Rockin' in the free world since 2005.

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Rating: 3.9
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Date: 03/10/10 10:05 AM

141 Responses to Happy 70th Birthday, Mr. Chuck Norris [2 Pics]

  1. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18502 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 8:59 am
    Link: Happy 70th Birthday, Mr. Chuck Norris - Corey Haim died today. Coincidence or when Chuck Norris blows out candles someone dies? What`s your favorite Chuck fact?
  2. Profile photo of ScottSerious
    ScottSerious Male 18-29
    5316 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:04 am
    he lost his virginity before his father.
  3. Profile photo of woodmore
    woodmore Female 18-29
    126 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:10 am
    Hehehe
  4. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18502 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:11 am
    Link_Hiei, ha, nice, never heard that one.
  5. Profile photo of Oystah
    Oystah Female 40-49
    4033 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:14 am
    After a night of drinking, Chuck Norris doesn`t throw up.

    He throws down.

  6. Profile photo of Thesphinx
    Thesphinx Male 18-29
    353 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:14 am
    Chuck Norris was once on the celebrity wheel of fortune. The episode consisted of 29 minutes of people waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.
  7. Profile photo of lukas1051
    lukas1051 Male 18-29
    3428 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:14 am
    What does Corey Haim have to do with Chuck Norris?
  8. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18502 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:17 am
    lukas1051, this is why it pays to read the full title and description.
  9. Profile photo of stupete
    stupete Male 18-29
    12 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:20 am
    Chuck Norris broke the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  10. Profile photo of Durame
    Durame Male 18-29
    3 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:20 am
    Ok. I have been checking all the random pics for months and months so thanks to Chuck IAB has a new user because nothing has enticed me enough to sign up, on to the fact:

    When Chuck goes swiming he doesn`t get wet, the water gets Norris

  11. Profile photo of taylor_stone
    taylor_stone Male 30-39
    2688 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:25 am
    When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
  12. Profile photo of ashbexmaeur
    ashbexmaeur Female 18-29
    157 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:31 am
    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
  13. Profile photo of Maconha22
    Maconha22 Male 18-29
    43 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:35 am
    Jesus may walk on water but Chuck Norris swims through land.
  14. Profile photo of lukas1051
    lukas1051 Male 18-29
    3428 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:37 am
    Wait so Chuck Norris is actually 70? I did not know that... Wow.
  15. Profile photo of Molehouse
    Molehouse Male 13-17
    303 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:39 am
    When Chuck Norris goes swimming Chuck orris doesn`t get wet, the water gets Chruck Norris.
  16. Profile photo of JCLeSinge
    JCLeSinge Male 18-29
    1 post
    March 10, 2010 at 9:39 am
    Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection.

    There were no survivors.

  17. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:39 am
    Also todays is my sister birthday, hmmmm
  18. Profile photo of Ophanim
    Ophanim Male 13-17
    74 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:41 am
    They once made a Chuck Norris wallpaper but it wouldn`t take poo from anybody.
  19. Profile photo of u_dont_scare
    u_dont_scare Male 18-29
    32 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:41 am
    when chuck norris logs onto i-am-bored site changes to i-am-chucknorris.com

    (could`nt think of anything sue me)

  20. Profile photo of fancylady
    fancylady Female 30-39
    864 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:42 am
    Chuck Norris doesn`t read ,he stares books down for information .Also ,Corey Haim died ???
  21. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:46 am
    Chuck Norris can divide by zero
  22. Profile photo of dmn11366
    dmn11366 Male 18-29
    19 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:49 am
    what if i say that chuck norris is a bastard? =))
  23. Profile photo of davymid
    davymid Male 30-39
    12151 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:58 am
    Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was considered more humane.
  24. Profile photo of MsMalicious
    MsMalicious Female 18-29
    291 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:58 am
    2012 can`t happen. Chuck Norris won`t let it.
  25. Profile photo of a1butcher
    a1butcher Male 40-49
    4812 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:58 am
    Chuck Norris was`nt born.... He escaped the womb.
  26. Profile photo of fatex52986
    fatex52986 Male 18-29
    1129 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:59 am
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice
  27. Profile photo of ICanHasWin
    ICanHasWin Male 13-17
    24 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:59 am
    Ophanim, don`t you mean toilet paper?
  28. Profile photo of Tails-V3
    Tails-V3 Male 18-29
    60 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:00 am
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked an M&M so hard it turned into a Skittle.
  29. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18502 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:04 am
    ahh! all of these chuck facts are making my side ache--good stuff.
  30. Profile photo of Tails-V3
    Tails-V3 Male 18-29
    60 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:05 am
    Wait wait, one more. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now it`s just called the Islands.
  31. Profile photo of glassjawdave
    glassjawdave Male 18-29
    93 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:06 am
    Chuck Norris doesn`t sleep. He waits.
  32. Profile photo of a1butcher
    a1butcher Male 40-49
    4812 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:09 am
    The tradgic but predictable death of Corey Haim is proof that Chunk Norris` birthday wishes always come true.
  33. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18502 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:16 am
    important side note, a1butcher should have got credit for the announcement of Corey Haim`s death/Chuck Norris` death wish, but I combined the news here. credit where credit is due.
  34. Profile photo of LtFurpie
    LtFurpie Male 30-39
    1014 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:25 am
    CN is so tough, he posted "first" and got away with it.
  35. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9311 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:25 am
    One of Norris` kicks in action, rare footage!
  36. Profile photo of Sh0rtEe
    Sh0rtEe Male 13-17
    47 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:27 am
    CHUCK NORRIS IS THE REASON WHY WALDO IS HIDING.
  37. Profile photo of Chaos7
    Chaos7 Male 18-29
    849 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:27 am
    Chuck Norris doesn`t breathe, he keeps air hostage.
  38. Profile photo of tenty
    tenty Male 18-29
    425 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:28 am
    I lost respect for chuck Norris when he sued the blokes who made the chuck Norris facts... Those facts are the only reason people (and I) even know about him.
  39. Profile photo of dioxin
    dioxin Male 18-29
    91 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:29 am
    chuck norris tells jokes about mohammed the prophet in mecca and everybody is laughing.
  40. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18502 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:30 am

  41. Profile photo of a1butcher
    a1butcher Male 40-49
    4812 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:34 am
    Yay... I got credit for something!!!
    I will hold my head up high (not the rare smiling pig head I discovered in the head bin the other day, check profile pic) but my own head.
  42. Profile photo of bomberouno
    bomberouno Male 18-29
    185 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:35 am
    When Chuck Norris does a push-up he doesn`t push himself up, he pushes the world down.
  43. Profile photo of IRockYeah
    IRockYeah Male 40-49
    2619 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:41 am
    Someone stole Chucks "man bulge". I pity the foo`
  44. Profile photo of gracegirl127
    gracegirl127 Female 13-17
    132 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:45 am
    Chuck Norris does not use the periodic table because the only element he uses is the element of SURPRISE!

    Also,

    Chuck Norris`s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

  45. Profile photo of belunan
    belunan Male 30-39
    1507 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:48 am
    Nidonemo wins.
  46. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:54 am
    Chuck Norris doesn`t carry guns for protection. Guns are carried BY Chuck norris for protection.

    Chuck Norris is so tough he can punch you in the soul.

    Chuck Norris is so tough he can punch you in the back of the face.

    Superman and the Flash have a race around the world. Who wins? Chuck Norris.

  47. Profile photo of SumRandom1
    SumRandom1 Male 18-29
    794 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:55 am
    come on, everybody knows chuck norris does not age
  48. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:01 am
    "They once tried to carve Chuck Norris`s face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn`t hard enough for his beard" <----- Chuck Norris favorite
  49. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:01 am
    http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
  50. Profile photo of JUGGALETTEx0
    JUGGALETTEx0 Female 18-29
    1380 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:06 am
    chuck norris isn`t hung like a horse--horses are hung like chuck norris.
  51. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:15 am
    There is no theory of evolution. Only a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

    There is no global warming. Chuck Norris got cold so he turned the sun up.

    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble, you win. Forever.

    Chuck Norris went skydiving once, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

    Chuck Norris`s hand is the only one that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Not everyone Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away - they are called astronauts.

    Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun... and won.

    Aliens DO exist. They just know better than to visit Chuck Norris`s home planet.

    I suppose that`ll do. Everyone else can find them on that site lol

  52. Profile photo of DrunkStepdad
    DrunkStepdad Male 40-49
    206 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Chuck Norris’ farts smell like Vaseline
  53. Profile photo of vegascartman
    vegascartman Male 30-39
    735 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:23 am
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he doesn`t lift himself up, he pushes the Earth down.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

  54. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25408 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:23 am
    There is no control button on chuck norris computer, No one controls chuck norris!
  55. Profile photo of Nebbie
    Nebbie Male 18-29
    864 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:31 am
    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands; they`re now referred to as the Islands.
  56. Profile photo of msieg007
    msieg007 Male 18-29
    2035 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:33 am
    Once on the set of Walker Texas Ranger the crew found a still-born baby lamb. Chuck Norris brought the lamb back to life by way of a prolonged beard-rub. He then roundhouse kicked the lamb in the face, just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away.
  57. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:34 am
    wait i got one more...

    While having sex in a big rig, some of Chuck Norris`s sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime.

  58. Profile photo of omg209
    omg209 Male 18-29
    208 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:41 am
    chuck norris can run around the world so fast he can punch himself in the back of the head
  59. Profile photo of thanna
    thanna Male 18-29
    254 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:44 am
    Chuck Norris can do a pop wheelie on a unicycle.
  60. Profile photo of davymid
    davymid Male 30-39
    12151 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:50 am
    One more - Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
  61. Profile photo of Link364
    Link364 Male 18-29
    440 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:52 am
    aaahhhh too many chuck norris jokes/facts!!!
    Chuck Norris is getting old
  62. Profile photo of Hylian4Hire
    Hylian4Hire Female 18-29
    329 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:56 am
    Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasm by pointing at her and saying "Booyah".
  63. Profile photo of Thesphinx
    Thesphinx Male 18-29
    353 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 11:57 am
    If you misspell Chuck Norris`s name when searching for him on Google, Google doesn`t say "Did you mean to search for Chuck Norris?" It says "Run while you still have the chance!"
  64. Profile photo of nonamewillfi
    nonamewillfi Male 13-17
    1404 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:01 pm
    Chuck Norris doesnt turn 70. 70 turns Chuck Norris.
  65. Profile photo of xphile_1002
    xphile_1002 Female 30-39
    108 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:07 pm
    Chuck Norris ate a whole cake before his friends told him there was a stripper inside.
  66. Profile photo of lockedup
    lockedup Female 18-29
    299 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:11 pm
    I just made this up, tell me how you like it. Chuck Norris and Superman had a contest to see who could impregnate Lois Lane first. Before the ref could say "GO", Lois popped out a fully bearded 170 pound man.
  67. Profile photo of xmas_baby
    xmas_baby Male 30-39
    48 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:15 pm
    When God has sex, he screams Chuck`s name!
  68. Profile photo of cheese6969
    cheese6969 Male 18-29
    522 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:18 pm
    Chuck Norris.
    that is all that needs to be said
  69. Profile photo of EvilGrouse
    EvilGrouse Male 30-39
    454 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:22 pm
    70?? Dang dude! I hope I look that good when (if) I get there.
  70. Profile photo of SilverThread
    SilverThread Male 30-39
    3435 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:23 pm
    Chuck Norris can believe it`s not butter.
  71. Profile photo of Reignblazer
    Reignblazer Male 18-29
    2334 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:25 pm
    I got one..Chuck Norris is a man. With a beard. ROUNDHOUSE KICK!

    Good? Bad?

  72. Profile photo of BunnyNaku
    BunnyNaku Female 18-29
    5224 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm
    70?? i didnt think he was that old.. lol
  73. Profile photo of rawrarrg
    rawrarrg Female 18-29
    120 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:32 pm
    Chuck Norris can swim through land.

    P.S. It looks like theres Fruity Pebbles in that cake...

  74. Profile photo of IssaTheFiend
    IssaTheFiend Female 18-29
    2354 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:33 pm
    Damn I didn`t know he was that old. XD
  75. Profile photo of Angelmassb
    Angelmassb Male 18-29
    15511 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm
    Chuck Norris doesnt celebrate birthdays... is time that celebrates Chuck Norris
  76. Profile photo of Norts
    Norts Male 18-29
    486 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm
    Chuck Norris can eat just one potato chip.
  77. Profile photo of dcb
    dcb Male 13-17
    93 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm
    70!! Wtf? By god, you`re right though. He`s my favorite geser. Anyone else think its that creepy he`s only 4 years younger than John Mccain. The oldest looking man ever.
  78. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7426 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 12:51 pm
    f*cked up joke, i was a fan of th coreys. whether together or seperate, they were the best of the worste that the 80`s had to offer.
  79. Profile photo of GuardinGnome
    GuardinGnome Male 18-29
    2893 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:10 pm
    Chuck Norris doesn`t like all of the jokes you are telling about him.
  80. Profile photo of splurbyburbl
    splurbyburbl Male 30-39
    2798 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:24 pm
    Chuck Norris once broke a sweat while kicking ass... Sweat never bothered him again.
  81. Profile photo of splurbyburbl
    splurbyburbl Male 30-39
    2798 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:27 pm
    They would let Chuck Norris in the military, but then there would be nothing for the rest of the military to do.
  82. Profile photo of splurbyburbl
    splurbyburbl Male 30-39
    2798 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:29 pm
    The Pope doesn`t take Chuck Norris` name in vain.
  83. Profile photo of splurbyburbl
    splurbyburbl Male 30-39
    2798 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:31 pm
    Oh... and Chuck Norris can a slam a revolving door.
  84. Profile photo of daisy822
    daisy822 Female 13-17
    1043 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:31 pm
    Chuck Norris doesn`t celebrate birthdays. Birthdays celebrate him.
  85. Profile photo of splurbyburbl
    splurbyburbl Male 30-39
    2798 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm
    Last two... Superman like to put on a Chuck Norris costume on Halloween.

    The bogey man checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  86. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm
    Chuck`s own words in a statement about the evolution one:
    "It`s funny. It`s cute. But here`s what I really think about the theory of evolution: it`s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
    By the way, without Him, I don`t have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things and so can you."
    and yes, he IS a Christian
  87. Profile photo of Lionhart2
    Lionhart2 Male 40-49
    8309 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm
    > What`s your favorite Chuck fact?

    That a pathetic bad actor and poor martial artist can build such a fan following from a few quick-cuts of the film.

  88. Profile photo of Conejito1011
    Conejito1011 Female 13-17
    120 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm
    Chuck Norris`s tears are the cure for cancer, unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.
  89. Profile photo of davymid
    davymid Male 30-39
    12151 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 1:54 pm
    Damn shneeblefish, why`d you have to go tell me that stuff about his stance on evolution?

    *Digs deeper* "Norris is a Republican...supports gun rights and ownership...is against public schools condoning homosexuality... a co-host on Fox News...one of the first members of show business to express support for the California Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage...heavily criticized the gay community for "interfering" with the democratic process..."

    Damn, I used to like the guy.

  90. Profile photo of Earlyman
    Earlyman Male 30-39
    164 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 2:05 pm
    Chuck Norris can kick you in the back of the face!!!!

    There is no evolution, just a small list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

  91. Profile photo of RecycleElf
    RecycleElf Male 18-29
    3622 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 2:44 pm
    when Chuck Norris swim, chuck norris don`t get wet. Water get chuck norris
  92. Profile photo of ShadowRyder
    ShadowRyder Male 18-29
    2128 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 2:54 pm
    Google "where is chuck norris"
    Click "I`m feeling lucky"
    Enjoy :)
  93. Profile photo of bananajojo
    bananajojo Female 18-29
    1401 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 3:05 pm
    Why such a letdown, Lionhart2? We all know he`s not as great as he`s made out to be, but it`s so much fun!

    On that note,
    An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but four tons of heavy artillery still can`t keep Chuck Norris away.

  94. Profile photo of bananajojo
    bananajojo Female 18-29
    1401 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 3:06 pm
    OH, and Chuck Norris can divide by Zero
  95. Profile photo of acanatane
    acanatane Female 18-29
    276 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 3:42 pm
    @shadowryder: hahaha google is brilliant!
  96. Profile photo of ad4mc
    ad4mc Male 18-29
    16 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm
    why does the boogyman live in the cupboard??
    cuz chuck norris put him them
    :)
  97. Profile photo of ultimakewl
    ultimakewl Male 18-29
    833 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 4:12 pm
    Chuck Norris doesn`t tea bag the ladies, he potato sacks them
  98. Profile photo of Snow_Crash
    Snow_Crash Female 18-29
    211 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 4:29 pm
    Jesus Christ can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
  99. Profile photo of Dfaulted
    Dfaulted Male 13-17
    1920 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 4:40 pm
    Chuck Norris > Jesus
    Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land
  100. Profile photo of johnnycake
    johnnycake Female 13-17
    9 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 4:53 pm
    Chuck Norris can take the log of a negative number.
  101. Profile photo of ichigo-112
    ichigo-112 Male 13-17
    9 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm
    chuck norris uses tabasco sauce as eye-drops
  102. Profile photo of Snivellus
    Snivellus Female 13-17
    605 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm
    Chuck Norris can speak braille. :-O
  103. Profile photo of lerie
    lerie Female 18-29
    1265 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 5:05 pm
    "The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter."

    That is how badass he is.

  104. Profile photo of SmagBoy1
    SmagBoy1 Male 40-49
    4432 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 5:53 pm
    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can rub ice cubes together and start a fire.
  105. Profile photo of TheBigBarney
    TheBigBarney Male 18-29
    25 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 6:10 pm
    Chuck Norris puts the Fun in Funeral
  106. Profile photo of woozel121
    woozel121 Female 13-17
    53 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 6:32 pm
    Chuck norris only skydived once, cause the world only needs one grand canyon
  107. Profile photo of panth753
    panth753 Female 18-29
    9184 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 6:38 pm
    How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it!
  108. Profile photo of cheezer
    cheezer Male 18-29
    112 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 7:17 pm
    a 3.2 people, i feel sad for this passing the 3 mark haha chuck norris and cake. haha i know both o them!
  109. Profile photo of Stodogs
    Stodogs Female 13-17
    301 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm
    Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding

    Chuck Norris found Nemo

    Chuck Norris killed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise

    When McDonalds denied Chuck Norris an EggMcMuffin because it was 11:07 am, he round-house kicked the building so hard it became a Wendys

  110. Profile photo of Ani187
    Ani187 Female 30-39
    4448 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 7:21 pm
    There`s a 50/50 chance Chuck Norris is boning your sister right now. =)
  111. Profile photo of rickbub
    rickbub Male 40-49
    293 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 7:24 pm
    Chuck Norris still looks so young for his age...because time is afraid of aging him!
  112. Profile photo of elkingo
    elkingo Male 30-39
    5387 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 8:46 pm
    Chuck Norris doesn`t read, he just stares at books until he gets the information he wants.
  113. Profile photo of taylor_stone
    taylor_stone Male 30-39
    2688 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 8:51 pm
    In honor of the big guy`s 70th birthday.... Step 1) Go to google Step 2) Type in "Where is Chuck Norris" Step 3) Click "I`m Feelin Lucky" Don`t ruin this for anyone by typing the search results... Just go there and do it.
  114. Profile photo of DarkFerret
    DarkFerret Male 18-29
    2750 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 8:55 pm
    chuck norris has a toenail on his penis... and the best one ever... chuck norris does not have a pancreas, but a cast-iron waffle iron the secretes liquid vengence.
  115. Profile photo of raikun12
    raikun12 Male 18-29
    586 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 9:47 pm
    My favororite chuck fact is that after he dies people will stop making stupid chuck norris jokes. Kthxbi
  116. Profile photo of Steven42
    Steven42 Male 18-29
    173 posts
    March 10, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

  117. Profile photo of OdessaMW
    OdessaMW Female 18-29
    99 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 12:53 am
    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse on its chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
  118. Profile photo of weebazweebaz
    weebazweebaz Male 30-39
    76 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 1:08 am
    @ taylor stone lmao
  119. Profile photo of Valonqar
    Valonqar Male 13-17
    116 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 1:54 am
    Chuck Norris does not read books...he stares them down `till he gets the information he wants.
  120. Profile photo of Raberboom
    Raberboom Male 18-29
    833 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 1:56 am
    every time i see him i think of the movie where Bruce lee kills him.
  121. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 3:35 am
    "Damn shneeblefish, why`d you have to go tell me that stuff about his stance on evolution?
    *Digs deeper* "Norris is a Republican...supports gun rights and ownership...is against public schools condoning homosexuality... a co-host on Fox News...one of the first members of show business to express support for the California Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage...heavily criticized the gay community for "interfering" with the democratic process...""

    i think that`s probably all from wikipedia - just where i got mine!
    and just cos it`s the first time anyone has ever mentioned my username, i`d prefer it spelt schneeblefish but iab has a 12-character limit lol

  122. Profile photo of Hiromi
    Hiromi Female 18-29
    1149 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 3:44 am
    How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?

    All of it.

  123. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 6:41 am
    Before Chuck Norris became famous, the martial arts weapon with 2 pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunFreds. Nobody ever found out what happened to Fred.
  124. Profile photo of Link364
    Link364 Male 18-29
    440 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 8:00 am
    chuck norris uses a live rattle snake as a condom
  125. Profile photo of xXKaryXx
    xXKaryXx Female 13-17
    635 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 8:02 am
    sexyness right there

    :E

  126. Profile photo of TIMESWORDSMN
    TIMESWORDSMN Male 13-17
    304 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 8:04 am
    Clint Eastwood kicks Chucks ass For every one of his heartbeats.
  127. Profile photo of Zebrameat
    Zebrameat Male 13-17
    107 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 9:46 am
    you know apart from those old and boring "he is so badass" jokes, Chuck Norris is actually a total douche.
    Yeah and I now some hip teen will comment me with a Chuck Norris joke.
  128. Profile photo of cman7721
    cman7721 Male 18-29
    618 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 10:02 am
    HA CHUCK NORRIS IS GOING TO TOTALLY CHUCK NORRIS YOU FOR DISSING CHUCK NORRIS, ZEBRAMEAT-EATER!!!

    i dunno. i just wanted the satisfaction. i feel better now.

  129. Profile photo of leonard3314
    leonard3314 Male 18-29
    3 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 12:41 pm
    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
  130. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 2:02 pm
    Superman and Chuck Norris had a race to see who could get Lois Lane pregnant first and as soon as they said "go", Lois gave birth to a baby with a bushy beard.
  131. Profile photo of shneeblefish
    shneeblefish Male 18-29
    509 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 2:03 pm
    Chuck Norris puts the laughter in slaughter
  132. Profile photo of idiotfilter
    idiotfilter Male 18-29
    3916 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 2:27 pm
    the amount of noob-dom in these comments is amazing...
  133. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9311 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 2:58 pm
    "the amount of noob-dom in these comments is amazing..."

    They`re all finally getting along. Don`t spoil it.

  134. Profile photo of AnInsomniac
    AnInsomniac Female 18-29
    318 posts
    March 11, 2010 at 3:55 pm
    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for his unparalleled martial art skills and rugged good looks. 13 seconds after he roundhouse kick Satan in the face and took it back. The Devil, not wanting to press his luck, laughed it off. They now play poker every Tuesday.
  135. Profile photo of Aloriwin
    Aloriwin Female 18-29
    84 posts
    March 12, 2010 at 12:24 am
    Chuck Norris once ate four whole turtles. When he shat them out a few days later they were six feet tall, could speak, and knew martial arts.
  136. Profile photo of philippic
    philippic Male 18-29
    1704 posts
    March 12, 2010 at 3:05 am
    dratin LOOOOOOL @ aloriwin!!!
  137. Profile photo of Link364
    Link364 Male 18-29
    440 posts
    March 12, 2010 at 12:07 pm
    There are no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in America
  138. Profile photo of Jammacan
    Jammacan Female 13-17
    155 posts
    March 14, 2010 at 1:02 am
    Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a glare from Chuck Norris will liquefy both of your kidneys :P
  139. Profile photo of titmeisterx
    titmeisterx Male 18-29
    41 posts
    March 28, 2010 at 5:51 pm
    When ninjas are kids, they grow up wanting to be Chuck Norris. Usually when they grow up, they are killed by him.
  140. Profile photo of Earl_Grey
    Earl_Grey Female 18-29
    131 posts
    July 4, 2010 at 10:23 pm
    go to google and type "google chuck norris" then hit the "I`m feeling lucky" button. try it.

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