All You`ve Ever Wanted To Know About Semen [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 7 years ago in Misc

...but were afraid to ask. An educational infographic. As safe for work as your high school biology book.
There are 136 comments:
Female 914
good catch Kaizer250.
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Male 108
5,48m... Damn that`s quite far...
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Male 777
Uh, jaguars don`t live in Africa...
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Male 91
Thanks non-nice individuals, my girlfriend just read this and is shocked by the calorie intake. THANKS A LOT.
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Male 78
holy poo 18 feet and yea the last fact is faukn gross
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Male 7
that last fact is just... augh!
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Male 725
Very interesting
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Male 1
Use this site to make sperm http://www.myfreecams.com/?baf=1591691
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Female 1,283
"Rocket dick"

...why did I laugh at that?

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Female 517
OMG ALLERGIC?!

oh wait. I`m not.

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Male 228
18 feet?! What, did they actually measure it or something? Does this guy have a rocket dick or something?!
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Male 76
wow i jus learned more in 5 minutes then i did my whole 3 years in high skool.
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Female 50
wtf it has calories in it? all i have to say is, my boyfriend will be changing his diet to mostly fruits, and cutting out the red meat and milk he`s so accustomed to. a-thank youuu
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Female 109
...Ew.
D:
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Male 350
Oh f*ck you, Papua New Guinea. Sick.
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Male 425
18 feet?

f*ck O_.

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Male 764
Mucus and prostate fluids.. oh my god, I`m going to be sick.

Least we don`t have bacteria cultures in our penises good or bad bacteria = gross!!!!

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Male 660
This tells you everything except how to remove the stains. Even ex-Presidents would think that was important.
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Female 125
Lol. Agreement, moe.
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Female 460
Eww at that last one..
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Female 1,963
Good to know. Although if this was intended to make girls feel better about giving head, I think it had the opposite effect on me. Mucus? Plasma? And *shudder* prostate fluids? None of these things sound like anything I`d want in my mouth. I think I was better off not thinking about it.
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Female 125
I`ve really got to cut down on my caloric intake, but at least I now have the power of knowledge.
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Female 31
sadly when i clicked the link i honestly thought it was about sailors O_o i need to read more fully befor clicking
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Male 842
18 feet?!?! o.O How the f*** did they measure that? More importantly, WHY?
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Male 901
A teaspoon sounds like a pretty small amount, but then again, I`ve never tried collecting it for measure. :)
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Female 213
LOOOOOOOOOOOOL
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Female 154
20 calories?! Really?

Wtf no.

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Male 7,378
Drink up ladies!
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Male 2,056
confirmed iamboredtooo

i really think these infographes are full full of one thing

BullShat

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Male 53
All You`ve Ever Wanted To Know About Semen?

Expected a blank page.

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Male 214
only 1 tea spoon?? either im a freak or tea spoons are significantly smaller wherever this was written. i mean..im not talking ladels here...but at LEAST soup spoons. any other guys think 1 tea spoon sounds way too small?
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Female 265
Ermm.. the three hours is incredibly wrong. As soon as the fluids are gone, the sperm are dead. They need quite a specific environment to survive. Outside in the air? Max 20 minutes.
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Female 94
I really could have done without this information.
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Male 4,680
"World`s longest splooge - 18 foot"
Well THAT`S a record you won`t be seeing in the guiness world book of records anytime soon!
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Male 172
...It all makes sense now! Quick! Notify the papers!

PEDO BEAR WAS BORN IN PAPUA NEW GUINEA!!!

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Female 233
Mucus and prostate fluids.. oh my god, I`m going to be sick.

Same here...there should be a wrning that females should not read this!!!!

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Male 47
i shall never look at sour cream or whip cream in the same way again
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Male 4
lol my semen shoots faster than a west african jaguar...
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Female 895
Mucus and prostate fluids.. oh my god, I`m going to be sick.
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Male 1,043
Number 1 lesson of today. Never to live in Papua
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Male 686
Was MJ from Papua New Guinea?
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Male 720
I could shatter 18 feet...
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Male 964
Semen is the most fainting substance known to man , and i knew the last one...don`t ask how i just do!
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Male 107
xxPinkxx, "hmmm. interesting. i thought it was less calories than that, though."

Time to diet.

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Male 10,855
18 feet: Wow. The last one:
EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WORST ... RITE ... OF PASSAGE ... EVER!

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Female 3,828
hmmm. interesting. i thought it was less calories than that, though.
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Female 5,222
im actually kind of surprised they didnt pull the "sailor" pic lmao
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Female 326
Last one made me throw up a little inside my mouth. EWW.
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Male 2,220
What a load of bollocks!
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Male 68
18 feet. wow!
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Male 606
I had no idea I shot over quintuple the average distance...

/slight ego stroke

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Male 985
That last one freaked me out...
But some awsome info :P
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Male 9,305
Play safe kids...please...T_T
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Male 316
More than I needed to know...
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Female 695
That`s one of the reasons I like me some vegan boys. Those dudes taste and look gooood.
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Female 2,352
Eewww baby batter of the elderly. XP
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Male 3,301
*starts to eat lots of fruit*

What?

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Male 5,314
BUT WHAT DOES IT TASTE LIKE?
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Female 497
31 mph? That`s a little scary...
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Male 494
"i didn`t know catholicism started in papa new guinea"

I don`t usually do things like this. Hey, what the hell?

This IS after all an epic win.

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Male 25,417
Thats so wrong! in so many ways. drinking the elders sperm! Ugghhh!
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Male 3,755
I gotta agree with mcflylives and viczko that srgkoala`s catholicism joke was funny as hell.
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Male 906
"i didn`t know catholicism started in papa new guinea"

would you like some epic with that win?

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Male 1,081
An 18 foot jizz, impressive...
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Male 334
" srgkoala
Male, 18-29, Canada
210 Posts Thursday, February 4, 2010 7:47:52 PM
i didn`t know catholicism started in papa new guinea"

LMFAO. PURE WIN srgkoala.

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Female 1,593
"OK, so I know that it has nothing to do with the main points but there is no such thing as a WEST AFRICAN JAGUAR. Jaguars are from CENTRAL AND SOUTH AMERICA. Whenever I see something as stupid and erroneous as this it makes the rest of the less verifiable statistics highly suspect"

Why does this sound like Richard Gere`s lines from Chicago?

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Male 321
New Guinea.....ugh
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Female 1,593
"i didn`t know catholicism started in papa new guinea"

Roflmao. You are my hero for the day.

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Male 174
no wonder prostitutes r healthy
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Male 299
i didn`t know catholicism started in papa new guinea
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Female 96
20 calories! come on!!!
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Female 30
That would be an embarassing allergy to explain.
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Male 15,510
I knew you girls were all going to take the chance
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Male 121
@supersmash
this doesn`t look like an oatmeal comic.


on another note, i really didn`t need to know that Papua New Guinea thing.

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Female 474
goodbye protein shakes, hello semen!!
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Male 1
That last one just freaked me out....

And who knew Sperm is actually healthy...

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Male 1,815
I guess guys really can drat like rabbits.
Based on semen count. Terrible analogy. I know. Shut up.
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Male 3,755
Does IAB get all the infographics from a website called theoatmeal.com?
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Female 108
how would you know if you`re allergic to sperm?
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Male 893
I did NOT need to know the last one.
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Male 219
average man ejaculates at 7 to 10 inches?
holy poo i could be in the Olympics for this.
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Female 512
So it really *is* a health food...who`d have thought...
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Female 491
Nice one, StarDagger. Zing!
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Male 3,014
"Alright, we`ve seen the infograph on semen. Time for the infograph on quim. Come on, IAB!"

Trust me, you`d rather NOT know the inner workings of the vagina. You`ll never feel the same way about them again.

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Female 273
That was actually very interesting!
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Male 5,094
StarDagger: BadumTISH! :D
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Male 490
"I wonder who did the taste testing..."

I read that as "I wonder who did the teste tasting..." but I suppose that`s not necessarily wrong either.

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Male 1,505
18 feet...LMFAO. Was there a contest?
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Male 2,440
Alright, we`ve seen the infograph on semen. Time for the infograph on quim. Come on, IAB!
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Male 795
I think I just downloaded in my pants....
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Male 8,302
...and it`s `supposedly` the best facial ointment/skin cream there is, because its alive with all sorts of active enzymes etc unlike a jar of dead ointment from the shop (according to some gossip on the web).

If you can convince your woman of that, you have it made, of course.

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Female 9,557
Thank God I`m not a guy in that tribe.
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Male 1,190
I didn`t know the Etoro people were Republicans?!?!
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Female 1,894
i mean reading
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Female 1,894
try eating sour cream while eating this :p
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Male 10,440
lol @ that tribe.
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Female 721
That was actually interesting to read. The question I have is how did they figure out that world record distance? Was someone from Guiness in the room when this guy was slapping his meat?

Also the food thing is a good reference for those who actually want their girls to swallow. Eat a bunch of apples and stuff before so they won`t hate you. :D

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Male 185
"So... pigs are the real men."

I guess I`ll have to take it as a compliment when some of my girl friends say "all men are pigs" then.

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Male 122
im glad im not apart of that tribe
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Female 200
Actually Someshoes, take it from a nursing student, testes is not misleading in any sense. It is the medical anatomical name. It is used in our physical examination and nursing assessment books.
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Female 162
"i`m making my boyfriend eat more fruit lol"

Ditto

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Male 2,056
i feel like yelling bullshat to the first bit (testes? you mean testicles? even if thats a shortform of it, doesn`t that make this infograph slightly misleading?)
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Male 38
Oh yeah, if you mean a LEOPARD, which is a spotted animal which does live in AFRICA. Its top speed is 38 miles per hour. Double fail.
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Female 276
id like to point out theres no such thing as a west african jaguar, Jaguars are restricted to americas only.
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Female 1,578
So... pigs are the real men.
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Male 7,812
im just glad im not from papua new guinea. that is so nasty.
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Male 38
OK, so I know that it has nothing to do with the main points but there is no such thing as a WEST AFRICAN JAGUAR. Jaguars are from CENTRAL AND SOUTH AMERICA. Whenever I see something as stupid and erroneous as this it makes the rest of the less verifiable statistics highly suspect
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Female 159
@Pilanus

yusyus, but homosexuality is still regarded as wrong in the tribe. Also- and this does make it sound a whole lot worse- a lot of the little boys don`t want to do it. Some run away and are punished for it when they are caught (and they are caught, cause they`re 6 and surrounded by jungle- far far away from where the womens and girls have their secret ceremonies).

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Male 931
The furthest i ever got was hitting my shoulder...Just throwing that out there.
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Female 204
i`m making my boyfriend eat more fruit lol
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Male 2,690
18ft?! HOLY
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Male 1,523
Pig win!
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Male 145
18 feet... that guy must have gone 35 years w/o ejaculating for it to go 18 feet.
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Male 516
*Starts eating fruit.*
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Male 12,138
[quote]18 feet? Jeez.[/quote]

Fancy, I think you meant, "Jizz"...

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Male 3,425
I think half the members on here knew most of those already :D
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Female 1,077
-is glad she`s a lesbian-
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Male 674
Ah the etoro... They believe that for the first 6 years they must suckle the milk of the mothers and then from 6 to 18 they must suckle the milk of the fathers...
Their practices have been throwing a wrench into the ideas of human sexuality since they were found... because even though they grow up through puberty giving head, after they are 8 they go on to lead perfectly normal straight relationships, except now 6-18 year old boys are giving them head all the time.
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Male 20,826
18 feet? Jeez.
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Female 2,672
this is funny
and interesting, lol at the piggy`s
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Male 12,138
Wait... There`s a world record for farthest splooge? And who measures this? A guy with a clipboard, a tape measure and a plastic poncho?

Christ, what a first day at the Guinness Book of Records that would be:

"OK Chad, glad to have you on board. Now, for your first assignment, we need you to go adjudicate on the Long-Distance Ejaculation Record attempt. Here, you`d better wear these galoshes. And when you`re done that, we need you to head on over to Orange County, there`s an 85 year old man there reckons he has the world`s longest foreskin. Have the report on my desk by five".

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Female 159
ahh yes. The Etoro. For anyone wishing to learn more about this tribe and its semen related customs search for the `guardians of the flute`. The Etoro live in papa new guinea if that helps the search.
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Male 678
Didn`t need the last one!1
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Female 1,043
I don`t think I`ll ever look at a teaspoon the same way again. O_O
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Female 3,696
the spoon of semen...will haunt me
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Male 2,703
@gchimmel:

now you can add it to your calorie counting :) (I kid)

I want to know how they recorded that record...did he have to "perform" in front of a lot of people or was it more like "I was standing here and it shot to there"

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Male 15,832
I wonder who did the taste testing...
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Male 601
The last one made me throw up a little
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Male 504
That last bit was nasty but the rest was great.
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Female 100
60-100 calories?! No wonder I`m not losing any weight.
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Male 198
Last one is just un-necessary. Besides that nice infographic
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Male 15,510
Thats more than what I really wanted to know :-/
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Female 667
I`ve actually wondered how many calories are in semen...
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Female 857
... Well, that was fascinating.
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Male 20,826
Link: All You`ve Ever Wanted To Know About Semen [Pic] [Rate Link] - ...but were afraid to ask. An educational infographic. As safe for work as your high school biology book.
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