and leave the girl with the burden of raising a child alone because she was a big slut for having sex in the first place.

Now relax."

Having sex makes you a slut? Suuure...
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Male 47
hahaha cool that happened on my birthday!
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Female 66
@ Duffy; Well, before DNA paternity testing a guy could just run off and leave the girl with the burden of raising a child alone because she was a big slut for having sex in the first place.

Now relax.
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Male 275
lol @ Rattyshirt
I wonder who her Smizmar is then
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Male 5,194
Fat ugly bitch-from-hell gets pregnant off someone else, then points to whatever guy she REALLY wants and says: "THAT`S the father!"

Men - Can you imagine what life was like before DNA paternity testing?
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Male 14,331
@zombiebish

When pui`s done can I continue?? :-o
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Male 29
Maybe she is an Amphibiosan, then all of the above would get her pregnant; and toilet seats.
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Male 4,593
I did a chick in her ear once and got her pregnant.
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Male 1,299
If semens got in her belly buttons, he`s the father.
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Female 5,222
ewwww lmaooo XD
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Male 69
maybe she got pregnant from watching 3D porn
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Male 2,748
wow... the comments... they obviously weren`t careful with live baby batter! end of story!!
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Male 101
Always invite them to a hot wash cloth afterward...a very hot wash cloth...
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Female 3,828
Sweet home, Alabama....
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Male 2,690
I lol`ed
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Female 137
@Fuego I am just looking for an education, Pui is giving it and I am taking it, hard.
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Male 1,287
I came back here to see if Pui was still under the gun, but stayed for lulz courtesy of zombiebish
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Male 1,021
If she used a turkey baster afterwards, he is still going to have to pay. Unfair, yes. But this is what will happen if the DNA is his.
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Male 285
alabama? no waaay.
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Female 2,509
@ shanir

first - I said ON the belly - not IN
second - the first part is scientifically true. google it....the second part is just a joke.
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Male 5,626
"Are we even sure this is a custody battle? Just sayin` "
It says "Child Support" on the form. Not "Custody."

"After reading all these comments the only thought ..."
Scenario: You and the wavy-haired Greek restaurant owner with which you`ve been having an affair, enjoy a session of "let`s swap sausages."
He prefers to swallow.

You dive out of the window, just missed by the entry of Mrs. Wavy Haired Greek, who promptly demands to sit on his face (since he discovered you, he hasn`t been with her.)

Some months later, you and he can be together since they are now divorced because she`s pregnant but he`s had a vasectomy...
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Male 177
Are we even sure this is a custody battle? Just sayin`
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Female 1,677
"Sperm cells die almost instantly when they touch anything other than the inside of a vagina.
So there."

I really really hope that`s sarcasm.

DID ANYBODY TAKE SEX ED?? REALLY?? Google "splash pregnancy" for christ`s sake.

Sperm can swim and if she was turned on by the BJ she was administering, she was probably aroused herself. Female arousal means WET VAGINA perfect for a sperm to SWIM INTO. People don`t get pregnant only if the sperm is shot RIGHT into the cervix-- why do you think there are so many `accidents` from "pulling out".

Nobody is talking about getting pregnant by swallowing sperm you unbelievable ignoramuses. Oh my God I can`t believe people are this stupid and their education this terrible.
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Female 1,071
danthew said, "Come on, everyone knows the rules of babymaking. Try to make one and its hard, try not to make one and its easy..."

So true... so true. I was so careful thinking it was wham bam baby maam. Then when we wanted kids I could screw brains out and nadda
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Male 38
Sperm cells die almost instantly when they touch anything other than the inside of a vagina.
So there.
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Female 137
I love that people are assuming she was just laying around with belly seamen. And it traveled down. If that was the case, eww.

Jizz stops being hot under a minute after its expelled. It just becomes gross. I don`t know why there`s a timer, but there is. That`s why there aren`t a lot of facial videos where the girl just kinda hangs out covered in sauce.

But the moral of the story: Make the bitch swallow. Pinch her nose and throttle her face. Because otherwise, apparently, she can make you pay for a baby.
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Male 907
After reading all these comments the only thought that is going through my head is:

"Thank god I`m gay"
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Female 2,352
I give him credit for not using the "it`s not mine cause she is a whoooooore" defense.
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Male 669
@shanir, hes not talking about it going in the stomach, but on it and down.
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Male 605
Shut up all you ppl who think ur smart and just want to argue.......at least he came on her!
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Female 4,376
That is just the greatest thing ever.
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Male 1,072
Tuesday, July 13, 2010 12:02:12 PM
Sperm can smell!! ...sperm swim vigorously in the direction of extracts from various female reproductive organs, especially ovaries.
Scientists call this type of attraction chemotaxis. Even when the extract was diluted 100,000 times, some sperm still swam toward it.

Ah, so here`s how it`s done! Sperm are deposited on the stomach, they sniff the extract, go down the happy trail, across the landing strip and onward and inward to the egg!!!

the sperm would die instatly due to the stomach acid
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Male 5,626
Pui, I can appreciate your argument in terms of stating "nothing is impossible but, highly improbable" but, you are in denial if you discount there being a medium for physically carrying semen into, at least, the vaginal cavity if not up to the cervical mouth.
1) Afterward, they kissed then, he returned the favor.
2) She played with the semen before self masturbation, finger insertion.
3) During masturbation, she put her fingers in her mouth then, continued.
4) She oral`d a second chap who then PIV, DNA test negative of second chap.
5) Wife swap, swapped back, second chap PIV both, DNA test negative of second chap.
6) It was an orgy, this is all part an elimination process scheme to get guys involved to pay the $1000 per DNA test in which scenarios above help you to see the she didn`t really have to meet/have a direct exchange with the actual semen contributor (I`ve actually seen this.)
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Male 605
@edana42- of course! its just. so. SIMPLE.
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Female 2,509
Sperm can smell!! ...sperm swim vigorously in the direction of extracts from various female reproductive organs, especially ovaries.
Scientists call this type of attraction chemotaxis. Even when the extract was diluted 100,000 times, some sperm still swam toward it.

Ah, so here`s how it`s done! Sperm are deposited on the stomach, they sniff the extract, go down the happy trail, across the landing strip and onward and inward to the egg!!!
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Male 25,416
right e o! is their a story to this?
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Female 3,574
@Gomay yes, there is. It`s very unlikely, but my point is that it is not impossible.
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Male 690
Uh.....so....if you come on the stomach, there`s a small chance that the sperm will fall into the vagina and all the way into the uterus?
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Female 3,696
You`re all assuming that Dustin is being completely accurate. If she`s on her knees and giving him oral and then he points down to unload on her stomach, or she lies on her back and then sits up, it`s completely possible for her to get semen on herself and then become pregnant. It`s happened, it`s one of the reasons why a perfectly legitimate form of birth control (interruptus coitus anyone?) so often fails. If it lands on the outside of her vagina, she COULD get pregnant. It`s no purple unicorn..

That`s why bit ches gotta watch for that shiite and take some Plan B~!

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Female 3,574
Dustin wrote that Nita gave him a blowjob (as in had oral sex) and then came on her stomach. Since she did not swallow the ejaculate and the stomach is pretty close to the vagina, there is a small, small chance that she was impregnated this way. It`s VERY UNLIKELY, but not impossible.

Whether or not you consider what Dustin did "oral sex" or not doesn`t really matter. Personally, I would consider it oral sex because he was probably in her mouth right up until about 5 second before he came. Let`s just say it was a handjob then, if that clears this up. Point is you can get pregnant without having PIV sex.

Also, for like the fifth time I never said that you could get pregnant from swallowing semen.
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Female 3,696
OH Alabama :D baha Well, there`s the small chance of it being his but more likely than not, the girl`s shifty.
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Male 604
Also no poo if you have oral and then stick it in the vag then they could get maybe pregnant. But that at the end is not oral sex, it`s intercourse.

Semen falling near the vagina is also "nearly impossible" to get anyone pregnant. That is, unless your semen has feet, eyes, and some food (lol as if it has digestive systems) and knows its way around, and is able travel 10 inches in a few hours.
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Male 604
I love how you keep saying it`s "incredibly unlikely" or "rare". No, it is so unlikely and generally physically IMPOSSIBLE, that it is effectively completely impossible unless you are totally physically mutated and defective, born without a stomach and just a short intestine that leads into your uterus.

PS: A body like that has never existed, because if you had that condition you`d be dead.

It`s "incredibly unlikely" and "rare" that a purple flying unicorn with a gucci purse will appear in front of me and grant me 3.14 wishes if I brush it right. It`s possible, even if it`s incredibly unlike and rare, it`s not "impossible" by pui`s standards.
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Female 3,574
Are you people really this stupid?

Once again:
1) Oral sex does not mean the ejaculate is always swallowed.

2) If semen gets anywhere near or on the vagina, there is a very small chance you can get pregnant, even if you did not have PIV sex.
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Male 604
IT`S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET PREGNANT FROM ORAL!
What is wrong with you people?!?!
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Male 5,194
>>Oral sex is still sex, even though it`s incredibly rare that you could get pregnant that way.

Wait - so you think this actually happened? You think someone got pregnant off oral sex? Somebody told you that and you believed it?

As I was saying - Men: Can you imagine what life was like before DNA paternity testing?
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Male 180
Dudes take heed - there is a secret short-cut tunnel that lets sperms go directly from navel to uterus. Beware of "innies" - they act like funnels when they do that "nom-nom-nom" thing.
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Male 2,121
Come on, everyone knows the rules of babymaking. Try to make one and its hard, try not to make one and its easy...
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Female 3,574
@edana42 wow that`s... messed up.
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Female 1,677
Uh yeah haven`t you people ever heard of a `splash pregnancy`? Geez, sex ed really is dismal these days. She could have been crazily fertile, and if she was naked for said blowjob, then the sperm could have easily (if unlikely..ey) made its way to the babymaking zone. Unlikely sure, but not at all impossible.

Also, if it`s your DNA, it`s your responsibility (if abortion is not an option), regardless of what lead to the baby. Isn`t that what women are told all the time? "If you don`t want a baby, don`t have sex?" Well that goes for everybody.
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Female 2,509
can find the original story but here are comparable ones:
Georgia

Pennsylvania
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Male 648
Next time nut in her hair...much harder for her to scoop up and put inside herself
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Female 137
If she gave him a blow job, and purposefully rubbed it in her vagina, and beat the astronomical odds of conception, move this girl to Scotland, give her a counsel house and book her for season 2 on the scheme.
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Male 222
Child support should be paid in a special currency. It would prevent her from spending it on herself and everyone will know where she truly gets her income.
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Male 222
The fact that he didn`t ask for the semen back means that he gave it as a gift. She can use that in any way she can. She could even use it to impregnate her friends so they can all hit him up for child support.
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Female 2,509
however.........there is a case where a husband and wife had children. After the marriage broke up he discovered that the kids were not his (though they were conceived during the marriage. The court ruled that "being a father" implies more than being the biological parent. Since he raised the kids as his own, he was (in the courts opinion) responsible financial and was ordered to pay child support. Hence, one can be slapped with the burden even if they didn`t have sex.

Which of course the court is full of sh*t IMO.
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Male 3,285
Speaking from experience pui?
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Male 4,014
He`s arguing factual impossibility.

DNA will make or break his day.
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Male 5,194
Ugh. Men - Can you imagine what life was like before DNA paternity testing?
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Female 2,509
"but can you really hold a guy responsible if he didn`t even have PIV sex with the woman he impregnated?"


two words - inherited risks
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Male 383
@Kerryfairy: Don`t be silly, men can`t be held responsible for sex or the consequent babies, we only take care of them because we are genuinely nice people.
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Female 3,574
@kerryfairy82 I`m inclined to agree with you. If you have consensual sex that leads to a pregnancy, than both parties involved are responsible for the existence of that child. Oral sex is still sex, even though it`s incredibly rare that you could get pregnant that way.
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Female 839
yeah i think you could, as both parties did not intend for conception to take place, it`s hardly fair to hold only the female accountable. unless you are saying the woman could of helped impregnate herself somehow? then i guess that would be an interesting court battle, and very hard to prove
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Male 4,867
has this dude never heard of osmosis, damn what an idiot
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Female 55
Wow, people are getting desperate for money these days.
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Female 3,574
When you put it that way, no of course I don`t think that O_O... but can you really hold a guy responsible if he didn`t even have PIV sex with the woman he impregnated? I`d be interested to know what the courts would say lol.
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Female 839
@pui - so you`re saying if a man takes steps to prevent pregnancy in the woman he is boinking, i.e. condoms, he is not responsible if she does still get pregnant?

wow
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Female 3,574
@zombiebish Actually, sperm can survive outside the body for up to 3 hours. Seminal fluid protects the sperm and lets it survive outside the body for a pretty good amount of time, especially if it`s on a warm place like someone`s skin. Sperm can be considered dead when it and the seminal fluid has dried up.
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Female 137
Oh lord the comments on this post are hilarious. I had no idea there were people out there that thought you could get pregnant from rubbing belly jizz on your lady bits.
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Male 776
I`d probably side with this guy if he is telling the truth...

...but at the same time if she did in fact get a crazy pregnancy from out of nowhere, it`d be nice if she had a source of money other than screwing this guy over.
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Male 587
Bet the baby is not his. She doesn`t know who the dad is so she takes people to court to get a DNA test gotta loves those whores.
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Female 3,574
@Rick_S Hm, it`s a tough call. If he miraculously was the biological father of this kid, he did have consensual sex with her which resulted in a child. On the other hand he took precautions to prevent her from getting pregnant, so can he really be held responsible?
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Female 3,574
@IkeRay why would they have to rub it there? It could have made it`s own why down. Also, maybe she did do that! The point is that you can get pregant without having PIV sex. It`s rare, but not impossible.
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Female 3,574
@the_Predator on or near the vagina. "Stomach" is pretty close to the vagina, and it wouldn`t be that inconceivable that semen could drip down there. It`s EXTREMELY rare, but has happened before.


Whether or not that would be considered a "handjob" or "oral sex" is irrelevant. Point is if semen gets near the vaginal area, babies could be made.
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Male 3,332
"It`s unlikely, but that could have still resulted in her pregnancy."

Unlikely, but not impossible. I have to say that I would be on his side in this case, anyway. It is just SO RARE that this could result in a pregnancy.
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Male 2,703
@pui "It`s unlikely, but that could have still resulted in her pregnancy."

only if she then took the semen from her stomach and rubbed it into her vagina, and even then it`d be rare that she got pregnant from doing that
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Female 328
I don`t think I`ve ever known a guy to dot his j`s with a little circle...
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Male 37
I had to register to comment on Pui`s statements. It`s just too hilarious. Oral sex can never ever result in pregnancy unless the man ejaculates (o/i)nto the vagina afterwards. But that has nothing to do with oral sex, might as well be a handjob.

taylor_stone - that article is quite impressive, but it`s still not pregnancy caused by oral sex as Pui is trying to portray it. It`s a freak accident.
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Female 3,574
@Gerry1of1 oral sex does not mean that the person swallowed it. You can have oral sex and then orgasm all over some other area of her body.

"Dustin" is claiming that he isn`t the father of the child because she "gave [him] a blowjob and [he] came on her stomach". It`s unlikely, but that could have still resulted in her pregnancy.
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Male 39,916
PUI ... "but oral sex can still, rarely, result in a pregnancy. "

Ummmm.... how? He would have to have Super Tunneling Sperm for it to burrow through her skin and muscles to get anywhere near the "danger zone".
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Female 3,574
@auburnjunky yes, it really is o_o

@taylor_stone yeah I heard about that case... not sure if I completely believe it actually happened, tbh, but who knows I guess.
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Male 2,688
Pui, just because I was aware of this article...

I deny your reality and substitute my own.....

But yes... Such cases would be astronomically rare.
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Female 250
wtf? pui seriously you must be a wind up
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Female 2,289
*sliding down and in*

if that`s even possible without being a whore
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Male 10,338
I`ve pulled out of a blow job and jerked on a girl`s breasts before, so it can be done.

God this thread is going down so, so fast lol.
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Female 4,039
That is some really weird jizz logistics considering her face had to be at his package one minute and then the next thing you know, his package had to be pointed to her stomach.
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Female 3,574
Not from swallowing it, of course. It says he "came on her stomach" after she gave him a blowjob. Obviously if sperm is ingested, it`s not going to work, but oral sex can still, rarely, result in a pregnancy.
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Male 10,338
@pui:

I was just kidding first of all.

Secondly, do you seriously believe a girl can get pregnant from swallowing sperm?
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Female 3,574
It`s not likely that he is the father though lol
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Female 3,574
@auburnjunky it`s really rare, but it can happen. My point is that if he is, miraculously, the father, than he can still be responsible for the child.
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Female 3,574
@Thesphinx ooh is this referring to the same thing?

Didn`t that happen like 15 years ago or something and the resulting child is all grown up now?
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Female 708
Good work, Xerasia. At least someone on here has a wit to come up with a good comment. Oh, and did anyone notice how girly his handwriting is? Look at all the curls on his `e`s and the big circle instead of a dot for his `i`. Of course he didn`t have sex with her! He`s obviously gay.
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Male 10,338
Pui. You cannot get pregnant from a blow job...

Unless of course she was being ultra sexual and just after the act used it as a lubricant to get herself off while he watched, then he`s screwed, and I just made this even MORE NSFW lol.
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Male 350
This is true though. If you guys remember, Dustin v. Nita was the girl who miraculously became pregnant from a knife stab wound to her stomach, in which her boyfriend came. Otherwise, she couldn`t have had become pregnant, due to some faulty piping.
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Female 3,574
uhh lol.

This brings up an interesting dilemma tho XD

It`s more likely that she became pregnant by someone else and is now just trying to suck child support out of this guy, however if he is biologically the father than he could still be considered responsible for the child. Oral sex is still sex. There is always a risk, however small, that your partner will get pregnant from *any* type of sexual contact. So if he had sexual relations with her and spawned a child as a result of that, than he`s still the father of that child even if he never had "actual" sex with her.
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Female 2,509
blow job is not sex?! in my book, anything you do to stimulate genetalia is sex. If some ho` does everything and anything except intercourse, she`s still a ho`.
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Female 36
We will, Angel. Thanks!
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Male 15,510
Stay classy America!
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Male 39,916
"I did not have sex with that woman"

Where have we heard that before?
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Female 1,181
she`s from alabama--did they check her dad`s dna to see if he`s the father?
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Male 418
wow, keep on doing drugs young people, here is proof you will be a winner someday
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Female 833
wow, just... yeah. wow.
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Male 20,911
Link: Best Child Support Defense Excuse Yet [Pic] [Rate Link] - Dustin v. Nita: The Child Support defense case. A little crass and vulgar, Dustin, but we`re going to allow this...
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