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Category: Funny
Date: 04/23/10 01:06 PM

75 Responses to Sh1tting 101: A Passive-Aggressive Tutorial [Pic]

  1. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18860 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 12:57 pm
    Link: Sh1tting 101: A Passive-Aggressive Tutorial - *head/palm* I`ve been doing it wrong all these years...
  2. Profile photo of buxco215
    buxco215 Male 18-29
    977 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:10 pm
    True, it came out "my ass", but technically, once it leaves it`s not my possession anymore, right?
  3. Profile photo of MountainBord
    MountainBord Female 18-29
    1894 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:10 pm
    yea wats all the pinching about
  4. Profile photo of Tonyjet
    Tonyjet Male 18-29
    3298 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:13 pm
    haha thats pretty disgusting
  5. Profile photo of Tonyjet
    Tonyjet Male 18-29
    3298 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:14 pm
    "True, it came out "my ass", but technically, once it leaves it`s not my possession anymore, right?"

    So sperm is not really our responsibility once it leaves us right??? right...
  6. Profile photo of Cajun247
    Cajun247 Male 18-29
    10732 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:15 pm
    Really fancylad? If that were true I`d hate to be YOUR roommate!
  7. Profile photo of IssaTheFiend
    IssaTheFiend Female 18-29
    2353 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:20 pm
    Gross. XP
  8. Profile photo of patchouly
    patchouly Male 40-49
    4746 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:22 pm
    Why is that first flush in there? Do folks normally flush twice during the procedure?
  9. Profile photo of fiizok
    fiizok Male 40-49
    591 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:22 pm
    Any bets on which college/university this handy tutorial appeared at?
  10. Profile photo of Lejjena
    Lejjena Male 18-29
    68 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:26 pm
    "Brew in the bowl" lol. sounds really disgusting if you put it that way
  11. Profile photo of GVP
    GVP Female 18-29
    507 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:26 pm
    If it`s all coming out you shouldn`t have to pinch.
  12. Profile photo of eggsnham
    eggsnham Male 13-17
    1140 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:28 pm
    So sperm is not really our responsibility once it leaves us right??? right...

    Only if the sperm didn`t fertilize the egg XD
  13. Profile photo of Oystah
    Oystah Female 40-49
    4032 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:37 pm
    I would wipe my ass with that note.
  14. Profile photo of MrYouKnow
    MrYouKnow Male 13-17
    1081 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm
    I only flush once. Is this wrong?
  15. Profile photo of ScottSerious
    ScottSerious Male 18-29
    5316 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:47 pm
    "Why is that first flush in there? Do folks normally flush twice during the procedure?"

    i do. once when i was younger, i didnt add the first flush, and my toilet flooded. needless to say, there was a huge mess. since then, i flush twice, as described in the photo.
  16. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25420 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 1:58 pm
    That could have been so much better!
  17. Profile photo of SomeShoes
    SomeShoes Male 13-17
    2056 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:10 pm
    headpalm?
  18. Profile photo of rawrarrg
    rawrarrg Female 18-29
    120 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:15 pm
    ... pinch?
  19. Profile photo of Boadicea
    Boadicea Female 18-29
    1677 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:15 pm
    pinch?
  20. Profile photo of TopperHey
    TopperHey Male 18-29
    1930 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:20 pm
    I would also like to add that this is the first time I have ever heard someone suggest that flushing more than once is standard practice.
  21. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12387 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:25 pm
    If you flush while still sitting, you will get a mist of water and faeces sprayed onto your arse. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction - basic Newtonian physics. Push water down (the flush) and stuff is pushed up in reponse.
  22. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12387 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:26 pm
    Maybe if you poo a lot and use a dozen feet of toilet roll it might be prudent to flush after each stage. Maybe.
  23. Profile photo of mal_BB
    mal_BB Male 18-29
    1231 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:37 pm
    I`m going to echo other posts by questioning the `pinch`. What does this refer to? Maybe i don`t want to know...
  24. Profile photo of ohserio
    ohserio Female 13-17
    115 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:45 pm
    pinch is when you squeeze ur ass to get rid of the left over shet in ur hole.
  25. Profile photo of PsychGeek
    PsychGeek Female 18-29
    1798 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:56 pm
    To everyone who doesn`t know what "pinch" refers to:

    when you finish defecating, you squeeze the muscles of your ass (more specifically the anal sphincter). because squeezing this muscle temporarily closes the hole, it "pinches off" the feces so that it drops into the toilet.
  26. Profile photo of Grogg
    Grogg Female 18-29
    47 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 2:59 pm
    Ah, Ohserio, what a lovely way to describe it!
    *faceplam*
  27. Profile photo of sonikku
    sonikku Male 18-29
    350 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:03 pm
    @topperhey

    I heard that in the US, they got a law that says the water tank can`t be bigger than 1,5 gallons.. so I suppose their toilettes flood a lot
  28. Profile photo of buxco215
    buxco215 Male 18-29
    977 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:06 pm
    Nobody`s ever heard of "pinching a loaf"?? That`s pretty much where the term comes from.
  29. Profile photo of daniellee_x
    daniellee_x Female 18-29
    451 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:17 pm
    those are terrible instructions. Flushing twice? Then looking after you flushed?
  30. Profile photo of kerryfairy82
    kerryfairy82 Female 18-29
    839 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:21 pm
    Ok so i now know what `pinching` is.
  31. Profile photo of Nerdfighter0
    Nerdfighter0 Male 18-29
    212 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:29 pm
    Just a little OCD.
  32. Profile photo of LillianDulci
    LillianDulci Female 18-29
    2674 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:41 pm
    daniellee_x, you look after you flush to make sure it all went down. Some toilets are crap (rofl o.o) and may require a 2nd flush. If you know your own toilet never does that then you don`t need to look, but if you`re in a public toilet, someone else`s toilet, etc, you should just to make sure you aren`t leaving stuff behind for the next person to find.
  33. Profile photo of Hemtroll
    Hemtroll Male 18-29
    363 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:45 pm
    Oh so number 1 comes BEFORE number 2?
  34. Profile photo of 5Cats
    5Cats Male 50-59
    32834 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm
    Well, look and make sure there`s no "floaties" waiting to horrify the next user. That`s pretty sensible in a community toilet I`d say.
  35. Profile photo of trailleadr
    trailleadr Male 40-49
    715 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:48 pm
    @sonikku

    It`s actually for water conservation.
  36. Profile photo of starshimmer
    starshimmer Female 18-29
    331 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm
    pinching? jeez is it that common that you have poo hanging from your hole, cuz im pretty sure its just suppose to slide out naturally...Stop eating so much freaking fast food.
  37. Profile photo of seabass101dg
    seabass101dg Male 18-29
    478 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 4:07 pm
    You flush between wiping and the actual poo??? I`ve only flushed once every time... O.O
  38. Profile photo of Kanashto
    Kanashto Male 18-29
    499 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 4:12 pm
    most of you westerners(or wherever they wipe only) sometimes don`t realize there is some poo left when u just wipe with a dry tissue. fail
  39. Profile photo of ultimakewl
    ultimakewl Male 18-29
    833 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 4:25 pm
    flush once then wipe then flush again? someone needs to buy a normal toilet so you can poo and wipe without having to flush in between. that or stop eating all your meals at taco bell.
  40. Profile photo of Lionhart2
    Lionhart2 Male 40-49
    8306 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 4:46 pm
    You guys FLUSH!??
  41. Profile photo of IkeRay
    IkeRay Male 18-29
    2704 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 5:46 pm
    "most of you westerners(or wherever they wipe only) sometimes don`t realize there is some poo left when u just wipe with a dry tissue. fail"

    thats why I use wet ones that are flushable, costs slightly more (I`m talking pennies more) but I`m sure clean afterwards, and smell nice too.
  42. Profile photo of AmyNicoleduh
    AmyNicoleduh Female 18-29
    1158 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 6:01 pm
    how do you people not know what pinching is?
  43. Profile photo of thelonious
    thelonious Male 40-49
    3284 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 6:05 pm
    Where are the instructions for the 3 shells?
  44. Profile photo of goaliejerry
    goaliejerry Male 30-39
    4017 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 6:13 pm
    "most of you westerners(or wherever they wipe only) sometimes don`t realize there is some poo left when u just wipe with a dry tissue. fail"

    Don`t even get me started!!!!!! Americans are amazingly dirty because most just dry wipe. ALL THAT DOES IS SMEAR POOP IN YOUR CRACK. If you had poop on your arm, would you just dry wipe it off?? HELL NO!
  45. Profile photo of IkeRay
    IkeRay Male 18-29
    2704 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 6:16 pm
    "how do you people not know what pinching is?"

    I know what it is, but why do it? when I go poo, I completely void my bowels, I may sit there for 20-30 minutes but I don`t have to go as often and never have any issues with regularity.
  46. Profile photo of LightShaded
    LightShaded Male 18-29
    423 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 6:22 pm
    Any bathroom that had that posted would not recieve any help from me.
  47. Profile photo of MzThikG727
    MzThikG727 Female 18-29
    80 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 6:25 pm
    it doesnt sound like the problem is ppl backin up the toilet. it just sounds like they have a pooty toilet... GET A BIGGER POOP EATER N ITLL BE ALL GOOD!
  48. Profile photo of Jasonbobdude
    Jasonbobdude Male 18-29
    1598 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 7:01 pm
    No toilet is safe from Toilet Pooper Kevin
  49. Profile photo of entwife
    entwife Female 18-29
    536 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 7:06 pm
    @goaliejerry - but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it. But, it does seem like there should be a better way than just dry toilet paper.
  50. Profile photo of rigby_321
    rigby_321 Female 18-29
    443 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 8:15 pm
    That`s a lot of flushing ...
  51. Profile photo of Mah_Boi
    Mah_Boi Male 18-29
    606 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 8:46 pm
    Who flushes before and after wiping? Seems like a waste of a perfectly good flush, to me.
  52. Profile photo of someguy83
    someguy83 Male 18-29
    119 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 8:52 pm
    i love the closing. "it came out your *** so take responsibility for it please!!!!!"
  53. Profile photo of penguinazul
    penguinazul Female 18-29
    470 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm
    @goaliejerry - but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it. But, it does seem like there should be a better way than just dry toilet paper.

    ------------

    there is, it`s called flushable wipes. or just baby wipes in general. *points to IkeRay*
  54. Profile photo of Postal2aw
    Postal2aw Male 13-17
    54 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 10:55 pm
    I am doing it wrong... All I do is sit, and count: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - BLAST OFF FIRE THE MAIN THRUSTERS!!!
  55. Profile photo of sbeelz
    sbeelz Male 30-39
    2868 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 11:13 pm
    "but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it."

    I fail to see what`s pervy about washing your ass.
  56. Profile photo of TKD_Master
    TKD_Master Male 18-29
    4794 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 11:29 pm
    "You flush between wiping and the actual poo??? I`ve only flushed once every time... O.O"

    It really depends on the toilet/individual. If the toilet sucks and gets clogged alot, there should be lots of slushing during the whole process to prevent clogging. Or if the individual drops a couple of huge logs, there should be lots of flushing.

    On a side note, I use baby wipes. They work the best really.
  57. Profile photo of rockinkitty
    rockinkitty Female 18-29
    46 posts
    April 23, 2010 at 11:32 pm
    i so need that sign. oh to many flushes. take a huge dump flush then wipe. if it small do it all at once
  58. Profile photo of som-tam
    som-tam Male 18-29
    714 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 1:38 am
    @goaliejerry - but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it. But, it does seem like there should be a better way than just dry toilet paper.

    if you got pooe in your hair would you use paper or water to get it out???
  59. Profile photo of shadowtube
    shadowtube Male 13-17
    253 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 4:08 am
    lols postal.
  60. Profile photo of gorgack2000
    gorgack2000 Male 13-17
    4682 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 5:36 am
    "On a side note, I use baby wipes. They work the best really."
    Don`t! They can clog up drains, costing a good amount of money to fix.
  61. Profile photo of danthew
    danthew Male 18-29
    2122 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 6:11 am
    Thats a waste of water... flush once jackass
  62. Profile photo of JonathanFTW
    JonathanFTW Male 18-29
    48 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 6:11 am
    We can go to the moon, but some of us can`t wipe our arse properly, human race, I love you =D
  63. Profile photo of a1butcher
    a1butcher Male 40-49
    4809 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 6:59 am
    They left out the proper use of a coat hanger to break up a 3-coiler just just won`t flush.
  64. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12387 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 8:12 am
    If you have a good diet, you won`t be getting faeces all over your crack anyway. With enough fibre, it pretty much all comes out cleanly. If I`ve been eating enough fibre, I need three sheets at most.

    Plumbers who deal with toilets like flushable wipes. Not because they use them, but because flushable wipes provide a steady stream of income in the form of blocked toilets and drains.
  65. Profile photo of pmarren
    pmarren Male 40-49
    4575 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 8:36 am
    This reminds me of earlier this morning... after a night of drinking, and eating far too many Taco Bell soft tacos. I left, what I like to call a "Daisy-Cutter" in the john.
  66. Profile photo of Musuko42
    Musuko42 Male 18-29
    2850 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 8:40 am
    Pinch? Why on earth would you stop mid-defacation to leave some still inside you, outside of a fire alarm situation?

    Double-flush? What the hell are you people eating to strain your toilets to the point they can`t cope? Gravel?

    Or are US toilets typically weaker than UK toilets? I know they`re often different (deeper water "pool" in the bowl).
  67. Profile photo of ferdyfred
    ferdyfred Male 40-49
    13631 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 1:18 pm
    Try telling that to the damn dog which shats by my drive daily
  68. Profile photo of sirrix
    sirrix Male 18-29
    210 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 3:37 pm
    I-A-B: Please learn what passive-aggressive is. This sign is not passive-aggressive, it is a direct statement to stop doing something. So is this comment. If I wanted to be passive aggressive I would have just said something like "It`s a shame that profitable blogs that have thousands of ads all over them are authored by 12 year-olds."
  69. Profile photo of OldOllie
    OldOllie Male 60-69
    15841 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 9:41 pm
    I think the sign is an admonition NOT to be passive-aggressive by leaving a big steaming grumpy behind.
  70. Profile photo of dooflotchie
    dooflotchie Female 30-39
    336 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 10:29 pm
    I wonder what the sign maker would have thought of this:

    I was headed home one night and had to pee REAL bad. I stopped at the nearest gas station and went into the one bathroom, it wasn`t the nicest cleanest one I`ve been in but whatever. I had to go bad. So bad that I used the toilet even though at the bottom there was the hugest turd I`ve ever seen in my whole life. It was so big it almost filled up the hole in the bottom of the bowl. It looked like someone literally sh*t a brick! I`m afraid to think of what that could have come out of. A gorilla? An elephant?! I don`t know. I don`t WANT to know.

    I flushed and that frickin brick just moved a little but wasn`t even close to disappearing. Two more flushes and it still just sat there. I think I heard it laughing at me so I got the hell outta there fast.

    I`ll bet someone had to shoot that damn thing with a tranq gun and then cut it up with a torch to get rid of it. I hope they survived the ordeal!
  71. Profile photo of assassinfrek
    assassinfrek Male 18-29
    28 posts
    April 24, 2010 at 11:50 pm
    no poo sherlock
  72. Profile photo of madduck
    madduck Female 50-59
    7565 posts
    April 25, 2010 at 6:22 am
    Someone asked about US bowls-they are not quite the same as ours. I can`t find any diagrams on the net to post- but they are different! I did not think they were quite as efficient.
  73. Profile photo of robosnitz
    robosnitz Male 40-49
    2737 posts
    April 25, 2010 at 10:05 am
    OMG! That`s how to Poo?! I better copy that down!
  74. Profile photo of SharkMan
    SharkMan Male 13-17
    7 posts
    May 29, 2010 at 10:13 pm
    I can`t flush if I can`t make it in the toilet...

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