Sh1tting 101: A Passive-Aggressive Tutorial [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 6 years ago Funny

*head/palm* I"ve been doing it wrong all these years...
There are 75 comments:
Male 7
I can`t flush if I can`t make it in the toilet...
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Male 2,737
OMG! That`s how to Poo?! I better copy that down!
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Female 7,838
Someone asked about US bowls-they are not quite the same as ours. I can`t find any diagrams on the net to post- but they are different! I did not think they were quite as efficient.
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Male 28
no poo sherlock
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Female 336
I wonder what the sign maker would have thought of this:

I was headed home one night and had to pee REAL bad. I stopped at the nearest gas station and went into the one bathroom, it wasn`t the nicest cleanest one I`ve been in but whatever. I had to go bad. So bad that I used the toilet even though at the bottom there was the hugest turd I`ve ever seen in my whole life. It was so big it almost filled up the hole in the bottom of the bowl. It looked like someone literally sh*t a brick! I`m afraid to think of what that could have come out of. A gorilla? An elephant?! I don`t know. I don`t WANT to know.

I flushed and that frickin brick just moved a little but wasn`t even close to disappearing. Two more flushes and it still just sat there. I think I heard it laughing at me so I got the hell outta there fast.

I`ll bet someone had to shoot that damn thing with a tranq gun and then cut it up with a torch to get rid of it. I hope they survived the ordeal!
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Male 15,832
I think the sign is an admonition NOT to be passive-aggressive by leaving a big steaming grumpy behind.
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Male 210
I-A-B: Please learn what passive-aggressive is. This sign is not passive-aggressive, it is a direct statement to stop doing something. So is this comment. If I wanted to be passive aggressive I would have just said something like "It`s a shame that profitable blogs that have thousands of ads all over them are authored by 12 year-olds."
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Male 13,624
Try telling that to the damn dog which shats by my drive daily
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Male 2,850
Pinch? Why on earth would you stop mid-defacation to leave some still inside you, outside of a fire alarm situation?

Double-flush? What the hell are you people eating to strain your toilets to the point they can`t cope? Gravel?

Or are US toilets typically weaker than UK toilets? I know they`re often different (deeper water "pool" in the bowl).
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Male 4,594
This reminds me of earlier this morning... after a night of drinking, and eating far too many Taco Bell soft tacos. I left, what I like to call a "Daisy-Cutter" in the john.
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Male 12,365
If you have a good diet, you won`t be getting faeces all over your crack anyway. With enough fibre, it pretty much all comes out cleanly. If I`ve been eating enough fibre, I need three sheets at most.

Plumbers who deal with toilets like flushable wipes. Not because they use them, but because flushable wipes provide a steady stream of income in the form of blocked toilets and drains.
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Male 4,807
They left out the proper use of a coat hanger to break up a 3-coiler just just won`t flush.
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Male 48
We can go to the moon, but some of us can`t wipe our arse properly, human race, I love you =D
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Male 2,121
Thats a waste of water... flush once jackass
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Male 4,680
"On a side note, I use baby wipes. They work the best really."
Don`t! They can clog up drains, costing a good amount of money to fix.
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Male 253
lols postal.
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Male 714
@goaliejerry - but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it. But, it does seem like there should be a better way than just dry toilet paper.

if you got pooe in your hair would you use paper or water to get it out???
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Female 46
i so need that sign. oh to many flushes. take a huge dump flush then wipe. if it small do it all at once
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Male 4,793
"You flush between wiping and the actual poo??? I`ve only flushed once every time... O.O"

It really depends on the toilet/individual. If the toilet sucks and gets clogged alot, there should be lots of slushing during the whole process to prevent clogging. Or if the individual drops a couple of huge logs, there should be lots of flushing.

On a side note, I use baby wipes. They work the best really.
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Male 2,868
"but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it."

I fail to see what`s pervy about washing your ass.
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Male 54
I am doing it wrong... All I do is sit, and count: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - BLAST OFF FIRE THE MAIN THRUSTERS!!!
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Female 470
@goaliejerry - but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it. But, it does seem like there should be a better way than just dry toilet paper.

------------

there is, it`s called flushable wipes. or just baby wipes in general. *points to IkeRay*
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Male 5,190
Just flush at the end. o.o

Saves water.
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Male 119
i love the closing. "it came out your *** so take responsibility for it please!!!!!"
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Male 606
Who flushes before and after wiping? Seems like a waste of a perfectly good flush, to me.
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Female 443
That`s a lot of flushing ...
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Female 536
@goaliejerry - but bidets are so...so foreign! And weird! And frankly, a little bit pervy when you think about it. But, it does seem like there should be a better way than just dry toilet paper.
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Male 1,598
No toilet is safe from Toilet Pooper Kevin
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Female 80
it doesnt sound like the problem is ppl backin up the toilet. it just sounds like they have a pooty toilet... GET A BIGGER POOP EATER N ITLL BE ALL GOOD!
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Male 423
Any bathroom that had that posted would not recieve any help from me.
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Male 2,703
"how do you people not know what pinching is?"

I know what it is, but why do it? when I go poo, I completely void my bowels, I may sit there for 20-30 minutes but I don`t have to go as often and never have any issues with regularity.
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Male 4,014
"most of you westerners(or wherever they wipe only) sometimes don`t realize there is some poo left when u just wipe with a dry tissue. fail"

Don`t even get me started!!!!!! Americans are amazingly dirty because most just dry wipe. ALL THAT DOES IS SMEAR POOP IN YOUR CRACK. If you had poop on your arm, would you just dry wipe it off?? HELL NO!
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Male 3,310
Where are the instructions for the 3 shells?
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Female 1,158
how do you people not know what pinching is?
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Male 2,703
"most of you westerners(or wherever they wipe only) sometimes don`t realize there is some poo left when u just wipe with a dry tissue. fail"

thats why I use wet ones that are flushable, costs slightly more (I`m talking pennies more) but I`m sure clean afterwards, and smell nice too.
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Male 8,302
You guys FLUSH!??
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Male 833
flush once then wipe then flush again? someone needs to buy a normal toilet so you can poo and wipe without having to flush in between. that or stop eating all your meals at taco bell.
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Male 497
most of you westerners(or wherever they wipe only) sometimes don`t realize there is some poo left when u just wipe with a dry tissue. fail
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Male 478
You flush between wiping and the actual poo??? I`ve only flushed once every time... O.O
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Female 331
pinching? jeez is it that common that you have poo hanging from your hole, cuz im pretty sure its just suppose to slide out naturally...Stop eating so much freaking fast food.
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Male 715
@sonikku

It`s actually for water conservation.
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Male 36,500
Well, look and make sure there`s no "floaties" waiting to horrify the next user. That`s pretty sensible in a community toilet I`d say.
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Male 363
Oh so number 1 comes BEFORE number 2?
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Female 2,674
daniellee_x, you look after you flush to make sure it all went down. Some toilets are crap (rofl o.o) and may require a 2nd flush. If you know your own toilet never does that then you don`t need to look, but if you`re in a public toilet, someone else`s toilet, etc, you should just to make sure you aren`t leaving stuff behind for the next person to find.
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Male 212
Just a little OCD.
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Female 839
Ok so i now know what `pinching` is.
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Female 451
those are terrible instructions. Flushing twice? Then looking after you flushed?
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Male 976
Nobody`s ever heard of "pinching a loaf"?? That`s pretty much where the term comes from.
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Male 350
@topperhey

I heard that in the US, they got a law that says the water tank can`t be bigger than 1,5 gallons.. so I suppose their toilettes flood a lot
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Female 47
Ah, Ohserio, what a lovely way to describe it!
*faceplam*
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Female 1,798
To everyone who doesn`t know what "pinch" refers to:

when you finish defecating, you squeeze the muscles of your ass (more specifically the anal sphincter). because squeezing this muscle temporarily closes the hole, it "pinches off" the feces so that it drops into the toilet.
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Female 115
pinch is when you squeeze ur ass to get rid of the left over shet in ur hole.
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Male 1,231
I`m going to echo other posts by questioning the `pinch`. What does this refer to? Maybe i don`t want to know...
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Male 12,365
Maybe if you poo a lot and use a dozen feet of toilet roll it might be prudent to flush after each stage. Maybe.
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Male 12,365
If you flush while still sitting, you will get a mist of water and faeces sprayed onto your arse. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction - basic Newtonian physics. Push water down (the flush) and stuff is pushed up in reponse.
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Male 1,929
I would also like to add that this is the first time I have ever heard someone suggest that flushing more than once is standard practice.
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Female 1,677
pinch?
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Female 120
... pinch?
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Male 2,056
headpalm?
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Male 25,416
That could have been so much better!
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Male 5,314
"Why is that first flush in there? Do folks normally flush twice during the procedure?"

i do. once when i was younger, i didnt add the first flush, and my toilet flooded. needless to say, there was a huge mess. since then, i flush twice, as described in the photo.
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Male 1,081
I only flush once. Is this wrong?
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Female 4,039
I would wipe my ass with that note.
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Male 1,140
So sperm is not really our responsibility once it leaves us right??? right...

Only if the sperm didn`t fertilize the egg XD
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Female 507
If it`s all coming out you shouldn`t have to pinch.
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Male 68
"Brew in the bowl" lol. sounds really disgusting if you put it that way
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Male 591
Any bets on which college/university this handy tutorial appeared at?
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Male 4,746
Why is that first flush in there? Do folks normally flush twice during the procedure?
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Female 2,352
Gross. XP
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Male 10,845
Really fancylad? If that were true I`d hate to be YOUR roommate!
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Male 3,296
"True, it came out "my ass", but technically, once it leaves it`s not my possession anymore, right?"

So sperm is not really our responsibility once it leaves us right??? right...
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Male 3,296
haha thats pretty disgusting
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Female 1,894
yea wats all the pinching about
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Male 976
True, it came out "my ass", but technically, once it leaves it`s not my possession anymore, right?
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Male 19,865
Link: Sh1tting 101: A Passive-Aggressive Tutorial [Pic] [Rate Link] - *head/palm* I`ve been doing it wrong all these years...
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