Close Range: Brand New Uber-Violent Video Game

Submitted by: ichamps 7 years ago Funny

Hot new video game consists solely of shooting people point-blank in the face.
There are 65 comments:
Male 690
i thought it was real until i remembered i was watching onion news network
0
Reply
Female 2,064
Ha, the words scrolling at the bottom crack me up.
0
Reply
Male 2,510
They had to make the game for the joke, it makes sense that they would post it for people to download, it does not make it real. It was still made by the onion guys.

some peoples stupidity astounds me.

0
Reply
Male 291
i love how they even created a demo for the game haha. still fake, though

0
Reply
Male 4
this isnt fake its just a joke theres a real game online thoguhclick this
0
Reply
Male 418
every time an Onion video is posted, we get "oh its the onion","i hate the onion" ..... wtf? the onion is funny as hell with how well they do things. You know you haters think its funny u just gotta look like your better than the us and the internet, huh? don`t ya? haterz
0
Reply
Male 37
It`s not fake. Here it is.
0
Reply
Male 25
wow that is messed up. . .
0
Reply
Male 721
"Uh, no kidding it`s fake, The Onion is a mock news station that puts out episodes like this every week. Been under a rock?"

no, im just not that intrested

0
Reply
Male 11,740
Now I understand why it was so stupid and lame. It was The Onion.
0
Reply
Male 3,425
Oh I just realised, it`s onion... So it is fake then. Wow, what an idiot I look now... *hides head in shame*
0
Reply
Male 1,596
I recommend the onion movie
0
Reply
Male 208
lukas1051 has never heard of the onion
0
Reply
Male 3,425
That has to be fake... I`ve never heard of it, let alone it being the next new thing in gaming. How could pressing the same button for ages be considered fun? I like gory games like Fallout 3, but that doesn`t even look good. The gameplay looks boring as hell, the storyline looks crap, the graphics are crap, the gore is crap, the mutliplayer is crap, the side missions are crap, the whole game just looks like a giant crap-fest.

Gotta be fake, or a joke at least. No-one in their right minds could find that fun for more than a minute, the graphics are too bad for modern gaming, and I (a bit of a video-game geek) haven`t ever heard of it. Not to mention the controversy there would be IF it was released as a real game. Carmageddon anyone?

0
Reply
Female 1,963
"New cure for crying children: smothering" AHHHAHHAHAH!
And it`s also a little frightening that before I clicked the link, I had no trouble believing that this was a real game.
0
Reply
Male 101
looked funny at first but wouldnt it get boring just pushing 1 button for hours on end? what waste of time and money .
0
Reply
Male 1,051
I`m sick of shooters. :/
0
Reply
Male 2,850
Can we PLEASE have something to indicate a post as being from the Onion so I don`t have to keep wasting my time opening up this crap?
0
Reply
Male 442
it has a demo on the close range website: www.closerangegame.com
0
Reply
Male 259
if this was real PETA would be all over them faster than you can shoot an ostrich in the face
0
Reply
Male 3,631
Great; they used my name!
0
Reply
Male 1,232
The ends are always the best.
0
Reply
Male 2,506
Far from their best -.- BUT CANT HATE THE ONION!
0
Reply
Male 906
lol prime. i hate it. teh smash bros es bettr
0
Reply
Female 364
"A new cure for crying children: smothering." That was the best part of the whole video, for me. XD
0
Reply
Male 2,720
Sjd-Wth: hating the onion = liking atom films. (and thats not good.)
0
Reply
Male 340
THA FOLLIWING ISS BRAHT TO YEW BAY KRAHD MAN DEWN AND THI FLEHMING SARD OF FlER.
0
Reply
Male 7,933
btw, i just finished playing the game....its actually pretty good
0
Reply
Male 7,933
Isnt Gears already like that?
0
Reply
Male 1,523
Oh onion... you make everything better! (:
0
Reply
Male 1,627
aw :-D, how can you dislike the onion.
0
Reply
Female 4,197
bleh onion. interesting concept if it was legit though
0
Reply
Male 5,314
for a sec, i thought it might have been real
0
Reply
Female 192
Thank whatever`s in charge of making sure things don`t come to be that that game has not come to be.

Interesting joke about videogames, though. :P

0
Reply
Male 1,598
I`m writing a paper for school about video game violence... This is exactly what all of the paranoid people like Jack Thomson seem to think games are.
0
Reply
Male 2,582
Stupid Onion.
0
Reply
Female 678
"You`re not funny Onion. Its cute how hard you try though."

yeah so cute it makes you want to vomit.

0
Reply
Male 1,629
im not sure what point they are trying to make.... it could be about news shows and parents overreacting to games or how some games fit that cookie cutter mold of the violent shooter... hmmmm
0
Reply
Male 31
I spit out my food when he shot the horse xD
0
Reply
Male 190
A new cure for crying children! YES!
0
Reply
Male 2,199
you know theres someone out there thinking "why didnt I think of that!?!?!"
0
Reply
Male 1,140
i wanna play
0
Reply
Female 1,436
Lol - the lines after are hilarious! Oh Onion, you stay classy!

Oh and I lol`d so damn hard at the animals!

0
Reply
Male 512
Hahaha the animal sidequest is just stupid. PETA would poo bricks if they saw that XD
0
Reply
Male 376
You`re not funny Onion. Its cute how hard you try though.
0
Reply
Male 3,575
Awesome that looks even more fun then "world of world of war craft"!
0
Reply
Male 1,894
HAHa. the demo game is WAY better than the video.

Thanks Steno. I shot many a face.

0
Reply
Male 626
It`s still not as gory as that new God of War game coming out... lovly new softwear making the body conatin tendons, guts and veins wich snap/tear/bleed/fall out as real as legaly possible.

Also smothering your kids is a effective way of shutting them up but then they just get lazy instead.

0
Reply
Male 177
Holy Hell! Something the Onion reports on is real? It plays in your browser. http://www.closerangegame.com/close_rang...
0
Reply
Male 127
THIS is comedy?
0
Reply
Male 1,036
Kids don`t like this because it`s laughing at stuff you like.
0
Reply
Male 439
I`m not really sure what to think...are they making fun of the hysteria concerning violent games or the rabid fans defending them...or both?
0
Reply
Male 94
i would actually go and buy this....rockstar i hope ya watch onion as we the gamers of teh world want to shot stuff for no reason in teh face
0
Reply
Male 1,029
this is dumb
0
Reply
Male 15,510
[Onion]NN is now days the most reliable source of information
0
Reply
Male 1,788
hahaha! new cure for crying kids, smothering..
0
Reply
Female 678
and the onion strikes out again.
0
Reply
Male 419
i want this!!!! hahaha i wish ;)
0
Reply
Male 2,486
"
the game just comes out, and they announce the sequal? definatly fake lol (or really crap)"

Uh, no kidding it`s fake, The Onion is a mock news station that puts out episodes like this every week. Been under a rock?

0
Reply
Male 506
"the game just comes out, and they announce the sequal? definatly fake lol (or really crap)"

Wooooooossshhh!

0
Reply
Male 66
You can actually play the game! http://www.closerangegame.com/
0
Reply
Male 3,369
Have you not heard of "The onion"?

0
Reply
Male 721
the game just comes out, and they announce the sequal? definatly fake lol (or really crap)
0
Reply
Male 721
looks poo
0
Reply
Male 176
Link: Close Range: Brand New Uber-Violent Video Game [Rate Link] - Hot new video game consists solely of shooting people point-blank in the face.
0
Reply