Viola! Ted Haggard Is Now Completely Heterosexual

Submitted by: Pooptart19 7 years ago in Funny
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/35097496/ns/today-today_people>1=43001

By the power of Jesus I cast out those gay demons! Out with you! And take your fashionable footwear with you!
There are 50 comments:
Male 7
Violas are not gay. Cellos, on the other hand seem quite swishy to me.
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Male 39
Whatever. You can`t hide what`s inside. QUEER POWER.
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Male 188
damn language regulator... now THAT`S gay.
poo drat
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Male 188
itsallfake: 1. I absolutely cannot agree with you on his intentions. He has stated time and time again that the therapy he received pertaining to his childhood abuse is what has helped him resist the urge to cheat on his wife. I`m taking him at his word. Who are you to say that he isn`t trying to be faithful to his wife? Who are you to say that he is trying to prove that gay can be prayed away? The way I see it he`s just looking for a little bit of mercy after such a public fall from grace.

2. I couldn`t agree more.

I do want to make it clear that I have no strong opinions on homosexuality in general. I just feel that there is a double standard and that Anne Heche certainly didn`t get dragged through the mud for the changes in her sexual preference. So the guy did some gay poo... who cares. He and his wife have found a way to be happy. Leave them alone.

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Male 474
1 - because hes not trying to be faithful to his wife, he`s trying to prove that gay can be prayed away...

2 - i never had curious thoughts... I think people are curious have thoughts and it turns them on. women have thoughts and the idea turns them on, eventually they try it. Same with SOME men. We others dont get curious, we can watch porn and see a penis and know its not that penis thats turning us on, but watching that vag get plowed that does... on a personal note seeing multiple men naked is a turn off for me, so i avoid "gang" videos. I see no reason to entertain the idea, no reason at all...

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Female 1,894
what a tool.
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Male 188
Here`s my problem with the criticism of Ted Haggard, if he was openly gay, started messing with a woman, then decided to live out the rest of his years as a gay man everyone would say, "he was gay all along."

But because it`s the other way around, and he`s choosing to live out his life as a straight man, then the world cries, "Hypocrisy!" Not so. He is probably bi-sexual in truth, and he is choosing to stay in the relationship that he is committed to. Obviously there is a lot of love and devotion in their marriage as she`s stayed with him. Why is the interweb against a man trying to change his unfaithful ways and be true to his wife?

I applaud him.

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Male 4,290
There`s a song about this, it`s hilarious.

And I have nothing against gay guys getting jiggy, but I can tell I wouldn`t like it even though I haven`t tried it. So I don`t think I ever will.

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Male 9,305
Davymid: HAH! Love it!

yudontn0me: Duhhh...

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Male 242
VIOLA!
loled
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Male 12,138
[quote]Guys, even if you`re straight you can experiment and have a homosexual experience. [/quote]

True dat. This is what I tell my extreme-homophobic brother (he`s right-wing fundamanetalist Christian) - "Look, I KNOW I don`t like artichokes because I`ve tried them. Didn`t like it, not one bit. How do you know you`re not gay? Have you ever tried gay sex? You might find you like it."

Yeah, tends to set him off.

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Male 845
@nidonemo
you gay
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Male 9,305
On a serious note:

Guys, even if you`re straight you can experiment and have a homosexual experience. You can practice safe sex with another man and see if you like it. Some women do so and have experimental lesbian phases and then find out that it`s not what sexuality they are and slip back into going for men.

It`s natural. It`s fine. What disappoints me is that for some childish reason, straight men are confined into this little masculinity prison and not allowed outside the muscleheaded boundaries, so they come up with excuses for a perfectly natural curiosity.

"Oh I was drunk!" "Oh it was demons!" "Oh I prayed the gay away!"

This guy probably grew up in a horrific oppressive environment, but that doesn`t excuse the fact of what he`s done. If you hate yourself, that`s fine, go ahead and hate yourself, but for f*cksakes don`t make life hell for the people who know and like who hey are!

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Male 12,138
>> davymid "In before StarDagger and his "Middle-Eastern Death-Cult which practices ritualised cannibalism on a weekly basis"."
>> StarDagger: "It is no wonder that all studies have shown Xians to be among the lowest intelligence cohort."

Damn, wrong quote.

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Male 285
I have yet to hear one legitimate reason why homosexuality is damaging to humanity.
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Male 1,190
It is no wonder that all studies have shown Xians to be among the lowest intelligence cohort.
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Male 7,378
Well that makes everything Ok.
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Male 4,004
"He`ll be sucking sausage by the end of the week."

Amen, haha

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Male 1
Haha Inteluhgint, was thinking the same myself
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Male 135
That`s nice, but what do string instruments have to do with this?
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Female 130
bullsh*t.
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Male 9,305
He`ll be sucking sausage by the end of the week.
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Female 4,028
Gees, I love how they focus on his "rehabilitation" for homosexuality, but his drug use? Pshaw, who cares about that, right?!
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Male 25,417
Wow, good for him!
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Male 117
Oh, this just means he`s switched from being a power bottom to a barely successful top. A hole`s a hole`s a hole. One just pleases baby jezus more than the other.
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Male 3,369
Those crazy Christians. They`ll say anything and someone out there is stupid enough to belive it!
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Male 1,297
btw, you guys should click the link to read some of the wife`s book. Imagine it being read to you by Garrison Keillor at bedtime. great stuff
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Female 2,927
and the entire universe continues to go about its business in collective indifference.
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Male 1,013
As the French say: Gay le Haggard. Just wait. Suppression of emotions always leads to a bigger "asplosion"
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Male 1,297
"pray away the gay" works about as well as "praying away wanting to eat a hamburger"

you`re a fag ted haggard, learn to love it

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Female 4,039
I suspect he`ll be found hanging in a closet with a dildo up his butt sometime soon.
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Male 3,326
"The fact that they said "cured" of gay urges, is evidence enough both need to be shot in the face with a shotgun."

Not in this case, I think. They said that he was abused as a child, but didn`t remember it, and was acting out that abuse as an adult. Now that he remembers it and is dealing with it, the compulsions are gone. I can believe that. At least they weren`t saying it was religious therapy that "cured" him.

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Female 1,190
lol it doesnt help that her name is spelled like that
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Male 689
inb4 experts on homosexuality and human genetics
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Male 1,931
The fact that they said "cured" of gay urges, is evidence enough both need to be shot in the face with a shotgun.
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Female 202
Oh please
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Male 881
I suspect Ted Haggard is a ticking time bomb. He has already shown how proficient he is at deluding himself. I doubt he cured the gay but is instead suppressing it. I think this will end one of two ways. Either he will be involved in another scandal 5 to 10 years from now, or he will publicly out himself in his twilight years.
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Male 10,440
Haaaa! How very amusing.

[quote] In 2006, the Haggards were an evangelical version of the American Dream. [/quote]

So, basically they were the essence of stupid.

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Male 304
Whoops, Wifes name. My bad.
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Male 126
they must have fisted those sissy demons right out of his body
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Male 2,796
"...the answer was simple: she loves her husband."

EDIT: "...the answer was simple: she loves her husband[`s money]."

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Male 304
Wait... His name is GAYle!?
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Male 126
....or they taught his wife the powers of a strap-on.
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Male 75
What does a string instrument slightly larger than a violin have to do with it?
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Male 126
they must have fisted those sissy demons right out of his body
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Male 12,138
In before StarDagger and his "Middle-Eastern Death-Cult which practices ritualised cannibalism on a weekly basis".
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Male 86
Cello!
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Male 84
Wow, a viola can do a lot to a man`s sexuality...
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Male 5,194
>>"Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour" Although the dilemma was painful, the answer, she writes, was simple: Haggard pulls in a buttload of money and she doesn`t have to work for a living.

Fixed.

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Male 2,440
Link: Viola! Ted Haggard Is Now Completely Heterosexual [Rate Link] - By the power of Jesus I cast out those gay demons! Out with you! And take your fashionable footwear with you!
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