True Stories - In One Sentence

Submitted by: lostinkorea 8 years ago in Funny
http://www.onesentence.org/stories/

Scroll down and pick your path to hell, you eavesdropper...
There are 55 comments:
Male 2,552
That was really something. Many of them are deep, funny, provocative, subtle and sublime all in one.
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Male 210
favorites:
1)"I felt pretty bad when my husband staggered into the kitchen from the den with a profusely bleeding cut in his forehead, collapsed on the floor and told me "I knew you wouldn`t want me to bleed on the carpet."

2)I realized today that squeezing my own boob feels a lot like squeezing my boyfriends butt.

3)As I finished making my father`s bed, the hospital called and informed me he wouldn`t be needing it.

4)The most prominent memory I have of my grandmother is the night she tried to kill me.

5)As the cashier gave a knowing look to my wife as she scanned the prenatal vitamins, I realized this random girl is the first person on earth to know we are having a baby.

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Male 5,189
My crazy Polish dad came inside after digging a hole for a new tree in the backyard, holding the skull of "Speedy," my cat who had died months before and said, "Look, it`s Speedy! Meow!"

My favorite.

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Female 4,028
I loved this:

[quote]When the surgeon asked me if the woman in the waiting room was my wife, I wanted to say "Someday, I hope."[/quote]

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Female 1,398
This one made me laugh my ass off.

My crazy Polish dad came inside after digging a hole for a new tree in the backyard, holding the skull of "Speedy," my cat who had died months before and said, "Look, it`s Speedy! Meow!"

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Male 3,915
i thought a lot of these were really deep and good....i really liked this....definitely bookmarking it...
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Male 626
I say alot of them was classic emo lies. You get them all the time on stuff like this... anyhoo my own one liner:

"She thought I was someone else as we danced drunk together in a club kissing, but now we been dating two years."

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Female 2,027
god some people are so depressing
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Male 255
The fire we started in that corn field was terrible for more reasons than just its failure to produce popcorn.

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Female 583
I like this one, although it is really sad:

The last thing I saw before the shrapnel hit us was my buddy, Ryan, smiling at me while saying, "Relax or you`ll die all tense."

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Male 1,232
Yeah I agree with Shadow, that`s what I thought. Just a kinda depressing, not so funny FML. They`re a bit vague though. Maybe it should be two sentences?
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Male 588
The best:

My crazy Polish dad came inside after digging a hole for a new tree in the backyard, holding the skull of "Speedy," my cat who had died months before and said, "Look, it`s Speedy! Meow!"

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Female 299
some of them were miserable, but alot were clever (:
"For his birthday I gave him a Jenga set where every time you pulled out a block, it had a memory, inside joke, or quote on it."
i know what im getting my boyfriend now ^^
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Female 1,436
Shadow, agreed.

Some of these are quite funny though. Not funny in the - wow, your life sucks ass. Funny in the way where the writer was laughing and has transcended that laughter upon us through a single sentence.

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Male 844
This is a bad FML ripoff. FML is original
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Male 2,125
These are like FML`s but with one sentence and more depressing =S
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Male 150
HAHA! i feel like a pervert.... :\
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Female 2,672
they all suck
haahaahaahaa
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Female 165
That was somewhat depressing.
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Female 1,412
entertaining, to say the least
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Male 367
Sadly, I have the same stories as some of these people.
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Male 1,835
:O this was awesome
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Male 362
While it was comforting to hear the cop`s reassurances that he personally did not believe we were pedophiles, it really didn`t do much to help the situation.
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Male 721
"I love you more than anyone else in the world..."
This morning I was dangerously close to buying a 24-pack of condoms with my Mothers` Day card before realizing the embarrassing implications.

thats just great

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Male 5,314
wtf is this
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Male 1,685
Bat_Girl

"Why is humor so big?"

- uhm. cause its funny.

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Male 363
"Addicted

I said no, and he didn`t stop, so I let him do it anyway so he wouldn`t get even more aggressive. "

so many different contexts..

and fml is exactly as alk3v said, a buncha overeactive girls that didnt get a hello from their crush and wanna cut themselves.

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Female 723
I have to!

"My father, whom was quoted saying my family was next as he stood over his first attempted victim, is scheduled for release on my birthday."


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Female 323
Why is humor so big?
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Male 339
Well I wouldn`t say FML is better, especially since the majority of them are just the musings of typical 13 year old girls. E.g. Today, my boyfriend called me fat. FML!
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Female 154
Some of these are just plain funny:
"After he had calmed my fears of pooping in other peoples houses, I had to ask his mom where the plunger was."

And some I can relate to:

"I was a Jedi until I got my boobs and then was told I had to be Princess Leia and wait to be rescued."

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Male 614
These are way too depressing. :(
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Male 381
meh. fmylife is better.
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Male 1,265
90% of them are fake.
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Male 105
I lost five years of my life for kindly asking someone to put some paper in a bag.
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Male 1,270
My bedroom window is dirty, but I`m hoping the outside looks a bit better.
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Male 18
oh wow... I`ve already found and got bored of something before IAB...

I can`t decide whether I feel happy or sad about that...

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Male 11,739
[quote]"His suicide note blamed me."
...what do you say to that?[/quote]

It would suck but there`s nothing to say at that point. You just have to move on.

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Male 2,344
"Meghan-
I said no.

tags: sex"

OH SNAP.

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Male 1,598
"It`s like a website for what they write in Hallmark cards"

What Hallmark store do you go to? Mine is nowhere near this good.

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Female 9,557
omg, i am so addicted to this...
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Female 4,447
"His suicide note blamed me."
...what do you say to that?
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Male 9,305
This one is awesome:

"I love you more than anyone else in the world..."

This morning I was dangerously close to buying a 24-pack of condoms with my Mothers` Day card before realizing the embarrassing implications.

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Female 4,447
I could read these for hours. My favorite so far: "I realized today that squeezing my own boob feels a lot like squeezing my boyfriends butt."
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Female 855
It`s like a website for what they write in Hallmark cards
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Male 4,290
Good idea, I like it. A little like PostSecret, but more light-hearted.
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Male 177
group hug but funnier,
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Male 1,452
[quote]Oh, the irony
It was only after I voted "no" on an unapproved entry that I realized it was one of my own.[/quote]

did an iab mod make this one?

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Male 11,739
Interesting at times, sad at times, creepy at times, funny at times. Wow, I like it.
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Male 7,933
Cassie

I met the love of my life not on the subway or in a bar, but in my bowling class.

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Male 425
Alot of these are really sad =`(
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Male 1,958
Interesting. Reminds me of textsfromlastnight.com
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Male 1,383
It`s really hard to find some good ones as a lot of them aren`t that interesting.
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Male 3,755
That`s kina like the postcards thing, but with a little more elaboration. The dog`s dying ones were almost too much to take as my dog is getting kind of old.
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Female 3,726
Link: True Stories - In One Sentence [Rate Link] - Scroll down and pick your path to hell, you eavesdropper...
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