Ex-Pedo Give Tips on How to Make Kids Less Cute

Submitted by: fancylad 8 years ago in Funny

Child safety expert and ex-pedophile Terry Parker shares some insider tips from his years spent as a sex offender.
There are 86 comments:
Male 172
Lol win. Is that really the Onion? OOOOONIIIIIOOOOON!!!!!!
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Male 101
I love the Onion. LOL
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Male 191
Lol an erection that will tear his bikeshorts
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Male 66
want that your kids look ugly: McDonald`s for every kids in America
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Female 1,682
lol, i love the onion xD
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Male 579
The Onion is never real, people..
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Female 414
Hahaha i love it!!
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Female 18
This just.. no. Not funny.
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Female 528
I HATE THE ONION!
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Female 89
i think the funniest part of this is that some people think it`s real.
lol.
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Male 69
WOW, thought it was real until I read some comments :p
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Male 180
You guys...

Why so serious?

It`s an onion video.

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Male 914
all pedophiles need to do the world a favor and just kill themselves...that`s the ONLY solution to cure these sick f*cks...
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Male 180
I lol`d. The Onion is beast.
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Male 516
Wow... I was creeped out until I realized it was from onion news xD
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Female 291
i don`t care if thats a joke or not,since when was abducting children considered funny?
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Male 3,431
It makes me laugh.

Sick, but funny.

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Male 32
Hahaha, now I understand. It IS fake. Myyyyy baddddd, guys
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Male 32
What the hell? This is messed up!

"90% of pedophiles like kids dressed in a sun dress and french braids. Because it will give them an erection that rips right thru their biker shorts"

"But I prefer kids who are dirty and crumpled."

"Once the pedophile has their hand down those kid`s pants, all innocence is stripped away."

Is this freakin` real?

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Male 462
I was in shock before I saw the onion logo. Then I had to laugh.
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Male 256
Wow, that`s not funny at all...
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Male 2
ah right i see. a piss take. Very good
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Male 2
I`m blown away by how strange American people are. Is this normal?
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Female 190
Heheh.
I saw the description to this and was like, "Er, wut? EX-paeophile? Like that`s something you can get over?" Then I saw the Onion logo. :D
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Male 337
if i knew someone like that, i`d shank em like the prison bitch they were.
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Female 126
CREEPY...
:(
THATS WHAT HAPPENS TO GUYS AFTER 35!?
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Male 714
the day today rip off.........
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Male 55
He reminds me of my science teacher from high school.
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Male 1,666
shun, The Onion is a fake news network. :D
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Male 1,381
those reporters look sooooooo uncomfortable.
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Male 3,014
"Is this a joke?"

No, an actual pedophile was invited to the set of a morning talk show to talk about how to keep your kids from getting rapedOF COURSE IT`S A JOKE YOU MORON.

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Male 27
comedy that makes you uncomfortable at the same time . . . why do I love that? Why do I love that Ricky Gervais?
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Male 8,300
> s1cKs0uL
> EX pedophile... there is no such thing

Amen sister, we hear you.

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Female 73
Is this a joke?
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Male 89
it is onion. see the small scrolling text underneath today now? it says onion news network :]
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Male 720
This is awesome.
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Male 62
its not the onion. but its the same stuff. so no its not real
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Female 1,578
hahahaha, this was win. pure win.
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Female 523
a new way to make perogiiiies.
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Male 18
Child safety expert. Pedophile. i had to double check and see if this is the onion. is it?
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Female 47
ugh! That was NASTY! He still looks, acts and talks like a pedo, reformed my ass!!!
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Male 931
"ohh, i bet you didnt get far with THAT kid"
"no, i didnt."
i buckled with laughter at that :P
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Male 5,189
LOL at least he is trying....?
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Male 436
I giggled. Hee Hee.
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Female 82
ok IMB...this was in realy bad taste. Really didn`t think this was funny. And who was the sicko who wrote this bit?? Don`t think this would make snl.
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Female 3,562
Nothing funnier than pedophelia, amirite kids?
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Male 294
Ya know, you hear about ex hackers turn around and share how they do their magic with the IT security, and become white hat hackers and stuff to test out systems.

For some reason... that same idea doesn`t seem like it would work with pedophiles... lol

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Female 464
Time to rub dirt all over my face.
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Male 68
this is a bit sick - not funny to me
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Female 394
EX pedophile... there is no such thing.
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Female 252
Fairly amusing, would have been funnier with more tips though.
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Male 203
lol he does look like a pedophile though
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Female 10
"he`s not interested in having a conversation with them, he simply wants their small body pressed against his." lmfao!!! sick tho, but lol
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Male 360
Oh my I gotsa go have a talk with my kids.
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Female 1,264
@akijade
same here.
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Male 1,629
LMAO! i love the onion
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Female 185
why is it that on every onion post anywhere there is always someone that says, "is this real?"

C`mon, don`t be a freaking idiot. Are you serious?

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Male 741
Why does The Onion still exist?

Do people actually find it funny?
Are they the same people who think `Two and a Half Men` is funny?

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Female 1,006
*sigh* Onion. I was hoping it would be real. It would have been more amusing.
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Male 2,788
Very helpful
Thanks, IAB
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Male 8,300
> senia
> OMFG. Is this for real?!

Well OBVIOUSLY it`s real! If there`s one News service you can trust, it`s The Onion!!

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Female 96
OMFG. Is this for real?!
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Male 4,680
The Onion just love to push the boundaries of offensive don`t they :P
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Male 9,305
Ewwww
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Female 1,181
Rick_S, you probably didn`t find it funny because it hits a little too close to your own, uh, "lifestyle". I mean, your profile pic just *screams* pedo.
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Female 14
This is the onion guys ._.
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Male 55
For a brief second I didn`t think this was The Onion, phew!
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Male 8,300
Don`t ever trust "reformed criminals" doing "public services" for your own good. Firstly, what they`re doing is providing a manual for other pedo`s on the "best" victims to choose. Secondly, they`re expanding their contact circle to include vulnerable mothers who feel they aren`t watching their kids well enough - the perfect people to befriend.

NEVER forgot the tale of The Scorpion and the Frog.

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Female 4,028
Well, I guess it`s better than a "former child molester" giving tips via YouTube or something.
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Male 3,330
Didn`t find it funny. I usually skip the Onion stuff because I rarely find it funny. This one didn`t say onion, so it slipped through. Meh.
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Male 1,148
onion news... should have known :P
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Male 7,933
ok we heard less cute....now how about more?
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Female 146
Before I even watched it, I was was thinking `Please let this be The Onion`. Glad it was but, this was really rather sick.
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Female 3,696
I actually usually find the Onion pretty funny but for some reason this time...not so much :( I dunno, I just feel dirty and sad.

Guess I just don`t find child molestation funny...boourns for me

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Female 5,222
OMG i thought the link was real.. thank gawd its the onion XD
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Female 173
I laughed so hard and I didn`t even realize it was a joke at first. Hahahaha...rip his bike shorts.
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Male 977
almost had me fooled till i recognised the logo ;)
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Male 1,666
This is the only instance that I can remember that I`ve actually found The Onion funny. Props.
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Female 15,763
It`s this one!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burn_Out_(C...

I knew I wasn`t crazy... at least not yet.

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Male 2,049
@opie Wasn`t that Silence of the Lambs ?
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Male 788
onion= bleh
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Female 751
gotta love the onion
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Female 414
gotta love the onion and their breaking news!

I think that was CSI Opie

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Female 15,763
There was some show where a pedophile in prison helped some authority find a missing child... but then it turns out he was the perp... was that CSI?

Anyone know what I`m talking about?

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Male 156
hiiiiii jimmmm and traccyyy thanks for having meeee
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Male 20,899
Link: Ex-Pedo Give Tips on How to Make Kids Less Cute [Rate Link] - Child safety expert and ex-pedophile Terry Parker shares some insider tips from his years spent as a sex offender.
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