The Best, Most Vile Joke You Will Ever Hear

Submitted by: primetimekin 7 years ago in Funny

As told by Gilbert Gottfried--naturally.
There are 83 comments:
Male 695
C`mon... There`s even a movie about this joke. I call older than the internet!
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Male 312
........................................ I came
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Male 582
...that isnt funny.
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Male 330
That`s the point. It is anti comedy. The humor lies more in the telling of the joke than the punchline which is more like an ending really than a punchline. It is a joke that dates back to old vaudeville days. Among comedians it is truly a test to successfully tell this joke on stage. It is never the same twice and comedians try to top each other when telling it.
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Female 70
Wow. It`s vile, I`ll give them that. I guess it`s funny butt not laugh out loud funny.
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Female 54
I don`t get it.... Now I feel super stupid. Something to do with inbreeding?
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Male 1,629
i would love to hear george carlin tell that joke but youtube doesnt seem to have it
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Male 1,629
he ruined that joke. i heard it in middle school and the 12 year old that heard it from his dad told it better
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Male 2,893
@ JUGGALETTE.
.............
.............
Well......... there is no point really.
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Male 7,817
davymid, its one of the few jokes you can here over znd over again for 2 hours and it never be the same. i think that may be one of the main reasons they picked it.
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Male 190
I feel like I am missing something. It is just not that funny. Maybe before shock comedy had evolved this was amusing, but this is lame and weird.
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Female 895
the only person who told this joke-and earns to respect to call it theirs was Bob saget. effing insane.
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Male 12,138
Yeah, I know the movie/documentary by Penn and Teller. Frankly, I think they coulda picked a funnier joke on which to analyse the deconstruction of modern society. Start with a good joke, then explore from there. This joke is meh. And above all, not that funny. Which is kinda a prerequisite on a documentary about joke-telling.
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Female 1,380
wow.....can someone please tell me what the point of the joke was.....
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Female 1,380
4.00 in....is there a punchline at all?
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Male 96
Probably best part is 5:00min least let it load and watch that....
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Male 96
Bob saget does this joke so much better Video link Gotta let it load to about 1:00min its from a documentary about the joke but its funny as hell to hear Saget tell it
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Male 772
That wasn`t even funny, not one bit. I don`t get why that`s a joke.
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Female 509
That was supposed to be funny?
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Female 2,352
Lol I don`t think I`d ever be able to repeat this joke.
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Male 10,855
...BLEEP BLEP BLP BL BLEEP and BLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP BLEEP BLEEP BL BLEEP so BLEEEP BLEEEEEEEPPP...

Good lord get to the punch line already!
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Female 166
Can I have my seven minutes back?
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Female 665
lol @ the "where`s the punch line?" peeps.
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Female 261
stupid....
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Male 8,302
The Aristocrats is a joke every Comedian tells at least once, sort of an exam. Its a stupid joke and personally I can`t see why ANYONE could make it funny, no matter how they tell it. But I guess if you`re the sort of person who laughs at fart, poop and titty jokes, The Aristocrats is High Humor for you.
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Female 709
Oh I totally saw that Norm bit when Bob Saget`s roast first aired on Comedy Central! I changed the channel after the calloflower joke.
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Female 1,299
I found it boring. I really wanted there to be a good punchline, but it was just dull.
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Male 719
Actually, I suggest everyone watch Norm MacDonald`s segment of the Bob Saget roast to see a good example of anti-comedy.

Unfortunately, it`s been removed from Youtube, so you`ll need to find some other route.
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Male 719
"Was there a punchline somewhere in all that gross nonsense? Because I didn`t hear it."

The point of the basic joke is that the comedian describes something completely disgusting, and calls the act the "Aristocrats!" (please look up aristocrat if you don`t know what it means)

This one goes a little bit further in the fact that he calls for the father`s arrest. The general formula is [depravity] [punchline], and what Gilbert does is [depravity] [people like depravity?] [punchline].

But honestly, the punchline is closer to anti-comedy than to comedy, and the Aristocrats is to comedy what Sweet Home Chicago is to rhythm and blues. That is, what is important is the individual performance.
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Male 798
Lol Laramie hopefully you dont get fired for it. :D
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Male 7,817
laramiedax, that is not the usual reason for the NSFW label. maybe there can be a "not around annoying emplyees" label posted next to material that will have all of your co-workers make you play it over and over again.
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Male 28
thanks I-A-B, now that every person in my office has seen this, and several people from the next office down are asking me to play it again since they only caught the last minute, I cant think to myself anything but NSFW
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Male 7,817
farsidedown and calderis, that is because bob saget is one f*cked up human being. he has probably done or at least made mention to any depraved act ever thought of to humanity.
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Male 326
Agreed with Farsidedown,

Bob Sagat`s was the best in the movie. Complete with "Are you taping this? Can a get a copy sent to all of the old cast member`s of full house?"
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Male 730
Is this is funny it was lost on me.
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Male 421
Bob Saget`s version is better. Still love this joke.
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Female 1,894
you should see the whole moviiie...
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Female 526
dead fancy, do you realize that probably 90% of the visitors to this site are less than 13 years of age? the poor children (and me..) are going to have nightmares for the rest of our lives!!
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Male 394
Disgusting pedo-man that inexplicably gets laid is disgusting.
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Male 7,817
maliky, that shows the age difference here since you can only think of him as the parrot from aladin.

nonickforme, your right, the only rule is to be funny, which gilbert was not. ive seen this joke told many times to many different people, by many different people. the only time it seems to hit the way its supposed to is if it is rushed with alot of physical story telling. then before the audience can fully register what they have heard, they have had fistfuls of the images thrown through them that are so disturbing, disgusting, and demented that the internet would blush. here it is; look for it, watch it, and make up your own mind on the best way to tell it, and who tells it best.
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Male 25,417
I think NSFW is applicable for this one!
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Male 807
FIRST OF ALL TO THE PEOPLE THAT DIDNT UNDERSTAND IT.

youre not supposed to understand it, its an initiation joke between all comedians, every comedian comes up with there own version


SECOND OF ALL


watch the movie THE ARISTOCRATS
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Male 807
meh, its just the Aristocrats Joke, watch the movie then tell me that this is the most vile joke
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Male 18
You know, I gotta say I don`t find this terribly funny. I mean, the build-up was great with the gratuitous amounts of plain WRONG being thrown around, but the punch line is rather meh, compared to it. I can think of other vile jokes that I think achieve more with less... whatever that was.
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Male 174
wtf???? i dint understand it all
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Male 299
trp.... lol.. brings back memories :)
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Male 1,452
this is slightly different and a little more offensive than the cartman version
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Male 36
cobrakiller walks into a talent agency... "your actually supposed to say the most disgusting things you can think of, as fast as you can, in as few breathes as possible as to bring it to a close out of breath and over-the-top emotional."

No, you`re supposed to tell "The Aristocrats" however it`s funny. It has no rules for telling besides starting with "A [family] goes into a talent agency..." and ending with "The Aristocrats". And those aren`t even hard rules. Hell, you don`t even need to tell this joke dirty; if you can get this one out without dropping incest, body fluids, the big 7, rape, bestiality, scat, or sacrilege it can be shocking enough to be funny.

It`s an insider industry joke about comic delivery. The only rule is: be funny. Jizm.
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Male 651
I never found the aristocrats very funny. I get the point of it, but I was never really that bothered by it. I certainly wouldn`t call it the best joke I`ll ever hear,
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Male 1,425
yeah, no.
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Male 690
This was also told in (yawn) Southpark outtake by Cartman.
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Male 2,690
Me: Yay! Best joke!
*Looks at length of video*
Me: Eff that.
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Male 193
i dont get it :-(
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Male 5,194
Was there a punchline somewhere in all that gross nonsense? Because I didn`t hear it.
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Male 101
No. Sh*t. Maliky.
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Male 145
This was actually from the movie, "The Aristocrats". It`s the same joke being told over and over by different famous celebrities... Sounds lame, but to hear some very distinguished actors telling the most obscene joke they can conjure up... PRICELESS!
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Female 2,027
was annoying the hell out of me, where i recongised his voice, just looked it up, hes the parrot in aladin, ahh.
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Male 15,510
Is this suppose to be humorous
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Male 9,305
"Come to think of it, when the joke already contains all manner of bodily secretions why not add a bit of vomit for good measure? "

The wonderful thing about this horrific joke is that you only need the beginning and the end to be consistent. The "act" you make up yourself.

Really shows just how vile you as a human can think, but it`s creativity at it`s most disgusting too! XD
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Male 77
is that Seth rogan`s voice in the backround? sounds like him
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Male 2,549
Joke? This made me want to hurl.
Come to think of it, when the joke already contains all manner of bodily secretions why not add a bit of vomit for good measure?
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Male 881
Perfect material for making a soundboard.
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Male 31
rubbish!
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Male 220
varrrpirate: X-D LOL!
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Male 762
I`m not gunna watch, I assume it is the "aristocrats"
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Male 4,807
ewww, that sweat made it gross.
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Male 7,817
the thing about this joke is that it is really only funny (if it ever is to you) the first time just because of the shock. if were to ever be funny again they would have to take you further down the....mmmmmm....rabbit hole.
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Male 1,835
tbh i dont think ive ever heard taht joke before XP but yes taht was... interesting
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Male 394
That is not vile, Mr Gottfried.

4chan.org

This is.
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Male 81
If nothing else, this is the LONGEST drating joke, and so not worth the wait.
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Male 17,512
Oh geesh, Not the Aristocrats joke... :facepalm:
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Male 7,817
ive heard it performed much better, his cut-outs to talk about other stuff in the middle may have been funny to some but took me out of the joke. your actually supposed to say the most disgusting things you can think of, as fast as you can, in as few breathes as possible as to bring it to a close out of breath and over-the-top emotional.
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Male 4,867
Aristocrats joke, i`ve heard better versions tbh
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Female 2,509
Vile - yes
Best - not even close

I guess you have to be a comedian to get the nuances of the, ahem, "joke"
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Female 4,039
What edana said.
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Male 10,440
bahahaha wow. That was a rather unique joke.
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Male 5,314
yes yes, the aristocrats, we`ve all heard it before.
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Male 85
that wasnt funny at all.
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Male 518
NSFW!!!! but hilarious
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Female 3,574
Well then.
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Male 1,623
I never thought this joke was that funny.
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Male 213
I thought this might be the Aristocrats joke. Very famous among comedians.
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Male 7,933
Link: The Best, Most Vile Joke You Will Ever Hear [Rate Link] - As told by Gilbert Gottfried--naturally.
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