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98 Comments - View/Add
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Rating: 3.6
Category: Funny
Date: 11/22/09 12:36 PM

98 Responses to Defend Yourself Without Fighting: Plan B [Pic]

  1. Profile photo of fancylad
    fancylad Male 30-39
    18829 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 12:43 pm
    Link: Defend Yourself Without Fighting: Plan B - If you`re a pacifist, and Plan A doesn`t work, go straight to Plan B.
  2. Profile photo of Joshyboy989
    Joshyboy989 Male 13-17
    169 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 12:51 pm
    what the hell? As if pretending to be unconscious is going to stop you being robbed.
  3. Profile photo of DertMerchant
    DertMerchant Male 18-29
    310 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 12:52 pm
    I have aids.
  4. Profile photo of Fatninja01
    Fatninja01 Male 30-39
    25420 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 12:55 pm
    Pretend to failt, wind up pregnant!
  5. Profile photo of lukas1051
    lukas1051 Male 18-29
    3426 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 12:57 pm
    I personally like the third one, flinging your own poo really confuses them.
  6. Profile photo of logandaninja
    logandaninja Male 13-17
    227 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:01 pm
    ha ha this is funny
  7. Profile photo of tws8631
    tws8631 Male 50-59
    316 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:02 pm
    You forgot "run for your life"
  8. Profile photo of SuperSmash
    SuperSmash Male 18-29
    3758 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:05 pm
    "Get naked" should be one of the choices.
  9. Profile photo of SuperSmash
    SuperSmash Male 18-29
    3758 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:06 pm
    Well, for guys and fat chicks at least.
  10. Profile photo of Dean_FL
    Dean_FL Male 18-29
    3 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:07 pm
    lol lukas that made me lol
  11. Profile photo of ultimakewl
    ultimakewl Male 18-29
    833 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:34 pm
    "I HAVE AIDS!!"
    "thats okay, im only sticking my foot up your ass not my dick"
  12. Profile photo of panth753
    panth753 Female 18-29
    9237 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:43 pm
    Why does this guy look like Paul McCartney?
  13. Profile photo of SLC77
    SLC77 Male 13-17
    570 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:46 pm
    he looks pathetic
  14. Profile photo of cobrakiller
    cobrakiller Male 18-29
    7462 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:48 pm
    there is no possible way any of these could backfire.
  15. Profile photo of keith2
    keith2 Male 30-39
    2588 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:53 pm
    if someone really wants to lump your forehead up a bit i don`t think any of those will work.. you just gonna be knotted up anyway and on top of that look like a lil biiiii... tch
  16. Profile photo of chelseycake
    chelseycake Female 13-17
    275 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 1:55 pm
    haahaha this is so funny !
  17. Profile photo of iSagacious
    iSagacious Female 13-17
    50 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 2:29 pm
    I thought he looked like Paul McCartney too..
  18. Profile photo of Aniqa
    Aniqa Female 13-17
    241 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 2:44 pm
    You: Don`t rape me I have aids!
    Rapist: OMG really!1! me 2!!!1
  19. Profile photo of unbanned
    unbanned Male 13-17
    999 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    lol i have aids to!
  20. Profile photo of StarDagger
    StarDagger Male 40-49
    1190 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:08 pm
    Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!
  21. Profile photo of Rick_S
    Rick_S Male 40-49
    3282 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:26 pm
    "what the hell? As if pretending to be unconscious is going to stop you being robbed."

    From what I`ve heard, it works against bears. So, maybe this guy is talking about how to defend yourself in case you get robbed by a bear.

  22. Profile photo of JaLacaob
    JaLacaob Male 18-29
    1647 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    Lmao, Aniqa.. XD
  23. Profile photo of almightybob1
    almightybob1 Male 18-29
    4290 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:44 pm
    "Before you punch me, know this: I have VD."
  24. Profile photo of waffle247
    waffle247 Male 18-29
    377 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:46 pm
    piss on the attacker. that works. unless they like golden showers.
  25. Profile photo of Lonley_girl
    Lonley_girl Female 13-17
    138 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:50 pm
    lol vd
  26. Profile photo of waffle247
    waffle247 Male 18-29
    377 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:50 pm
    "From what I`ve heard, it works against bears. So, maybe this guy is talking about how to defend yourself in case you get robbed by a bear."

    Yeah but what about the other things on the list?

    Bear: "rooooooaaaaarrrr"
    victim: "lalalalalalalala, I see dead people, whhheeeee"

    You go test it and let us know.

  27. Profile photo of Ko_zea_lets
    Ko_zea_lets Male 18-29
    54 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:50 pm
    You`re a manly man aren`t ya.
  28. Profile photo of RedAftrshock
    RedAftrshock Male 18-29
    162 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 3:55 pm
    Hahaha, so in other words just role over, play dead and let them take your money from you anyways?
  29. Profile photo of Lionhart2
    Lionhart2 Male 40-49
    8306 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 4:08 pm
    And don`t forget the Fruit Method.
  30. Profile photo of SephirothA83
    SephirothA83 Male 18-29
    955 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 4:16 pm
    lol this is great
  31. Profile photo of SephirothA83
    SephirothA83 Male 18-29
    955 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 4:17 pm
    EVEN BETTER LIONHEART lol
  32. Profile photo of m0527j3
    m0527j3 Female 18-29
    243 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 4:42 pm
    This made me smile.
  33. Profile photo of Aretsuku-kun
    Aretsuku-kun Male 13-17
    309 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 4:45 pm
    Paul McCartney?
  34. Profile photo of Shellie84
    Shellie84 Female 18-29
    4197 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 5:34 pm
    I`m allergic to violence. I break out in cuts and bruises. It`s awful :(
  35. Profile photo of Aniqa
    Aniqa Female 13-17
    241 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 5:38 pm
    You: Don`t rape me I have aids!
    Rapist: OMG really!1! me 2!!!1
  36. Profile photo of Space_oddity
    Space_oddity Female 13-17
    30 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 5:38 pm
    Or you could always use a pointed stick.
  37. Profile photo of fishgul69
    fishgul69 Female 18-29
    914 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 5:43 pm
    Lionhart2--->LMAOROTF
  38. Profile photo of musicofnight
    musicofnight Female 30-39
    94 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 5:47 pm
    This is a way to keep yourself from being raped.
  39. Profile photo of yudontn0me
    yudontn0me Male 18-29
    845 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 6:04 pm
    if you just stab someone, then i dont think it counts as a fight
  40. Profile photo of StarDagger
    StarDagger Male 40-49
    1190 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 6:25 pm
    Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!
  41. Profile photo of starshimmer
    starshimmer Female 18-29
    331 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 6:28 pm
    There are different types of AIDS that may have mutations in which they are resistant to certain drugs. Maybe if more rapists knew that, they would think twice before collecting a nice series of "resistant to every type of drug" kind of AIDS...but i doubt someone wanting a lay that bad would really care.
  42. Profile photo of Zaneo
    Zaneo Male 18-29
    32 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 6:32 pm
    I dunno pretending to be unconscious might get you ... yeah
  43. Profile photo of Negative_One
    Negative_One Male 30-39
    2583 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 6:42 pm
    I take it this guy has been in the scenario where he has had to use all of these many, many times.
  44. Profile photo of coolbananas
    coolbananas Female 18-29
    859 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 7:36 pm
    The aids excuse was guna be my defense against rapists lol i thought it was pretty good
  45. Profile photo of tws8631
    tws8631 Male 50-59
    316 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 7:38 pm
    stardagger - very funny, don`t count on it
  46. Profile photo of Beaverfever
    Beaverfever Male 18-29
    152 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 7:44 pm
    ...or you can pull down your pants and give the full monty. Attract attention and get some ladies at the same time
  47. Profile photo of SilentFray
    SilentFray Female 18-29
    678 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 7:59 pm
    I heard the same thing from a `how not to get raped` seminar.
  48. Profile photo of LightShaded
    LightShaded Male 18-29
    423 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 8:03 pm
    Well, I think the best way to get away from a fight is to offer the person a delightful pat on the back.
  49. Profile photo of DOUBLE_L7
    DOUBLE_L7 Male 18-29
    96 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 8:04 pm
    It looks like it`s from a prison orientation video.
  50. Profile photo of SuperSmash
    SuperSmash Male 18-29
    3758 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 8:39 pm
    "Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!"

    Or, just give the attacker $1000 to leave you alone. You`d save half your money and 3 years of your life.

  51. Profile photo of RyanF701
    RyanF701 Male 18-29
    2486 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 9:01 pm
    Or you could just.. you know.. man the f*ck up and hit them back.
  52. Profile photo of xxPinkxx
    xxPinkxx Female 18-29
    3829 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 9:28 pm
    lol at the paul mccartne comment. more like paul mccartney on meth he looks messed up. lol
  53. Profile photo of LazyMe484
    LazyMe484 Male 18-29
    10441 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 9:29 pm
    This will not work in Texas.
  54. Profile photo of SuperSmash
    SuperSmash Male 18-29
    3758 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 9:35 pm
    Yeah, in Texas plan B is to shoot the muthatrucka`.
  55. Profile photo of SuperSmash
    SuperSmash Male 18-29
    3758 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 9:39 pm
    "lol at the paul mccartne comment. more like paul mccartney on meth he looks messed up. lol"

    Losing half of the fortune you amassed over years of revolutionizing music to some lady you knew for a couple of years will do that to you.

    You know, they borrowed a bit, but they made it all famous.

  56. Profile photo of Edgarska19
    Edgarska19 Male 18-29
    1045 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 9:55 pm
    that doesn`t work for me.
    my advice would be run like hell, or buy a doberman
  57. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12387 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 10:00 pm
    Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!

    Take care to pick the right martial art. Some are far more useful than others in a real fight, some are more suited than others to particular types of people (e.g. wing chun was designed to have less emphasis on strength and is therefore well suited to smaller people).

    I wouldn`t overlook boxing, either. It`s surprisingly effective. Most people would be hard pressed to hit a skilled boxer.

  58. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12387 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 10:05 pm
    what the hell? As if pretending to be unconscious is going to stop you being robbed.

    Good sir, no honourable highwayman would rob someone who had fainted!

    Back in the real world, you`re completely right. At best, they`d laugh as they robbed you. Maybe they`d be more violent as a gesture of contempt.

  59. Profile photo of Skabashas
    Skabashas Male 18-29
    1256 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 10:10 pm
    I would like to see all four of these done at once.
  60. Profile photo of vorpalsword
    vorpalsword Male 18-29
    1452 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 10:25 pm
    screw pacifism , just buy a gun. In the words of Chris rock "you might have pecs, but i have a tex"
  61. Profile photo of silveruo
    silveruo Male 18-29
    219 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 11:21 pm
    LightShaded
    Male, 18-29, Canada
    Sunday, November 22, 2009 8:03:31 PM
    "Well, I think the best way to get away from a fight is to offer the person a delightful pat on the back."

    heh, that`s such a canadian thing to say. <3

  62. Profile photo of Gulletless
    Gulletless Female 18-29
    4 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 11:30 pm
    I tend to find acting crazy works. Yes... Acting... *shifty eyes*
  63. Profile photo of GRadde
    GRadde Male 18-29
    2556 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 11:40 pm
    >Lightshaded
    That is genius!
    But I`m probably just gonna do my ordinary "plan B": hope that you run faster than the other guy.
  64. Profile photo of reaperinpink
    reaperinpink Female 18-29
    6 posts
    November 22, 2009 at 11:46 pm
    god, wasted money on karate lessons when I can just tell attackers I have aids. lol
  65. Profile photo of Valigon
    Valigon Male 18-29
    108 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 12:11 am
    here let me faint so that you can mug me without resistance!
  66. Profile photo of belunan
    belunan Male 30-39
    1507 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 12:15 am
    "Spend 60$ a month and goto martial arts class and three years later get your black belt, duh!

    Take care to pick the right martial art. Some are far more useful than others in a real fight, some are more suited than others to particular types of people (e.g. wing chun was designed to have less emphasis on strength and is therefore well suited to smaller people).

    I wouldn`t overlook boxing, either. It`s surprisingly effective. Most people would be hard pressed to hit a skilled boxer."

    Respectfully, I think I`ll spend that money on a firearm, ammunition and range time.

  67. Profile photo of Busboy
    Busboy Male 30-39
    27 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 12:18 am
    reminds me of a little carton called "Recess":

    " Before you attack me I must warn you that I know first aid and any damage will be easily repaired."

  68. Profile photo of trp712
    trp712 Male 18-29
    2239 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 1:00 am
    "STOP. I HAVE AIDS!`"

    "Dude, I just want your money."

    "Oh."

  69. Profile photo of Samsonite219
    Samsonite219 Male 18-29
    703 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 3:13 am
    i would like to act crazy and babble while spewing out i have super aids and it causes super death
  70. Profile photo of Solvent
    Solvent Male 18-29
    2842 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 3:28 am
    That guy`s face just screams irony.
  71. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12387 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 3:36 am
    Respectfully, I think I`ll spend that money on a firearm, ammunition and range time.

    All very well as long as (a) it`s legal to carry a loaded gun (b) you are only ever attacked from a distance.

    If it`s legal, I`d do both. Then all you`d need to do is gain enough time and distance to get your gun out.

    On the negative side, if it is legal then the chance that they`re carrying a gun is much higher.

  72. Profile photo of Angilion
    Angilion Male 40-49
    12387 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 3:40 am
    But I`m probably just gonna do my ordinary "plan B": hope that you run faster than the other guy.

    Some training helps with that - if you can hit them accurately enough first, that greatly increases your chance or being able to run faster than them. A kick in the knee, for example, will slow anyone down. Also, the training will make you fitter.

  73. Profile photo of SilverThread
    SilverThread Male 30-39
    3431 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 3:53 am
    They omitted two of my favorites, tell your attacker a joke or pay them a nice compliment. Both are sure to throw them off for a split second while you throat punch them.
  74. Profile photo of akabane
    akabane Male 18-29
    1093 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 4:46 am
    i`ll just act crazy. I got big bushy hair and look like a hobo, so i can pull it off
  75. Profile photo of Taipan
    Taipan Male 18-29
    156 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 6:07 am
    "Both are sure to throw them off for a split second while you throat punch them."

    lol definatly

  76. Profile photo of bungled
    bungled Male 30-39
    271 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 7:14 am
    act crazy works in jail, fainting leads to gang rape.
  77. Profile photo of Subushie
    Subushie Male 18-29
    1646 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 8:39 am
    just do what i do... all of the sudden pretend its a makeout moment, and lean in to make out with the guy. fixes the problem right away... unless the guy is fighting you for being queer... then you might have a problem
  78. Profile photo of Wey_Pooh
    Wey_Pooh Male 18-29
    1004 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 9:03 am
    Pull down your pants. No one will fight you with your pants down. Unless they`re in jail, like bungled said.
  79. Profile photo of BABY_BEAR
    BABY_BEAR Female 18-29
    1395 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 9:17 am
    He looks like hes wearing 5 tshirts to bulk himself out a bit too. It must suck to be this guy.
  80. Profile photo of phattiger
    phattiger Male 18-29
    157 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 10:44 am
    Yell i cant eat soup without an envelop. works every time.
  81. Profile photo of kilroy5555
    kilroy5555 Male 30-39
    496 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 11:35 am
    Why isn`t screaming and running away the #1 option here?
  82. Profile photo of Nancy13
    Nancy13 Female 18-29
    30 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 11:56 am
    Ummm..This is for if you`re going to be raped I`m sure...
  83. Profile photo of BunnyNaku
    BunnyNaku Female 18-29
    5224 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 2:54 pm
    LMAO
  84. Profile photo of astrorice
    astrorice Female 13-17
    61 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 2:55 pm
    Why is it that the comments always make me laugh more than the actual content?
    Go Witty IAB-ers!

    PS: Is he supposed to be a victim of rape? He looks more like the Rapist. o___0

  85. Profile photo of TheBigBarney
    TheBigBarney Male 18-29
    25 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 4:52 pm
    if theyre gonna rape you why would you faint. then it would make it easier for them
  86. Profile photo of TheTaurus
    TheTaurus Female 18-29
    30 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 8:44 pm
    LOL I can see this already

    "I`m gonna rape you."
    "I have AIDS!"

  87. Profile photo of _Willardlol_
    _Willardlol_ Male 13-17
    33 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 10:17 pm
    Okay so I have a heart attack and then faint, he/she strips me down. I start convulsing and speaking in tongues and they get on top of me. Then I scream "I HAVE AIDS!!" and everything will be peachy.
  88. Profile photo of RVIsh
    RVIsh Male 18-29
    251 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 11:33 pm
    `Cept they prolly have aids too.
  89. Profile photo of dannyseven
    dannyseven Male 18-29
    71 posts
    November 23, 2009 at 11:47 pm
    AIDS or not, I`d still rape this guy. He`s got a purdy mouth.
  90. Profile photo of xMyHOBOx
    xMyHOBOx Male 18-29
    46 posts
    November 24, 2009 at 7:37 am
    I think it`s specifically talking about fights not rape. where did we all get rape from?
  91. Profile photo of kooleyo
    kooleyo Male 13-17
    193 posts
    November 24, 2009 at 4:13 pm
    first impressions are everything, unfortunately some involve aids, insanity, heart attacks, and over dramatizing your fear
  92. Profile photo of Skreshavik
    Skreshavik Female 18-29
    1284 posts
    November 24, 2009 at 8:42 pm
    Actually, babbling like you`re crazy can be a great deterrent. Nobody ever messes with crazies >.>
    Though, one the other hand, I just carry my army bayonet with me <.<
    @Willardlol
    That was epic.
  93. Profile photo of gothmo
    gothmo Female 18-29
    1324 posts
    November 26, 2009 at 11:58 pm
    yeah seriously >> rape? aids is spread through blood not specifically your dirty things.
  94. Profile photo of SetsunaEarth
    SetsunaEarth Female 18-29
    2 posts
    November 28, 2009 at 1:04 pm
    Gothmo... you`re sarcastic right? I just hope you`re sarcastic.
  95. Profile photo of JRuu
    JRuu Male 18-29
    54 posts
    November 29, 2009 at 5:06 pm
    wow.
  96. Profile photo of ForAllThSin
    ForAllThSin Male 18-29
    273 posts
    November 30, 2009 at 1:32 pm
    gothmo is right, that`s why magic johnson couldn`t play basketball anymore, not cause they feared him raping everyone
  97. Profile photo of alchemist18
    alchemist18 Female 13-17
    356 posts
    December 6, 2009 at 1:58 pm
    ask them if they have any chips.
  98. Profile photo of AFMike
    AFMike Male 18-29
    25 posts
    January 15, 2010 at 6:58 am
    seriously gothmo, blood? go find someone with AIDS and swallow a pint of their baby gravy and lemme know how it works out for you...

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