Happy 70th Birthday, Mr. Chuck Norris [2 Pics]

Submitted by: fancylad 7 years ago in

Corey Haim died today. Coincidence or when Chuck Norris blows out candles someone dies? What"s your favorite Chuck fact?
There are 141 comments:
Female 131
go to google and type "google chuck norris" then hit the "I`m feeling lucky" button. try it.
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Male 41
When ninjas are kids, they grow up wanting to be Chuck Norris. Usually when they grow up, they are killed by him.
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Female 155
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a glare from Chuck Norris will liquefy both of your kidneys :P
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Male 440
There are no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in America
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Male 1,704
dratin LOOOOOOL @ aloriwin!!!
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Female 84
Chuck Norris once ate four whole turtles. When he shat them out a few days later they were six feet tall, could speak, and knew martial arts.
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Female 318
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for his unparalleled martial art skills and rugged good looks. 13 seconds after he roundhouse kick Satan in the face and took it back. The Devil, not wanting to press his luck, laughed it off. They now play poker every Tuesday.
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Male 9,305
"the amount of noob-dom in these comments is amazing..."

They`re all finally getting along. Don`t spoil it.

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Male 3,915
the amount of noob-dom in these comments is amazing...
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Male 509
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in slaughter
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Male 509
Superman and Chuck Norris had a race to see who could get Lois Lane pregnant first and as soon as they said "go", Lois gave birth to a baby with a bushy beard.
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Male 3
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
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Male 617
HA CHUCK NORRIS IS GOING TO TOTALLY CHUCK NORRIS YOU FOR DISSING CHUCK NORRIS, ZEBRAMEAT-EATER!!!

i dunno. i just wanted the satisfaction. i feel better now.

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Male 107
you know apart from those old and boring "he is so badass" jokes, Chuck Norris is actually a total douche.
Yeah and I now some hip teen will comment me with a Chuck Norris joke.
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Male 304
Clint Eastwood kicks Chucks ass For every one of his heartbeats.
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Female 635
sexyness right there

:E

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Male 440
chuck norris uses a live rattle snake as a condom
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Male 509
Before Chuck Norris became famous, the martial arts weapon with 2 pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunFreds. Nobody ever found out what happened to Fred.
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Female 1,148
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?

All of it.

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Male 509
"Damn shneeblefish, why`d you have to go tell me that stuff about his stance on evolution?
*Digs deeper* "Norris is a Republican...supports gun rights and ownership...is against public schools condoning homosexuality... a co-host on Fox News...one of the first members of show business to express support for the California Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage...heavily criticized the gay community for "interfering" with the democratic process...""

i think that`s probably all from wikipedia - just where i got mine!
and just cos it`s the first time anyone has ever mentioned my username, i`d prefer it spelt schneeblefish but iab has a 12-character limit lol

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Male 833
every time i see him i think of the movie where Bruce lee kills him.
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Male 116
Chuck Norris does not read books...he stares them down `till he gets the information he wants.
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Male 76
@ taylor stone lmao
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Female 99
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse on its chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
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Male 173

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

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Male 586
My favororite chuck fact is that after he dies people will stop making stupid chuck norris jokes. Kthxbi
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Male 2,748
chuck norris has a toenail on his penis... and the best one ever... chuck norris does not have a pancreas, but a cast-iron waffle iron the secretes liquid vengence.
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Male 2,688
In honor of the big guy`s 70th birthday.... Step 1) Go to google Step 2) Type in "Where is Chuck Norris" Step 3) Click "I`m Feelin Lucky" Don`t ruin this for anyone by typing the search results... Just go there and do it.
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Male 5,620
Chuck Norris doesn`t read, he just stares at books until he gets the information he wants.
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Male 293
Chuck Norris still looks so young for his age...because time is afraid of aging him!
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Female 4,447
There`s a 50/50 chance Chuck Norris is boning your sister right now. =)
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Female 301
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding

Chuck Norris found Nemo

Chuck Norris killed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise

When McDonalds denied Chuck Norris an EggMcMuffin because it was 11:07 am, he round-house kicked the building so hard it became a Wendys

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Male 112
a 3.2 people, i feel sad for this passing the 3 mark haha chuck norris and cake. haha i know both o them!
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Female 9,558
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it!
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Female 53
Chuck norris only skydived once, cause the world only needs one grand canyon
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Male 25
Chuck Norris puts the Fun in Funeral
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Male 4,431
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can rub ice cubes together and start a fire.
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Female 1,264
"The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter."

That is how badass he is.

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Female 602
Chuck Norris can speak braille. :-O
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Male 9
chuck norris uses tabasco sauce as eye-drops
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Female 9
Chuck Norris can take the log of a negative number.
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Male 1,918
Chuck Norris > Jesus
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land
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Female 211
Jesus Christ can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
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Male 833
Chuck Norris doesn`t tea bag the ladies, he potato sacks them
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Male 16
why does the boogyman live in the cupboard??
cuz chuck norris put him them
:)
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Female 276
@shadowryder: hahaha google is brilliant!
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Female 1,401
OH, and Chuck Norris can divide by Zero
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Female 1,401
Why such a letdown, Lionhart2? We all know he`s not as great as he`s made out to be, but it`s so much fun!

On that note,
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but four tons of heavy artillery still can`t keep Chuck Norris away.

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Male 2,125
Google "where is chuck norris"
Click "I`m feeling lucky"
Enjoy :)
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Male 3,619
when Chuck Norris swim, chuck norris don`t get wet. Water get chuck norris
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Male 164
Chuck Norris can kick you in the back of the face!!!!

There is no evolution, just a small list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

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Male 12,138
Damn shneeblefish, why`d you have to go tell me that stuff about his stance on evolution?

*Digs deeper* "Norris is a Republican...supports gun rights and ownership...is against public schools condoning homosexuality... a co-host on Fox News...one of the first members of show business to express support for the California Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage...heavily criticized the gay community for "interfering" with the democratic process..."

Damn, I used to like the guy.

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Female 120
Chuck Norris`s tears are the cure for cancer, unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.
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Male 8,302
> What`s your favorite Chuck fact?

That a pathetic bad actor and poor martial artist can build such a fan following from a few quick-cuts of the film.

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Male 509
Chuck`s own words in a statement about the evolution one:
"It`s funny. It`s cute. But here`s what I really think about the theory of evolution: it`s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
By the way, without Him, I don`t have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things and so can you."
and yes, he IS a Christian
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Male 2,796
Last two... Superman like to put on a Chuck Norris costume on Halloween.

The bogey man checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Female 1,043
Chuck Norris doesn`t celebrate birthdays. Birthdays celebrate him.
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Male 2,796
Oh... and Chuck Norris can a slam a revolving door.
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Male 2,796
The Pope doesn`t take Chuck Norris` name in vain.
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Male 2,796
They would let Chuck Norris in the military, but then there would be nothing for the rest of the military to do.
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Male 2,796
Chuck Norris once broke a sweat while kicking ass... Sweat never bothered him again.
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Male 2,893
Chuck Norris doesn`t like all of the jokes you are telling about him.
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Male 7,813
f*cked up joke, i was a fan of th coreys. whether together or seperate, they were the best of the worste that the 80`s had to offer.
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Male 93
70!! Wtf? By god, you`re right though. He`s my favorite geser. Anyone else think its that creepy he`s only 4 years younger than John Mccain. The oldest looking man ever.
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Male 486
Chuck Norris can eat just one potato chip.
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Male 15,510
Chuck Norris doesnt celebrate birthdays... is time that celebrates Chuck Norris
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Female 2,352
Damn I didn`t know he was that old. XD
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Female 120
Chuck Norris can swim through land.

P.S. It looks like theres Fruity Pebbles in that cake...

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Female 5,222
70?? i didnt think he was that old.. lol
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Male 2,332
I got one..Chuck Norris is a man. With a beard. ROUNDHOUSE KICK!

Good? Bad?

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Male 3,431
Chuck Norris can believe it`s not butter.
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Male 454
70?? Dang dude! I hope I look that good when (if) I get there.
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Male 522
Chuck Norris.
that is all that needs to be said
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Male 48
When God has sex, he screams Chuck`s name!
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Female 299
I just made this up, tell me how you like it. Chuck Norris and Superman had a contest to see who could impregnate Lois Lane first. Before the ref could say "GO", Lois popped out a fully bearded 170 pound man.
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Female 108
Chuck Norris ate a whole cake before his friends told him there was a stripper inside.
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Male 1,403
Chuck Norris doesnt turn 70. 70 turns Chuck Norris.
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Male 352
If you misspell Chuck Norris`s name when searching for him on Google, Google doesn`t say "Did you mean to search for Chuck Norris?" It says "Run while you still have the chance!"
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Female 328
Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasm by pointing at her and saying "Booyah".
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Male 440
aaahhhh too many chuck norris jokes/facts!!!
Chuck Norris is getting old
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Male 12,138
One more - Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
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Male 254
Chuck Norris can do a pop wheelie on a unicycle.
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Male 208
chuck norris can run around the world so fast he can punch himself in the back of the head
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Male 509
wait i got one more...

While having sex in a big rig, some of Chuck Norris`s sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime.

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Male 2,034
Once on the set of Walker Texas Ranger the crew found a still-born baby lamb. Chuck Norris brought the lamb back to life by way of a prolonged beard-rub. He then roundhouse kicked the lamb in the face, just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away.
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Male 864
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands; they`re now referred to as the Islands.
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Male 25,417
There is no control button on chuck norris computer, No one controls chuck norris!
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Male 734
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he doesn`t lift himself up, he pushes the Earth down.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

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Male 206

Chuck Norris’ farts smell like Vaseline
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Male 509
There is no theory of evolution. Only a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

There is no global warming. Chuck Norris got cold so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

If you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris went skydiving once, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

Chuck Norris`s hand is the only one that can beat a Royal Flush.

Not everyone Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away - they are called astronauts.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun... and won.

Aliens DO exist. They just know better than to visit Chuck Norris`s home planet.

I suppose that`ll do. Everyone else can find them on that site lol

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Female 1,380
chuck norris isn`t hung like a horse--horses are hung like chuck norris.
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Male 509
Male 15,510
"They once tried to carve Chuck Norris`s face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn`t hard enough for his beard" <----- Chuck Norris favorite
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Male 794
come on, everybody knows chuck norris does not age
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Male 509
Chuck Norris doesn`t carry guns for protection. Guns are carried BY Chuck norris for protection.

Chuck Norris is so tough he can punch you in the soul.

Chuck Norris is so tough he can punch you in the back of the face.

Superman and the Flash have a race around the world. Who wins? Chuck Norris.

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Male 1,505
Nidonemo wins.
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Female 132
Chuck Norris does not use the periodic table because the only element he uses is the element of SURPRISE!

Also,

Chuck Norris`s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

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Male 2,619
Someone stole Chucks "man bulge". I pity the foo`
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Male 185
When Chuck Norris does a push-up he doesn`t push himself up, he pushes the world down.
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Male 4,807
Yay... I got credit for something!!!
I will hold my head up high (not the rare smiling pig head I discovered in the head bin the other day, check profile pic) but my own head.
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Male 20,827

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Male 91
chuck norris tells jokes about mohammed the prophet in mecca and everybody is laughing.
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Male 425
I lost respect for chuck Norris when he sued the blokes who made the chuck Norris facts... Those facts are the only reason people (and I) even know about him.
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Male 848
Chuck Norris doesn`t breathe, he keeps air hostage.
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Male 47
CHUCK NORRIS IS THE REASON WHY WALDO IS HIDING.
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Male 9,305
Male 1,013
CN is so tough, he posted "first" and got away with it.
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Male 20,827
important side note, a1butcher should have got credit for the announcement of Corey Haim`s death/Chuck Norris` death wish, but I combined the news here. credit where credit is due.
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Male 4,807
The tradgic but predictable death of Corey Haim is proof that Chunk Norris` birthday wishes always come true.
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Male 92
Chuck Norris doesn`t sleep. He waits.
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Male 60
Wait wait, one more. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now it`s just called the Islands.
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Male 20,827
ahh! all of these chuck facts are making my side ache--good stuff.
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Male 60
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked an M&M so hard it turned into a Skittle.
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Male 24
Ophanim, don`t you mean toilet paper?
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Male 1,129
Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice
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Male 4,807
Chuck Norris was`nt born.... He escaped the womb.
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Female 291
2012 can`t happen. Chuck Norris won`t let it.
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Male 12,138
Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was considered more humane.
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Male 19
what if i say that chuck norris is a bastard? =))
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Male 15,510
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
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Female 864
Chuck Norris doesn`t read ,he stares books down for information .Also ,Corey Haim died ???
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Male 32
when chuck norris logs onto i-am-bored site changes to i-am-chucknorris.com

(could`nt think of anything sue me)

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Male 74
They once made a Chuck Norris wallpaper but it wouldn`t take poo from anybody.
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Male 15,510
Also todays is my sister birthday, hmmmm
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Male 1
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection.

There were no survivors.

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Male 302
When Chuck Norris goes swimming Chuck orris doesn`t get wet, the water gets Chruck Norris.
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Male 3,425
Wait so Chuck Norris is actually 70? I did not know that... Wow.
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Male 43
Jesus may walk on water but Chuck Norris swims through land.
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Female 157
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
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Male 2,688
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
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Male 3
Ok. I have been checking all the random pics for months and months so thanks to Chuck IAB has a new user because nothing has enticed me enough to sign up, on to the fact:

When Chuck goes swiming he doesn`t get wet, the water gets Norris

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Male 12
Chuck Norris broke the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
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Male 20,827
lukas1051, this is why it pays to read the full title and description.
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Male 3,425
What does Corey Haim have to do with Chuck Norris?
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Male 352
Chuck Norris was once on the celebrity wheel of fortune. The episode consisted of 29 minutes of people waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.
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Female 4,039
After a night of drinking, Chuck Norris doesn`t throw up.

He throws down.

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Male 20,827
Link_Hiei, ha, nice, never heard that one.
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Female 126
Hehehe
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Male 5,189
Too many to name.

Hmm.

God wanted to create to world in 10 days.

Chuck gave him 7.

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Male 5,314
he lost his virginity before his father.
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Male 20,827
Link: Happy 70th Birthday, Mr. Chuck Norris [2 Pics] [Rate Link] - Corey Haim died today. Coincidence or when Chuck Norris blows out candles someone dies? What`s your favorite Chuck fact?
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