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Category: Funny
Date: 02/25/10 10:02 AM

50 Responses to Viola! Ted Haggard Is Now Completely Heterosexual

  1. Profile photo of Pooptart19
    Pooptart19 Male 18-29
    2441 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:12 am
    Link: Viola! Ted Haggard Is Now Completely Heterosexual - By the power of Jesus I cast out those gay demons! Out with you! And take your fashionable footwear with you!
  2. Profile photo of duffytoler
    duffytoler Male 40-49
    5195 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:32 am
    >>"Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour" Although the dilemma was painful, the answer, she writes, was simple: Haggard pulls in a buttload of money and she doesn`t have to work for a living.

    Fixed.

  3. Profile photo of boris277
    boris277 Male 13-17
    84 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:37 am
    Wow, a viola can do a lot to a man`s sexuality...
  4. Profile photo of Thryonn
    Thryonn Male 30-39
    86 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:37 am
    Cello!
  5. Profile photo of davymid
    davymid Male 30-39
    12140 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:41 am
    In before StarDagger and his "Middle-Eastern Death-Cult which practices ritualised cannibalism on a weekly basis".
  6. Profile photo of Wellzee
    Wellzee Male 18-29
    126 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:45 am
    they must have fisted those sissy demons right out of his body
  7. Profile photo of Benjymax
    Benjymax Male 18-29
    75 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:45 am
    What does a string instrument slightly larger than a violin have to do with it?
  8. Profile photo of Wellzee
    Wellzee Male 18-29
    126 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:45 am
    ....or they taught his wife the powers of a strap-on.
  9. Profile photo of TIMESWORDSMN
    TIMESWORDSMN Male 13-17
    304 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:47 am
    Wait... His name is GAYle!?
  10. Profile photo of splurbyburbl
    splurbyburbl Male 30-39
    2798 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:47 am
    "...the answer was simple: she loves her husband."

    EDIT: "...the answer was simple: she loves her husband."

  11. Profile photo of Wellzee
    Wellzee Male 18-29
    126 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:48 am
    they must have fisted those sissy demons right out of his body
  12. Profile photo of TIMESWORDSMN
    TIMESWORDSMN Male 13-17
    304 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:48 am
    Whoops, Wifes name. My bad.
  13. Profile photo of LazyMe484
    LazyMe484 Male 18-29
    10441 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:48 am
    Haaaa! How very amusing.

    In 2006, the Haggards were an evangelical version of the American Dream.

    So, basically they were the essence of stupid.

  14. Profile photo of NottaSpy
    NottaSpy Male 40-49
    881 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 10:49 am
    I suspect Ted Haggard is a ticking time bomb. He has already shown how proficient he is at deluding himself. I doubt he cured the gay but is instead suppressing it. I think this will end one of two ways. Either he will be involved in another scandal 5 to 10 years from now, or he will publicly out himself in his twilight years.
  15. Profile photo of laurjendee
    laurjendee Female 18-29
    202 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:15 am
    Oh please
  16. Profile photo of ggolbez
    ggolbez Male 18-29
    1933 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:37 am
    The fact that they said "cured" of gay urges, is evidence enough both need to be shot in the face with a shotgun.
  17. Profile photo of evanking
    evanking Male 18-29
    689 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:44 am
    inb4 experts on homosexuality and human genetics
  18. Profile photo of TxP
    TxP Female 70 & Over
    1190 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:46 am
    lol it doesnt help that her name is spelled like that
  19. Profile photo of Rick_S
    Rick_S Male 40-49
    3291 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:48 am
    "The fact that they said "cured" of gay urges, is evidence enough both need to be shot in the face with a shotgun."

    Not in this case, I think. They said that he was abused as a child, but didn`t remember it, and was acting out that abuse as an adult. Now that he remembers it and is dealing with it, the compulsions are gone. I can believe that. At least they weren`t saying it was religious therapy that "cured" him.

  20. Profile photo of Oystah
    Oystah Female 40-49
    4032 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:54 am
    I suspect he`ll be found hanging in a closet with a dildo up his butt sometime soon.
  21. Profile photo of GlooStikk
    GlooStikk Male 18-29
    1297 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:56 am
    "pray away the gay" works about as well as "praying away wanting to eat a hamburger"

    you`re a fag ted haggard, learn to love it

  22. Profile photo of LtFurpie
    LtFurpie Male 30-39
    1013 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:56 am
    As the French say: Gay le Haggard. Just wait. Suppression of emotions always leads to a bigger "asplosion"
  23. Profile photo of jinxiejae
    jinxiejae Female 30-39
    2927 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:57 am
    and the entire universe continues to go about its business in collective indifference.
  24. Profile photo of GlooStikk
    GlooStikk Male 18-29
    1297 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 11:59 am
    btw, you guys should click the link to read some of the wife`s book. Imagine it being read to you by Garrison Keillor at bedtime. great stuff
  25. Profile photo of The_Maddog
    The_Maddog Male 30-39
    3369 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 12:11 pm
    Those crazy Christians. They`ll say anything and someone out there is stupid enough to belive it!
  26. Profile photo of sking7
    sking7 Male 30-39
    117 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 12:21 pm
    Oh, this just means he`s switched from being a power bottom to a barely successful top. A hole`s a hole`s a hole. One just pleases baby jezus more than the other.
  27. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25420 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 12:47 pm
    Wow, good for him!
  28. Profile photo of dragonshadoz
    dragonshadoz Female 18-29
    4031 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 1:49 pm
    Gees, I love how they focus on his "rehabilitation" for homosexuality, but his drug use? Pshaw, who cares about that, right?!
  29. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9308 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 2:11 pm
    He`ll be sucking sausage by the end of the week.
  30. Profile photo of leahers
    leahers Female 18-29
    130 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 2:20 pm
    bullsh*t.
  31. Profile photo of Inteluhgint
    Inteluhgint Male 18-29
    135 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 2:52 pm
    That`s nice, but what do string instruments have to do with this?
  32. Profile photo of jayopigayo
    jayopigayo Male 18-29
    1 post
    February 25, 2010 at 2:57 pm
    Haha Inteluhgint, was thinking the same myself
  33. Profile photo of Batmanners
    Batmanners Male 18-29
    4006 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 3:08 pm
    "He`ll be sucking sausage by the end of the week."

    Amen, haha

  34. Profile photo of madest
    madest Male 40-49
    7378 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 3:31 pm
    Well that makes everything Ok.
  35. Profile photo of StarDagger
    StarDagger Male 40-49
    1190 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm
    It is no wonder that all studies have shown Xians to be among the lowest intelligence cohort.
  36. Profile photo of phasoo
    phasoo Male 18-29
    285 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 4:29 pm
    I have yet to hear one legitimate reason why homosexuality is damaging to humanity.
  37. Profile photo of davymid
    davymid Male 30-39
    12140 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 5:15 pm
    >> davymid "In before StarDagger and his "Middle-Eastern Death-Cult which practices ritualised cannibalism on a weekly basis"."
    >> StarDagger: "It is no wonder that all studies have shown Xians to be among the lowest intelligence cohort."

    Damn, wrong quote.

  38. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9308 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 5:35 pm
    On a serious note:

    Guys, even if you`re straight you can experiment and have a homosexual experience. You can practice safe sex with another man and see if you like it. Some women do so and have experimental lesbian phases and then find out that it`s not what sexuality they are and slip back into going for men.

    It`s natural. It`s fine. What disappoints me is that for some childish reason, straight men are confined into this little masculinity prison and not allowed outside the muscleheaded boundaries, so they come up with excuses for a perfectly natural curiosity.

    "Oh I was drunk!" "Oh it was demons!" "Oh I prayed the gay away!"

    This guy probably grew up in a horrific oppressive environment, but that doesn`t excuse the fact of what he`s done. If you hate yourself, that`s fine, go ahead and hate yourself, but for f*cksakes don`t make life hell for the people who know and like who hey are!

  39. Profile photo of yudontn0me
    yudontn0me Male 18-29
    845 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 6:07 pm
    @nidonemo
    you gay
  40. Profile photo of davymid
    davymid Male 30-39
    12140 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm
    Guys, even if you`re straight you can experiment and have a homosexual experience.

    True dat. This is what I tell my extreme-homophobic brother (he`s right-wing fundamanetalist Christian) - "Look, I KNOW I don`t like artichokes because I`ve tried them. Didn`t like it, not one bit. How do you know you`re not gay? Have you ever tried gay sex? You might find you like it."

    Yeah, tends to set him off.

  41. Profile photo of basherrr
    basherrr Male 18-29
    242 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 6:46 pm
    VIOLA!
    loled
  42. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9308 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 6:57 pm
    Davymid: HAH! Love it!

    yudontn0me: Duhhh...

  43. Profile photo of almightybob1
    almightybob1 Male 18-29
    4290 posts
    February 25, 2010 at 9:33 pm
    There`s a song about this, it`s hilarious.

    And I have nothing against gay guys getting jiggy, but I can tell I wouldn`t like it even though I haven`t tried it. So I don`t think I ever will.

  44. Profile photo of jedimonk
    jedimonk Male 18-29
    188 posts
    February 26, 2010 at 6:35 am
    Here`s my problem with the criticism of Ted Haggard, if he was openly gay, started messing with a woman, then decided to live out the rest of his years as a gay man everyone would say, "he was gay all along."

    But because it`s the other way around, and he`s choosing to live out his life as a straight man, then the world cries, "Hypocrisy!" Not so. He is probably bi-sexual in truth, and he is choosing to stay in the relationship that he is committed to. Obviously there is a lot of love and devotion in their marriage as she`s stayed with him. Why is the interweb against a man trying to change his unfaithful ways and be true to his wife?

    I applaud him.

  45. Profile photo of MountainBord
    MountainBord Female 18-29
    1894 posts
    February 26, 2010 at 9:34 am
    what a tool.
  46. Profile photo of itsallfake
    itsallfake Male 30-39
    474 posts
    February 26, 2010 at 11:34 am
    1 - because hes not trying to be faithful to his wife, he`s trying to prove that gay can be prayed away...

    2 - i never had curious thoughts... I think people are curious have thoughts and it turns them on. women have thoughts and the idea turns them on, eventually they try it. Same with SOME men. We others dont get curious, we can watch porn and see a penis and know its not that penis thats turning us on, but watching that vag get plowed that does... on a personal note seeing multiple men naked is a turn off for me, so i avoid "gang" videos. I see no reason to entertain the idea, no reason at all...

  47. Profile photo of jedimonk
    jedimonk Male 18-29
    188 posts
    February 26, 2010 at 12:21 pm
    itsallfake: 1. I absolutely cannot agree with you on his intentions. He has stated time and time again that the therapy he received pertaining to his childhood abuse is what has helped him resist the urge to cheat on his wife. I`m taking him at his word. Who are you to say that he isn`t trying to be faithful to his wife? Who are you to say that he is trying to prove that gay can be prayed away? The way I see it he`s just looking for a little bit of mercy after such a public fall from grace.

    2. I couldn`t agree more.

    I do want to make it clear that I have no strong opinions on homosexuality in general. I just feel that there is a double standard and that Anne Heche certainly didn`t get dragged through the mud for the changes in her sexual preference. So the guy did some gay poo... who cares. He and his wife have found a way to be happy. Leave them alone.

  48. Profile photo of jedimonk
    jedimonk Male 18-29
    188 posts
    February 26, 2010 at 12:24 pm
    damn language regulator... now THAT`S gay.
    poo drat
  49. Profile photo of haloes604
    haloes604 Male 18-29
    39 posts
    February 26, 2010 at 8:15 pm
    Whatever. You can`t hide what`s inside. QUEER POWER.
  50. Profile photo of stillroven
    stillroven Male 40-49
    7 posts
    February 27, 2010 at 5:02 am
    Violas are not gay. Cellos, on the other hand seem quite swishy to me.

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