Sacred Heart Church Asks You A Question [Pic]

Submitted by: Fancys_Asst 7 years ago in Funny

Yes.
There are 127 comments:
Male 91
hells yeah,
im goin ther anyways, might as well enjoy myself...
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Female 204
yes,yes it fkin is lol
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Male 91
i need to start touching myself daily... so it worth my time in hell!!
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Female 5
This almost looks like one of those fake signs people can make on the Internet. Even if it were real, is it even a real Christian church or just another crazy Catholic one.
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Female 523
HAHAHAHAHA.
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Male 33
Absolutely. Excuse me while I go commit a sin to some lesbian porn.
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Male 50
LOL @ Christians! Heaven doesn`t exist, hell doesn`t exist & god doesn`t exist. I shall continue to "pollute" myself watching large quantities of nun related porn.
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Male 914
...so it`s this type of thinking that led priests to touch little boys instead...
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Female 22
...Yes. But we still go to church. We`re the Rebels of the Sacred Heart. We meet every saturday night in Jason`s mom`s basement. Free tissues at the door!
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Male 1,196
you know these church signs aren`t real. they have a webiste where you type in what you want and it displays it on church signs. these are just stupid.
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Female 5
of course it is worth eternity in hell
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Male 24
Leviticus 15
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Male 499
Someone please tell me what page in the bible that says porn will send you to hell.

Go ahead, I have a Bible ready.

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Female 163
I don`t touch myself, my vibrator does it for me.
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Male 56
Haylee, clearly you haven`t seen enough actual church signs, especially ones in Tennessee and the like. This is pretty light considering some of the ones I`ve seen down there
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Female 1,963
Also, I`m pretty sure the bible said nothing about women touching themselves. We have no "seed" to "spill" after all.
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Male 50
LOL @ Christians! Heaven doesn`t exist, hell doesn`t exist & god doesn`t exist. I shall continue to "pollute" myself watching large quantities of nun related porn.
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Male 14,331
Hmmm the priests seem to think touching little boys is.
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Female 459
Stumpy, don`t start.

I agree, this is a church-sign generator website. Do you really think any church would put this on their sign?

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Male 157
Totally worth it. Besides baptism is a get out of hell free card. Go on an touch yourself.
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Male 792
This is from a church sign generator site.
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Female 248
Yes.
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Female 3,828
lolzomg so weird
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Male 50
LOL @ Christians! Heaven doesn`t exist, hell doesn`t exist & god doesn`t exist. I shall continue to "pollute" myself watching large quantities of nun related porn.
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Male 12,365
[quote]But... we all touch ourselves when we bathe and go about daily duties.
What do you want from us, God?![/quote]

Group bathing and touching each other, of course!

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Male 703
well as long as i can spend that eternity touching myself i dont see a problem
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Male 50
LOL @ Christians! Heaven doesn`t exist, hell doesn`t exist & god doesn`t exist. I shall continue to "pollute" myself watching large quantities of nun related porn.
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Male 621
Great. I`m going to hell like 3 times since this morning...
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Female 6
The Bible says that masturbating is okay, as long as you don`t do it while thinking about someone else, or something like that... Which is kinda the point of the act. Hmm.
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Female 4,028
But... we all touch ourselves when we bathe and go about daily duties.
What do you want from us, God?!
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Male 12,365
[quote]Can`t remember, where in the bible does it say that masturbation is wrong? [/quote]

It`s the bit about how the authorities can gain lasting extreme power by controlling every aspect of everyone`s lives, especially anything to do with sex.

Oh, wait. That isn`t actually in the Christian bible. It`s just been Christian policy since the beginning.


Some ignorant people cite the story of Onan, but that just proves they don`t know what they`re talking about.

Onan`s sin was the same as every sin - not mindlessly obeying orders from the authorities regardless of who is harmed by those orders.

Specifically, he and his sister in law were ordered to have a child together and tried to avoid doing so while pretending to obey orders.

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Male 12,365
Hmm...how about touching the scum responsible for this sign? Touching them in the face with my fist.

I wouldn`t do it because I support free speech, even harmful free speech. But I want to.

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Male 225
Dear church, how can someone who is going to spend an eternity in hell for touching little boys help me find my way to heaven? the phrase "it is better to spill your seed in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground" is NOT actually in the bible though people believe it is.
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Male 3,842
Answer: HELL YEAH!

If I can`t whack off in heaven, I don`t want to go.

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Female 187
it depends, can you touch yourself in hell?
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Female 318
That`s what the church calls the direct approach
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Male 1,164
Dear Catholic Church,

Please send me a quote from the bible telling me where touching myself will send me to hell.

Also, I am a big fan of Pope Leo X; if possible, please send me his autograph too.

May Jesus bless you,
Linkenberger.

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Male 1,045
hell yes.
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Male 1,222
Yes it is
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Female 846
how`s that a drating metaphor? i think it`s pretty clear in its meaning
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Female 160
I love those sort of signs. One on a chuch in my old town said once "Read the Bible. It`ll scare the hell out of you". Hehe...Still cracks me up...
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Male 999
yes.
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Female 73
... maaaaaybe...
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Male 152
Would using a little lube ease my entry into hell
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Female 54
THANK YOU Brian 61316. I`m catholic too, and it`s time someone else out there had the sense to understand that some things are metaphors and shouldn`t be taken literally. If we could only spread this message the world would be a better place. Oh yeah, and peace, love and all that.
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Male 16
lol @ ammit13fma.
Where`d you get your information from? None of what you wrote is true.
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Male 1,071
Damn, I use both hands. I`m really going to hell.
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Male 4,290
Let the priest touch you instead!
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Male 741
ammit13fma, you mixed up thing there. Yes the bible says its better that your seeds fall inside a whores than on the floor but thats just a way to emphasize how much they prefer you dont masturbate. Married couples can have sex 100 times if day if they want to, it doesnt limit anything except for no pre-marital sex and no masturbation.

Honestly I`m a catholic and I understand that some thing are just metaphors for the way of life. Taking everything literal is just retarded.
It all depends on where you live, some catholics take it way out of context and some people are actually rational about it. I wasn`t raised to think everything I do is wrong I was taught that everything must be done in goodwill and to have faith. I don`t know whats all the fuzz about "Catholicism ruined my youth" poo.

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Female 3,598
PinkAndGreen- i feel ya. i think we`re on the same boat here.
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Male 276
I do not get Christianity...if someone strictly follows the bible, it is better to buy a prostitute then masturbate, even though they are both sins, and married couples can only have sex on 27 designated days a year and if a female has sex before marriage she is condemned to be stoned to death,, unless it was rape, in which cse the raper has to pay a dowry to her father and then the father may choice to marry her off to the guy that raped her.

it seems like following the bible, since many people claim this country was founded as a Christan nation (not a free religious nation) that our laws are completly wrong

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Female 4,197
but... why does it feel so good if it`s so bad??
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Male 2,841
Of course it is, I don`t need the priest`s help.
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Male 20
this is just one of those online sign maker things. it would be funny if an actual church wrote that in all seriousness, but as a purposeful joke this falls harshly short.
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Female 917
Hm. Would it be incredibly... odd sounding if "though shall not masturbate" is one of the reasons I left the Roman Catholic church?

Grew up my entire life being brainwashed into "what you feel is wrong, what you want is wrong, what you do is wrong, what is fun is wrong, wrong, WRONG" and decided being Catholic was not for me.

From all my years of going to church, I basically got the impression of we`re not worthy- sinners who have been sinners will forever more be sinners until we die. And then off we go to hell. But we`re encouraged to keep trying anyway.

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Female 332
HELL yes!
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Male 608
The other side of the sign read, "So let our priests do it for you."
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Female 265
Most definitely.
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Male 467
Gah! It takes forever to type posts with just the one hand..
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Female 193
Can`t remember, where in the bible does it say that masturbation is wrong?
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Male 1,485
yes, i do belive it is!
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Male 1,918
im touching my hand right now...am I going to hell
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Male 606
Yes. Yes it is.
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Male 25,416
THey wernt spacific about the touching, WHat if i have a itchy leg, can i touch my self to scratch it? does picking you nose count as touching yourself? so many unanswered questions!
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Female 1,148
It`s SO worth it!
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Female 1,652
*stands with hands far away from her body while crying*

I`M SORRY!!! I`M SORRY!!!

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Female 14
Wait... Why would `touching yourself` send you to hell?! I have to warn my boyfriend!
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Male 264
"NOT touching myself IS an eternity in hell!"

hahahahahahaha

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Male 7,831
if you do it right
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Male 191
I`m actually watching scrubs right now... rather contradictory... I can`t believe there are only two other posts referencing this show...
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Male 7,378
Yes it is.
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Male 1,452
welcome to sacred heart!


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Female 1,386
Its a trap!
Dirty pastors hiding in the confessional, just hoping someone comes to confess so they can sin together. blehhhhh.
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Male 1,093
and then the kids ask "But i touch myself all the time. When i have an itch, when i wash my hands; am i going to hell Daddy?"
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Female 1,697
no, thanks for asking.
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Male 353
@ohthedrama

So, basically what you`re saying is that it`s a way to control the mindless sheeple?

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Male 353
Bah,, if it`s Catholic they can masturbate all they want. They just need to confess their sins in the indoor outhouse and say their "our father`s" and "Hail Mary`s". Catholicism is the way to go if you want to be a Christian.
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Male 62
NOT touching myself IS an eternity in hell!
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Male 695
why are religious people so stupid? i guess that is an oxymoron.
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Male 2,690
Oh you Catholicism!
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Male 3,425
Ahahaha, oh korahn, that really made me laugh. Especially as this is a Catholic church.
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Male 18
uhhhhh..... i`ll be right back *disappears into room and comes back in 5 min* yup it is worth it
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Male 337
brb... need to touch myself
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Male 18
Its more than worth it
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Female 29
Oh this is such a hard question... x]
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Male 2,004
hell yeah!
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Male 690
...and the answer is, YES!
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Male 931
*fap fap fap* (has heart attack and dies)
"Boy, it sure is warm down here.....*fap fap fap*"
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Male 1,439
Touching yourself sends you to hell. Having a priest touch you, though, is OK.
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Male 2,033
Off to kill a kitten, back in five.
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Male 339
*fap* *fap* *fap*...
Oh sorry? Were you saying something?
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Female 1,395
It`s ok, i`ll get someone else to touch me instead =)
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Male 1,190
@ohthedrama

Sasha Grey, download, enjoy.

It sounds like you are in some sort of church group, you oculd also find alot of frustrated young women there are well, be careful though the real young ones are already getting some from the Priest/minister/guru.

The cartoon theology of Xianity is good for one thing, computer games like Diablo

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Male 2,422
Remember: every time you masturbate Jesus kills a kitten!
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Male 480
Yes...yes it is...
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Male 2,440
ohthedrama, your lengthy "God doesn`t want you to masturbate" post will fall on deaf ears. XD
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Male 9,305
"im not religous"

Thank God...

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Male 312
Lmao...I dont think masturbating is a sin...If it were, god wouldnt have given us two hands and a free will....
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Male 162
@I hate the Christian faith....They never let us have any fun. =(

If reincarnation does exist (this goes against Christian teaching but what the hell anyways) and I come back as a dog, I`m having all the fun I can have. Now? Life`s a test and I need to keep excelling. ;)

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Male 162
Masterbation is considered a sin in that it usually coincides with pornography, fornication, prositution or acts of sexuality that are outside of the moral stature. You either agree with it or you don`t. The idea behind this sign is to scare the living crap out of you so you stop. Is it true? Nobody can lay this kind of judgement on you other than God but we can certain scare you out of it or try. This would be like telling the child, touch that cookie and you will grow up stupid and never amount to anything your whole life. In the end any act you commit is entirely judged on your disposition and conscience of the act. God judges you on your character and morality. This doesn`t mean go nuts and masterbate everyday. It`s still an act unbecoming to a human being. It may have health benefits but the idea is we are much more evolved than that and can control our sexual urges. This is what God is always trying to do. The idea is simple. Move beyond your primitive ways and try to be greater
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Male 79
I hate the Christian faith....They never let us have any fun. =(
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Male 20
im not religous
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Male 141
KucheKlizma
Male, 18-29, Europe
78 Posts Sunday, November 15, 2009 8:01:10 AM
An eternity OF TOUCHING MYSELF in hell...
Yes.
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your punishment is more likely to be an eternity where you CAN`T touch yourself

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Male 2,220
S`long as you don`t splash your seed on the ground its OK isn`t it?
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Male 964
FIRST CLASS BITCHES!
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Male 3,425
I know this is supposed to be funny and everything, but I`m pretty sure masturbation isn`t considered a sin amongst both Christians and Catholics.
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Female 423
mmhhhmmm
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Male 193
An eternity OF TOUCHING MYSELF in hell...
Yes.
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Female 1,306
Going into this I was expecting Scrubs Sacred Heart Hospital.
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that was my first thought, but i knew it wouldn`t be :(
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Male 2,619
what if I only wanted to touch my head...or arm..oh no Im goin to hell for scratching my arse?
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Male 10,440
yes. In fact I`m masturbating right now.
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Male 3,619
indeed my answer is yes
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Male 67
Yes....dear GOD yes
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Male 90
Yep.
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Male 50
Going into this I was expecting Scrubs Sacred Heart Hospital.
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Male 1,929
Yes.
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Female 133
Of course it is. Heck, after all the effort that God put into creating the orgasm, I think He`d be disappointed in us if we didn`t :)
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Male 1,646
yes. yes it is.
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Female 232
No. I mean yes. Definitely.
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Male 322
Yep.
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Female 691
screw you char.
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Female 691
Yes. Yes it is.
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Male 668
Yes. Yes it is.
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Male 272
what?
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Male 901
Yes.
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Male 111
dratYEAH!
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Female 1,780
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