Man Kills Self After Learning Harry Potter Spoiler

Submitted by: Hetfield 7 years ago
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/man-commits-suicide-after_b_231271.html

I can see this happening with the Twilight series, but Harry Potter? Really?
There are 111 comments:
Male 60
If I find out who informed him on the spoiler, I will find him and kill him.
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Female 321
Just for the record, with the reasons people come up with for committing suicide these days, there was a possibility that this could have been real.
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Female 321
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude`s life, even if he didn`t have one," she said. 



Elsewhere, stocks rallied on news of Goldman Sachs` joint venture with Satan. More here."

~ best part of the whole article

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Female 1,070
i lol`ed, especially at this line: "In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude`s life, even if he didn`t have one," she said.

xD

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Male 610
guys, it`s fake. just look at the top of the page, it`s in the comedy section.
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Female 673
I thought this was real up until the line:

"Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston`s death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place. 

"

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Male 1,918
there is always another movie
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Female 340
my thoughts exactly tdogg
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Male 2,553
OK, so he "lived for Harry Potter" but hadn`t read the books, and waited for the movie instead? Big no-no, if you get the chance, you read the book, AND THEN go see the movie. And seeing as The Half Blood Prince-book has been out for ages, he most certainly has had that opportunity...
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Male 499
Try to Google "Jude Ralston", he`s in several different News sites, so unless the Huffington Post is very organized and smart, it`s real.
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Female 1
IT IS A FAKE! Andy Borowitz does that for a living! he writes fake articals for a laugh. Huff post is very good with real news other wise.
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Male 353
this is so fake, i figured it out when it said he was wearing a wizard hat around town.
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Male 473
...any one who thought this was real is an idiot. did you not read the ending about the joint venture with satan? and the fact that they said the writer was a comedian?
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Female 650
faaaake.
and all thesepeople seeing the movie should just read the book.
the spoilers have been out for years technically.
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Male 13
Pretty sure this is fake. Huffington Post seems non-reputable.
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Female 1,260
The wearing of the wizard hat finally clued me in...suicide is not funny...people could die from it!
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Female 4
I don`t know if this is real or not.... but either way, that`s a STUPID reason to kill yourself. I mean, if you`re gonna kill yourself make it over something good...
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Male 28
There was about a 900 - page spoiler released about 2 years ago. Oh what was it? Name will come to me in a ..... BOOK! that was it!
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Male 499
THANKS A LOT, CrakrJak, I were gonna see the movie tommorow, jerk.

>:(

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Male 759
Not exactly of a Chris Morris standard, is it?

And if you don`t know who Chris Morris is, go on Youtube and type in `The Day Today` or `Brass Eye`

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Male 437
im not gonna lie.

i thought it was real up to the 4th paragraph :(

but the hogwarts lisence plate was too much

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Male 506
No sympathy, that is truly retarded.
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Male 17,512
Dangit.. the spoiler thingy didn`t work right
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Male 17,512
In case you don`t know the ending to HBP

[spoiler] Snape Kills Dumbledore [/spoiler]

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Male 69
" I can see this happening with the Twilight series, but Harry Potter? Really?"

No. Not really. Because it`s a fake story. If the "comedy news" tag didn`t tip you off, the note at the end about how the author is a comedian should have.

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Female 1,441
I can not believe people thought this was real, even for a second.
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Male 121
The woman proposes that we need to oversee the flow of gossip and information, though more specifically Harry Potter spoilers.
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Male 527
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude`s life, even if he didn`t have one," she said. 


ROFL
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Female 244
I got through 2 chapters of the first book then had to stop, it was too weird for me. I decided not to see any more of the movies after watching a girl in high school running around with a wand casting "spells" on the people that made fun of her. She wonders why they made fun of her...
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Male 506
Wait... it`s fake. It`s okay, everybody. I came back to life after re-reading the article. `S all good.
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Male 506
Wait... Wait... He hadn`t read the books? He had a license plate that said" Hogwarts" but he hadn`t READ THE BOOKS??? F*ck the movies. Nobody can even read a damn book nowadays. I give up on life.

*commits suicide, meta-ing this story*

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Male 904
ha ha
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Male 4,547
How can you be so into Harry Potter that you have a license plate and walk around wearing your wizard hat, and yet NOT HAVE READ THE dratING BOOK?!

BTW, I won tickets to see the premiere on the Radio. It was awesome. :D

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Female 35
This is just... It`s so... it`s just so WTF!! What is wrong with people these days? How... agh... how can someone`s fandom go SO far that they would KILL THEMSELVES over a damn story! Fan obsession reaches ridiculous levels now!!
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Male 4,004
I was thinking the same thing as everyone else. Any "man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter" would have read the books, and known everything. I was confused until I read about Goldman Sach`s deal with Satan. haha.
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Female 25
I, like many others, thought this was real. But then read who the author of the article was and you just can`t help but laugh a little. It does sound a lot like something a Twilight fan would do, and I don`t put it past any one in the world to do this for a book- any book. There`s some stupid people.
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Female 1,006
Ahh. It`s fake. Thank god.
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Female 1,006
REALLY?! I was expecting this to be dated like... 5 years ago when the BOOK came out. If he didn`t know by now, he deserved to have it spoiled.

Oh well. Just a little more chlorine in the gene pool.

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Female 52
Yeah. I bought it till the end. I thought something was weird when I read this bit:

"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude`s life, even if he didn`t have one,"

And don`t even get me started on the Satan thing :P

Also, I thought that a rabid fan would`ve read the books, therefore, there`s nothing to spoil...

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Male 452
I actually thought this was real, until it said that the spoiler was for the upcoming movie. Any fan would know intricate details of the book already, there would be no spoilers. This article isn`t funny anyway, it doesn`t approach The Onion, in terms of sheer hilarity, and cleverness.
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Female 82
"that`s sad that someone is so miserable that they lose themselves in a fictional story like that."

That`s what happens when you read dickwad. That is WHY people read fiction, or any literature at all for that matter.

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Male 1,381
that`s sad that someone is so miserable that they lose themselves in a fictional story like that.
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Male 690
rofl @ the satan thing
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Male 2,582
Yea, this had me going to till the end. BUUUT if there are any people out there this fragile, let me help you out... Snape kills Dumbledore, and he was gay.
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Male 2,121
They had me though the whole article, until this: "Elsewhere, stocks rallied on news of Goldman Sachs` joint venture with Satan."
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Male 1,584
well, if he`s a Harry Potter obsessed freak, dont you think he would of already read the book, thus the movie should of came as no surprise to him
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Male 20
So the plot leak, was so powerful, that it makes no need for the 7th movie?

"I have nothing left to live for, except for the last movie, which I would know if I read the books."

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Male 5,190
LOL!! The Ad above this was Twilight.
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Female 723
"Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston`s death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place. 

"

Yes, all we need is another stupid law banning the discussion of Harry Potter books in public...

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Male 10,440
You guys ruined it for me! Dammit I thought it was real.

Would have made an awesome Darwin award.

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Female 82
Even I made the effort to read the book (In only three days). The story seemed true, then I read comments and I thought "How did I not read that?"
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Male 1
Lol that was quite funny even fell for it until I read he went to shops wearing a wizard hat
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Male 612
damn its fake...of course it is...ANY HP fan would`ve read all the books first anyway. Dectective Awesome solves the case
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Male 1,109
"But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help." 



really?

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Male 2,788
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude`s life, even if he didn`t have one"


ROFLMAOO.

and yes, the story was fake.

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Male 316
Hahaha I suspected it was fake, but the last line gave it away:

"Elsewhere, stocks rallied on news of Goldman Sachs` joint venture with Satan."

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Male 2,552
Fake articles on I-A-B? Come on, guys!
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Female 83
Its fake. It even says at the bottom that the author is a comedian and an author. In the tags at the top it says " comedy news "
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Female 5,139
This is embarassing...clearly he wasnt that big of a fan if he hadnt read the books already, sheesh..ive read em three times each and id read em again :D
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Female 761
Haha, really funny `The Onion`...please tell me that story`s not real.
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Female 214
this seems like one of those fake comedy news stories, especially since it says he is a comedy writer at the bottom of the article.
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Male 7,933
"Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live." 

"

LOL!

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Male 1,129
I agree Invi... wtf guys hes such a fan but didnt read the books. EPIC FAIL!!
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Female 326
But if he was such a fan, surely he would have read the book long, long before production for HBP even started? He should already know the story. There isn`t anything to spoil.
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Male 161
I have a friend who didnt want to read the books til after she watched the movies o.o
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Female 15
He hadn`t read the books, even though he was such a fan? BS.
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Male 4,807
Spoiler....... Dumbledore is gay.
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Female 2,509
you people have a sick sense of humor....

i`m gonna kill myself now...

LOL

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Male 3,819
I was ready to go batsh*t until I actually read the whole thing. No avid Harry Potter fan doesn`t know the ending to a book that came out 4 f*cking years ago.
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Female 140
http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/po...

the other person who posted this link was right cuz its basically the same article.

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Male 3,057
I`m more amused by the number of people commenting here that seem to think that the article was real...
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Female 1,682
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude`s life, even if he didn`t have one," she said. 



thats messed up XDDD Wow, and i did almost expect to see "The Onion" somewhere. I mean dont get me wrong, i has a wizard hat and wand, and i loveeee HP, but i wouldnt kill myself cause i learned a spoiler o.o thats....a bit to extreme.

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Female 572
OH, lmao, nevermind I just read that someone said it was a joke, phew, my bad.
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Female 140
well..doesnt reading the whole book ruin the movie anyway??
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Male 3,296
this is a joke right...

see christians were right. HArry Potter is evil

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Female 572
Damn, you know there is so much bull crap happening in the world today and numskulls like this take their lives because of a plot of a movie?? Give me a break. I really just do not understand wtf is wrong with people these days.
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Male 84
maybe the huffington post is another spoof like the onion or the framley examiner?

btw, framley examiner is incredible and quintessentially british, i urge any britons to read it! its so funny!

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Female 2,220
It`s bad isn`t it, that when I saw this quote:

"But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help." 



I scrolled to the top expecting to see The Onion written at the top.
Sadly... no.

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Female 195
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude`s life, even if he didn`t have one," she said.
lol hahha is this for real? they really said that? After I read that I went up to check if it was the onion.

I agree with freelop. If he was such a harry potter fanatic he has to have read the books, so what kind of spoiler could it have been? 


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Male 257
Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live."

LLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

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Male 1,505
"But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help."

LMFAO

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Male 734
I wonder if those attending his vigil were able to levitate candles like in the movies.
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Male 4,594
It`s pure billsh#t. The book has been out for a long time, the ending isn`t a surprise for any REAL Potter fan.
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Female 13
The guy writes JOKE columns for the real Huffington Post. It`s a joke. Not fake, not real, just a comedy article for the laughs. Jeesh.
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Male 442
I was expecting an onion video.

What spoilers can there be if the films are based on the books?

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Male 169
LMFAO !!!!! WHAT A F*CKING LOSER
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Female 1,413
people are messed up.
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Male 2,034
"Fake news is boring. Stop wasting bandwidth by encouraging these idiots to write this crap."

I don`t think I`ve ever agreed more with anything in my entire life.

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Male 814
So let`s say the spoiler didn`t get out. He sees the movie, and still, his life is complete, so he jumps into oncoming traffic right after the movie is over.
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Male 2,388
I was thinking what was he going to do anyway its the last one then i realised that the plot misery might come into play for jk rowling. Shed have to bring dumbeldore back to life. :D *warning spoilers*
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Male 249
......Snape killed Dumbledore
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Male 83
If I knew spoilers could induce suicide I`d get a few and hold some hostage. Particularly the Twilight ones. I`m sure I could get crazy money from that
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Female 55
lol at the bit about goldman sachs...
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Male 3,369
It`s a series of books that became a series of movies! It that is the only reason you have to live, then I feel for you, I really do!
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Female 299
i beleive this is a p*ss take.
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Female 129
What a load of rubbish
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Female 4,376
I was about to say this can`t be real...how can there be a spoiler in the movie if it is based on a book that any potter fan would have read years ago.

Also before i read the last book I already knew the spoilers but I didn`t care. I kept reading cause i`m a fan of the series.

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Female 584
This has to be fake because if he was such a Die-hard HP fan he would have read the book two years ago...i`m sorry but that guy sounds like an idoit...it`s just fiction )-|
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Male 586
@ idiotfilter, Don`t you dare make another post! make sure you keep that number forever!
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Female 584
This has to be fake because if he was such a Die-hard HP fan he would have read the book two years ago...i`m sorry but that guy sounds like an idiot...it`s just fiction )-|
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Female 108
"Solid cat is dumb"

I second that!

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Male 337
Fake news article. I remember reading the same article, verbatim, before the 6th AND 7th books came out.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/po...

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Female 397
"even if he didn`t have one" (?)
sounds fake.
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Male 101
Fake news is boring. Stop wasting bandwidth by encouraging these idiots to write this crap.
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Male 1,375
Solid cat is dumb and hasn`t read the books
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Male 3,915
definitely questioning the realism with the ending quote...

"i just think that preventing the spoiler from getting out would have saved his life....even if he didn`t have one..." {paraphrased} ...ouch!!

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Male 1,375
DUMBLEDORE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Male 301
"Harry and Voldemort Died"

Die you potter fans

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Female 376
Surely he would`ve read the book ages ago and found out about it if he was that much of a fan?!
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Male 1,666
Fake, but interesting.
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Male 75
Link: Man Kills Self After Learning Harry Potter Spoiler [Rate Link] - I can see this happening with the Twilight series, but Harry Potter? Really?
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