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Category: Weird
Date: 09/07/09 09:01 AM

46 Responses to 6 Fake Foods You Have in Your Kitchen

  1. Profile photo of Miami_FL653
    Miami_FL653 Male 13-17
    231 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 7:01 am
    Link: 6 Fake Foods You Have in Your Kitchen - But wished to sweet baby Jesus that you didn`t.
  2. Profile photo of TripleNipple
    TripleNipple Female 18-29
    68 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:17 am
    I still really like fake crab meat
  3. Profile photo of nirosaki
    nirosaki Female 18-29
    654 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:20 am
    *Shrugs* I like the taste of fake crab meat.

    Lol TripleNipple, high five!

  4. Profile photo of TripleNipple
    TripleNipple Female 18-29
    68 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:23 am
    BOO-YAH!
  5. Profile photo of ambercooper
    ambercooper Female 18-29
    308 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:33 am
    though I enjoy my plastic cheese and liquid sugar, nothing compares to real cheese and authentic maple syrup
  6. Profile photo of eggsnham
    eggsnham Male 13-17
    1140 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:33 am
    Should I really be surprised?
  7. Profile photo of Aretsuku-kun
    Aretsuku-kun Male 13-17
    309 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:36 am
    I have maple syrup, but it`s real maple syrup. Besides that I don`t bother with any of the others.
  8. Profile photo of ScottSerious
    ScottSerious Male 18-29
    5316 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:38 am
    i can honestly say i have none of those in my house.
  9. Profile photo of Bard
    Bard Male 18-29
    138 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:51 am
    I guess I`ll go make myself a fake strawberry and fake vodka mix, put some fake wasabi on my fake crab sushi, and cry myself to sleep.
  10. Profile photo of LazyMe484
    LazyMe484 Male 18-29
    10441 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:00 am
    Yea I don`t have any of those. And even if I did, I would be fine with it.
  11. Profile photo of seeks_love
    seeks_love Female 18-29
    428 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:17 am
    I have none of this. And they forgot non-dairy coffee creamers. Those things are disgusting >_<
  12. Profile photo of Lynea
    Lynea Female 18-29
    267 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:24 am
    I`ve never had any of this stuff in my house except syrup, which we are currently out of. I win.
  13. Profile photo of nomorecheese
    nomorecheese Male 13-17
    463 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:24 am
    i will never trust mozarella again
  14. Profile photo of opiebreath
    opiebreath Female 18-29
    15774 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:27 am
    Maybe you`ll think next time you go into the "organic" section of the grocery store and read the "natural flavorings" that they add, that maybe they aren`t so natural after all.

    I`m going to go eat my lab-tested and FDA approved chemicals and love it.

  15. Profile photo of madest
    madest Male 40-49
    7378 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:39 am
    I like fake crab meat. At least it`s real fish.
  16. Profile photo of fancylady
    fancylady Female 30-39
    864 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:41 am
    Thanks for mentioning the non dairy creamer seeks love that stuff is nasty.Now I`m no dirty hippie but I try and eat food in it`s most natural state as possible .Packaged food is so full of chemicals no wonder the rates of cancer etc are so high .Our bodies are not meant to ingest this stuff.Eating as clean as possible keeps you slim healthy and energetic .Don`t mean to preach this is just one of those things that I feel very strongly about .
  17. Profile photo of panth753
    panth753 Female 18-29
    9237 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 10:44 am
    "I`m going to go eat my lab-tested and FDA approved chemicals and love it."

    Ha, isn`t that stuff great? lmao.

  18. Profile photo of Joolin
    Joolin Male 18-29
    1002 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 11:02 am
    Let`s hear it for weird hippie food upbringings!!
  19. Profile photo of MarthFador
    MarthFador Female 18-29
    1004 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 11:18 am
    ....I just had a buncha fake crab meat just the other day. Mmmmm. Doesn`t taste like crab, but it`s still delicious.

    I`ll say that if I`m not dead from it yet and it`s still yummy, I`ll keep eating it.

  20. Profile photo of neoretro
    neoretro Male 18-29
    446 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 11:19 am
    So you`re either eating real sea-insect meat, or you`re eating ground up fish with ground up insect dye. I kind of want some california rolls now.
  21. Profile photo of vitaliy
    vitaliy Male 18-29
    1668 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 11:45 am
    Tasty. And we wonder why every generation is becoming less healthy nowadays.
  22. Profile photo of rigby_321
    rigby_321 Female 18-29
    443 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 12:23 pm
    The only thing on that list in my kitchen is some fake strawberry crap. Because I am quitting smoking and eating vast quantities of hard candies. Other wise I don`t buy `fake` food.

    Can`t everyone taste that that poo isn`t food? Was anyone surprised on here? Especially that American cheese... Really??? it fooled you??? have you ever actually eaten CHEESE? geeze louise.

  23. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9308 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 12:40 pm
    ( -_-) "....."
  24. Profile photo of PinkAndGreen
    PinkAndGreen Female 13-17
    917 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 12:53 pm
    The weird part was that while I was reading about the chemical popcorn butter, I wanted popcorn.
  25. Profile photo of SherbertFizz
    SherbertFizz Female 18-29
    277 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 1:54 pm
    Rigby you used to smoke you can`t get on a high horse about people putting toxins in their body, atleast these ones taste good.
  26. Profile photo of gorgack2000
    gorgack2000 Male 13-17
    4682 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 2:33 pm
    And now I shall never eat sliced `cheese` again. Thanks, cracked/IAB!
  27. Profile photo of malinschen
    malinschen Female 18-29
    444 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 3:01 pm
    For me a huge sing says this page is gonna give my comupter cancer...
    Be careful
  28. Profile photo of SammyCyanide
    SammyCyanide Female 18-29
    427 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 4:07 pm
    All of this food sounds delicious. Where can buy it in bulk?
  29. Profile photo of LandoGriffin
    LandoGriffin Male 30-39
    3844 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 4:09 pm
    I`m sorry, but Cracked, which is usually very good, is beyond weak this time. I think everyone knew imitation crab meat (which I think has to be spelled "krab") is mashed up random fish.

    Everyone knew imitation cheese (which I think is always labeled "cheese food") is not cheese. Isn`t "cheese food" what cheese would eat?

    No one even tries to pass off that "artificial butter flavoring" as "butter" - no one denies it`s fake as the day is long.

  30. Profile photo of The_Demon
    The_Demon Male 18-29
    45 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 4:18 pm
    Hahahahaha they got it wrong I don`t have ANY of these in my kitchen.

    The Demon FTW!

  31. Profile photo of feiku
    feiku Female 18-29
    525 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 4:23 pm
    I will eat my fake foods and love every minute of it. So there.
  32. Profile photo of Boredered
    Boredered Male 18-29
    2506 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 5:32 pm
    I have none but cheese
  33. Profile photo of Dfaulted
    Dfaulted Male 13-17
    1920 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 5:43 pm
    what about movie margarine?
  34. Profile photo of iluvpink13
    iluvpink13 Female 18-29
    1414 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 5:56 pm
    one time we went to the states and brought back food, including cheese, and it lasted in the fridge for 2 MONTHS without going bad. canadian cheese, although much more expensive, goes bad within about a week. because its REAL FOOD. we have much higher food standards. our country is healthier, skinnier, and has less cancer rates. we arent allowed to import meat from the states. (although u can go there and bring back groceries. )

    just sayin..

  35. Profile photo of lerie
    lerie Female 18-29
    1265 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 6:14 pm
    Fake food FTW I adore surimi.

    But I do adore real maple syrup and real crab meat. Yumm.

  36. Profile photo of Negative_One
    Negative_One Male 30-39
    2583 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 6:19 pm
    I have beer, peppermint schnapps, and jar of mustard in my kitchen.
  37. Profile photo of AlewaresXD
    AlewaresXD Male 18-29
    222 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 6:35 pm
    I`m so hungry, all this sounds delicious.
  38. Profile photo of britt566
    britt566 Female 18-29
    2290 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 6:56 pm
    I used to LOVE kroger crab meat.

    Still do.

  39. Profile photo of SuperSmash
    SuperSmash Male 18-29
    3758 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 9:36 pm
    The strawberry flavoring goes for pretty much any flavored candy or drink. I don`t think they put watermelon into Jolly Ranchers.
  40. Profile photo of taitano
    taitano Male 30-39
    205 posts
    September 7, 2009 at 11:09 pm
    I used to work in one of those imitation crab meat plants. I still eat the stuff cause it`s still made of fish and nothing really artificial(we used actual crab to add the crab-flavour; most use just fish and flavouring). It`s rare that I do, though, cause, as expensive as real crab is, it`s not so much more than fake that I would buy it over the real thing. Same with Maple syrup.

    It`s not fake in the sense that it`s something other than actual food. . . But, definitely still fake.

    Strawberry flavouring? I made that stuff, along with orange soda syrup - and soda - and several other flavours, in H.S. Chemistry Class. Don`t care, I just keep my consumption moderate and an eye on my health in case I grow an extra leg or eye or something.

  41. Profile photo of Samsquanch
    Samsquanch Male 30-39
    792 posts
    September 8, 2009 at 2:04 am
    ...sure, iluvpink13...That`s why our grocery stores routinely sells produce shipped in from the US, Mexico, South Africa, Chile, China, etc... Christ, half the products in the grocery stores are made in China...which is worse because their standards are much lower than any one elses.

    "our country is healthier, skinnier, and has less cancer rates. we arent allowed to import meat from the states."

    Do you care to cite your sources? Canada`s obesity rates are around 23-24%. The US`s is 24-25%...not much of a difference, really. The cancer rate in Canada is roughly 0.5%, and in the US it`s 0.6%...again, not a huge difference.

  42. Profile photo of Thorna_Kate
    Thorna_Kate Female 18-29
    237 posts
    September 8, 2009 at 6:50 am
    There is nothing new or shocking about this info.

    Also, someone once told me there are risks attached to eatting organic food, though how or why etc is beyond me.

    I wouldn`t take suppliments... Give me good ol` animal tested drugs any day of the week!

  43. Profile photo of SmilinSam
    SmilinSam Female 18-29
    3599 posts
    September 8, 2009 at 4:20 pm
    i love cracked. quality.
  44. Profile photo of Adie22
    Adie22 Female 18-29
    182 posts
    September 9, 2009 at 12:21 am
    damn it I love cheese slices!
  45. Profile photo of Samsquanch
    Samsquanch Male 30-39
    792 posts
    September 9, 2009 at 2:07 am
    Organic food carries a much higher risk of salmonella, and e coli poisoning. Also, just because a food is labelled as "organic" doesn`t mean that it`s not genetically modified. Many organics are GMed to be resistant to weeds and insects...

    Frankly, I`d rather eat non-genetically modified food grown with chemical pesiticides that I can wash off than genetically modified foods that produce their own pesticides...

  46. Profile photo of Skreshavik
    Skreshavik Female 18-29
    1284 posts
    September 18, 2009 at 8:23 pm
    "Frankly, I`d rather eat non-genetically modified food grown with chemical pesiticides that I can wash off than genetically modified foods that produce their own pesticides..."
    It`s absorbed into the skin of the food in question. Try spraying an apple with Raid^(TM) and then "wash it off". Doubt you`ll eat it.

    Personally, I say eff `em all and I grow my own food. Salmonella can be wasted by one of those health zappers or whatever (try a tazer for extra benefits lol ).

    Besides, they`re going to nuke organic food anyway somewhere in 2010 or in the future because it`s "unsanitary" and "dangerous" with that new growth hormone...kinda like ephedera and it`s 153 inconclusively linked deaths the FDA babbled about...lol.

    So, wonder if anybody cares if the corporates are stabbing society over and over?

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