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2)I realized today that squeezing my own boob feels a lot like squeezing my boyfriends butt.
3)As I finished making my father`s bed, the hospital called and informed me he wouldn`t be needing it.
4)The most prominent memory I have of my grandmother is the night she tried to kill me.
5)As the cashier gave a knowing look to my wife as she scanned the prenatal vitamins, I realized this random girl is the first person on earth to know we are having a baby.
[quote]When the surgeon asked me if the woman in the waiting room was my wife, I wanted to say "Someday, I hope."[/quote]
My crazy Polish dad came inside after digging a hole for a new tree in the backyard, holding the skull of "Speedy," my cat who had died months before and said, "Look, it`s Speedy! Meow!"
"She thought I was someone else as we danced drunk together in a club kissing, but now we been dating two years."
The last thing I saw before the shrapnel hit us was my buddy, Ryan, smiling at me while saying, "Relax or you`ll die all tense."
Some of these are quite funny though. Not funny in the - wow, your life sucks ass. Funny in the way where the writer was laughing and has transcended that laughter upon us through a single sentence.
thats just great
"Why is humor so big?"
- uhm. cause its funny.
I said no, and he didn`t stop, so I let him do it anyway so he wouldn`t get even more aggressive. "
so many different contexts..
and fml is exactly as alk3v said, a buncha overeactive girls that didnt get a hello from their crush and wanna cut themselves.
"My father, whom was quoted saying my family was next as he stood over his first attempted victim, is scheduled for release on my birthday."
And some I can relate to:
"I was a Jedi until I got my boobs and then was told I had to be Princess Leia and wait to be rescued."
I can`t decide whether I feel happy or sad about that...
It would suck but there`s nothing to say at that point. You just have to move on.
What Hallmark store do you go to? Mine is nowhere near this good.
"I love you more than anyone else in the world..."
This morning I was dangerously close to buying a 24-pack of condoms with my Mothers` Day card before realizing the embarrassing implications.
did an iab mod make this one?
I met the love of my life not on the subway or in a bar, but in my bowling class.