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Rating: 2.6
Category: Funny
Date: 03/30/10 07:34 AM

83 Responses to The Best, Most Vile Joke You Will Ever Hear

  1. Profile photo of primetimekin
    primetimekin Male 18-29
    7935 posts
    March 29, 2010 at 10:30 pm
    Link: The Best, Most Vile Joke You Will Ever Hear - As told by Gilbert Gottfried--naturally.
  2. Profile photo of HornyPanda
    HornyPanda Male 18-29
    213 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:36 am
    I thought this might be the Aristocrats joke. Very famous among comedians.
  3. Profile photo of kairobert
    kairobert Male 18-29
    1623 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:42 am
    I never thought this joke was that funny.
  4. Profile photo of pui
    pui Female 18-29
    3574 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:47 am
    Well then.
  5. Profile photo of blckhawk1234
    blckhawk1234 Male 18-29
    518 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:49 am
    NSFW!!!! but hilarious
  6. Profile photo of chode095
    chode095 Male 18-29
    85 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:50 am
    that wasnt funny at all.
  7. Profile photo of ScottSerious
    ScottSerious Male 18-29
    5316 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:56 am
    yes yes, the aristocrats, we`ve all heard it before.
  8. Profile photo of LazyMe484
    LazyMe484 Male 18-29
    10441 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:00 am
    bahahaha wow. That was a rather unique joke.
  9. Profile photo of Oystah
    Oystah Female 40-49
    4032 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:00 am
    What edana said.
  10. Profile photo of edana42
    edana42 Female 50-59
    2509 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:01 am
    Vile - yes
    Best - not even close

    I guess you have to be a comedian to get the nuances of the, ahem, "joke"
  11. Profile photo of domisgood
    domisgood Male 18-29
    4868 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:06 am
    Aristocrats joke, i`ve heard better versions tbh
  12. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7475 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:09 am
    ive heard it performed much better, his cut-outs to talk about other stuff in the middle may have been funny to some but took me out of the joke. your actually supposed to say the most disgusting things you can think of, as fast as you can, in as few breathes as possible as to bring it to a close out of breath and over-the-top emotional.
  13. Profile photo of CrakrJak
    CrakrJak Male 40-49
    17514 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:11 am
    Oh geesh, Not the Aristocrats joke... :facepalm:
  14. Profile photo of AcemanJones
    AcemanJones Male 30-39
    81 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:18 am
    If nothing else, this is the LONGEST drating joke, and so not worth the wait.
  15. Profile photo of yarrrpirate
    yarrrpirate Male 18-29
    394 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:19 am
    That is not vile, Mr Gottfried.

    4chan.org

    This is.
  16. Profile photo of d_katman
    d_katman Male 13-17
    1836 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:21 am
    tbh i dont think ive ever heard taht joke before XP but yes taht was... interesting
  17. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7475 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:29 am
    the thing about this joke is that it is really only funny (if it ever is to you) the first time just because of the shock. if were to ever be funny again they would have to take you further down the....mmmmmm....rabbit hole.
  18. Profile photo of a1butcher
    a1butcher Male 40-49
    4809 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:30 am
    ewww, that sweat made it gross.
  19. Profile photo of unmercyfuldu
    unmercyfuldu Male 18-29
    762 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:41 am
    I`m not gunna watch, I assume it is the "aristocrats"
  20. Profile photo of tnaran
    tnaran Male 30-39
    220 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:45 am
    varrrpirate: X-D LOL!
  21. Profile photo of tosh
    tosh Male 18-29
    31 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:49 am
    rubbish!
  22. Profile photo of NottaSpy
    NottaSpy Male 40-49
    881 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:49 am
    Perfect material for making a soundboard.
  23. Profile photo of Geogypsy
    Geogypsy Female 18-29
    2546 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:51 am
    Joke? This made me want to hurl.
    Come to think of it, when the joke already contains all manner of bodily secretions why not add a bit of vomit for good measure?
  24. Profile photo of Raymundosaur
    Raymundosaur Male 18-29
    77 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:07 am
    is that Seth rogan`s voice in the backround? sounds like him
  25. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9308 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:10 am
    "Come to think of it, when the joke already contains all manner of bodily secretions why not add a bit of vomit for good measure? "

    The wonderful thing about this horrific joke is that you only need the beginning and the end to be consistent. The "act" you make up yourself.

    Really shows just how vile you as a human can think, but it`s creativity at it`s most disgusting too! XD
  26. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:17 am
    Is this suppose to be humorous
  27. Profile photo of malikymoo
    malikymoo Female 18-29
    2028 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:19 am
    was annoying the hell out of me, where i recongised his voice, just looked it up, hes the parrot in aladin, ahh.
  28. Profile photo of AirborneJT
    AirborneJT Male 18-29
    145 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:33 am
    This was actually from the movie, "The Aristocrats". It`s the same joke being told over and over by different famous celebrities... Sounds lame, but to hear some very distinguished actors telling the most obscene joke they can conjure up... PRICELESS!
  29. Profile photo of SaiyanRocker
    SaiyanRocker Male 18-29
    101 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 10:07 am
    No. Sh*t. Maliky.
  30. Profile photo of duffytoler
    duffytoler Male 40-49
    5195 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 10:39 am
    Was there a punchline somewhere in all that gross nonsense? Because I didn`t hear it.
  31. Profile photo of lyckosam
    lyckosam Male 18-29
    193 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 10:46 am
    i dont get it :-(
  32. Profile photo of RyanHake
    RyanHake Male 18-29
    2690 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 10:47 am
    Me: Yay! Best joke!
    *Looks at length of video*
    Me: Eff that.
  33. Profile photo of revdrdark
    revdrdark Male 40-49
    691 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 10:58 am
    This was also told in (yawn) Southpark outtake by Cartman.
  34. Profile photo of MikePiano
    MikePiano Male 18-29
    1425 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:00 am
    yeah, no.
  35. Profile photo of MagicPaul
    MagicPaul Male 18-29
    653 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:06 am
    I never found the aristocrats very funny. I get the point of it, but I was never really that bothered by it. I certainly wouldn`t call it the best joke I`ll ever hear,
  36. Profile photo of nonickforme
    nonickforme Male 30-39
    36 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:40 am
    cobrakiller walks into a talent agency... "your actually supposed to say the most disgusting things you can think of, as fast as you can, in as few breathes as possible as to bring it to a close out of breath and over-the-top emotional."

    No, you`re supposed to tell "The Aristocrats" however it`s funny. It has no rules for telling besides starting with "A goes into a talent agency..." and ending with "The Aristocrats". And those aren`t even hard rules. Hell, you don`t even need to tell this joke dirty; if you can get this one out without dropping incest, body fluids, the big 7, rape, bestiality, scat, or sacrilege it can be shocking enough to be funny.

    It`s an insider industry joke about comic delivery. The only rule is: be funny. Jizm.
  37. Profile photo of vorpalsword
    vorpalsword Male 18-29
    1452 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:44 am
    this is slightly different and a little more offensive than the cartman version
  38. Profile photo of srgkoala
    srgkoala Male 18-29
    299 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:44 am
    trp.... lol.. brings back memories :)
  39. Profile photo of goldspot7
    goldspot7 Male 13-17
    174 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:58 am
    wtf???? i dint understand it all
  40. Profile photo of Aaluran
    Aaluran Male 18-29
    18 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 12:00 pm
    You know, I gotta say I don`t find this terribly funny. I mean, the build-up was great with the gratuitous amounts of plain WRONG being thrown around, but the punch line is rather meh, compared to it. I can think of other vile jokes that I think achieve more with less... whatever that was.
  41. Profile photo of zmeace
    zmeace Male 18-29
    807 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 12:14 pm
    meh, its just the Aristocrats Joke, watch the movie then tell me that this is the most vile joke
  42. Profile photo of zmeace
    zmeace Male 18-29
    807 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 12:15 pm
    FIRST OF ALL TO THE PEOPLE THAT DIDNT UNDERSTAND IT.

    youre not supposed to understand it, its an initiation joke between all comedians, every comedian comes up with there own version


    SECOND OF ALL


    watch the movie THE ARISTOCRATS
  43. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25420 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 12:15 pm
    I think NSFW is applicable for this one!
  44. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7475 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 12:17 pm
    maliky, that shows the age difference here since you can only think of him as the parrot from aladin.

    nonickforme, your right, the only rule is to be funny, which gilbert was not. ive seen this joke told many times to many different people, by many different people. the only time it seems to hit the way its supposed to is if it is rushed with alot of physical story telling. then before the audience can fully register what they have heard, they have had fistfuls of the images thrown through them that are so disturbing, disgusting, and demented that the internet would blush. here it is; look for it, watch it, and make up your own mind on the best way to tell it, and who tells it best.
  45. Profile photo of yarrrpirate
    yarrrpirate Male 18-29
    394 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 12:58 pm
    Disgusting pedo-man that inexplicably gets laid is disgusting.
  46. Profile photo of NotAllowed
    NotAllowed Female 18-29
    526 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 1:06 pm
    dead fancy, do you realize that probably 90% of the visitors to this site are less than 13 years of age? the poor children (and me..) are going to have nightmares for the rest of our lives!!
  47. Profile photo of MountainBord
    MountainBord Female 18-29
    1894 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 1:21 pm
    you should see the whole moviiie...
  48. Profile photo of Farsidedown
    Farsidedown Male 18-29
    421 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 1:31 pm
    Bob Saget`s version is better. Still love this joke.
  49. Profile photo of SebastianLam
    SebastianLam Male 13-17
    730 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 2:30 pm
    Is this is funny it was lost on me.
  50. Profile photo of Calderis
    Calderis Male 18-29
    326 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 3:08 pm
    Agreed with Farsidedown,

    Bob Sagat`s was the best in the movie. Complete with "Are you taping this? Can a get a copy sent to all of the old cast member`s of full house?"
  51. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7475 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 3:17 pm
    farsidedown and calderis, that is because bob saget is one f*cked up human being. he has probably done or at least made mention to any depraved act ever thought of to humanity.
  52. Profile photo of laramiedax
    laramiedax Male 18-29
    28 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 3:40 pm
    thanks I-A-B, now that every person in my office has seen this, and several people from the next office down are asking me to play it again since they only caught the last minute, I cant think to myself anything but NSFW
  53. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7475 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 3:46 pm
    laramiedax, that is not the usual reason for the NSFW label. maybe there can be a "not around annoying emplyees" label posted next to material that will have all of your co-workers make you play it over and over again.
  54. Profile photo of Lolboy
    Lolboy Male 70 & Over
    798 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 3:59 pm
    Lol Laramie hopefully you dont get fired for it. :D
  55. Profile photo of skine
    skine Male 18-29
    719 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 4:01 pm
    "Was there a punchline somewhere in all that gross nonsense? Because I didn`t hear it."

    The point of the basic joke is that the comedian describes something completely disgusting, and calls the act the "Aristocrats!" (please look up aristocrat if you don`t know what it means)

    This one goes a little bit further in the fact that he calls for the father`s arrest. The general formula is , and what Gilbert does is .

    But honestly, the punchline is closer to anti-comedy than to comedy, and the Aristocrats is to comedy what Sweet Home Chicago is to rhythm and blues. That is, what is important is the individual performance.
  56. Profile photo of skine
    skine Male 18-29
    719 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 4:04 pm
    Actually, I suggest everyone watch Norm MacDonald`s segment of the Bob Saget roast to see a good example of anti-comedy.

    Unfortunately, it`s been removed from Youtube, so you`ll need to find some other route.
  57. Profile photo of cookii
    cookii Female 18-29
    1299 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 4:09 pm
    I found it boring. I really wanted there to be a good punchline, but it was just dull.
  58. Profile photo of Spocom
    Spocom Female 13-17
    709 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 4:42 pm
    Oh I totally saw that Norm bit when Bob Saget`s roast first aired on Comedy Central! I changed the channel after the calloflower joke.
  59. Profile photo of Lionhart2
    Lionhart2 Male 40-49
    8306 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 6:01 pm
    The Aristocrats is a joke every Comedian tells at least once, sort of an exam. Its a stupid joke and personally I can`t see why ANYONE could make it funny, no matter how they tell it. But I guess if you`re the sort of person who laughs at fart, poop and titty jokes, The Aristocrats is High Humor for you.
  60. Profile photo of junkaddy
    junkaddy Female 30-39
    261 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:54 pm
    stupid....
  61. Profile photo of whipsmart
    whipsmart Female 18-29
    665 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 7:54 pm
    lol @ the "where`s the punch line?" peeps.
  62. Profile photo of Webb03
    Webb03 Female 18-29
    166 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:11 pm
    Can I have my seven minutes back?
  63. Profile photo of Cajun247
    Cajun247 Male 18-29
    10742 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:52 pm
    ...BLEEP BLEP BLP BL BLEEP and BLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP BLEEP BLEEP BL BLEEP so BLEEEP BLEEEEEEEPPP...

    Good lord get to the punch line already!
  64. Profile photo of IssaTheFiend
    IssaTheFiend Female 18-29
    2353 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:54 pm
    Lol I don`t think I`d ever be able to repeat this joke.
  65. Profile photo of MizzMe
    MizzMe Female 18-29
    509 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 8:57 pm
    That was supposed to be funny?
  66. Profile photo of Gortrok
    Gortrok Male 18-29
    773 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:06 pm
    That wasn`t even funny, not one bit. I don`t get why that`s a joke.
  67. Profile photo of SuperBeast
    SuperBeast Male 18-29
    96 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:43 pm
    Bob saget does this joke so much better Video link Gotta let it load to about 1:00min its from a documentary about the joke but its funny as hell to hear Saget tell it
  68. Profile photo of SuperBeast
    SuperBeast Male 18-29
    96 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:44 pm
    Probably best part is 5:00min least let it load and watch that....
  69. Profile photo of JUGGALETTEx0
    JUGGALETTEx0 Female 18-29
    1380 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 9:57 pm
    4.00 in....is there a punchline at all?
  70. Profile photo of JUGGALETTEx0
    JUGGALETTEx0 Female 18-29
    1380 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 10:00 pm
    wow.....can someone please tell me what the point of the joke was.....
  71. Profile photo of davymid
    davymid Male 30-39
    12140 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 10:26 pm
    Yeah, I know the movie/documentary by Penn and Teller. Frankly, I think they coulda picked a funnier joke on which to analyse the deconstruction of modern society. Start with a good joke, then explore from there. This joke is meh. And above all, not that funny. Which is kinda a prerequisite on a documentary about joke-telling.
  72. Profile photo of baileyabb
    baileyabb Female 18-29
    896 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:31 pm
    the only person who told this joke-and earns to respect to call it theirs was Bob saget. effing insane.
  73. Profile photo of Weakmonkey
    Weakmonkey Male 18-29
    190 posts
    March 30, 2010 at 11:35 pm
    I feel like I am missing something. It is just not that funny. Maybe before shock comedy had evolved this was amusing, but this is lame and weird.
  74. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7475 posts
    March 31, 2010 at 4:29 am
    davymid, its one of the few jokes you can here over znd over again for 2 hours and it never be the same. i think that may be one of the main reasons they picked it.
  75. Profile photo of GuardinGnome
    GuardinGnome Male 18-29
    2893 posts
    March 31, 2010 at 7:38 am
    @ JUGGALETTE.
    .............
    .............
    Well......... there is no point really.
  76. Profile photo of dragosal
    dragosal Male 18-29
    1630 posts
    March 31, 2010 at 7:54 am
    he ruined that joke. i heard it in middle school and the 12 year old that heard it from his dad told it better
  77. Profile photo of dragosal
    dragosal Male 18-29
    1630 posts
    March 31, 2010 at 7:57 am
    i would love to hear george carlin tell that joke but youtube doesnt seem to have it
  78. Profile photo of Lellin
    Lellin Female 13-17
    54 posts
    March 31, 2010 at 2:09 pm
    I don`t get it.... Now I feel super stupid. Something to do with inbreeding?
  79. Profile photo of RexJNibcore
    RexJNibcore Female 18-29
    70 posts
    March 31, 2010 at 10:19 pm
    Wow. It`s vile, I`ll give them that. I guess it`s funny butt not laugh out loud funny.
  80. Profile photo of kcpd2050
    kcpd2050 Male 40-49
    330 posts
    March 31, 2010 at 10:57 pm
    That`s the point. It is anti comedy. The humor lies more in the telling of the joke than the punchline which is more like an ending really than a punchline. It is a joke that dates back to old vaudeville days. Among comedians it is truly a test to successfully tell this joke on stage. It is never the same twice and comedians try to top each other when telling it.
  81. Profile photo of Wizard77
    Wizard77 Male 40-49
    582 posts
    April 1, 2010 at 3:23 pm
    ...that isnt funny.
  82. Profile photo of TysonRP
    TysonRP Male 13-17
    312 posts
    April 3, 2010 at 7:36 pm
    ........................................ I came
  83. Profile photo of alikabul
    alikabul Male 18-29
    695 posts
    April 7, 2010 at 10:06 am
    C`mon... There`s even a movie about this joke. I call older than the internet!

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