Married Jonas Brother Says Sex Not Worth the Wait?

Submitted by: eugenius 7 years ago Weird
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/married-jonas-brother-say_b_401769.html

If you didn"t hear, virgin-until-married Kevin Jonas got married days ago. Has sex on honeymoon, insults wife afterward.
There are 78 comments:
Female 2,927
thats why you PRACTICE you idiot!
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Female 64
"I`m not sure which one is who, but isn`t Kevin Jonas the really really ugly one, as opposed to the somewhat ugly one (who I think is Nick) and the not quite so ugly one (Joe or something like that)?"

Sadly I know that Kevin is the one with the 70`s sideburns, Joe is the one with psycho eyebrows, and Nick is the one with crazy curly hair.

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Male 3,842
I`m not sure which one is who, but isn`t Kevin Jonas the really really ugly one, as opposed to the somewhat ugly one (who I think is Nick) and the not quite so ugly one (Joe or something like that)?
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Male 59
"That`s what she said." Ha!

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Just days after tying the knot after years of abstinence, Kevin Jonas of the pop sensation the Jonas Brothers stunned his teenaged fans by announcing that "to be honest about it, sex was not worth the wait."

"After we did it, I was kind of like, that`s it?" Mr. Jonas told reporters at a New York press conference.

As to whether Mr. Jonas` bride agreed with his "that`s it?" assessment, Mr. Jonas remarked, "That`s what she said."

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Male 33
hmm the jump after the link leads to a high security risk website.
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Male 5,194
SHE was the one who said "That`s it?"

That experience will wreck his life. Believe me.

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Female 12
first time is always the worst!!!!
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Male 626
You people sound like a Junior High locker room...
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Male 660
Virgins are like vampires. You read about them all the time; some people actually believe they exist, but they`re nowhere to be seen!
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Female 169
maybe cause it was his first time....or cuz he`s gay
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Female 291
Perhaps it would have been more pleasurable for him if he did not have to hold back on the act because he had to surpress his burning desire for male genitalia.Alas, his wifr can never give him what he truly lusts for.
lmao.
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Female 525
I watched about 15 minutes of True Story: Jonas Brothers or whatever those shows are on Bravo or E! channel and I hate to be stereotypical, but this guy would easily pass for gay with his high voice and his "delicate" persona.
I imagine one day he will come out and he`ll be happy. Until then, he`ll keep pretending like sex isn`t good.
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Male 46
cagel:
There we have it. You`re good at sex. Pretty sure I mentioned somewhere that sex is good when one or more of the partners is good at it.

flyingpie: What, because I prefer cuddling to sex? I`ve been in severe chronic pain my entire life and having every muscle in my body contract like I`m lifting five times my body weight isn`t often an appealing concept for me. My standards for good sex are also set somewhere above just getting off.

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Male 130
small penis.
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Female 1,199
"They clearly did it wrong."

That, or he`s gay. =x

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Female 275
JimmytheMed:

I have had mindblowingly fantastic casual sex on a number of occasions. Sex can be totally amazing and regularly is for me. I`ve only had lame sex when my partner was not communicative. So maybe if Mr. Jonas or you is having a lame time in the sack you should look at yourselves rather than downplaying sex.

It`s not sex`s fault you`re bad at it.

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Male 516
"I bet there are 13 and 14 year old girl all around the world that would LOVE to help him realize that it IS worth it. And yes, I said 13 and 14."

Consider that, and then imagine if they used him to play Edward Cullen in the Twilight movies.

He could probably rule the world.

No joke.

"i have a feeling jimmy the med is secretly a woman "

Agreed.

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Male 316
Hair trigger gun. SHE said "that`s it?!!"
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Male 468
i have a feeling jimmy the med is secretly a woman
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Female 505
what a f.a.g
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Female 1,682
...Is this...is it...real? I was expecting the Onion sign to pop up or something >_> This is hilarious though.
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Male 46
"They clearly did it wrong."
Sex is never "Amazing" unless the partners have either been together for quite some time or one of them is a sex god/dess. Most people, of both sexes, think sex is just bouncing up and down for ten min and then going to sleep. But then, most people are idiots. Sex isn`t that great anyways. Cuddling/teasing>sex most of the time.
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Male 639
He didn`t like it because he`s GAY. They`re all gay.
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Male 1,297
you know better than to wait for marriage.
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Male 454
Pencil dicked screwdog. You could probably fit a promise ring on his ding a ling. Oh, and his chick is fugly.
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Male 467
@SarahofBorg >> I`d say it`s a bit more accurate to say that the first time will probably not be "great" but also it`s a bit more exciting than having sex with your GF/BF for the 200th time.

Other than that, you`re completely correct. Anyway, it`d be a mistake to wait for most people. There will always be those individuals that should never, ever procreate..

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Female 275
They clearly did it wrong.
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Male 373
Idiot

least he learned something

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Male 12,365
[quote]As much as I respect and honor those people who do wish to wait until they are married to have sex, I feel like the "purity" concept that people are spreading hypes up a girl`s virginity so much it`s like the only thing she`s worth.[/quote]

If, as you say, the "purity" concept is only preached to female people, why does this story exist? The Jonas brother in question is a man, isn`t he?

Or are you just being feminist about it?

[quote]Oh, and what exactly do they tell gay teens to wait until? Marriage, for most of them, isn`t going to happen, legally.[/quote]

I think it would be a mistake to think they give a damn about anyone who`s not completely heterosexual. If they say anything at all, it will be about sin, SIN! And I tell them to go away and fornicate with a pig.

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Female 168
"That`s what she said"
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Female 3,562
Of COURSE it wasn`t worth it. Sex isn`t very fun or special until you`ve had plenty of experience with the same person for a long time. The first time is always nothing special and is extremely overrated. Plus, he`s been waiting this long, his expectations were probably extremely off.
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Female 282
hilarious. girls everywhere just melted their chastity rings into navel rings
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Male 35
Dude.

I just gained a little respect for Kevin Jonas.

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Female 735
wow.
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Male 47
Well, I guess if he waited this long for 3 seconds...
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Female 25
I bet there are 13 and 14 year old girl all around the world that would LOVE to help him realize that it IS worth it. And yes, I said 13 and 14.
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Female 1,593
"It wasn`t worth the wait?

... You`re doing it wrong!"

My thoughts exactly.

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Female 15,763
As much as I respect and honor those people who do wish to wait until they are married to have sex, I feel like the "purity" concept that people are spreading hypes up a girl`s virginity so much it`s like the only thing she`s worth.

Oh, and what exactly do they tell gay teens to wait until? Marriage, for most of them, isn`t going to happen, legally.

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Female 236
It wasn`t worth the wait?

... You`re doing it wrong!

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Female 295
hahahaha! If this were real...he would have crushed the hopes and dreams of many a twelve year-old
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Female 523
hahaha
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Male 730
"That`s what she said..." Ha people are gullible.
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Male 3,819
The Borowitz Report ~ The Onion
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Male 25,416
Right!
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Male 7,585
none of them are actually married as far as i know, but this would be hilarious.
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Male 98
I think it`s funny that some of you think Keven Jonas really gave a news conference to talk about his first time. Read the article. Not just the headline.
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Male 51
hahaha

so, what hes trying to say is: dont wait for sex, just do it...

i knew it! nike was right all along! suck on that disney

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Female 1,427
It`s funny as hell to think that, if he`d actually had sex before he was married, and maintained safe sexual practices, his wife sure as hell wouldn`t be saying "That`s it?" afterwards.
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Male 51
hahaha

so, what hes trying to say is: dont wait for sex, just do it...

i knew it! nike was right all along! suck on that disney

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Male 51
hahaha

so, what hes trying to say is: dont wait for sex, just do it...

i knew it! nike was right all along! suck on that disney

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Female 635
Never marry a celebrity. They`ll talk about you sex life for their tween-age fans to see.
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Female 169
sex isn`t amazing unless you make it amazing
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Female 5,222
rofl yep thats it. and its kinda rofl that everyone makes the car reference when it comes to sex.
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Male 98
FYI: Andy Borowitz is a satirist. The article is a joke.
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Male 48
he`s a tard if he doesn`t know that it gets better as you go along. riding your bike the first time wasn`t so great either, was it?
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Female 1,287
... Maybe he`s just trying to steer his young fans into not having sex so young?
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Male 1,093
I hate him for says "thats what she said" I hate people when they say that. AKABANE MAD!! AKABANE SMASH!!
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Male 3,369
Wow...he lost his virginity and makes out sex`s isnt worth it...well duh..your first time isnt "awesome". You and it get better with practice!

But of course..thats where the Jonas idiots fail...

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Male 189
"waiting with sex until you`re married is like waiting with test rides until you`ve bought a car already. "
i cant wait till u get ur std and ur all like `wtf? i was just havin a good tiem`
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Female 1,148
I have to agree with him. Luckily, I didn`t get married.
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Male 2,549
Poor, poor girl...what was she thinking?
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Female 1,652
and now the brothers toss their purity rings out the window. lol
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Male 350
waiting with sex until you`re married is like waiting with test rides until you`ve bought a car already.
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Male 9,306
And now cue the unhappy relationship.
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Male 614
He`s wrong! Anyone care to demonstrate with me?
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Male 964
Silly Jonas brother!
What are you doing with a woman ?
You can`t please a woman, go back to men.
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Male 510
after the `thats what shesaid` thing, this has got to be fke
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Female 3,727
How would he know to do it right? HE`S A VIRGIN...I`m surprised he even knew where to put it..
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Male 3,425
He`s either doing it wrong, or he`s gay.
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Male 4,746
What can you expect? He`s a Jonas Brother. None of them are any good at music. Why would they be good at anything that required passion?
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Female 1,566
Then he is DEFINITELY doing it wrong.
Which I`m not surprised about.
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Female 3,727
Thursday, December 24, 2009 9:08:43 AM
So how long do you think it will be until she files for divorce?
_________________________________________________

2 months...I mean marrying a virgin??? Hahaha

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Female 864
maybe he would be less disappointed if he would just admit that he wants to take it in the bum from some other dude .
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Female 519
He wasn`t doing it right.
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Male 534
The article says it was her who said "That`s it" lulz


This is why practice makes perfect. :D

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Male 49
HAHAHA "that`s it?" "that`s what she said" haha
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Male 734
So how long do you think it will be until she files for divorce?
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Male 1,620
Link: Married Jonas Brother Says Sex Not Worth the Wait? [Rate Link] - If you didn`t hear, virgin-until-married Kevin Jonas got married days ago. Has sex on honeymoon, insults wife afterward.
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