How Twilight Works

Submitted by: MLime 7 years ago in Funny
http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

All the reasons you need to avoid Twilight.
There are 56 comments:
Male 725
1000000000 internet points to whoever posted this link!
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Female 61
dude, link poster gets serious points
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Female 682
my god, best link on iambored ever!
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Female 3,598
ah the oatmeal... i love thee...
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Male 299
"you want to put your testicles against another man`s testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair" nuff said
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Female 631
twilight is horrible.. it`s a tween romance novel with horribly portrayed vampire lore thrown in

The movie even worse horrrrrible acting, porrly thought-out scenes and some good looking guys thrown in to distract teen girls from actually realizing the movie sucks because they`re too pre-concerned with wondering if they`ll get to see the wolf dude take his shirt off again.

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Male 1,485
havent read it, havent seen it, really cant be arsed to do either
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Female 151
electromania -> people don`t hate just because it`s bad (there are plenty of bad books out there that people don`t care about). What people hate are the fangirls who insist that it`s the best novel ever written.
But I agree, unnecessary ranting is annoying no matter which side you are on.
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Female 146
whys evryone hate twilight, its just a book and a film. calm down.
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Male 377
twilight sucks, why would you want to know more?
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Female 143
@xxPinkxx: Yeha, I agree with you there, I mean , I read my little sister`s copy of the book... And wasn`t impressed. But she wont shut the hell up about how bad it is. It`s really annoying.
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Female 3,696
"it is my opinion that people who rant about how they hate twilight are equally as annoying as those who rave about how awesome it is."

I hear ya. I read the first book, it was nice, quick little read...nothing to write home about but it took me two days to breeze through, no biggie. I`m not a huge fan, but I don`t hate it.

Why do people want to spend so much of their time on something they hate?

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Female 3,828
it is my opinion that people who rant about how they hate twilight are equally as annoying as those who rave about how awesome it is.
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Male 516
Personally, when I read the books I paid more attention to the world that Stephenie Meyer had built as opposed to the characters within it.

It`s a simple and sweet world that begs for more exploring. That was my primary reason for carrying on reading the books which is probably why Breaking Dawn was my favorite.

I used to be a serious Twilight basher, but I can`t say that I am anymore. The over-zelous obsession over the characters is purely fan-driven and we can`t blame the book for that.

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Male 1,452
crap i was going to link this but procrastinated.
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Female 12
I read all of the books in the series, and I actually enjoyed them. I`m not afraid to admit that unlike some of the people on here who are probably really do like the books, but not admitting it for sake of trying to look cool. I`m not obsessed over the stories, I just took them for what they were...stories.
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Male 4,290
[quote]why not just make fun of something that really sucks[/quote]

That`s what we ARE doing.

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Female 4,197
Agreed so much... and also this site is giving me great time killing pleasure :D

Thanks for introducing me to a new site iab!

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Female 198
Some of my friends really really like twilight.

it makes me sad. :(

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Female 377
"I don`t think that the person who wrote this article has very good reading comprehension."

Really? Because I think it`s right on key.

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Female 1,545
What I don`t get, is how women and girls can read all the indulgent, weak-minded bullpoo that goes on in that novel and still be okay with themselves for liking it?

And don`t you just feel sad reading it, knowing that the entire series is just an extension of Stephanie Meyer`s sad high school fantasies?

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Male 383
I`m bored of making fun of twilight. nobody really cares at my school now. why not just make fun of something that really sucks, like farmville or vacuum cleaners.
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Female 10
I read three out of four Twilight books out of a combination of peer pressure in high school and the fact that I finished them in two or three days... and it really never gets much different. Unless everything miraculously turns around in the final installment, I`d say this is a pretty accurate article.

And I even gave it a chance. :-(

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Female 318
I don`t think that the person who wrote this article has very good reading comprehension.
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Male 3,255
@Asakura

Intolerant male? Retard?

Try "grown-up." It doesn`t matter what sex you are, if you have enough brain power to see this poo for what it really is, then you`re gonna form just about the same opinions listed in this article.

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Male 716
We can criticize Twilight all we want, and the Twilight fans can be all sparkly adoring all they want, but in the end, it doesn`t matter.

Stephanie Meyer is just sitting there laughing at all of us from atop her sizeable pile of cash.

Unless, of course, she`s one of the rare who actually care about her work, in which case Twilight gains a significant amount of respect, but I still won`t like it.

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Male 2,510
You girls can wish for an "edward" all you want. But the universal truth is if vampires existed, they wouldn`t sparkle or want to date you, more like bite you and leave your corpse in the woods.
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Male 177
Wow by the simple fact you didnt even finish the book im not even going to regard you by pants... ill just call you poo
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Male 101
Funny. Accurate. Twilight is gay.
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Female 500
funny, not so much accurate. just some idiot trying to justify girls` absessions with vampires, and not him. but he was right on a few points, like how edward is like the perfect man who clings to bella just a little too much...
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Male 12,365
[quote]you can tell that this was obviously written by another intolerant male.

I`m not personally into twilight but reading this actually makes me want to try it, cause i tend to enjoy things that people like this retard tend to hate.[/quote]

So you dehumanise him because he`s male (you referred to him as a male, not as a man) and you call him a retard because you can`t answer his points...and you think he`s the intolerant one?

You amuse me.

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Female 236
you can tell that this was obviously written by another intolerant male.

I`m not personally into twilight but reading this actually makes me want to try it, cause i tend to enjoy things that people like this retard tend to hate.

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Male 516
Lul. I love their artwork.
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Male 12,365
Funny and accurate.
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Male 1,598
It was worth it for that first picture alone.
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Male 3,619
spot on...
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Female 1,283
Old post.
Still funny though.
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Female 107
moefreak... I don`t remember if I posted to that one, but I thought that video was more retarded than this post.
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Female 1,963
I`m confused as to why when, earlier today (I think) we had the video where a dude rented out a movie theatre just to essentially point his finger and laugh at a bunch of twilight fans, everyone was totally cool with that, but now when there`s an article that`s actually really funny, people are all "oh enough already let`s not make fun of twilight." Huh?
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Male 65
no its not!!!!
we antis will NEVER STOP until twilight is burned in a bon fire with all its fans!
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Male 65
im sorry about my other reply thingy.
not about how rude it was for twilight but for how many POSTS THERE WAS BETWEEN MINE AND GORGACK`S and by the time i post this, i bet there`s gonna be at least 2 posts between mine and this
also, gorgack? no offence
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Male 65
no its not!!!!
we antis will NEVER STOP until twilight is burned in a bon fire with all its fans!
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Female 107
Does anyone realize that the more you write about twilight, even saying it`s horrible, is not helping anything? Just making more people aware of it. It`s like free publicity (though if anyone doesn`t know about it by now, I doubt they have internet)... just saying, I don`t like Twilight and my best reaction is to ignore it.
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Male 25,416
Twilight wont get you laid!
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Female 854
Wow, people are such haters. This was a waste of time.

I hate whats happened to Hip Hop Music and how Disney is poo. But you don`t see me making a freaking a s s out of myself making fun of it.

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Female 961
the oatmeal rocks. first with it`s beer article and then with this. ah, how i hate twilight
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Male 4,680
As much as I hate twilight, I have to say that the whole "omg twilight sux lol" thing is getting old now.
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Female 285
LOL, so true. If you add the literary quality of how many times Meyer uses the word "chagrin" with every time she describes Edward as a "perfect Adonis" and multiply that by the number of ways Bella resembles Meyer herself, you`ll either have a very bad fanfiction, or Twilight. Which, come to thnk of it, are pretty much the same.

And that was Dr. J`s rant on Twilight. Thank you, and goodnight.

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Female 15,763
Sorry, everyone, about the Our Hero link. I hope this is a fine replacement.
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Male 2,506
Lmao, i just bookmarked the oatmeal, thank you i-a-b for introducing me to this.
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Female 1,963
And exaggerating for the sake of comedy is an unfamiliar concept to you, sillabub?
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Male 11
hah love it :)
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Female 160
I got the impression that they were exaggerating their reaction to Twilight. Forgetting Bella`s name? Counting the number of times Meyer writes "Edward`s perfect face"? Not the best I`ve ever read, but still enjoyable.
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Female 1,963
True dat.
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Female 4,447
I`m starting to love The Oatmeal.
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Female 126
Link: How Twilight Works [Rate Link] - All the reasons you need to avoid Twilight.
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