News Report: Trying Not To Masturbate On 9/11 [Vid

Submitted by: mooseyfate 7 years ago Funny

Americans say attending a 9/11 vigil or moment of silence to only then come home to fap away is disrespectful and wrong.
There are 51 comments:
Male 189
If I had known, I would`ve held back that day. However, I did inadvertantly celebrate Masturbation Day on 9/12. Kinda makes up for it.
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Male 123
"There is nothing in the world that can keep me from masturbating today"

Safest Sex Ever!

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Male 2,788

"There is nothing in the world that can keep me from masturbating today"


attaboy

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Male 2,788
"Masturbate twice as much to make up for the previous day"


PFFFTHAHAHAHAHA

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Male 371
lol someone thought this was serious in the comments. I love it when people take the onion seriously.
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Male 1,918
what! the next day I would have to masturbate 6 times! ;) lol
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Male 109
i was so going to masturbate yesterday and 9/11 how it happened came on so i turned it to adult swim and thats about how it went down
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Male 123
It`s my 18th birthday today, on what was just declared "Masturbation Day". Awesome.
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Male 8,302
24 whole hours!??
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Male 216
lol i didnt even think about it. Too late for me.
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Male 2,238
I love the Onion.

Love it to death.

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Female 3,828
wow i cant believe this is a serious newscast... lol
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Male 371
its past midnight wooHOO
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Male 15,832
Why couldn`t you have posted this yesterday?
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Female 253
What happens if you`re not American? Is it disrespectful then?
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Female 232
But.. but.. thats the best way to start the day..
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Male 845
if only i had seen that 5 minutes ago
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Male 147
sh*t. I`m going to hell.
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Male 906
hahahahaaaa that kid was funny
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Male 189
too late. damn!
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Male 124
oops.
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Male 72
I wouldn`t be suprised if I really saw a report like that on the news lol.

What I`m about to say is not a joke:
I was watching nbc today show during the time when the new star trek movie came out and they compared Obama to Spock... yeah...
I was baffled, but then I couldn`t stop laughing.

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Male 216
ROFL! Damn, if only i knew. I failed :[
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Female 142
thats my friend at the end !
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Male 132
lmfao
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Male 9,306
LMAO! Masturbation Day! XD
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Male 795
"There is nothing in the world that can keep me from masturbating today" :)
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Female 15,763
I laughed... but then I felt bad.

But then I was over it and laughed again!

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Female 1,006
lol. Good Job, Onion.
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Female 1,677
That made me laugh. What`s wrong with the Onion?

Anyway I can masturbate all I want since I`m not American. So there.

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Male 1,140
LMAO @ Onion

I used to be that way about important holidays and such, no cursing, fapping or being a douche. Now I just realize that being a douche is a good test to see who has the most holiday spirit. and fapping helps reduce family related stress.

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Male 13,624
Onion really makes me disgruntled
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Male 185
Damnit, I already masturbated today... I didn`t realize it was sept. 11th.
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Female 579
"Stupid onion." sounded funny.
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Male 1,078
lmao.
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Male 4,746
The onion makes no sense.

I hate the onion.

I`m going to go sit over here and hate the onion in a very bitter way.

Stupid onion.

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Female 3,828
lol nice
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Male 59
Well, I tried, folks.
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Male 527
Perhaps I`m weird but I don`t think the Onion is ever even the slightest bit funny...including this bit.
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Female 1,572
Go onion go!
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Female 178
uhhhh.....ohhh......ehhh.......ah...OMG! Sorry >.<
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Male 689
hahahahahahaha "whitney houston gets back together"
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Male 139
Before even clicking on the link, I knew this was going to be an Onion vid.
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Male 497
then in the meantime some guy comes and steals their car
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Female 1,395
*squealch*...=( too late...
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Male 976
If we don`t masturbate on 9/11, the terrorists win!
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Male 5,314
well that`s how i show my sign of respect
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Male 801
F*cking Onion!
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Male 19
Very brave but very funny.

Bravo Onion!

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Male 31
respectful and patriotic thing to do... uh huh kinda like defending our country from illegal immigrants or questioning the goverment? oh wait they discourage both...
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Male 851
Link: News Report: Trying Not To Masturbate On 9/11 [Vid [Rate Link] - Americans say attending a 9/11 vigil or moment of silence to only then come home to fap away is disrespectful and wrong.
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