What To Do If You`re First To Contact Aliens [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 6 years ago Science

What if you"re the first person to have true contact with a space alien? You"ll need to do specific things... like this.
There are 98 comments:
Male 698
nice
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Male 91
Strangely, I`m reading this on an Alienware...
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Male 699
fun
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Male 182
@mighty:
if you were to go to space to find other life forms you WOULD know about there being other systems than base 10, (2,8,16, you name it) so if theyr advanced enough to find us they WILL be smart enough to grasp base 10... quickly

agree with pinkflyd, long but worth it :P
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Male 158
normally, this would be a "TL:DR" but this was really interesting. It got me really excited to make contact, I hope I am the first person, I`ll make sure to keep a folded dollar bill in my pocket just in case ;)
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Male 3
Want some candy?
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Male 199
how do we know aliens count in base 10? Even some ancient cultures here on earth didn`t count in base 10, like the Aztecs.
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Male 131
God help us all if they were to land in a good ol` fashioned southern Alabama trailer park. We`d be vaporized within minutes.
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Male 195
Something you might wanna see is the Arecibo broadcast, transimitted in binary code, with lots of information about us:base ten digits, important life elements etc...
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Male 540
"I Wonder if it`s possible for some constructs to live in parallel with us without us even knowing... Freaky."

Try reading Robert Heinlein`s `Goldfish Bowl`.

Anyway, it`s very likely that aliens would spend time observing from afar to get an understanding of earth life. Infact there`s plenty of stuff that an alien race could reliably assume about all life on earth from many thousands of light years away - just from the physical characteristics of the planet.

Besides, there`s always the chance they won`t consider us worth the effort: Terry Bisson - Meat
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Male 2,220
"3) Diagrams might work. Pictures probably won`t. If they`re not *primarily* visual, a photograph will be a series of colours, not a picture. Let alone your pooty drawings. "

It would be surprising if they didn`t have a full array of e/m sensors at their disposal, and it would be *very* alien for them to *not* be primarily visual. From an opaque environment perhaps...

I Wonder if it`s possible for some constructs to live in parallel with us without us even knowing... Freaky.
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Male 2,553
>BigWaFuu

Agreed, they would observe us first and one could therefore assume that they`d know who to contact. HOWEVER: their hierarchy may vary somewhat extremely to our. Will they go for the most populated? Will they go to the most advanced? Will they contact people in a region they find most prosperous for their needs? Will they go to they who have the most political power, assuming they can decifre that?

So, in any case, I don`t think we can suppose anything about who or how the aliens will make contact. But they will be incredibly, supremely, more intelligent than anything we have.
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Male 4,547
To make it simpler:

Ok, they receive our signals. Have you ever tried opening a .jpg that was mislabeled as a .zip? Notice how your computer told you to go drat yourself?

Ever try to open a webpage for it to tell you your browser isn`t compatible, or to get the latest version of Java or shockwave?

Yes, now instead of that, instead of "different browser versions" you have an alien race running off (instead of 0s and 1s) a shiny crystal that focuses time into gamma rays which is what this race uses for communication.

Is it going to be compatible with your browser version? No. It just isn`t.
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Male 4,547
1) No, Aliens would not study our race significantly before making first contact.
First contact does not mean introducing themselves to the human race, it is the first time they make contact with any human. Which is likely to be as part of the study process, not at the end of it.

2) Radio and TV broadcasts... yes... ok... you do realize that the signal is not necessarily automatically translatable right?

I don`t just mean our signals will be in English, I mean they might use radiowaves solely for sending taste information rather than sound.

So our "Good morning listeners, this is 92 FM" when put through their machines comes to them as the taste of wax and urine.

3) Diagrams might work. Pictures probably won`t. If they`re not *primarily* visual, a photograph will be a series of colours, not a picture. Let alone your pooty drawings.
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Female 5,222
XD
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Male 3,431
This should be a Public Service Announcement, The More You Know!
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Female 3,828
at first i was like "sheeeeet so much to read!"

then i read it and started chuckling. good post.
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Male 1,162
to be realistic: If aliens did visit us, they would have to be very advanced and intelligent. That obvious statement out of the way, they would, in no way, contact one random human on Earth without studying the race first. The aliens would very likely have studied our language, our civilization, and discovered how far we had advanced and what we knew. If they decided to make contact at all, they would be smart enough to know not to just talk to the first creature they see without any understanding of the situation. Communication would be vital.

Um and otherstuff like that. Still. funny
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Male 185
God damn, I was looking for some funny picks when I realized I had read through an essay. Damn you I-A-B.
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Male 432
and no, I`m not hitting on you.
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Male 432
you and me both, pui.
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Male 5,190
Neato. Ima remember this :P.

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Male 1,193
id rather our calendar still use AD and BC. PRe contact and post contact would suck cause they`re both PC.
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Male 533
I think aliens would research more about us first before making first contact.

Don`t question me dammit. I`ve seen Star Trek.
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Male 239
These are completely awesome.
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Female 3,574
lol I like the part where you need to have lots of sex.
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Male 494
The first guy who met me panicked. I assumed he was a zuckbuckloid-like creature, so I stabbed him in the face with my antimatter sword. His cat explained everything to me.
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Male 2,703
"I`m gonna carry that around in my purse! lols"

make sure to get the time machine one as well

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Male 53
I`ve gotta say, it`s really nice to see people approaching this realistically.
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Male 423
I adore this so much. Let`s all get like aliens and screw religion! :D
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Male 5,608
"You look just like Close Encounter!"
*face-palms*
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Female 1,324
"Rip......(LOL)" XDDDD too bad not a lot of people know what those algorithms are themselves or what Newton`s laws are either...
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Male 5,608
...there`s many ppl on earth who claims to be abducted by aliens...

I had an incident as a teenager where, while studying, I saw the shade in my room shoot to the ceiling and a small gray alien was outside the window.
I tried to say "Hey! Can you understand me?" but all I got out was a high pitched, squeaky "heh!" before my head dropped into the book I had been reading.
The very next memory is lifting my head from the book to see the sun high and the time, perfect for a walk to school.
I looked over at the window where I saw the shade pop but, it was in place, exactly as it should have been.

Because the shade was down, one may immediately conclude that it was a dream but, I can not say definitively that this was a dream and not a memory of real event because my dreams have a certain texture that this memory does not.

I like to think that I`d have a grasp on a few things in the list without being told.

"You look ju
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Female 3,696
I was feeling really hopeful until it told me I`d have to communicate with math.

._. FML

Well, I`ll draw them the right angle and the orbits and all, but a fat lot of chance that`ll do us ;)
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Female 98
too many words..... but funny XD
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Male 772
Now we just have to cross our fingers that the first thing aliens make contact with is IAB...

Would that scare them off?
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Male 121
wtf? I met the ALIENS! nobody believes me but i did! duh! and this is bull+%&+ they are not interested in making contacts they are just like butchers! we`re all doomed i`m telling you! DOOMED!!!
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Male 894
this reminds me of Tool`s song, Rosetta Stoned. "i forgot my pen!"
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Female 2,352
That was awesome. Too bad if a human were to encounter and alien that person is probably an idiot or will appear as such.
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Male 25,416
wow thats epic!
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Female 276
hahah awesome
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Female 877
ok cool but i personally am waiting to see the comment like "wtf? I met the ALIENS! nobody believes me but i did! duh! and this is bull+%&+ they are not interested in making contacts they are just like butchers! we`re all doomed i`m telling you! DOOMED!!!"

seriously, there`s many ppl on earth who claims to be abducted by aliens. But none of them will ever come here and comment about it, why? why there`s no nutjob in here? are all of iab users are intelligent and chosen ones?
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Male 294
Best infographic in a while!
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Female 1,515
I`m gonna carry that around in my purse! lols
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Male 217
Bah, too long to read? Let`s hope you don`t come across extra terristrials with your lack of attention span.
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Male 4,746
This was great!
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Female 109
Argh, tl;dr.
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Male 58
now that was just plain awesome!
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Male 540
"Draw something like this to let them know we want to meet them" - or that an army of one-handed giants will collectively throw their space craft into the sky.
Seriously, don`t draw anything like that.
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Male 798
Wow, i loved this so much. :)
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Male 165
ahhh way too much to read =(
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Male 213
ScottSerious, you are my friend JUST for the Men In Black Reference!
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Male 464
Ok, to any retard who says `Oh, they`ll just build a computer to translate` or `they`ll clone you so they can understand the lingo from the clone`

These are aliens, not gods. Computers may not exist where they are. They might not even know of silicon or any other metals. they might not even be made of Matter! They could be proton based for all we know, because they evolved to be like that! That is if evolution even applies to them.
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Male 1,629
i`m with scottserious for once lol
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Male 192
lol i loved it
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Male 12
i might get this tattooed on my arm just incase i forget anything...
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Male 1,788
I will spend the next few days preparing for my moment of glory and next however many years wandering in the woods waiting for it to happen. Wish me luck.
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Male 1,347
whenever it says they won`t know about something it`s not referring to the concepts but rather the labels that we have given them. Long. and lat. would be known, but a diagram would be necessary to explain our understanding of it. And then you`d still need a common point to start the scale as they probably wouldn`t know what we consider the prime meridian
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Male 418
Yeah, if they are 5000 years ahead of us they should be able to easily communicate with us. They will most likely create a clone to talk with us if they were not physically able to, but that`s a bit too much like stargate and a bajillion other SciFi shows.
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Male 5,314
just bring the tall man some flowers.
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Female 168
"I had already planned to use a Pythagorean Triple if this ever happens to me, but the solar system diagram is a good idea."

Me too, but WHY ISN`T PLUTO A PLANET IN THIS DIAGRAM? They probably won`t know that we (meaning the dolts that decided) don`t consider Pluto a planet anymore.
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Male 246
Actually pretty good. I just don`t like how they assume so many things wont be in common with us - since some theories claim things should evolve in a very similar fashion. The exception being the fact that they`d have to be much more advanced. But still, there`s a good chance of at least similar fingers, knowledge of longitude/lattitude, etc.

But eh... The odds are about 1 in 99^999999999999 that we`ll encounter anything, especially in our lifetime. They`d have to have almost endless lifespans to get to us, or figure out how to travel faster than the speed of light, which would mean having a mass less than zero....

Although.... If you`re traveling at least near the speed of light, time would go so slow you wouldn`t really age much at all. So I guess that means there is a chance - as long as they figure out a way to get their masses close enough to zero... Atkins Diet?
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Male 4,807
But... have`nt people already been in contact already? I mean, they ARE among us now, right?
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Male 110
This is all wrong.

You need to open hand slap them right in the face (or whatever appears to be somesort of face).

That way they`ll know we`re nobody`s bitch.
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Male 5,194
>>Just bend over and show them your anus and show how the fibonacci sequence matches the ripples in your baloon knot.

OMG! LOL! Point to sunflower, point to ass, Fibonacci. Humans has wise.
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Male 4,680
Chances are they would have studied us long enough to speak our language, understand human needs etc.
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Female 182
*generation
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Female 182
This sort of stuff should be preserved in a timt capsule so the future generatin can find it lol
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Male 749
I need to start rehearsing.
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Male 9,306
And here I wanted to say
"Hello, welcome to Earth. I`m a human being, and I`m honored to meet someone from a different planet."
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Male 1,013
Just bend over and show them your anus and show how the fibonacci sequence matches the ripples in your baloon knot.
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Male 134
i can has alienz?
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Male 695
Very clever! I`ll keep that in mind when I get abducted. But I`m a little disappointed they didn`t teach me how to convey "don`t probe me, bro!"...
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Male 703
already done.. don`t you all watch the history channel?!? its totally legit.. = D
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Male 1,091
Now to wait and believe that aliens will pick ME up...
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Male 1,357
haha, brilliant ideas in fairness
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Male 4,290
I had already planned to use a Pythagorean Triple if this ever happens to me, but the solar system diagram is a good idea.
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Male 302
I`m pretty sure if they know how to fly all the way to Earth they`ll probably pick up some stuff along the way, for example, if they`re 50 light years away they can watch TV from the `60s.
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Male 29
why would you not read all that? what? the first time you heard stairway to heaven you got to like the the three minute mark and just threw your hands up "done", grow an attention span will ya
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Male 243
"I read that entire thing. "I did to and i agree with all of it, except they pretty much expect them to be able to see visible light
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Male 497
fun read
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Male 3,314
But I thought we already made contact, and the government (pick your local country`s government) is covering it up. ;)
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Male 7,580
i thought it was just going to be funny, but it had some really good ideas. ill try to remember some of them if i happen to be "the one", although ill probably not be cool enough to do any of them. i will probably pass out, fall in the fetal position crying, or run away screaming like an idiot making them not want to meet anyone else and leave forever.
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Male 1,929
Vital.
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Male 102
Awesome
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Male 63
At panth753. Thanks alot. There is now one more chance in 6.8 billion that we`ll be destroyed by space aliens. You Douche bag.
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Female 420
So trying to escape and pleading for no anal probing would give a bad impression?
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Male 224
That was awesome.
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Male 36
yeah agreed, like that looks like it could be good but i just don`t have the time nor the eye power to read all of that. If i did my sociology chapter would be done.
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Female 3,562
90% of the people in the world would be terrible representatives.
Also, this assumes aliens know NOTHING about us at all, which is hard to believe with all our radio and TV broadcasts.
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Male 271
that was way cool.

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Male 167
Aw, I wish I had this manual a few days ago. Now is too late. Sorry guys... :(
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Male 35
this is awesome
:)
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Male 1,958
Noted
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Female 15,763
I read that entire thing.

@_@
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Male 37
This is probably the most win thing I have ever read.
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Female 9,377
I`m not gonna read all that.
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Male 19,666
Link: What To Do If You`re First To Contact Aliens [Pic] [Rate Link] - What if you`re the first person to have true contact with a space alien? You`ll need to do specific things... like this.
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