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51 Comments - View/Add
Hits: 15454
Rating: 3.8
Category: Funny
Date: 09/11/09 09:05 AM

51 Responses to News Report: Trying Not To Masturbate On 9/11 [Vid

  1. Profile photo of demonangel00
    demonangel00 Male 18-29
    31 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:22 am
    respectful and patriotic thing to do... uh huh kinda like defending our country from illegal immigrants or questioning the goverment? oh wait they discourage both...
  2. Profile photo of FUGAZI100
    FUGAZI100 Male 18-29
    19 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:24 am
    Very brave but very funny.

    Bravo Onion!

  3. Profile photo of Scott_2150
    Scott_2150 Male 18-29
    801 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:28 am
    F*cking Onion!
  4. Profile photo of ScottSerious
    ScottSerious Male 18-29
    5316 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:29 am
    well that`s how i show my sign of respect
  5. Profile photo of buxco215
    buxco215 Male 18-29
    977 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:32 am
    If we don`t masturbate on 9/11, the terrorists win!
  6. Profile photo of BABY_BEAR
    BABY_BEAR Female 18-29
    1395 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:37 am
    *squealch*...=( too late...
  7. Profile photo of Kanashto
    Kanashto Male 18-29
    499 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:40 am
    then in the meantime some guy comes and steals their car
  8. Profile photo of brianlance
    brianlance Male 30-39
    140 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:49 am
    Before even clicking on the link, I knew this was going to be an Onion vid.
  9. Profile photo of evanking
    evanking Male 18-29
    689 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 10:11 am
    hahahahahahaha "whitney houston gets back together"
  10. Profile photo of wingz1206
    wingz1206 Female 18-29
    178 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 10:27 am
    uhhhh.....ohhh......ehhh.......ah...OMG! Sorry >.<
  11. Profile photo of angelicamber
    angelicamber Female 18-29
    1572 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 10:34 am
    Go onion go!
  12. Profile photo of toneman
    toneman Male 30-39
    527 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 10:53 am
    Perhaps I`m weird but I don`t think the Onion is ever even the slightest bit funny...including this bit.
  13. Profile photo of woodslover69
    woodslover69 Male 18-29
    59 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 10:53 am
    Well, I tried, folks.
  14. Profile photo of xxPinkxx
    xxPinkxx Female 18-29
    3829 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 11:30 am
    lol nice
  15. Profile photo of patchouly
    patchouly Male 40-49
    4746 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 11:43 am
    The onion makes no sense.

    I hate the onion.

    I`m going to go sit over here and hate the onion in a very bitter way.

    Stupid onion.

  16. Profile photo of 643197
    643197 Male 18-29
    1078 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 11:46 am
    lmao.
  17. Profile photo of Lixa123
    Lixa123 Female 18-29
    579 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 12:02 pm
    "Stupid onion." sounded funny.
  18. Profile photo of audiosncracy
    audiosncracy Male 18-29
    185 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 12:05 pm
    Damnit, I already masturbated today... I didn`t realize it was sept. 11th.
  19. Profile photo of ferdyfred
    ferdyfred Male 40-49
    13631 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 12:13 pm
    Onion really makes me disgruntled
  20. Profile photo of eggsnham
    eggsnham Male 13-17
    1140 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 12:26 pm
    LMAO @ Onion

    I used to be that way about important holidays and such, no cursing, fapping or being a douche. Now I just realize that being a douche is a good test to see who has the most holiday spirit. and fapping helps reduce family related stress.

  21. Profile photo of Boadicea
    Boadicea Female 18-29
    1677 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 12:52 pm
    That made me laugh. What`s wrong with the Onion?

    Anyway I can masturbate all I want since I`m not American. So there.

  22. Profile photo of akijade
    akijade Female 18-29
    1006 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 12:54 pm
    lol. Good Job, Onion.
  23. Profile photo of opiebreath
    opiebreath Female 18-29
    15774 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 12:56 pm
    I laughed... but then I felt bad.

    But then I was over it and laughed again!

  24. Profile photo of sfcg
    sfcg Male 30-39
    796 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 1:01 pm
    "There is nothing in the world that can keep me from masturbating today" :)
  25. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9308 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 1:03 pm
    LMAO! Masturbation Day! XD
  26. Profile photo of Squab27
    Squab27 Male 13-17
    132 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 1:16 pm
    lmfao
  27. Profile photo of yeayeayea23
    yeayeayea23 Female 18-29
    142 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 1:48 pm
    thats my friend at the end !
  28. Profile photo of MrAnonymous
    MrAnonymous Male 18-29
    216 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 3:01 pm
    ROFL! Damn, if only i knew. I failed :[
  29. Profile photo of Antonin
    Antonin Male 18-29
    72 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 3:06 pm
    I wouldn`t be suprised if I really saw a report like that on the news lol.

    What I`m about to say is not a joke:
    I was watching nbc today show during the time when the new star trek movie came out and they compared Obama to Spock... yeah...
    I was baffled, but then I couldn`t stop laughing.

  30. Profile photo of Swuzler
    Swuzler Male 18-29
    124 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 3:42 pm
    oops.
  31. Profile photo of tazman321
    tazman321 Male 13-17
    189 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 3:47 pm
    too late. damn!
  32. Profile photo of viczko
    viczko Male 13-17
    906 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 5:53 pm
    hahahahaaaa that kid was funny
  33. Profile photo of SoMeMeXiCaN
    SoMeMeXiCaN Male 13-17
    149 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 6:13 pm
    sh*t. I`m going to hell.
  34. Profile photo of yudontn0me
    yudontn0me Male 18-29
    845 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 7:50 pm
    if only i had seen that 5 minutes ago
  35. Profile photo of FelanSlvr
    FelanSlvr Female 18-29
    232 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 7:58 pm
    But.. but.. thats the best way to start the day..
  36. Profile photo of LadyPele
    LadyPele Female 18-29
    253 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 8:33 pm
    What happens if you`re not American? Is it disrespectful then?
  37. Profile photo of OldOllie
    OldOllie Male 60-69
    15841 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 8:43 pm
    Why couldn`t you have posted this yesterday?
  38. Profile photo of Finwicket
    Finwicket Male 18-29
    371 posts
    September 11, 2009 at 9:52 pm
    its past midnight wooHOO
  39. Profile photo of xxPinkxx
    xxPinkxx Female 18-29
    3829 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 12:13 am
    wow i cant believe this is a serious newscast... lol
  40. Profile photo of trp712
    trp712 Male 18-29
    2239 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 1:17 am
    I love the Onion.

    Love it to death.

  41. Profile photo of Lou-Saydus
    Lou-Saydus Male 13-17
    216 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 1:30 am
    lol i didnt even think about it. Too late for me.
  42. Profile photo of Lionhart2
    Lionhart2 Male 40-49
    8306 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 3:05 am
    24 whole hours!??
  43. Profile photo of ImDanny
    ImDanny Male 13-17
    123 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 10:38 am
    It`s my 18th birthday today, on what was just declared "Masturbation Day". Awesome.
  44. Profile photo of imnaked
    imnaked Male 18-29
    109 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 12:00 pm
    i was so going to masturbate yesterday and 9/11 how it happened came on so i turned it to adult swim and thats about how it went down
  45. Profile photo of Dfaulted
    Dfaulted Male 13-17
    1920 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 4:33 pm
    what! the next day I would have to masturbate 6 times! ;) lol
  46. Profile photo of Finwicket
    Finwicket Male 18-29
    371 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 7:29 pm
    lol someone thought this was serious in the comments. I love it when people take the onion seriously.
  47. Profile photo of deathxtra
    deathxtra Male 13-17
    2791 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 8:34 pm
    "Masturbate twice as much to make up for the previous day"


    PFFFTHAHAHAHAHA

  48. Profile photo of deathxtra
    deathxtra Male 13-17
    2791 posts
    September 12, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    "There is nothing in the world that can keep me from masturbating today"


    attaboy

  49. Profile photo of koolkidme
    koolkidme Male 18-29
    123 posts
    September 13, 2009 at 1:32 am
    "There is nothing in the world that can keep me from masturbating today"

    Safest Sex Ever!

  50. Profile photo of welfarepimp
    welfarepimp Male 30-39
    189 posts
    September 14, 2009 at 7:32 pm
    If I had known, I would`ve held back that day. However, I did inadvertantly celebrate Masturbation Day on 9/12. Kinda makes up for it.

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