10 Bizarre Biblical Tales

Submitted by: cobrakiller 7 years ago in Weird
http://listverse.com/2008/01/31/top-10-bizarre-biblical-tales/

Maybe we should read through the bible again, we always forget these golden moments.
There are 39 comments:
Female 248
Want to know the strangest Bible story?

People actually believe in it.
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Female 4
The vast majority of these scripture references are totally incorrect >.<
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Male 25,416
silly
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Male 871
awww have I missed the huge religious flame war already? damn.
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Female 9,572
I always enjoyed #9 because I am also left handed.
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Male 1,365
And on the first minute of the first day of self awareness, man created god to explain what he could not ,..and it was easy.
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Female 3,574
Have you heard the story of Jesus flipping tables because people had turned a temple into a mini mall? (Mark 11:15-1) Jesus cursed the fig tree while He and his disciples were headed into Jerusalem on their way to that temple.

When you read the whole passage (Mark 11:12-22) you can tell that the curse on the fig tree is meant to symbolize a larger problem concerning spirituality. To put it extremely simply Jesus cursed the tree for representing a spiritual "fruitlessness" in the nation. I`m sure if you Googled it you could find many articles that have analysed these passages in detail.
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Female 3,001
a lot of these stories make sense when in context. though i was not aware of number 7...

but for example number 6 was to try and get David killed, cause Saul hates David. He sends him to go get 100 enemy forskins, thinking that if David does this the enemy will obvs not appreaciate it and kill him. but Daves a good killer...dont test him
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Female 387
"Most of the stories are relatively accurately described, but some parts and the underlining meanings are left out in the article.

For instance, their interpretation of Jesus and the fig tree completely misses the point (mostly because they leave out the end of the story)."

That`s what I was gonna say! Oh, and the fig tree wasn`t even in season, so it couldn`t have produced fruit.

Some of these stories don`t have a `moral message`. They`re supposed to be telling us about what people actually do, and how disgusting and perverted we all are. Including me.
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Male 5,626
10 - Don`t mock your elders or God will destroy you in a painful way.

9 - Treat your servants with respect and don`t be so prideful that you can`t ask for help.

8 - See Monty Python`s Meaning of Life, Chapter: "Miracle of Birth Part 2: The Third World"

7 - The vilification of a religion competing with Judaism. It was sex based. The beginning of the "Lot`s Cave" story is about the same alternate religion.

6 - Don`t make crazy bets over serious shi#. You may come up a crazy ass-hole with hero`s luck.

5 - Don`t start a religion. That crap will become so out-of-control that your wife will chop off half of your son`s [email protected] over a lightning storm.

4 - "Effing answer me or I will EFF YOU UP!!!"

3 - "For you, my ass is as good as my face..."

2 - Even an ass knows more than you, you ass!

1 - Your kid looks like your neighbor because your wife looked out the window...
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Male 68
out of genuine curiosity, what is the point of the story of Jesus and the fig tree?
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Female 3,574
Most of the stories are relatively accurately described, but some parts and the underlining meanings are left out in the article.

For instance, their interpretation of Jesus and the fig tree completely misses the point (mostly because they leave out the end of the story).
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Female 5
MAN, I can`t believe no one has mentioned Ezekiel 23!! Especially verse 20 D:

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. NIV
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Female 62
pooptart- i lol`d hardcore at your comeback ;)
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Male 7,830
mseig, i dont know how this is boring, unless you cant read that is. or is it that if its not funny, its not interesting to you?

pui, i did go and read these before i posted it. all of his descriptions mesh pretty well with what i read in my "good book".
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Female 3,574
I agree with Crackr. Many of these stories are misinterpreted. I suggest people read them for themselves.
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Male 774
I`ve said it before I`ll say it again... Religion is WEEEEIRD.
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Male 2,440
[quote]ahem, pooptart, i looked at the links to the scriptures and it really was changed a lot. And your ex was stupid because you cant misinterpret that the bible says that Jesus is the Son of God.[/quote]
Peakk, I hear your mother calling. You`d better head home before you get grounded and sent to your room.
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Male 1
ahem, pooptart, i looked at the links to the scriptures and it really was changed a lot. And your ex was stupid because you cant misinterpret that the bible says that Jesus is the Son of God.
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Male 15,510
"The author has a lot of these stories mixed up, Misinterpreted, And generally wrong."

Lol, the more truethis gets
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Male 15,510
That guy God has such a wicked mind
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Male 782
...and don`t mock the balled. We are just one step ahead of you monkeys! lol
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Male 7,378
Even those most devout know there`s only one commandment that`s against the law.
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Male 2,034
@cobrakiller: Either that or the link is actually boring as hell. I`m going with the latter
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Female 1,963
CrakrJak, seriously? As Barack Obama would say, "Folks haven`t been reading their Bibles.".

I guess you`ve only read the parts that are cohesive with your beliefs.
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Male 2,440
[quote]The author has a lot of these stories mixed up, Misinterpreted, And generally wrong.[/quote]
Isn`t it always funny how Christians scream "Misinterpretation!" when it`s parts that make the Bible look f*cking crazy, yet have no problem when it comes to trying to make Jesus look divine?

"Well I guess the part about Jesus being the son of God is just misinterpreted too."

"No no. Jesus really is. No misunderstanding there."

*facepalm*
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Male 25,416
ok!
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Male 7,830
wow, this is getting a pretty low score. ouch, i guess some people do not like when these kind of stories are pointed out. who would have thought?
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Male 4,290
"I call fake on all 10."

Well since it takes all of 30 seconds to check them using an an online Bible, you won`t need to remain misinformed for long.

Note that some naming conventions differ - sometimes 1 and 2 Kings are called 1 and 2 Samuel, with 3 and 4 Kings becoming 1 and 2. So the first reference, 4 Kings 2:23-24, is actually 2 Kings 2:23-24 in that online Bible.
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Male 959
Crackrjak, please feel free to enlighten us all. Or, no, wait, was the bible written by uneducated village elders 2000-4000 years ago in efforts to keep their extraordinarily stupid people in line, with myths about a great astral pixie, who would punish them for their wrong doings?
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Male 7,830
lazyme and crakrjak, no, not fake. i actually dusted off my bible and checked each one to see if they were factual. yes, they were.
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Male 17,511
The author has a lot of these stories mixed up, Misinterpreted, And generally wrong.

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Male 10,338
Nope. Not fake.

People were freaky back then.

Imagine what people will think of us in 2000 years!
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Male 3,255
I love the authors descriptions!

"God, clearly freaked out by this woman, backs off and Moses is saved."

I just picture god all "whoa, lady, nevermind then..."

"Annoyed, Jesus demands the fig tree bear him fruit, however the fig tree doesn’t respond (it’s a tree),"

rofl.
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Male 3,255
Is #7 about Lot in sodom?
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Male 1,505
Good list, but I was surprised they missed the one about Lot`s two daughters getting him drunk and raping him (Gen. 19:31).

I guess on the 1 to 10 scale of weird poo in the Bible, it really just isn`t all that odd.
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Female 934
This is why the bible is so entertaining.
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Male 10,440
I call fake on all 10.
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Male 7,830
Link: 10 Bizarre Biblical Tales [Rate Link] - Maybe we should read through the bible again, we always forget these golden moments.
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