Defend Yourself Without Fighting: Plan B [Pic]

Submitted by: fancylad 7 years ago Funny

If you"re a pacifist, and Plan A doesn"t work, go straight to Plan B.
There are 98 comments:
Male 25
seriously gothmo, blood? go find someone with AIDS and swallow a pint of their baby gravy and lemme know how it works out for you...
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Female 356
ask them if they have any chips.
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Male 273
gothmo is right, that`s why magic johnson couldn`t play basketball anymore, not cause they feared him raping everyone
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Male 54
wow.
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Female 2
Gothmo... you`re sarcastic right? I just hope you`re sarcastic.
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Female 1,324
yeah seriously >> rape? aids is spread through blood not specifically your dirty things.
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Female 1,283
Actually, babbling like you`re crazy can be a great deterrent. Nobody ever messes with crazies >.>
Though, one the other hand, I just carry my army bayonet with me <.<
@Willardlol
That was epic.
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Male 193
first impressions are everything, unfortunately some involve aids, insanity, heart attacks, and over dramatizing your fear
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Male 46
I think it`s specifically talking about fights not rape. where did we all get rape from?
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Male 71
AIDS or not, I`d still rape this guy. He`s got a purdy mouth.
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Male 251
`Cept they prolly have aids too.
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Male 33
Okay so I have a heart attack and then faint, he/she strips me down. I start convulsing and speaking in tongues and they get on top of me. Then I scream "I HAVE AIDS!!" and everything will be peachy.
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Female 30
LOL I can see this already

"I`m gonna rape you."
"I have AIDS!"

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Male 25
if theyre gonna rape you why would you faint. then it would make it easier for them
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Female 61
Why is it that the comments always make me laugh more than the actual content?
Go Witty IAB-ers!

PS: Is he supposed to be a victim of rape? He looks more like the Rapist. o___0

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Female 5,222
LMAO
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Female 30
Ummm..This is for if you`re going to be raped I`m sure...
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Male 496
Why isn`t screaming and running away the #1 option here?
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Male 157
Yell i cant eat soup without an envelop. works every time.
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Female 1,395
He looks like hes wearing 5 tshirts to bulk himself out a bit too. It must suck to be this guy.
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Male 1,003
Pull down your pants. No one will fight you with your pants down. Unless they`re in jail, like bungled said.
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Male 1,646
just do what i do... all of the sudden pretend its a makeout moment, and lean in to make out with the guy. fixes the problem right away... unless the guy is fighting you for being queer... then you might have a problem
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Male 271
act crazy works in jail, fainting leads to gang rape.
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Male 156
"Both are sure to throw them off for a split second while you throat punch them."

lol definatly

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Male 1,093
i`ll just act crazy. I got big bushy hair and look like a hobo, so i can pull it off
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Male 3,431
They omitted two of my favorites, tell your attacker a joke or pay them a nice compliment. Both are sure to throw them off for a split second while you throat punch them.
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Male 12,365
[quote]But I`m probably just gonna do my ordinary "plan B": hope that you run faster than the other guy.[/quote]

Some training helps with that - if you can hit them accurately enough first, that greatly increases your chance or being able to run faster than them. A kick in the knee, for example, will slow anyone down. Also, the training will make you fitter.

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Male 12,365
[quote]Respectfully, I think I`ll spend that money on a firearm, ammunition and range time.[/quote]

All very well as long as (a) it`s legal to carry a loaded gun (b) you are only ever attacked from a distance.

If it`s legal, I`d do both. Then all you`d need to do is gain enough time and distance to get your gun out.

On the negative side, if it is legal then the chance that they`re carrying a gun is much higher.

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Male 2,841
That guy`s face just screams irony.
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Male 703
i would like to act crazy and babble while spewing out i have super aids and it causes super death
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Male 2,238
"STOP. I HAVE AIDS!`"

"Dude, I just want your money."

"Oh."

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Male 27
reminds me of a little carton called "Recess":

" Before you attack me I must warn you that I know first aid and any damage will be easily repaired."

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Male 1,505
"Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!

Take care to pick the right martial art. Some are far more useful than others in a real fight, some are more suited than others to particular types of people (e.g. wing chun was designed to have less emphasis on strength and is therefore well suited to smaller people).

I wouldn`t overlook boxing, either. It`s surprisingly effective. Most people would be hard pressed to hit a skilled boxer."

Respectfully, I think I`ll spend that money on a firearm, ammunition and range time.

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Male 108
here let me faint so that you can mug me without resistance!
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Female 6
god, wasted money on karate lessons when I can just tell attackers I have aids. lol
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Male 2,553
>Lightshaded
That is genius!
But I`m probably just gonna do my ordinary "plan B": hope that you run faster than the other guy.
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Female 4
I tend to find acting crazy works. Yes... Acting... *shifty eyes*
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Male 219
LightShaded
Male, 18-29, Canada
Sunday, November 22, 2009 8:03:31 PM
"Well, I think the best way to get away from a fight is to offer the person a delightful pat on the back."

heh, that`s such a canadian thing to say. <3

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Male 1,452
screw pacifism , just buy a gun. In the words of Chris rock "you might have pecs, but i have a tex"
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Male 1,256
I would like to see all four of these done at once.
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Male 12,365
[quote]what the hell? As if pretending to be unconscious is going to stop you being robbed.[/quote]

Good sir, no honourable highwayman would rob someone who had fainted!

Back in the real world, you`re completely right. At best, they`d laugh as they robbed you. Maybe they`d be more violent as a gesture of contempt.

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Male 12,365
[quote]Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh![/quote]

Take care to pick the right martial art. Some are far more useful than others in a real fight, some are more suited than others to particular types of people (e.g. wing chun was designed to have less emphasis on strength and is therefore well suited to smaller people).

I wouldn`t overlook boxing, either. It`s surprisingly effective. Most people would be hard pressed to hit a skilled boxer.

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Male 1,045
that doesn`t work for me.
my advice would be run like hell, or buy a doberman
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Male 3,756
"lol at the paul mccartne comment. more like paul mccartney on meth he looks messed up. lol"

Losing half of the fortune you amassed over years of revolutionizing music to some lady you knew for a couple of years will do that to you.

You know, they borrowed a bit, but they made it all famous.

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Male 3,756
Yeah, in Texas plan B is to shoot the muthatrucka`.
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Male 10,440
This will not work in Texas.
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Female 3,828
lol at the paul mccartne comment. more like paul mccartney on meth he looks messed up. lol
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Male 2,486
Or you could just.. you know.. man the f*ck up and hit them back.
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Male 3,756
"Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!"

Or, just give the attacker $1000 to leave you alone. You`d save half your money and 3 years of your life.

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Male 96
It looks like it`s from a prison orientation video.
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Male 423
Well, I think the best way to get away from a fight is to offer the person a delightful pat on the back.
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Female 678
I heard the same thing from a `how not to get raped` seminar.
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Male 152
...or you can pull down your pants and give the full monty. Attract attention and get some ladies at the same time
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Male 316
stardagger - very funny, don`t count on it
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Female 859
The aids excuse was guna be my defense against rapists lol i thought it was pretty good
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Male 2,582
I take it this guy has been in the scenario where he has had to use all of these many, many times.
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Male 32
I dunno pretending to be unconscious might get you ... yeah
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Female 331
There are different types of AIDS that may have mutations in which they are resistant to certain drugs. Maybe if more rapists knew that, they would think twice before collecting a nice series of "resistant to every type of drug" kind of AIDS...but i doubt someone wanting a lay that bad would really care.
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Male 1,190
Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!
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Male 845
if you just stab someone, then i dont think it counts as a fight
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Female 94
This is a way to keep yourself from being raped.
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Female 914
Lionhart2--->LMAOROTF
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Female 30
Or you could always use a pointed stick.
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Female 241
You: Don`t rape me I have aids!
Rapist: OMG really!1! me 2!!!1
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Female 4,197
I`m allergic to violence. I break out in cuts and bruises. It`s awful :(
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Male 308
Paul McCartney?
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Female 243
This made me smile.
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Male 955
EVEN BETTER LIONHEART lol
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Male 955
lol this is great
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Male 8,302
Male 162
Hahaha, so in other words just role over, play dead and let them take your money from you anyways?
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Male 54
You`re a manly man aren`t ya.
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Male 377
"From what I`ve heard, it works against bears. So, maybe this guy is talking about how to defend yourself in case you get robbed by a bear."

Yeah but what about the other things on the list?

Bear: "rooooooaaaaarrrr"
victim: "lalalalalalalala, I see dead people, whhheeeee"

You go test it and let us know.

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Female 138
lol vd
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Male 377
piss on the attacker. that works. unless they like golden showers.
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Male 4,290
"Before you punch me, know this: I have VD."
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Male 1,647

Lmao, Aniqa.. XD
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Male 3,314
"what the hell? As if pretending to be unconscious is going to stop you being robbed."

From what I`ve heard, it works against bears. So, maybe this guy is talking about how to defend yourself in case you get robbed by a bear.

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Male 1,190
Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!
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Male 999
lol i have aids to!
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Female 241
You: Don`t rape me I have aids!
Rapist: OMG really!1! me 2!!!1
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Female 50
I thought he looked like Paul McCartney too..
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Female 275
haahaha this is so funny !
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Male 2,592
if someone really wants to lump your forehead up a bit i don`t think any of those will work.. you just gonna be knotted up anyway and on top of that look like a lil biiiii... tch
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Male 7,585
there is no possible way any of these could backfire.
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Male 569
he looks pathetic
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Female 9,402
Why does this guy look like Paul McCartney?
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Male 833
"I HAVE AIDS!!"
"thats okay, im only sticking my foot up your ass not my dick"
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Male 3
lol lukas that made me lol
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Male 3,756
Well, for guys and fat chicks at least.
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Male 3,756
"Get naked" should be one of the choices.
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Male 316
You forgot "run for your life"
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Male 227
ha ha this is funny
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Male 3,425
I personally like the third one, flinging your own poo really confuses them.
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Male 25,416
Pretend to failt, wind up pregnant!
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Male 310
I have aids.
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Male 169
what the hell? As if pretending to be unconscious is going to stop you being robbed.
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Male 19,873
Link: Defend Yourself Without Fighting: Plan B [Pic] [Rate Link] - If you`re a pacifist, and Plan A doesn`t work, go straight to Plan B.
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