Dear Girl...: Sex & Relationship Help At Last!

Submitted by: fancylad 7 years ago in

It"s the 2nd installment of I-A-B"s new column--Dear Girl... It"s where all your sex & relationship problems are sorted.
There are 146 comments:
Male 2,893
HOW COME YOU CAN SAY poo ON A POST, BUT I CANT TYPE IT!!!
poo!!!
BULLpoo!!!
TRIPLE BULLpoo!!!
SH*T!!!
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Male 1,815
She`s a dyke, dude. Get over it.
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Male 78
Woo! 2 deriding comments in a row, I`m on a roll!!
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Male 78
@ SEpth: Bollocks. Compromise all you like, but if your gonna spend all your time avoiding discomfort then you`re pretty much doomed anyway. Mr. Caring should want to be with you more when you`re on your period since you are in fact in an emotional state.

Caring > Being happy all the time
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Male 78
@sirrix: So don`t click it feckwit!
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Male 210
Oh and before davymid complains that not enough people contribute links, consider that this is a for-profit site owned by a large company and quite frankly, I`m not contributing anything that helps someone else profit on it unless I`m getting a cut. Your altruism is b.s., just like this advice column.
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Male 210
For the love of god - this is not the kind of content that this site should have. Please spend less time answering inane relationship troubles (plz hlp me turn a lesbian str8 thx... wtf?) and more time helping us stay less bored. I am 3x more bored after reading the first sentence of this drivel.
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Female 3,574
I have a pretty light period. My boyfriend never even knows when I`m on my period, even after having sex with me during it. He remains blissfully unaware.
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Male 339
Heheh Lisp. Cute.
Hahaha NO.
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Female 1,101
Uh huh ... ??? ... )-|

No comment...
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Female 47
On another note:
The situation has been resolved. All I really needed to do was write out how I felt in order for my brain to get a fresh perspective on things and solve the situation.
I`ve decided that I`m going to pick my battles instead of running from my fear of self-assertion every time. And also to stop discussing any serious changes to our relationship when I`m on my period- I`m too irrational see things clearly at that time. I`ve let my significant other know about my fear of assertion so that he can help me overcome it, should I need a little help. So far, he`s been a great help.

I`m also going to stop writing to advice columns in online forums. There is way too much room for misunderstanding and misconceptions and it sucks writing super-long comments to try to amend such misconceptions.
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Female 47
the other party will experience some discomfort.
In these situations, I give my point of view first and he gives his last. I have the tendency to forfeit my view in lieu of his and decide on whatever he wants to do almost immediately after he gives his point of view. How can I feel secure enough with myself and my opinions so that I stop making the relationship unbalanced on myself?
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Female 47
took it as I was whining about him and being unable to hold up my end of the bargain. Those of you who thought my perspective was the "right" one, mostly females, immediately took the man-hater standpoint and spoke about how "unconcerned" and "uncaring" he is when that is not the case at all. Just because I didn`t make it a point to write how caring he is doesn`t mean he has a significant lack of compassion. Don`t make that assumption. He obviously has some compassion being able to discuss these matters in a diplomatic way without attacking my feelings in the process.
I think he a completely valid point as shown my my agreeing to do it his way. It was a situation where didn`t want to impose discomfort on me and I didn`t want to impose discomfort on him.

Let me do a recap of what was meant to be said here:
My boyfriend and I found ourselves in a disagreement. Both parties had valid points and in deciding to choose either parties solution, t
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Female 47
whoa there partners!
I am Stephanie, from question #2.
I used the most recent example of me giving in to a stalemate situation. I don`t agree that in this particular instance that he was wrong or that I was wrong.
I certainly don`t think it was a particularly big issue in itself. It was just an example of me being the one to cave first and more readily. Though I thought I`d throw it in there in case she could think of some kind of compromise so that either option wouldn`t impose discomfort on one party. If she had a middle-ground compromise suggestion I would have loved it.

He certainly respects my boundaries and he never refused to listen to my perspective, just as I didn`t shoot down his.
I wrote in a completely neutral way to describe the situation and didn`t paint him in a bad light at all. I think most of you projected your own feelings of the situation upon me. Those who thought I was angry at him and related more with his side of the story immediately
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Female 525
"True, but 98% of the time the blood is overpowered by the natural lubricants and you don`t get blood everywhere."
Uhm..no. I bleed very little if at all (spotting) during "periods" due to the depo shot and even then it gets a little nasty. All my natural lube turns a nice little pink. Doesn`t help that I squirt too.
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Male 12,138
[quote]What is this sh*t? tl;dr..
IAB is becoming less and less interesting.[/quote]
*takes a wild guess and BINGO!*

-------------

Links by baileyabb
(baileyabb has not added any links)

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Forgive me if I see a pattern among the bleaters... Don`t get me wrong, IAB is only as good as it`s userbase. We`re a user-controlled site through and through. Appreciate though that it gets tiresome: 98% of complaints of repost, old, boring, lame, fail, shopped, simpsons did it, saw this before on another site, IAB is going downhill, can I have my precious 5 minutes back, are from people who have never actually contibuted a single worthy thing to the site apart from bitching.

Call me a cynic. It`s just that when I check the profile of a bitcher, I know in advance what I`ll find. And it`s almost always true.
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Female 895
What is this sh*t? tl;dr..
IAB is becoming less and less interesting.
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Female 133
@NotTHATbored
I agree. They have no problem getting feces all over their trouser snake but blood is an issue? I`m willing to bet most men on IAB have had sex with a girl while she was menstrating and never knew it. Hell soaking in a warm bath stops the flow temporarily as well.
Then again guys refuse to believe that the blood flow pretty much stops before/during sex.
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Female 1,101
@Hellioness agreed the blood pretty much turns off when you are getting ready to do it or if you drink alcohol that usually stops the flow for a while too (at least for me). IDK why so many men have tried anal but won`t have period sex. I won`t go near a butt hole or let anyone near mine, they`re certainly dirtier then a vagina at any stage of the month.
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Female 1,101
@Bophus Arg why must you antagonize me? I am not saying that she should find someone who "plays by her rules only" I am saying she should find someone who is willing to compromise and not have sex with other people for the few days she doesn`t feel comfortable with. You can`t anticipate and make rules for every situation that is going to come up in a relationship, maybe she didn`t know it was going to be a problem, but it is! So why not just respect her feelings, unless he doesn`t want to be in the relationship in which case he should leave. If he`s not willing to do either then she should look for someone who will make her happy!
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Male 12,138
[quote]Eh...see I`ve never understood why having sex while the girl is on her rag is such a horrible unthinkable act. [/quote]
I for one do not want to see my knob looking like a barber`s pole.
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Female 133
@IshiiDaFishy

True, but 98% of the time the blood is overpowered by the natural lubricants and you don`t get blood everywhere.
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Male 1,378
TL;DR
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Male 22
Made an account just for this... The first one the guy sorta reminds me of me.. I even have a slight lisp with some words sometimes.. And I`m thinking about going out with this girl whose my ex who I see almost everyday....

The last one reminds me of me and my best friend too.... Basically the same scenario except we`re younger and I`ve already moved on from the I can never have her thing o.o
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Female 15,763
"Why in the hell would you have an open relationship? Isn`t that an oxymoron? It`s not a relationship if you`re f-cking other people! It`s clearly a case of not being mature or old enough to stick to one partner and marauding around trying to get STDs to pass back to your `pseudo-partner`. "

Yup, you`ve nailed it on the head, because the only point to being in a relationship is having sex with only one person.

I`m just going to stop trying to explain myself and my relationship decisions. If it`s not for you then it`s not for you, so save the judgments for the apocalypse.
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Female 163
TL;DR
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Male 773
@Hellioness

But most guys dont want the sight of blood all over their penis. thatd be an image that would scar me for life.
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Male 12,138
Actually Gorgack, I believe a better summary of this thread would be:

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Male 4,680
Female 18
yeah im not gonna read the entire thing..
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Male 1,184
JaundiceCake, how are you still alive?

Stupidity should be punishable by death...
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Female 133
Eh...see I`ve never understood why having sex while the girl is on her rag is such a horrible unthinkable act. It relieves cramps, and usually shortens the time of actually bleeding.
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Female 54
I cba to read this.
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Female 674
Why in the hell would you have an open relationship? Isn`t that an oxymoron? It`s not a relationship if you`re f-cking other people! It`s clearly a case of not being mature or old enough to stick to one partner and marauding around trying to get STDs to pass back to your `pseudo-partner`.

Man, people can be so gross. Just break up with him, my advice. You obviously don`t want to be with him if you`re out with other guys. It`s not normal.
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Male 41
I think that in most of these cases so far, the people already know what they need to do. If anything they are looking for some confirmation, because in reality everyone needs it sometimes.

Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that sometimes you need an unbiased opinion towards a specific party, in order to come to the conclusions than only you can make. If you don`t like the advice, don`t take it. It would be rather idiotic to just randomly act on impulse without carefully weighing the pros and cons of the situation.

It`s stupid to try and have a "my degree is bigger than your degree" debate on a forum to which no one really cares. Please moderate like this more often :)
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Male 83
So i have to say, the flame war with Center was actually more entertaining than DG, not that DG was bad but jeez ya`ll know how to fight!

And I have to agree with a lot of the folks here about the open relationship advice. Its quite biased

Not Ms. DG`s fault she was just saying how she felt
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Male 3,255
@peloos12

It`s not that long, I just have been waiting forEVER for a chance to use that gif, lol. I love it so much.
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Female 3,726
Meh,

I am not really into or get relationship advice. I think probably you should be talking to your significant other rather a stranger who really doesn`t know the "ins and outs" or dynamic of your relationship. But that is just my opinion...also, people need to realize this article is for entertainment. We know she`s not qualified to act as a psychologist. It is just pure entertainment and should be seen as such. On that note, Davy, I love you and Nitrojunkie: TMI MAN, TMI!
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Male 497
@notTHATabd

Exactly, she could leave the relationship and find someone who wants to play by her rules only. She should do that too, if she wants it thatway. all im saying is that you cant have a functioning relationship, as an open relationship, if you make rules but then want them changed when your hormones are going insane. you either have an open relationship all the time or you dont. if she feels insecure about it at any time, it will not work.
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Male 3,819
"What would you call this then!!!!"

A permanent ban?
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Male 3,819
"I, for one, would rather read an emotional author who sounds like a real friend than an emotionless psychologist."

I think that`s the key to any advice -- really great point. I`m not gonna... erm... Center in on any particular names here, but you can go to school and "learn" how to help people all you want but if you either get people or you don`t, and you either connect with people or you don`t. No piece of paper can do that for you.

DG is good entertainment to me, though. I can understand if it`s not anybody`s cup of tea and that`s fine. Like bliz said, that`s what these comments are for. Opinions are entitled, being the Center of attention not so much.
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Male 1,741
@Davymid - awesomeness man. IMO, you didn`t mete out punishment fast enough, but I guess that`s why you`re a good moderator. You`re a very forgiving man.

As for the DG advice, I have to say that I like it. She writes well, and writes from the heart and the head. If people don`t like her advice, then they can say so in the comment section. That`s what it`s here for. I, for one, would rather read an emotional author who sounds like a real friend than an emotionless psychologist.

Good stuff

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Male 165
once again i will say it, i really like this seciont, kudos iab

btw. lol at the guy who turned a girl lesbo...i apologize for sounding like a dbag, but it was the first thought that came to mind
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Male 40,751
Anyhow, I`m not complaining about the posting (pretend advice column, well almost pretend) just that the advice was IMHO poor.
She`s in an "open relationship" and she wants to change the rules and dictate when the partner can or cannot BE open? Well good luck with that.
It`s not about her feelings, it`s all about power & control.
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Male 3,819
And to the people saying TL;DR --- SERIOUSLY?

Maybe we should have a minimalist`s version for people too lazy to read something longer than 3 sentences?

Dear Peloos,

My girlfriend sucks.

- John Kimble

Dear John,

Kill her in her sleep.

- Peloos

Or is that advice that can get me in legal trouble? Let`s ask the village expert...

Center?

Hello? Hm... seems to be a at a loss for words at the moment. I`ll wait.
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Male 3,819
... looks like some people are taking I-A-B a little too seriously. Waaaaaaaaah.

In related news, I always thought Center`s avatar was a chimp in a business suit (seriously). I was pretty shocked when I clicked on his picture today.

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Female 3,828
"You hear that? That`s the sound of an entire internet community not giving a sh*t."-Davy

"No more posts for me. I feel like I`m arguing with a monkey whose been taught to type."-toast

@ davy & @toast:
You both just made my day!!! I needed a giggle, and the way you handled center just cracked me up because it surely pissed him right off.Thanks for banning him :)

And i assure you that i am not " sucking any tiny e-dicks". This is genuine( plus e-dicks taste like porta-potties on a hot day, anyway .)
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Male 115
Tl;dr
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Male 516
just my opinion.

I guess the column just seems to come off as authoritative to me when in reality it`s not. I don`t want to start sounding like Center here, but you can`t just toss every aspect of his argument out the window just because he`s a troll.

To me, it seems like IAB is toting Dear Girl to be some sort of an expert or someone deserving of wielding a badge of authority amongst a large community. You know, just through the fact that she gets to write this column and that it gets published on the site etc. etc.

I guess I`d just prefer to see less bias and emotion in the writing and a more professional style involving more holistic logic, humility, etc.

But that`s just me.
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Male 516
Well that was a fun ride. A bit much in the sector of case-by-case argument riddled with fallacies, but it kept my attention nonetheless. (Talking about Center and all that, of course.)

As for the column, I think it`s pretty nice to have more user-site interaction as some have said. However, for some constructive criticism, I don`t believe that Dear Girl is giving the `best` advice by the standards that a columnist should follow. I mean, maybe she`s trying to take the `I`m amusing because I`m casual` type approach, but I`d enjoy much more reading a sort of.. More hesitant and holistically considerate writer.

She stated earlier that this is advice that she`d give to any BFF, but I don`t think that`s usually what people want to read on a large scale. That`s what your BFF wants to hear when you`re one on one, but there`s a wider audience to consider.

Sure sure, I get that Dear Girl isn`t posing as some sort of Ph.D in relationship advice, but regardless, it`s j
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Female 1,515
wow who knew this would spawn such a crazy arguement. If this is true, then the boys on the "my brother my brother and me" podcast need to watch their backs! And so does everyone who`s even given anyone advice..... >.>; Sigh.
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Female 198
Fancy and Davy...I love you! Keep being awesome. <3
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Male 19
RAKTUR!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear Girl you are an awsome girl for helpin these ppl out RAKTUR!!!!!!!! <Shadow Council>
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Male 20,911
Ugh, thank Davy that Center706 is gone for a month.

Davy, remind me when his one-month ban is up so I can permanently ban him forever.

I-A-B has never done this, but this kid`s attention whore routine is getting really old. I`m sure 4chan would love his antics, but no one needs it here.

Bye Center, it was amusing while it lasted.
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Female 89
i really don`t see much wrong with center`s posts.

anyway, i kind of empathize with the boyfriend on this one. if she`s so aware that her over-emotional ways are caused by her rag, then perhaps she should be able to understand WHY it`s such prime timing for him.

i mean, c`mon - wouldn`t more fights result out of the two of them hanging out during those two days?

pop a midol and be done with it girl
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Female 248
Lol @ zerocyde. Best gif ever
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Female 1,677
I love how all the guys are like `what crap advice!` about stephanie, totally not understanding at all. A relationship is give-and-take, and if stephanie feels like she`s giving more than she`s getting, then the relationship isn`t good for her. Guess what? Nobody cares about the BF`s side. If he needs advice, HE can write in. But this advice is intended for those that write in (and obviously whatever they say is skewed to their own perspective DUH-- his would likely consist of "my stupid GF acts all crazy on the rag, and I want to do other people those days but she cries about it. How do I get her to shut up?" and the guys would be like `yeah what a weirdo`. )

All she asks is that he not drat other people two or three days out of the month (while she`s not getting any either) to spare her feelings. But he can`t keep it in his pants every 28 days in respect of his girlfriend? Yeah, he`s not worth the trouble-- DG`s advice was spot on.
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Male 447
Nitro Junkie you just go ahead and keep that information to yourself from now on. These are images I don`t need to have before going to bed.
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Male 758
OK, now that we`re apparently BTT...

I don`t know what dude`s issue is about doing his girl when she`s on her period...I love having sex with my girl when she`s on hers!
It just feels...different. And, you don`t have to `pre-heat the oven`...
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Male 3,255
TL;
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Female 1,380
awww...I was kinda having fun watching center getting so pissed off about something that had nothing whatsoever to do with him. It was funny.
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Female 1,101
Yay Davymid! Man that was a real troll. Ugly aren`t they? LOL j/k!


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Male 1,610
Stephanie and her period deserve better.
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Female 1,101
@Center706 no I am not. First off I could find no record of this on the internet, please provide link.

Second off in that case they switched from a person who was qualified to someone that wasn`t, which could be deemed as missleading.

Here as I have stated before there is no reasonable expectation that anyone is giving perfesional advice. Therefor a lawsuit would be likely be hard to persue or win.
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Male 40,751
vv Center deleted that post? I read it, now it`s gone.
Bad form there troll-boy, the banhammer has the approval of the kittehs 5... oh wait, I already approved? Well, I re-approve!
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Male 40,751
[quote]Alright d*ck. Take a month off.[/quote]
fify davymid!
Lolz! Just a j/k I cannot stand trolls! Bye-bye troll! Hope you grow up a bit in 30 days!
Sad how a perfectly good arguement thread was side-tracked by a stoopid troll...
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Male 12,138
And for posterity Center, I`ll paste the comment which you`ve since deleted... of course you`ll say I`m lying about that too. See you in a month.

[quote]Yes I am going to call you a liar you piece of poo.

I NEVER EVER posted someone`s name. As a matter a fact, there is a post where I say I wouldn`t do that. (Unless you deleted that too)

So how convienet you claim I did something that is a bannable offense, and yet I`m not banned. WHY? BECAUSE I DIDN`T DO IT.

Now kindly drat off.[/quote]
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Male 12,138
That`s trolling, personal attacks, posting a mod`s name in forum (yes you did, I deleted it myself), and now calling me a lying piece of sh*t?

Alright dick. Take a month off.
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Male 144
@Lying mod,
I am calling you a liar, because I DIDN`T DO IT. As a matter of fact (unless you deleted it) there`s a post where I say I`m NOT GOING TO.

So label me a troll or whatever you want dude, but don`t EVER accuse me of something I didn`t do. That`s just terrible moding.

@NTB my precedent is when someone sued loveline (the radio show) for giving advice under the guise of it being expert. (by adam corolla when DR. Drew was gone) Satisfied?
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Male 40,751
Lolz! (kind of)
2010 7:12:40 PM was the last post when I typed my first reply, I guess that tab was up there a while... anyhow I misses all that stuff in between.
As a person who LOATHS trolling (madest, StarDagger & etc) I cannot in good consience support Center706`s nonsense.
But I still think the "advice" for #2 is bass-ackwards and stupid, and sexist, and vanilla, and not very good...
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Female 1,101
@Center are you a lawyer too? Because I am pretty sure the liability is on the reader. What law or precedent are you basing your theory that she could be sued on? I would think that liability claims would be particurly hard to persue against internet sites, especually ones like this because there is no reasonable expectation of accurate information.
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Male 12,138
[quote]Davymind, I know your demotivational creating boner for me hasn`t died yet...but come on man drop it.[/quote]
Wasn`t me did that. And it`s Davymid.

[quote]If I`m such a troll, why haven`t you or fancy banned me?[/quote]
You could have been banned by now for trolling, personal attacks, and/or posting a mod`s real name in forum. We don`t hand out bans lightly, it`s not how we roll.

[quote]Oh and Davymind, I NEVER posted the name of the person who sent me the courtesy email (from the linked thread). Which again PROVES you fail at being a mod. Way to suck pal, way to suck.[/quote]
Yes you f*cking did, I deleted the post myself. You gonna call me a liar now too?
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Female 1,380
wtf why are you guys still talking about her being able to get sued....it`s been said, let it go. Fancy and DG now know what you had to say and if they put in a disclaimer they put it in, if not they don`t....stating the same point over and over again is just drating useless.
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Male 144
@readmyname You take care now.
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Male 144
Oh and Davymind, I NEVER posted the name of the person who sent me the courtesy email (from the linked thread). Which again PROVES you fail at being a mod.

Way to suck pal, way to suck.
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Female 109
Now that`s what I call a tl;dr!
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Male 18
@Center706

Alright, buddy, I`m done, thanks for the entertainment. You just loved this humiliation, huh? This is your foreplay, and now you`re whipping it out and jizzing all over the screen. Maybe you`re like the guy who soils his jeans in the supermarket for the perverse thrill of extreme humiliation, but w/e, to each her or his own.

How`s that for mockery? All assumptions, but whatever, I Am now Bored with you.
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Male 40,751
Eeeew! Sorry davymid! I didn`t know he was a trollin type!
So disregard my mentioning of Center, otherwise my posting stands, k?
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Male 144
Davymind, I know your demotivational creating boner for me hasn`t died yet...but come on man drop it.

Oooh you can link to when I bitched about having my poo stolen. Yep good for you.

This is clearly a different situation, with a different issue. I have no personal investment in this column, but as a soon to be counselor I kind of have a duty to make sure people aren`t duped by your lack of information.

If I`m such a troll, why haven`t you or fancy banned me?
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Male 40,751
"what can I do to make things more balanced..."
Stephanie has agreed to an "open" relationship BUT when the boy actually DOES the `open` thing, she gets her panties in a knot.
"more balanced" = I HAVE THE POWER!

And Dear Girl completely MISSES this! You, my deargirl, are a fake and a fraud. Dissing Center706 for disagreeing with you cements the deal. COME ON she said thay were `deviants` and YOU go whole-hog `vanilla` in your so-called `advice`???
Pathetic! Both `stephanie` and your `advice`...
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Male 12,138
Trolling again I see, Center.

Funny how you`re on your white horse now about making sure that the credentials of Dear Girl are listed prominently on the page when your sentiment to the other IAB members a while back was "So kiddies, take the sand out of your vaginas, unwad your panties, slowly remove Fancy`s tiny e-penis from your mouths and take a deep breath. It`s the internet, nothing is actually srs bsns on teh internets."

If it makes you feel better, you go ahead and make it your mission to "read every word/every piece of advice you give to make sure you`re not telling people to do things that may harm them/their relationships.". You be da po-lice.

You hear that? That`s the sound of an entire internet community not giving a sh*t.
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Male 18
@Center706

Nah, I just lack the common sense to give up, and I`m just a funny motherf u c k e r. Try using some humor! Why so serious?

My point was made, well-argued, defended and proven beyond a shadow of a doubt. Know who said that? Me! This is my disclaimer, laddy, I know the f u c k i n g ledge. Next time, establish a case you can actually argue.
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Male 144
@notthatbored

I know this has been going on for a while, but try and catch up. I`m not trying to give anyone professional advice. Which is why that whole argument hasn`t been used against me yet.

As for her not saying she was an expert: she doesn`t need to, the lack of stating OTHERWISE is enough. Again as I`ve said, someone may not read IAB every day, they may not know if she`s an expert or not...and because it`s not stated if she is or isn`t said reader may take her advice. Whereas that same reader maybe wouldn`t have had they known she wasn`t an expert.
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Female 1,101
@bophus Or she could just leave the relationship and find someone who was comfortable with her boundaries/rules if it makes her that unhappy or talk to him again I guess. :-/
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Male 144
Readmyname:
Now you`re just mocking me, thank-you for proving you lack the ability/intelligence to argue your point without resorting to all out immature responses.

And I`m the young one.
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Female 1,101
@Center706

Give me a break, she never stated that she was an expert and she`s hasn`t falisfied any credentials, so I really don`t see how anyone could sue her.

Further you`re not qualified to give professional advice to these people either, you`re not certified, so your opinion is not any better then hers or mine. I`m in grad school for social work and when I graduate I will be certified to give counseling too. Big whoop.
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Male 497
@bhm
you said "It doesn`t say anywhere that she would stop doing the same for him, if he started feeling insecure."

youre right, it doesnt say that so we can not comment on what it doesnt say. if we did, we would be making up our own story and that would be a fantasy. what i was commenting on was the reality of what she wrote. she is mad at her boyfriend for screwing other girls when she is on her period. if she is insecure during that time of the month, she should have taken that into consideration before she decided to have an ioen relationship. she clearly does want certain rules, that she sets fourth, for this open relationship.

also, i know that her vagina doesnt close up while she is on her period. she could screw other guys is they like surfing the red tide but, that is gross.

on a side note. i dont trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesnt die, lol.
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Male 18
@Center706

KNOCK KNOCK "Open up, it`s the Civil Court calling! I have a warrant for your arrest, well-meaning internet writer, you`re gonna get it!"

Just like OJ, man, she`s got no chance. Roast the b i t c h!
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Male 144
Oh and you`re absolutely right I did misspeak, thank-you for pointing that out. It isn`t a "legal" issue. It`s an issue that could be used in CIVIL court.

Again, thanks for pointing out my misstep.
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Male 18
@Center706

I get what your lame, baseless argument about internet columns is, yes, so you can stop paraphrasing for my perpetual amusement. But go ahead and restate the case if you like, because this comments section needs the gumming.

Oh wait, "You mean like the gums under your dentures, gramps?" Is that what you were going to say?
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Male 144
Oh and readmyname... you brought up age first, just keep that in mind.
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Male 144
Readmyname:
Clearly you`re not intelligent enough to understand just how harmful bad advice being given under the guise of "professional" advice can be.

People trust "experts" and "professionals" which is great, they should; but the advice of a non-professional shouldn`t be passed off as "expert" or "pro". That could mislead a reader and quite possibly could have the reader believing that what this person says is an "expert" opinion, thereby making it easier to "trust" said advice. Which in turn could lead to bad decisions based of advice they thought was "pro".

Do you get what I`m saying?
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Male 18
@Center706

Love the age jokes, fella, paging Henny Youngman. Take my f u c k i n g wife!

You`re fighting a losing battle, huh? You probably shouldn`t have said it was a legal issue, because hardy har har, it isn`t.

Has your prof gotten into internet advice columns yet? Have you jumped his or her gun and proclaimed yourself more of an expert?
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Female 5
"Again toast I say to you, thanks for playing, and nice try."

...Really? Really. Is this supposed to be insulting?

No more posts for me. I feel like I`m arguing with a monkey whose been taught to type.
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Male 144
Oh for the love of god.

Grandpareadmyname, put on your reading glasses and try to comprehend what I`m saying.

SHE DOESN`T HAVE TO BE QUALIFIED, AS A MATTER OF FACT I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH HER NOT BEING SO.

Just as with Dear Abby and Ann Landers however, DG`s credentials or lack there of need to clearly be stated so readers can decide if her credentials or lack there of make her advice worth/ok to follow for their personal issues.

And no smartass, but part of becoming a counselor is understanding what one can and can not do in our profession.
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Male 18
@Center706

I`m going to sue Peter Travers for telling me to watch bad movies! What gives him the right, man, who is he?? I wanna see a disclaimer!
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Male 18
@Center706

Are you minoring in "internet commentary section protocol law"?
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Male 144
As for what she/IAB could get sued for, AGAIN I`ll state for you slow people:
She and or IAB could get sued for passing off her advice as "expert" or professional.

You see, without a disclaimer on EVERY COLUMN or some sort of explanation stating DG isn`t a professional they`re misleading their readers. The argument in court could be "Oh I took her advice because I thought she was an expert, because I didn`t know any better". That`s where the possibility of a lawsuit comes in to play.

As for toast completely missing my point again: I`m not claiming what they`re doing is breaking the law, I`m sure a "smart" college educated person such as yourself understands the possibility of being sued in CIVIL COURT. For damages and the like.

Again toast I say to you, thanks for playing, and nice try.
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Male 18
@Center706

Don`t make me say "drating" again! (Apparently I can`t say f u c k i n g here.)

Where are your idiot-rating credentials yourself, little one? Hey man, I`m just saying that your argument is twee and groundless. Like people all over here have been saying, it`s just the g o d d a m n internet, and anyone can say what they want (including you).

Dear Abby and Ann Landers really didn`t have much credibility, son. They too were just regular people dispensing seemingly sound advice, and they were good at it, so they became syndicated.

By the way, speak a little faster, I can swing! Don`t mean to take away from your precious internship time, though, so study up and ignore me.
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Female 5
Center706, if we`re going to be pulling out the "I`m a credible college kid" lingo, I`m a UC Berkeley Psychology major and one of the first things we`re taught is that people go see counselors simply to talk. To exchange words and relieve things off their mind. That is one of the main reasons why therapy helps people.
Nobody is getting sued, it`s a faceless person on the internet giving advice to faceless people. If you could sue someone over a similar situation then you`d have to sue facebook users and other social network users. I still find it funny that you`re so serious about this being illegal.
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Female 248
" but wants to change the rules for a few days a month because, she cant go screw other guys. "

No, your vagina doesn`t close up magically for a couple days. She can totally go drat other men (or women) in that time period (get it?). Its just that, due to her hormones, she feels insecure.

It doesn`t say anywhere that she would stop doing the same for him, if he started feeling insecure.
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Male 144
Oh and petty side note, you could be 30 and I could be 29, which makes your ageist comment even more pointless and silly.
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Male 144
Read my name,
Holy christ you`re an idiot. I never said, OH YOU DON`T HAVE CRED... DON`T GIVE ADVICE. THAT`S NOT MY ISSUE.

Once more, for slow people like you I`ll state:
Dear Abby an Ann landers columns DO list their qualifications. They DO inform their readers of said persons level of knowledge. So AGAIN, if it were to be stated that DG isn`t an expert. (CLEARLY AND IN EVERY COLUMN) I`d have no issue. By not doing so, IAB and DG (even inadvertently) are misleading their readers.

Oh and get off the, I`m older than you high-horse you`re on. My age has no bearing on the comments I`m making.
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Male 18
Think I`ll write another comment spelled 100% correctly before anyone uses the other as a cheap attempt to discredit me!
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Male 18
...before trashing another`s expertise, is what I meant to say. Should learn to use this drating site before I go replying to others, likely!
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Male 18
@Center706

Just read this article and the comments, first-time IAB reader, felt the need to respond.

First of all, Dear Abby isn`t even written by Abby anymore, it`s penned by her daughter just because she owns the copyrighted name legally. And Ann Landers didn`t have any more credentials than her sister, she just happened to win a drating contest.

Similarly, DG is just a chick who seems like she`s been through some stuff, and she wants to share a little bit with some folks who could use an extra perspective. What, you think she`s actually going to get sued? She barely knows these people, she`s writing based on very limited info.

"Oh hey, you don`t have the cred to write this column!" "Check it out, folks, listen to me, I`m studying counseling!" "I`m aghast at the level of incompetence around here, waaaah, crime, infamy!!"

Kid, you`ve got a lot to learn. Wait until you`re a little older, maybe, before tras
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Male 144
@Toast
Actually I feel the need to say something because of the quality of advice being given. It has nothing to do with it being my advice or not. If I just disagreed with her, I`d say so.

Nice try though, thanks for playing.

The medium in which this advice is being given has NO bearing on the level of my "calmness". Again as I`ve stated numerous times, by not CLEARLY stating that Dear Girl isn`t an expert IN EVERY COLUMN is both misleading and could quite possibly be harmful.
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Female 5
And Center706, it`s the internet. Calm down. You`re overreacting.
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Female 5
I really enjoyed reading this and I think your advice is great.
Also, people responding to this negatively.. are of course feeling the need to say something because it`s not their OWN personal advice. Equality is IMPORTANT in a relationship, so is being happy and not being treated like poo. You can tell a lot by a persons actions more than their words.
Keep up the good work.
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Male 144
(part 2) All of my gripes/complaints would basically go away if it`s clearly stated IN EVERY COLUMN that you`re not a relationship expert and therefor your advice is not professional. (some people don`t read the comments)

Until that happens, like I said earlier; I`m going to make sure you don`t harm anyone under the possibly misunderstood guise of being a professional.
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Male 497
@the stephanie letter...

she wants to have an open relationship with no restriction unless she can not (due to mother nature) have the same good time. so she wants to have an open relationship as long as it is on her terms? am i reading this wrong? she loves her boyfriend and he her, but wants to change the rules for a few days a month because, she cant go screw other guys.

this girl says there is something wrong with her boyfriend, but never puts in anything that she is doing wrong. relationships are a two way street and she seems to think that they are two way as long as both lanes are going her way.

just my opinion.

i think you were way off on your response back to her.
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Male 144
Dear Girl,
You clearly missed my point. I`m not saying a lawsuit is going to be filed based on your bad advice, I`m saying until IAB/you add a clear disclaimer you`re not an expert... you could quite possible get sued for passing your advice off as such (even if you don`t mean to). The reason dear Abby and the like have never been sued is because if you read the column, her qualifications are clearly listed. At that point it`s left up to the reader to decide if her qualifications are worthy enough to take her advice. Without you/IAB clearly stating them, it can be implied that you`re an expert. THAT is the issue.

As for wanting the gig...no actually, I could see where one could surmise that however. I`m too swamped with my internship at my local counselors office to try and give advice through the internet. (which is why I didn`t advise anyone of anything). (continued)
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Female 4,447
Again, impressing me with the Dear Girl feature. It ups the ante on user interaction with the site and generates good rapport between users in the forums. I approve.
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Female 2
center706, i really think you`re taking it all in a slightly over-zealous direction. no one`s going to get sued for the advice that ann landers and dear abby and hundreds of other advice columnists offer.
couldn`t it be as easy as we disagree, and that our methods for offering advice don`t jive? anyone writing letters to this column is going to give their side of the story, naturally. and, again, naturally--i`m going to tailor my unprofessional-but-heartfully-informed responses to the person writing the letters. it isn`t a counseling session here. it`s an advice column, and just like any friend, that`s what i`m offering to the people who write in.

you sound a little like you wish you`d been offered the gig :)
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Male 144
(part 2)Did you stop to think that maybe this relationship has other underlying issues that the writer didn`t touch on? This is where advice giving/counseling via the internet can get both tricky and...well... fail. Protip: In the realm of advice giving, you should never pass judgment on a person who isn`t able to defend themselves. The fact you did, shows me (and hopefully everyone) that your advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

As for me not liking what you`re posting, and not reading it. Instead of me ignoring the possibly bad/wrong/inappropriate advice being given, I`m going to read every word/every piece of advice you give to make sure you`re not telling people to do things that may harm them/their relationships.

Take care.
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Male 833
completely disagree with the reply to stephanie. the boyfriend doesnt schedule ANY encounters when she isnt having her period and only does it then because she is extra emotional. and even she admits its so bad she wont stay with him during it to spare him from all the emotions. he leaves his entire schedule open in the off chance she may want to spend some time with him except for her worst couple days a month and you claim he isnt making compromises? they could close that relationship and hed probably have an easier time adjusting to it than her, in fact considering his actions he may even prefer that so they can get really serious with their relationship.
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Male 144
Hey DearGirl,
You may have never said it, but Fancy at one point called you a relationship expert...which you clearly aren`t. The fact you`re giving advice on a "mass scale" implies you know what you`re talking about, when clearly you don`t. The fact there`s no disclaimer pointing out you have no formal training is both suspect and (heaven forbid) if you give advice that ends up being physically harmful puts both you and IAB in an actionable position. Which despite my disdain for Fancylad I`d rather not see him/this site get sued.

As for your response to "open relationship girl", the fact you even passed judgment on the guy at all shows me that you`re no expert nor should you be giving advice. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps this woman spun her letter to make her sound more "in the right"? Is it possible this woman is embellishing her boyfriend`s unwillingness to compromise? (continued)
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Male 1,610
Yes....sarcasm. Stephanie`s question was how can she return balance to the relationship when she caves in after a discussion. Answer: Think of something she wants that he`s equally not thrilled about that would make her feel better in their arrangement.

I doubt that anything is going to give her that feeling and he might feel like he`s being penalized for nothing so they should end the arrangement. Or she should explain that she`s not happy with how her last conversation ended.
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Male 16
How do i submit a question?
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Male 645
TL:DR
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Female 525
"I think Stephanie`s bf should dump her. She says she can handle an open relationship; but she obviously cannot, her period notwithstanding. Get out while the gettin`s good."
Ever had a period before? We are crazy emotional on them. I know on mine I act like a bad drunk: over sensative, over dramatic, and over emotional. It`s no fun and she really can`t help it.
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Female 2
hey center706,

thanks for the input, but i never said i was a qualified expert. i offer thoughtful advice i would give any of my BFFs. obviously if anyone wants clinical, professional advice they turn to an actual professional, yeah?

i saw the guy as the problem in question 2 because the lady tells the story of trying hard to make things work, offering compromises and making simple requests--none of which he seems to want to honor. however, you`ll note that i specifically make a point in saying "as far as my limited viewpoint is concerned" because you`re right--i don`t know his side. but it`s supposed to be a short column. i`m trying to be succinct as possible while helping the writer to the best of my experience.

it`s what i got. feel free to stop reading :-) take care.
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Male 421
@Brassbull

That was the most hilariously phrased comment all day.
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Female 1,101
@Brassbull thank you! (Although I suspect sarcasm) But seriously there are plenty of guys out there who would be willing to have an open relationship except for a few days a month if that`s what she wants.
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Female 2,289
except i hate just bieber
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Female 2,289
"The 3 most important things a man can know about women (that does apply to 99% of women)

1: women want a MAN...not a whiny little bitch(no matter how much she likes Justin bieber)

2: Women want an older man (within reason of course)

3: Women love to be chased after, but will not love the man chasing her."
----------------------------------

I`m not exactly a woman yet, but all three of those apply to me.

and probably always will...
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Male 144
Oh and before I catch a bunch of poo, I`m currently going to school to become a counselor myself. (With an emphasis in sexual health/function no less)
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Male 144
I`d like to see Dear Girl`s qualifications, because her advice to the "open relationship girl" was poorly phrased, and quite frankly a little on the aggressive side.

Not to mention she instantly passed judgment on the GUY not the situation, without ever meeting him/hearing his side of the story. That goes against one of the cardinal rules of being a relationship counselor/advice giver/expert. You`re NEVER supposed to pass judgment on the person, only on the act the person is committing.

On top of all that, the fact (even though it was in quotes) she used the word normal in regards to sex proves she`s full of poo. That`s yet another cardinal rule when it comes to sexual counseling, you`re not (even in jest) supposed to state what sex/sexual relationship is "normal". As long as it is between two consenting adults that is.

Yep sorry, not buying any of what she says anymore. It`s a shame...some of her advice is decent.
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Male 1,610
Yeah Stephanie, dump his ass! He doesn`t respect your period!
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Female 1,101
Well I think that she should leave her boyfriend. He obviously feels the need to take things to the extreme and is not willing to compromise for the sake of his partners happiness. She can easily find another guy who would jump at the opportunity she is offering.
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Female 1,963
Yup, I agree with all of the advice. Particularly with number 2. With open relationships, it is SO important to be on exactly the same page. If one party feels like they`re sacrificing even just a little bit more than the other, and the matter is not quickly discussed and dealt with, it will all end horribly.
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Male 657
I think Stephanie`s bf should dump her. She says she can handle an open relationship; but she obviously cannot, her period notwithstanding. Get out while the gettin`s good.
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Female 1,101
@Brassbull the point is that he shouldn`t look a gift horse in the mouth. If she`s willing to have an open realationship, he could at least respect how she feels, especially when she`s in a weakend physical an emotional state!

Plus shouldn`t a good boyfriend be taking care of her when she`s on the rag? Men like to act like a period is no big deal, like it`s just bleeding and emotions, but they`ve never had the cramps. The cramps can feel like the WORST diareha cramps you have ever had x 5. Seriously. Rolling around in pain. And seriously who wants to roll around in pain like a bloated corpse while thinking about their significant other f***ing someone else?
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Female 248
"1: women want a MAN..."

Did you read #3? Hate to tell you this, but lesbians exist. *gasp*
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Female 1,306
The 3 most important things a man can know about women (that does apply to 99% of women)

1: women want a MAN...not a whiny little bitch(no matter how much she likes Justin bieber)

2: Women want an older man (within reason of course)

3: Women love to be chased after, but will not love the man chasing her.

----------------------

1. SOME (and most) women want someone who will simply care about them, and love them. No one likes whiny bitches, of course (girl or boy), but its not as if all women want a man who`s a manly manly who is manly 100% of the time.

2. ...Just, no. Such a generalization. Ridiculous.

3. Lots of people love attention, girls included. If a man is chasing after a girl, of course she doesn`t love them. That`s why they`re chasing after her in the first place.
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Male 418
an expert i am not, but those are the 3 rules that have stood consistent in my life.
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Male 25,416
this is getting deep!
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Male 20,911
Zombieland is actually right with #1.
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Male 1,610
Wow, #2 got some serious man-hatin` goin on! Don`t DUMP the guy, it`s not his fault that Stephanie was going to become uncomfortable. Him going out while she`s on her period seems like it makes the most sense anyway. Why would it be better he sleep with other women on the days she WAS able to have sex? Ok, it makes her uncomfortable because of her hormone levels. Why does the bf get faulted for that? How does this make him an impatient or non-responsible person? Or respectful...they discussed it like mature adults.

You`re unhappy with the deal, end the deal. I don`t see any reason to dump the guy.
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Female 2
Letter #1: Respect yourself because he doesn`t respect you.

Letter #2. I say you get on Seasonalle. Then go out and get some that ain`t him during your lady days.

Letter #3. She don`t like the c*ck. Sorry, but you don`t have the right parts....
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Female 157
Zombieland, what has made you an expert on what women want and love?
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Male 418
The 3 most important things a man can know about women (that does apply to 99% of women)

1: women want a MAN...not a whiny little bitch(no matter how much she likes Justin bieber)

2: Women want an older man (within reason of course)

3: Women love to be chased after, but will not love the man chasing her.
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Male 4,867
MMM is still goin angelmass, this is going on too.
The first two M`s of MMM are aren`t always followed too strictly by fancy lol.

I think Dear Girl is a cool idea, the interaction between users and the site is pretty awesome
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Male 450
wow this site is getting deep
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Male 15,510
What ever happen with MMM??
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Male 20,911
Link: Dear Girl...: Sex & Relationship Help At Last! [Rate Link] - It`s the 2nd installment of I-A-B`s new column--Dear Girl... It`s where all your sex & relationship problems are sorted.
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